What the Cullens want, the Cullens get
by ulyses birdwing
Summary: Bella finds herself in a grim financial situation and Charlie is gravely ill. The Cullens offer her a way out of her problems, but at what cost? A modern ethical dilemma. All Human.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a new story that has captured my mind, and won't let go. I have no idea how long it will take, or where it will go, but I hope you enjoy the ride.  
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**I'm interested in exploring the modern, ethical dilemmas faced by us all at one time or another. I'm also very interested in your feedback.  
**

**Twilight is owned by the fab Ms S. Meyer, without who we'd be all sitting around just twiddling our thumbs.  
**

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**What the Cullen's want, the Cullen's get.**

**Prologue.**

Bella is in financial dire straits and is wondering how the hell she is going to pay off some large student loans, her father's medical bills and also manage her dad's mortgage repayments.

She can't get any work in her main area of study, environmental science and biology, the only paid work available in Forks is very low paid, cleaning work for a local contract cleaning agency. Its sporadic hours, hard physical labour and is often late at night, after the offices and businesses have shut for the day. This makes it hard to keep an eye on her gravely ill father, Charlie.

Things get weird and even more worrying, after Bella takes her dad to his medical appointment with Dr Cullen. He tells Bella, that the options are becoming extremely limited for Charlie, and without immediate surgery, the prognosis is dire. Charlie is likely to die within a few months.

She knew things were bad, but this news is devastating. She breaks down, sobbing in the surgery, almost collapsing with the bad news and the financial impossibility of the situation. She is completely at a loss, at how she will fix this situation and help her dad. Things are looking grim.

Carlisle, who has been Bella's family doctor for many years, gives her a concerned look.

He tells her that he will come and see her dad at home tomorrow morning and have a chat with her. He says he might have a solution to her and her dad's problems.

Charlie goes home with her, hunched over in the passenger seat in subdued silence, and he has lost his appetite, and is very depressed.

He tells her to go live her life, follow her dreams and stop worrying about him and his problems.

He says he is nothing but a useless waste of space and that he'd be better off dead.

Bella tucks him into bed, in an effort to try and make him comfortable. He refuses some soup and takes his medication.

She tells him to try and not be so down; there could be worse things...like a meteor falling out of the sky... or a tornado taking their house off to a cornfield in the middle of Kansas. He doesn't even smile at her attempt to cheer him up.

She lets him sleep, closing his door and turning towards the bathroom to have a long shower, so that she can cry in peace.

Charlie had long thought, that a solution to most of his problems might be found at the bottom of a whiskey bottle, and he sneakily pulls out a bottle from the base of his mattress.

He starts to tip up the bottle and skull it down, he desperately wants to drink himself into a state, where there aren't anymore cares and worries.

In fact, into pretty much an unconscious stupor.

Good thing he has Jake to supply him with all of the homemade hooch, on the sly.

Charlie has hidden many things from Bella in the past, but whiskey is his one and only vice, and he's not going to give it up, even though it's killing him quicker.

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I'm interested in your feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: SM owns Twilight. **

**I own this plot and all the crazy changes I make to the characters, their personalities and the circumstances they find themselves in.  
**

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**Chapter one. A dilemma, a solution.**

Bella POV.

At seven a.m. the next morning, while Charlie is still sleeping Carlisle phoned and asked if he could come by to the house and check on Charlie and talk to me.

He rolled up soon after I'd put the phone down, driving his flash, new, gold Mercedes. I welcomed him inside, Dad and I live in a small, two bedroom house, which could use a coat of paint and some maintenance. I had no idea when _that_ would ever happen!

I must look pretty crappy too, after tossing and turning all night long with all the worry. My eyes feel like they are aching, along with my brain. Its no help worrying, I still can't think of a way out of out situation, except for winning the lottery.

"While Charlie is asleep, I'd like to ask how your health is holding up Bella." Carlisle's voice is always so soothing, and calm.

I huff and roll my tired, aching eyes.

"Apart from not sleeping so well and worrying about our situation, my general health is ok, I guess."

"That's understandable, and how is your financial situation? I noticed how anxious you were yesterday; after I told you about Charlie's urgent need for an operation."

I blinked and looked down at my hands. They were all hardened and calloused from the cleaning work I did, my nails were horrible, my skin leathery and rough.

I didn't feel like I was twenty two, that's for sure!

I really didn't want to tell Carlisle any of my problems, but I had no one else to confide in.

I huffed; my eyes met his concerned gaze.

"Let's just say that...it's incredibly stressful having to try and deal with Charlie's deteriorating health and his possible impending death... I can't find enough money to pay for his operation, let alone, his current medical bills and medication, as his insurance refuses to cover it... There's absolutely no money to pay the mortgage, and we're about to lose the house to foreclosure, any time soon... My college career has been put on hold, as the teaching and research positions were all cut at N.W.U... I have big student loans to pay... I just can't see a way out of this financial mess... I can't travel somewhere else, to take any other good positions in my field, due to having to be close to Charlie, to help him as much as I can, while he's so ill. So that leaves me taking on crappy cleaning jobs. And those don't pay enough to even buy food with, let alone cover all of our debts and bills."

I was determined not to cry again, it was getting ridiculous!

''Er, sorry to dump that on you Doc, you did ask!"

Carlisle nodded, looking serious.

"Well Bella, I know this may sound a bit forward of me, I was wondering how you would react, if I told you I may have a way to assist you and Charlie out of all of your financial problems, and make sure Charlie gets the top medical care he needs, including his operation and the hospital stay he will need to properly recover after his surgery."

I look at him as if he's talking Martian to me. It wasn't making any sense at all.

"I might ask if you've been ingesting some mind-altering substances, or if you think it's a joke to get my hopes up, that there's some way out of our problems!"

"Oh, believe me it's no joke, I'm completely serious Bella. I've known you for many years; you've always been a kind, thoughtful girl, with a great personality, a bright mind and you are someone, who is more than unusually responsible and compassionate for your age."

Yeah well...with two parents who weren't so great at being responsible, the burden was always left on my shoulders. I was born old.

I nod. I really had no way of working out what Carlisle meant and why he was being so complimentary.

I wasn't so extraordinary, I was just plain, old Bella Swan.

I needed to sit down, Carlisle was doing my aching head in with his cryptic comments.

"Would you like a coffee? I've just got some freshly brewed, and I need to eat some toast, come and lets' sit down, while you explain where all of this is heading. I'm quite confused about what you are trying to say to me."

Carlisle smiled and we sat down at the tiny dining table in the kitchen, our coffees steaming in front of us.

"You know that Esme and I never had the opportunity to be parents. It wasn't by choice, over the last ten years, we have tried every type of assisted technology, but unfortunately there's been no success. We have now decided, to start seriously looking at all of the alternatives. We were thinking of adoption, but would prefer to have a surrogate arrangement, so that we could use my sperm, and be at least be partially genetically related to any baby that results from the process."

I had heard the rumours around town about the Cullens and why they never had any children. None of the rumours were remotely true, most were cruel, callous and unkind.

"Unfortunately Esme has no fertile eggs, and has recently had to have a hysterectomy, due to painful and untreatable condition called endometriosis. It has been really devastating for her, as you can imagine. So we need an egg donor and a kind woman willing to carry an embryo for us as a surrogagte."

"I'm very sorry doc, I had no idea. I'm sure you'd both make lovely parents. Umm, but why are you telling me this?"

Carlisle went quiet; I could tell he was trying to summon up the courage to tell me something tricky.

"Well, I'd like to propose the idea, that _maybe_ ...the surrogate could be you Bella...you could take some time to seriously think about becoming our surrogate, using your eggs and my sperm, and carrying a baby for Esme and I."

I was shocked.

"I know it's a crazy idea, but just think about it for a minute. We could pay off all of your debts, like the student loans, mortgage, and the medical bills, as well as take excellent care of Charlie. If you are found to be completely healthy and fertile, and agree to do this for us, we'd be forever grateful, and most of all, your immediate financial worries would be over."

"Huh! And Esme would be ok with this...arrangement?" I asked, after I'd gotten my voice back.

Esme was a friendly woman who I'd met a few times over the years. She helped out both the local elementary and high school, doing remedial reading, tutoring and running cake stalls to raise money for the P and A, even though she wasn't a parent herself.

"I've spent a long time talking it over with her, and she knows all about what a great person you are. It would be a way to solve both our problems. We would like to know and trust the woman we choose to be the surrogate, rather than go online, or to an agency and take our chances. Those places wouldn't necessarily be the best for finding us the special kind of woman that we want for our surrogate."

I nodded, it kind of made sense that they would want to know all about the woman that they would trust to be the surrogate. It was a big responsibility, with scary implications. My mind spun with endless possibilities.

"If I agreed, how would I go about doing something like...being a surrogate? I'm not going to have to... err...have a sexual relationship with you, it would be more like... uhh...some sort of artificial insemination, wouldn't it? I'm pretty boring, and would never cheat on Esme with you, even if it was in order to make a baby for you both." I stuttered out. I was as red as a scaled tomato.

On top of the whole sperm and eggs scenario, I had pretty much no _actual_ experience in the sack. For years I'd been working my butt off and studying hard, to accomplish my double degree and keep up my grades.

I was devastated that I wasn't in a position to make my dreams of being an environmental researcher a reality.

The _one time_ I relented and attempted to have sex, it was a _**horrible disappointment. **__It turned out to be, a fumbling, embarrassing and mortifyingly, quick episode, with a guy called Eric, who managed to cum in __**less than five seconds.**_

Thank God he was using a condom!

I ended up not actually feeling _that much_, apart from being nauseatingly disgusted with myself, for giving into peer pressure and trying to be like the other girls I knew. Sex was a given, an everyday event, no big thing for most of my college classmates.

It all took place in the gloomy dark of his filthy room, and I'm pretty sure I didn't feel much of anything... because his dick was only about two inches long.

There wasn't any blood or pain, like some girls went on and on about. Iit's even possible I could still technically be a virgin, with a fully intact hymen who knows?

It was Carlisle's turn to be speechless.

Thank god he couldn't read my thoughts! He shook his head.

"No, no nothing like that. Once you get a complete health check, and agree to do this, making sure that you understand everything fully, and know what you are agreeing to do for us. We can monitor your cycle, so that you can avoid taking any extra hormones, and we could place my sperm into your uterus, using a fairly simple, artificial insemination technique, while you are at the peak of your ovulation. _I promise that **no sex** will take place between us_. There's nothing embarrassing to worry about, and I'm sure Esme will want to be there the whole time, as she's keen to be involved in this process."

"Oh ok."

Well at least that I could get my head around the technicalities of it all. I had majored in biology after all!

"So if you agree to do this, we will pay you to stay at home and relax, study and live relatively stress free,we will look after all of your health needs, and assist you during the birth and then afterwards, help get you back into good shape."

"Um, so if I end up having a baby for you and Esme, you would be the legal parents right? Or would there need to be...some sort of actual adoption process, where I'd relinquish my rights? Would I be allowed see the child as they grew up?"

"I'm sure we could happily agree to keeping in touch, and that you would be able to have plenty of contact with the baby. And although I'm not a lawyer, Esme and I will need to become the full legal parents in the eyes of the law. We can get advice for all of us as to how it would work, and if we need to go through a full adoption process, or not."

"How much time do I have to think about this?"

"Well, I don't want to pressure you. But keep in mind, the sooner you can agree, the sooner we can help pay the bills for you, and assist Charlie have his operation."

I groaned and felt tears spring up in my eyes...again. Damn these tears, would they ever cease?

Charlie's health wasn't going to wait, and the bank was going to start demanding their overdue mortgage payments, and start the foreclosure process any day now.

I knew my student loan repayments weren't being met either, as I'd used the money for last two month's payments, to cover the electricity bill, phone and food.

I expected the debt collectors to come knocking any day, to take away the large flat-screen tv and fancy leather recliners. Charlie had splurged out one day, when the old telly died, and had insisted on buying them all on some crazy, two year, interest-free, payment system.

He hadn't managed to pay off _any of it,_ due to becoming seriously ill, and no longer being able to continue working as a police officer. His health insurance refused to cover his treatments. His social security had run out, so our living expenses couldn't be covered.

"Please don't cry Bella, I can't even imagine how tough things are for you at the moment. I'll just go check to see how Charlie is doing, ok?"

I nodded.

Carlisle turned and left to go upstairs and see dad.

I let myself cry properly when he had left the room.

My life was going down the toilet.

Things were about to get _really bad, really soon_... if I didn't take this lifeline that the Cullens were offering me.

I had no other choices...did I?

My mom _refused_ to help me or Dad in any way, not even come up and give me a break so that I could do some extra hours cleaning. She wanted to keep partying down in Florida with Phil, being a free spirit, with no financial worries. _Lucky her!_

I had no brothers or sisters.

No aunts, uncles, or grandparents.

No secret family inheritance, no hidden treasure.

No life insurance to cash in early.

Dad's work colleagues were doing it tough too, with their hours being cut. They were sympathetic, but not in any position to assist us.

No one, including friends or neighbours could help us out either, the whole town was in a serious financial decline, it was a depressed, stressed timber town.

All of the bright, younger people had left as soon as they could, seeking their fortunes elsewhere. There were no new start-up industries or exciting opportunities here in Forks, that was for sure.

The banks didn't want to know us, even when I tried to reason with them, to help me reschedule our mortgage repayments, let alone, lend us any more money, to cover the debts we had accrued.

There was no properly paying work available for me, to pay off our debts and make ends meet.

Within one month, I expected that we would become homeless, if nothing changed. And if that happened... _Dad would die even quicker_. Winter was harsh here in Forks, and it was about to hit, and there were no homeless shelters here in Forks. There was nowhere for us to live... except out of my car.

If I agreed to do this for the Cullens, I needed to get them to pay the mortgage quickly, and arrange to get dad into hospital for treatment, as soon as possible.

I could probably handle the rest...I crossed my fingers, if they did just those things first, I could get by, take on extra work, somewhere.

I wanted my grumpy, irascible father, to live without anymore pain and suffering, and I needed to get money which would allow me and Dad to live with a roof over our heads.

But...what if I wasn't fertile?

What if I got pregnant... and then the baby was born with some illness or congenital abnormality?

What if I miscarried?

Would they still assist Dad and me?

Would they want a child who wasn't perfect?

Would they hand the baby back to me, and refuse to take care of him or her?

I wasn't in any position to take care of a baby!

In the end though...would I actually be able to **_give away_** a baby and cope with the sadness and longing, of deliberately giving up someone so small and defenseless, who had grown for nine months inside of me?

Could I do it?

Was I capable?

I needed to be _really clear_ about what I needed, if I was going to go ahead with this.

_I had to keep a cool head and ask some __**difficult**__ questions._

I really hoped that Esme and Carlisle would have all the right answers!

They needed to completely _reassure _me they would be _responsible_ and care about any child that I might grow in my womb for them.

After all, if I didn't do this right... we could still end up homeless, my dad dying and me still owing huge amounts of money for the rest of my life!

I bowed my head and tried to breathe calmly and slowly.

I needed a way forward, a way out of this situation.

_They desperately wanted a child, and were prepared to help me and dad, medically and financially._

Was there any other choice?

I asked God to help me.

I was willing to give this a go, if they made sure they covered all the debts and costs involved, and take good care of the baby, even if it was in some way disabled.

I was taken out of my deep thoughts, when an ambulance rolled up outside and the paramedics knocked on the door.

"Hi Bella," Tyler grinned at me, he was one of my old classmates who had stayed in Forks. "Doc Cullen just phoned for us to come and get Charlie, apparently he's got to go back into hospital, and he's gotten a lot worse."

"Um it's upstairs and to the left." I pointed, as they come rattling past me with the gurney.

I follow them up, and Carlisle looked up at me while continuing to work on Dad.

"He's unconscious and unresponsive. It appears he got stuck into someone's homemade hooch last night. He's going to need to go straight into ICU, it's very serious, I afraid. I'm hoping we'll be able to revive him and at least get him out of this comatose state. I'm sorry Bella."

I nodded and sigh deeply.

It looks like I will be spending my day at the hospital, rather than doing my cleaning job. They'll probably give me the sack if I don't turn up today, the pricks.

"I'll get dressed and come to the hospital in my car. Thanks, I'll talk to you later ok?"

"Yes, we have plenty to discuss."

Tyler and the other paramedic looked at me and then at Doc, and then back at my unconscious Dad.

Carlisle nodded at them and they lift Dad onto the gurney and take him downstairs.

"I'll pack him a bag with some spare pyjamas and toiletries. Err Carlisle, I need to have a really long talk with both you and Esme, before I decide anything, ok?"

"How about you come over to our place this evening? I don't think Charlie will be coming out of hospital very soon. We all need to talk it over and make some decisions. Thanks for taking the time to at least consider the idea Bella; you don't know how much this means to us both."

'Yeah, ok. How about six?"

"Sure, I'll let Esme know, come and eat with us, you look like you could have a night off from cooking."

"Thanks, I'd like that."

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What do you think Bella should do? What would you do?

Please send me some of your thoughts, I'm keen to hear what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: SM owns Twilight.  
**

**Warning, surrogacy is not necessarily a solution to everyone's problems, especially difficult financial ones.  
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**Chapter two.**

I pulled up Bertha, my old red truck in the Cullen's driveway and took a deep breath.

They lived in an insanely, beautiful house with perfectly, manicured gardens, the three storey building was all glass and sharp, white lines, set at interesting, architecturally correct angles.

I bet anything, this house has been featured in 'Architecture Monthly'.

Huh, they had plenty of money.

Although I already knew this fact, it still hit me hard in the gut. I couldn't stop looking at all the well maintained perfection in front of me.

I sighed, and looked at my face in the rear-view mirror.

I looked so very tired and worn out. I had no makeup, and only just managed to skip home quickly from the hospital, shower, brush my wild mass of hair and change into some clean clothes.

I hoped I didn't look _too_ much out of place..._oh, who was I trying to kid!_

_Of course I looked out of place!_

I was _always_ going to be... _a round peg in a square hole_... _I was **never** going to fit in, no matter what I did!_

I took another deep breath and focused.

**_I can do this!_**

_Something_ might still happen, to change me from going down this path.

_An almighty miracle perhaps?_

_**OK!** I can do this! _

_Get yourself together Bella and open the damn door!_

_Now get out and close the door. _

_Now turn around and move your legs _...my limbs felt so heavy and didn't want to co-operate with my mind.

Everything felt like it was grinding heavily in slow motion.

Everything except my heart... it was beating so fast it was about to jump out of my chest.

I tried to calm myself by taking some slow, deep breaths. It didn't seem to help.

The palatial front door opened, and there stood Esme Cullen, wearing a smile and an apron.

It was too late to run away now.

I gave a half-hearted wave and she came down the steps and took my hand. I didn't realize that I was shaking so much until I felt her warm, smooth hand holding my shaking, rough one in-between hers.

"Don't worry Bella hon; I'm not going to bite you! It's been quite a while since I've seen you; you've been away studying in California haven't you? I'm so sorry to hear about your father being ill. I've always liked Charlie, he's a good man."

I tried to nod and smile, but when she mentioned my dad, I wanted to cry again.

I'd been holding it in all day.

I held all of my emotions in tightly, while sitting there by his bed in ICU.

I held it together, while they performed all sorts of tests and hooked him up to drips and machines to monitor his heart and whatnot.

When I phoned my cleaning boss this morning, he told me to not bother coming in again. He did sack me after all.

Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do!

We walked up to the house, me shedding silent tears, and Esme's arm around my shoulder, ushering me inside out of the bitter, evening cold.

We sat down in her beautiful, designer kitchen, with the most amazing European appliances, and acres of white marble and stainless steel.

She handed me a hot drink and I numbly started drinking what was in the cup.

I sighed, and gave a small smile.

"Sorry I was all weird back there Esme. I've had a horrible day, and Dad looks like he's not going to come out of his comatose state. I think he drank a whole bottle of homemade firewater on purpose, and swallowed all of the pills on his bedside table, down with it. That's why he's now in the sorry state he's in."

_He probably won't be needing the life-saving operation after all. _

_How Ironic!_

"I thought he managed to get a deep sleep all night, I didn't hear him at all; but in reality... he had tried to end his life. I didn't suspect a thing till Doc came by to see us at seven this morning and checked in on him."

I shook my head at thought that my Dad was so very depressed and without hope.

I needed to change the subject before I started to blubber again.

"You've got a beautiful home Esme."

"Oh thank you dear, it keeps me busy, designing and decorating the house. I really would prefer a messy house full of noisy, boisterous kids; but it seems that I wasn't ever able to achieve that sadly. What I managed to make, is a show-house fit for a photo shoot in a glossy magazine."

I agreed, she did have a house that looked ready for a photo shoot.

"Well you have a great eye for design. It's very different from my tiny little home. I bet you could cook up a storm in here, with all of these fancy appliances."

"I try my best, but I'm only good for the basics. My in-laws are much finer cooks that me, my sister in law goes in for all of those elaborate dinner parties with many more courses than any normal human can possibly eat in one sitting." She giggled at the thought.

"I'm sorry I didn't bring anything along for dinner, I didn't have time. I've just managed to jump in the shower and put on some clean clothes before coming here."

"I would never expect you to cook anything Bella dear, you look to me like you need a good feeding up and a nice long sleep. I've made more than enough for us all. I hope you enjoy my homemade chicken and vegetable soup and lamb and dumpling casserole, if you want desert I can serve up some ice-cream and custard."

"Well it smells divine Esme, I'm quite starved. I forgot to eat all day with the stress and drama, so I'm sure to eat like a real glutton tonight."

The door opened to the kitchen and Carlisle strode in, he came over to Esme and they hugged and kissed.

"I'm so sorry I'm late ladies, I was kept back by another car accident, the ice has started getting bad already. Dinner smells delicious! I can't wait to eat. Bella its great to see you, and you certainly look like you need a good feed!"

"Oh I can't wait. Esme's food smells wonderful. Do you have a favourite desert?"

"Mmm, well I really love pecan pie, don't I Esme?"

"Yes, he can't get enough of it at Thanksgiving. I make it every year and he gobbles it nearly all up, I'm lucky to even get a piece!" She chuckled at him.

"Let's sit down and eat, we have so much to talk about."

Carlisle led the way to a relaxed, informal living and dining area; with a picture window that took up one whole expanse of wall, and overlooked the forest. It was beautiful.

Esme lit the candles in the centre of the round table.

"Here Bella, please take a seat and make yourself comfortable."

"Thanks, this is a lovely room, and what a view!"

We all tucked into Esme's cooking, I felt myself finally relax and start warming up. These two loved each other deeply and were sweet, kind and very gentle with each other.

I thought they would make good parents, I hoped that was so, seeing how considerate and thoughtful they were with each other.

I needed to start asking some hard questions of them, in order to confirm my thoughts.

"Umm, I know you are lovely people, but if it's ok, could I ask some uncomfortable questions of you both?"

They looked at each other and nodded.

"How do you feel about children who are disabled or who have some untreatable, congenital condition?"

They looked at each other and Esme spoke up.

"Bella I would love any child who came to me, regardless of their health or capabilities, in fact, I would be inclined to _love them all the more_, if they had special needs."

"Bella did you know that Esme once worked as a special ed. teacher? You loved all of your students, didn't you Essie?"

She nodded, "I still keep in touch with all of them and their families, I love to see how they are, always wondering what they are up to and how they are coping as they grow."

"Oh that's good, I was worried that if I choose to go ahead with this, that you'd be inclined to...I don't know...refuse to care for a child who wasn't completely perfect. I wouldn't feel confident; having to raise a baby on my own if you ever rejected him or her."

"Oh God no, I mean...we couldn't...we would never do such a thing! We love all babies, don't we Carlisle?"

"We only have _the hope_ of trying this surrogacy process, and we would make sure to take _great care_ of both you and any child who is born."

"That's good to know. So please forgive me playing the devil's advocate here, I just need to ask...what if I suffer a miscarriage? Or have a still birth? Would you ask for all of your money back? Would I return to the situation I'm now in...without work, about to have my home foreclosed and up to my eyeballs in debt for the rest of my life?"

"No we'd never do that to you, as a doctor, I know the relatively high incidence of miscarriages, but we are _willing to at least __**try**_**.** What we need you to understand is that money isn't an issue for us. Esme is a wealthy woman, who inherited a small fortune. We would never leave you in debt. Or ask for our money back, leaving you destitute. If you start this process, we will take care of all your debts straight away."

"Tell me what you owe Bella." Esme asked.

I pulled out a notepad, on which I had written the various amounts that I knew about.

Unfortunately, there was _sure_ to be other debts I didn't know about.

Dad was so secretive, and seemed to have no systematic filing system for paperwork, whatsoever. I was likely to find an overdue bill stuffed behind the couch cushions or in the laundry, as I cleaned out his pockets when doing the wash.

"Here, I've listed what I know about. I'm not sure about the final amount of my dad's final medical bills, but here's the current amount."

They both looked at the notepad, and back up at me.

"We'll be more than happy to pay this off, if you choose to be our surrogate. Even if it doesn't work out; due to something untoward happening during the pregnancy process, we promise to not let you down Bella." Carlisle said calmly.

"Ok, that's good. So if a baby results from this process, will I be able to keep in touch and visit occasionally? Just to make sure I wasn't having a strange dream, or imagined it all. It may be the _only chance_ I ever get to be some sort of mother, you know? And it would be wonderful to see how they grow."

"Oh yes of course, although we would be the baby's legal parents, we would encourage your contact, and when the baby is a certain age asking us about where they came from, we could explain how they came to be born and what a wonderful thing you did for us, and how you are biologically related to them."

"Thank you both. I feel a great deal better about choosing this. So what would be the first part of the surrogacy process? It all seems a bit daunting."

"Are you sure you are happy with this whole thing Bella? Are there any more questions you want answered?" Carlisle asked.

"I feel pretty relaxed and good about it all, at the moment. You've assured me that you will care for _**any**_ child, and you are not going to leave me in debt. On another whole different subject... Carlisle, do you have any idea as to what the outcome could be for my Dad? He wasn't looking too good, when I left him at the ICU."

"I'd like to see how he is in the morning, but I'm not really hopeful that he will regain consciousness, his vitals aren't great. Of course, we will hold off any other medical treatment like his operation, until he starts making some progress waking up and gaining strength."

"Doc, I think my Dad attempted suicide last night, he drank a whole bottle of that hooch Jacob Black distills, as well as swallowing all of his tablets. Just before he went to bed, he told me to forget him and go live my life. He's been very down and depressed for a while now, I think the idea of undergoing an operation was too much for him."

"Ah that makes sense, he wasn't responding at all when I came into his room this morning, I saw the empty whiskey bottle and pill containers, and put two and two together. I sorry Bella, I guess his depressive state is understandable, considering the prognosis I gave him yesterday."

"I know, it was inevitable that he was... feeling so bad about it all... I guess he wanted to take his fate into his own hands. Poor Dad."

I found a tissue in my pocket and blew my nose.

"That's enough sadness! Tell me all about what we need to do, to start this process. I need something to think about that's ...hopeful and positive. I think I would like to try to help you." I gave them a small smile.

Even though my dad was there in hospital, on death's door, I wanted to look forward to a positive future, other than grinding, hopeless poverty and never-ending exhaustion.

"Tomorrow I've got us an appointment with a lawyer here at ten a.m., to help us draw up our surrogacy agreement and all the terms we want to include in it. When it's exactly how we all want it, we can all sign it. Then we can start on getting your health checked out, and making sure you are started on some prenatal vitamin and mineral supplements, and are eating and sleeping well."

"Ok, that's great. I've never had a full medical check up before, so it will be good to see if I'm actually healthy." I snorted, I wasn't feeling like an energetic twenty two year old at the moment.

"After the general check-up, I'll get you an appointment with my personal gynecologist, to make sure you are able to understand your cycle and whole the process we will be going through." Esme said.

"Umm... ok. Hey Esme, want a hand cleaning up?" I jumped up and started grabbing the empty plates.

"Sure." she said rising with me.

"Carlisle how about us girls finish up here, and you go catch up on the national news in the den?"

Carlisle looked confused, but agreed with Esme.

I got Esme in the kitchen and turned to her.

"Esme can you maybe...um...come with me to the gynecologist's appointment, I'm nervous, and um...I've never had anyone look down there before."

_I'm pretty sure Eric the **five second, wonder-boy** never got to see anything at all, especially in the gloom!_

"Oh Bella I'd love to! I'd be more than happy to help you be as comfortable as possible. I'm really familiar with Dr Naidoo, she's absolutely great, very gentle and will explain everything thoroughly."

"Thanks Esme, I really appreciate it."

"So are you seeing any guys at the moment?"

"No, I've never had a boyfriend." I rolled my eyes and huffed.

"Oh...and are you on any birth control?"

"No, there's never been any need."

"So you don't have any period problems, nothing painful or super heavy?"

"No, I'm remarkably boring, nothing difficult or painful. Not like some of my friends at college. Poor things!"

"Yeah I know, that's what my life was like until recently. I would have given _anything_ to have a reproductive system that was normal and worked properly" Esme looked sad, her cheerful exterior finally cracking.

"I'm sorry to hear about all of your troubles Esme. I'm feeling a lot more at peace with the whole surrogacy situation; I really hope I can help you. But what if it doesn't work?"

"Well I promise to still pay your debts off, so that you won't have to worry anymore about money ok? As long as we at least _try_, that's all I ask Bella, to _attempt the process."_

"How long do you think the process will take, once I'm found to be fertile and capable of actually carrying a baby?"

"I don't know, I suppose we can get Dr Naidoo to advise us how long it will take. I have a thought though, that Mother Nature always does things _in her own good time, and there'll be no rushing her."_

"I hope it happens quickly though, so that you both can have a baby soon. I'd like that for you, you deserve a baby Esme."

"Bella can I ask you one thing?"

"Yeah, sure."

"If you carry a baby for us, will you _definitely_ be able to give it up, and hand it over to me?... Because I think _that_ would be the hardest thing in the world...ever."

"I was thinking about the act of _relinquishing _a baby all day long, and you know what? As long as you _**promise to love, adore and cherish that little baby, with your whole heart**_, I'll be ok with it. And of course, you'll need keep me in the loop forever afterwards."

"Thanks sweetie, I think I'm starting to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. You're an angel Bella" Esme sobbed, hugging me tight.

We stood crying in her beautiful kitchen, holding each other for a long while. The day had been one hell of a roller-coaster, and things were only going to get crazier, before they finally settled down.

* * *

Please leave your comments. Surrogacy is a fraught and difficult situation for all involved. This is an unusual scenario, as many surrogate relationships occur in countries such as India, and through agencies. I just wanted to play with the Cullens and Bella, and how that would work in their particular situation.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: SM owns Twilight.  
**

**I hope you enjoy the new look Bella who has grown a backbone of steel!  
**

* * *

**Chapter three. Finding my strength, using my snark.**

"Ok Bella, lets start out with your weight and height." The nurse said as she started the routine collection of information, for the doctor doing my health check.

Things got interesting after that, with several samples of my blood taken, urine sampled, blood pressure measured, as well as having an ECG, lung capacity noted, and then answering a long, extensive questionnaire, about diseases running in both sides of the family, my exercise routines, eating habits, sleep patterns, drug history, medications, adverse drug reactions and allergies, childhood accidents and diseases and on and on...

Finally I saw the GP and he asked a few more questions. He gave me an eye, throat and external abdominal exam and gave me a visual skin check for any skin cancer, lumps, bumps and rashes.

"After looking at your general health Bella, I must say you are very healthy, but rather underweight for your height. All of your major organs are excellent, your lungs, heart, kidneys, eyes and skin are good."

"Although you have been under considerable stress recently with your father being sick, I'm sure you will bounce back to normal once things settle down."

"I suggest you get more sleep and eat more. Don't be tempted to skip meals; you need to keep strong and healthy, especially while looking after your father. Once I get back the results on these blood tests, I'll send you a completed report. Unless there is something untoward that turns up, I won't need to schedule another appointment with you."

"I'm pretty confident you are in good health from my exam and from looking over the questionnaire you answered. Any questions?"

"Um, no. I'm fine thanks."

Esme met me in the waiting room, and paid for my visit.

"You look like you need a nice hot drink and a treat Bella."

"Ha! I think I could! I never knew how in-depth these health checks could be. I'm only sorry I didn't know anything much about my extended family's health issues. I don't know much about my grandparent's health and what they ended up dying from."

"Never mind, it's your health that counts, and I'm going to make sure you are given something after all of that. I'm hankering after a nice hot chocolate and maybe a brownie, what would you like?"

"I'll have the same thanks."

"How did the doctor find your health?"

"I'm slightly underweight and in need of some good night's sleep. He couldn't find anything wrong with me, apart from being stressed-out, but that's understandable considering Dad and his recent worsening health."

"So what's the latest with Charlie?"

"It's not good, they've put him on a ventilator, and he's developed pneumonia. He also has been having seizures. Carlisle felt things weren't too hopeful this morning, when I spoke to him. I might have to eventually come to a decision about pulling him off of the ventilator, if his condition continues to deteriorate."

"Oh honey, that's awful! Are you going back to the hospital after our snack?"

"_I really should_, but I want to go home and get some cleaning and laundry done. I've been putting a lot of housework on hold, and it's been building up. I'll go back to the ICU after dinner and sit with him for a while. If anything happens while I'm at home, they'll call me."

"Do you want me to come and give you a hand? I could go grab some groceries for you, or run the vacuum over the floor?"

"Esme, thanks for the offer it's really kind of you, but I kind of like doing housework with the music right up really, really loud and singing my head off, all out of tune and crazy. Its too horrible for delicate, mortal ears."I chuckled.

"Ok, but if you change your mind, just let me know." Esme grinned.

"Oh!" My phone started ringing, it was Carlisle.

"Hello?"

"Bella, I'm wondering if you are sitting down?"

"Yes, I'm here with Esme in a cafe."

"I've got some bad news I'm afraid."

_"Dad?"_

"Yes, Charlie's heart has stopped and we've tried to revive him for the last half an hour...I'm so sorry Bella, but your dad didn't make it."

_I sucked in my breath, and went numb._

I'm not sure what happened after that. I guess Esme took the phone off me, spoke to Carlisle and hung up.

I looked down and she had gripped my hand.

"Bella? I'm taking you home with me for a bit, and I won't take _no_ for an answer."

I must have followed her out to her car, as the next thing I remember was being put in a soft, warm bed and closing my eyes to sleep.

* * *

I woke up when I heard a clatter beside my head. I opened my eyes and saw Esme putting a breakfast tray down beside me and smiling.

"Hey Esme, what's this?"

"It's just a little breakfast hon; I thought I might try and fuss over you for a bit, just for this morning."

I sat up slowly and fluffed up my pillows. Esme opened up the blinds.

The sun was up and it was it was trying to shine through the heavy cloud cover.

"Thanks so much Esme, you didn't need to go to so much trouble for me."

_"Believe me __**I did!**_ _I couldn't just up and leave you all alone in the cafe yesterday, after that phone call. You were in shock and couldn't even talk, let alone drive home by yourself."_

"Thanks, it means so much to me that you care. You are treating me with much more care than my own mother. This tray looks lovely, the coffee smells great!"

"Can I come and sit and chat with you while you eat? I just enjoy having you here."

"Sure, ok."

"Thanks, I'll be up back in a few minutes with my coffee. If you need to use the bathroom its through there, and there's plenty of fresh towels and a robe if you want to have a shower."

"I'll be fine, but I do need to make a heap of calls, to let people know that Dad is dead."

"Ok and I can help you organise a funeral if you want."

"You know, that would be great, because at the moment I don't know what the hell I'm doing!"

"Don't worry; we'll work it out together! I'll be back in a moment."

I pulled myself out of bed, went to the bathroom and ended up looking at myself in the mirror.

_My Dad Charlie had died._

_I was alone and I was about to embark on a journey to say goodbye to him, and let him go._

_On top of that I was going to start a scary, new process of making a baby._

I found my bag and got my phone out.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

_Please God, __**please**__ let this conversation be calm!_

It rang until it went to voice mail.

"Hi Renee, I'm ringing to tell you Dad is dead. I'll let you know when the funeral is being held. Bye."

Oh well, at least I didn't need to hear her unwanted, catty opinions about what a bad man Charlie was, and how he stifled her creative impulses and freewheeling spending habits.

I really hope she doesn't come to the funeral. My guess is that she won't. She has always hated Forks, its small population and its dreary, grey skies.

"Bella, I've found the number for the funeral director." Esme put a business card in my hand.

"Thanks." I looked at the card.

"Esme, what's the procedure? I've never had to organise anything like this."

"I'd start by giving the funeral director a call, they will collect Charlie's body. Then you have a meeting with them, to decide what sort of funeral you would like."

"Oh, ok."

I dialed the number and a familiar, sharp, nasally voice answered.

"Forks Funerals, Lauren speaking."

"Hi Lauren its Bella Swan here."

"Oh, Bella..._Bella Swan_...didn't you go live in California? Why are you back here? _What do you **want**?" _

I couldn't believe Lauren was still such an ill-mannered, snooty piece of white trash.

_Some things in Forks never change._

I took a deep breath and calmly spoke.

"My dad, Charlie Swan is dead and I need to speak to the funeral director."

"Oh...ohmygod, ok, just one moment." I heard her drop the phone and start screeching, "Jason! Pick up the phone! There's a fresh one!"

I seethed, _who the hell did Lauren think she was?..._._damn nasty bitch...**A FRESH ONE!**_

"Hello, Jason Jackson here."

"Mr. Jackson, I need to arrange a funeral for my father Charlie Swan. He's just died and I need your assistance. Oh and by the way, I recommend that you **seriously** think about getting **someone else more professional,** to answer your calls in the future. Lauren just doesn't present a very good image of your business; in fact, I'm pretty sure that if I didn't want to settle this so quickly, I would be giving your competitors my business." I snapped.

Wow, who was this assertive, angry Bella?

...

I sat blinking, focused on the cup of insipid, luke-warm tea, I held in my lap.

Just about the whole of Forks had turned out to be at Charlie's funeral. There were quite a few members of the La Push reservation in attendance too.

I was lucky that no one expected me to speak.

I was beyond words, too tired and emotional to make sense of the worst week of my life.

The one thing I was grateful for was that for _once_ in his life, Charlie had planned ahead and pre-paid his own funeral.

I didn't have to organise or chose anything, he had already done all the choosing of caskets, sermons, bible readings and even right down to the music, twenty years previously. So there was a lot of old seventies hits played...I know weird, but there you have it! It was exactly what he wanted in the end.

It was strange, but I was glad it was something I could leave to other people to worry about.

Especially the very contrite Jason Jackson, who I had found out, had grown a backbone and fired Lauren on the spot, right after my call.

Charlie had even had paid for a plot and a minister to say all of the words I couldn't speak.

I sat and looked at my tea. It was now as stone cold.

Another person came up, to express their sadness.

I wasn't paying much attention, until I heard his voice.

Boy, Jake had grown! He was just about touching the ceiling with his head!

"Bella?"

"Jake? You are ...what seven foot now? I remember when you were smaller than me."

"Yeah, that's when I was six months old and couldn't stand up yet."

"Mmm, yeah."

"I'm sorry about Charlie."

I nodded what more could I add to that?... _Oh wait! I __**did**__ know what I wanted to say after all._

"His last moments, before he slipped into a self-induced coma, _were of **you** Jake."_

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say...his lips were around your last ...uh...'present' and he made sure to drink it _all_ down."

"Oh..."

"Yes, _you know what I'm talking about_. Now if you don't mind, I have to go to the ladies room."

"Bella...I'm really sorry, I didn't know he was going to do that."

"Yeah we'll, most of us don't take the time to think about the consequences of our actions. If I could give you one piece of advice, _stop producing that nasty __**rocket fuel,**__ and find something more __**productive **__to do with your life, before any other people get __**injured and die**__."_ I hissed quietly.

I turned towards the ladies loo.

At least I could shut myself in and not talk to another soul for a few minutes.

* * *

I just let myself sit in the toilet cubicle for twenty minutes, trying to focus and calm my breathing.

_I don't know where the 'sweet, old, doormat Bella' went, but boy I think she just disappeared in a puff of smoke, and some **strong, snarky woman** had taken her place!_

_First Lauren and now Jake. I wonder who would be feeling my wrathful words next?_

Once this funeral was over, the Cullens and I could get on with signing the surrogacy contract, start the monitoring of my cycle and the whole sperm, insemination procedure.

I shook my head; it was kind of a challenge to me, to see if I could _really _do this.

Me Bella Swan, voted the most likely to _'forever remain a plain, spinster virgin'_, by my high school nemesis Jessica, was embarking on a most intimate and scary challenge. I would be attempting to grow a baby in my womb, for a childless couple who were two of the kindest souls I had ever met.

Esme had been beside me through the funeral, and had arranged all of the refreshments.

Carlisle even asked me if I wanted to postpone the surrogacy process, until another time.

_But I was determined_.

My life was going to have a greater purpose now, and I was going to clean up all the mess left behind. The debts, the house, my study and career and focus on myself for a change.

I left the ladies room, only to run right into Jake_ again_.

"Hey Bella, I was wondering if you want to go out sometime?"

_Was he __**nuts?**_ _Didn't he get that I was angry that his homemade hooch was one of the reasons my Dad had died?_

"No Jake. I'm not interested."

"Oh maybe another time then?"

"No, I don't think so. Goodbye Jake."

_Wow, that was __**weird!**_

"Hi Bella, want a hand cleaning up all the cups and plates?"

I shrugged; Mike Newton was trying to be nice I guess.

"So uhh, Bella, are you planning to leave Forks soon, or are you staying for a while?"

"I'm staying for a while. There's a lot to sort out." I wasn't planning on telling him about my arrangement with the Cullens.

"Ah, yeah well, if you plan to be around Forks a while, maybe we could hangout and go see a movie, or go out for a meal together?"

"No thanks Mike, I don't date."

"Are you sure? I could be your friend?"

"Thanks Mike, but you know...I could have _really_ used your support and friendship when I was a kid... and _you **stood by** and happily watched me get __**bullied every day **__by your girlfriend Jessica and her evil friend Lauren."_

"But...Bella."

"Goodbye Mike."

I turned away from him and walked over to Esme and Carlisle.

"I'm heading home. I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow morning when we sign the..."I looked around to make sure no one else was listening..."paperwork, and we can pick up the supplies for the ...process, ok?"

They smiled and nodded. Not wanting to let all the nosy busy bodies listen into our conversation. It was going to be tricky enough with all of the small town eyes watching and gossiping.

"Esme thanks for all the great help, I really couldn't have gotten through this week without you. Thanks both of you."

* * *

I looked around my empty house. It was in a shambles, since I hadn't been able to get stuck into any cleaning and sorting in the last few weeks.

I pulled off my good black dress, tights, jacket and shoes. I threw my hair up into a messy bun and pulled on my oldest sweats and grottiest long sleeved tee-shirt.

I turned up my favourite cleaning music and looked around.

I decided to start on the kitchen; it hadn't been scrubbed in ages.

I pulled the garbage bin over to the fridge, and started throwing all of the half eaten leftovers, and mouldy bits of cheese, fruit and bread which I found in there.

I pulled the shelves out, wiped and replaced them.

_ Nice...Empty but beautifully, squeaky clean._

The freezer section was next. I couldn't believe the amount of frozen casseroles and lasagnes stuck in there!

Dad had _**never**_ eaten any of my lovingly, pre-prepared meals. I wanted to scream or throw something.

Dad had just gone off to the diner for hot meals, instead of reheating my cooking.

_Did he even care?_

I looked at the freezer, and decided to take action.

I prized all of the food out of the heavy build up of ice crystals and cleaned out the whole freezer section.

Did I want to keep any of my own cooking? Hmm, I had a hankering for lasagne. I turned on the oven and put one of the foil covered dishes in to heat up. It would be ready in a couple of hours, and I could put my feet up and eat something nice.

I placed back two other casseroles and put the rest in the sink to defrost and throw out the contents.

_What a waste!_

I huffed and then turned towards the cupboards.

I found some more old bills, papers and photos stuck in a high cupboard; they went onto the dining table for later perusal.

Most of the cupboards came up ok, some of the doors needed fixing as the hinges were old and wonky. I pulled out the lining on all of the shelves and scrubbed down the timber underneath.

I found some cockroach baits and mousetraps that were as old as me, and threw them away.

I swept and mopped and stood back to view my handiwork.

I felt a little lighter.

If I ended up keeping this place, I wanted to make some changes.

Maybe I could put in a whole, new kitchen and an extension out the back, to pick up the morning sun. I'd like a nice, light-filled room with lots of windows and somewhere to lounge around in lovely warmth.

_Who was I kidding? It's never really warm here in Forks. A sun-room would be a waste, as it's hardly ever sunny here!_

I don't know, maybe I should sell it and get what I can for it?

Or maybe I could rent it out? I probably had a better chance of getting a fair return for the house over a longer period. The sales market for houses in Forks wasn't so great at the moment.

If I wanted to have a nice place to be pregnant in, I could make this place all mine for the duration. It might be nice do some small upgrades to smarten it up and make it more comfortable and homely.

I went upstairs and stripped the sheets and blankets off of Dad's bed. I pulled the mattress off and ... _Oh great! What do we have here? It looks like I've just discovered the __**mother lode!**_

* * *

Please let me know what you think of the scary new Bella!**_  
_**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: SM owns Twilight.  
**

**Warning: this chapter contain descriptions of drugs and insemination techniques. **

**No animals were harmed in the writing of this story, Only joking! As yet there are no actual animals in the plot...yet.  
**

* * *

**Chapter four. Into the unknown!**

_Holey hell on a pogo stick!_

I thought that Jake's home-distilled firewater was bad, but my oh my, Charlie had managed to collect quite a stash!

There was a good kilo of fancy, hydroponically-grown, resin-laden cannabis flower-head,which was packed neatly into a large, sealable baggie.

I noticed a fancy looking glass bong, a heap of cigarette papers, lighters and then there was, mm, what looked like, some sort of ecstasy tabs and some other unknown pills.

Oh heck! What the hell was my Dad doing? And where did he get it all?

Ok, I knew he could have gotten old of this stuff, _anywhere_ in the US. I wasn't an idiot. But why? What was it all for?

Why would he need it, except maybe to maybe relieve his pain, which weren't effectively being dulled, by his prescribed medications?

He was always scarily stern with me, about using drugs all the way through my teenage years.

I was too scared to put a foot out of place with Charlie, being the Chief of Police in a small town.

More importantly what on earth am I going to do now, with this illegal stash?

I never did drugs myself, but I'd had many college roommates who did, and I always watched over them. I was always responsible and sensible, ever the designated driver, as well as the first aider. I was their first person they called when their drug sessions got way out of hand, especially when they mixed alcohol and various legal and illegal substances.

It often got _nasty...really, really nasty_ and the participants needed to go in the ambulance for a _fun_ trip to the emergency room.

I chose the safest thing I could think of.

I flushed the cannabis and pills down the toilet and put the packaging, papers and glass bong in the bin. I kept the lighters though, maybe they would come in useful someday.

I set the washing machine going, stuffed full of Charlie's sheets and decided to go eat something.

I hummed; this was great lasagne, even if I was completely biased. I liked all of the flavours I tasted, and set to, savouring my meal.

I licked my lips after I'd finished my first piece, maybe another small slice would be enough to satisfy my hunger.

Why Not? I was underweight after all!

I looked over to the sink, at all of the defrosting food and thought to myself.

_What if,_ I had a chicken or two to eat up the kitchen scraps? It might be nice to have lovely fresh eggs while I'm pregnant.

In the mean time, I scraped out the casserole dishes and put the food in the trash.

I pulled out the washing and put it in the dryer.

I found some garbage bags and decided to go through all of Charlie's clothes.

_I'll never understand why men love hanging onto so many __**ratty, **__**sad, old clothes!**_

Why he kept wearing all of these holey, old socks and undies, is beyond me! Especially when there were packets of nice, new ones, still unopened sitting in his drawers.

It was the same story in his shirts and jeans, sweats and tee-shirts. All of the old ones were his obvious favourites, and he neglected the new ones. Some still sat there with their price tags on.

_It was like he had an odd, irrational fear of __**wearing new things**__. Mad!  
_

I came to his last clothes drawer, and found some more papers and notebooks.

I bent down to gather them all together and shook my head. I stood carefully holding the precarious pile. It made me feel sad.

I wished I had a brother or sister to share this mess with, someone to moan to and have a laugh with at Charlie's odd habits and foibles, around clothes, paperwork and drugs.

I gently placed all the papers and notebooks on the dining table and went back upstairs.

I looked through the new shirts, some of them were really nice fabrics, like linen and soft, thick cotton and there were also some classic 1950's Hawaiian shirts! I know for absolutely _sure and certain_ Dad **_never_ **would have worn these!

I wonder where they came from? They might have been Charlie's father's shirts, my grandfather Swan. They were actually really cute, and almost in mint condition.

I'd seen some of these types of original, tropical shirts sell well on e-bay for big money. They might even be collectable!

I might check out their value later, it might be an interesting distraction for me, sometime later. I put them aside in my room.

All of the ok and newer clothes, went in a bag for the goodwill charity shop.

The horrible worn out items, made up _most_ of Charlie's clothes. _I really wanted to burn the damn things!_

I looked at one of the wafer-thin tee-shirts. It was so thin and soft it might make a great cloth for window cleaning and dusting.

I threw the pile of ancient tee-shirts down on the floor, and took up one in my hands and ripped it! I laughed!

_I would **show** Charlie what I thought of his **crazy hording of prehistoric tee-shirts! **_

I had a big surge of energy and picked up another tee-shirt and ripped it, and another and another.

Soon I was standing in the middle of a big pile of shredded clothes.

_ I felt great!_

* * *

At the Cullen's house we re-read the simple contract set up by their lawyer, and all signed it.

We celebrated with a nice bottle of fancy champagne, and toasted to our baby-making success.

"I was feeling excited, so I went ahead and picked up all of the supplies early; I hope that's ok Bella?"

"Sure, why not? I didn't really need to be there with you and Esme, Carlisle." I said.

"Yeah, Carlisle has been doing some great research about what other people do in this _very _same situation, and how they go about creating the best opportunities for success in the baby stakes." Esme smiled.

"Ok, tell me more." I said excitedly, the bubbles gently bursting on my nose, as I sipped the delicious sparkling wine.

"As we discussed before, we will use this great new device which uses your saliva, to accurately monitor your cycle Bella. One whole box of this will last you a year." I had a quick look at the box Carlisle held up in the air.

"Five days before your ovulation peaks, we will start using my nice, fresh semen. Happily collected by Esme and I in a condom, and we will pull it all up, into a large, needless syringe."

He held up several boxes of condoms made of silicon, rather than latex, and several, large, ominous-looking, plastic syringes, _without _the sharp needle bits.

_God I hoped those things didn't feel __**too uncomfortable**__, when I had to put them inside me! _

I looked at them a bit longer, and considered them rationally.

"I guess they aren't much bigger in diameter, than a super tampon for heavy flows." I mumbled to myself.

Esme smiled and nodded. "I guess that the first few times we do this, will feel a_ little strange_, but after a while it will be_ fine_ I'm sure!"

"So you Bella, will be waiting in the bedroom next door to us, hopefully with some music playing in a head set, so you don't get to hear _all_ of the wild stuff going on next door. Then we can suck-up a syringe full of very fresh, lively semen." he laughed.

"Esme will bring it to you. Then you will place it high up in your vagina, and as close to your cervix as possible. Ok?" I nodded.

I was really pleased the gynecologist Dr Naidoo, had showed me where my cervix was, and what it felt when she touched it. She talked me into trying to feel for it all by myself, using my fingers, and it sort of felt like, the cartilage on the tip of my nose.

_Which was **weird,** but cool at the same time._

After all the biology I had studied, it was good to know _something _really practical, about my own body.

"Once you do that, you lie down and relax for an hour to keep the semen swimming in the right direction, towards your cervix."

"We want to try and follow this sequence of events, _at least_ every two days, until a few days after your ovulation has peaked. We may need to be doing this, around five or six times every month."

"I did some research, and it shows that if you place an old fashioned contraceptive diaphragm, up inside your vagina after the semen is placed there, it will keep the sperm swimming around the cervix for longer. But I think it might be wise to try using one, only if we _don't_ have any success after four months or so of trying."

"Well, here's to us making you guys a baby!" I held up the flute. "How about I try out the saliva ovulation indicator thingy now, just to practice getting to hang of it?" I grinned.

"Great idea!" Esme bounced up, and down clapping. It was great to see her excited.

"Ok, well this indicator is supposed to be used first thing in the morning, and it has a memory chip, which processes all the information and graphs-out your cycle. It's really easy to see what's happening and when. You place this spoon shaped thing onto your tongue, and leave it there for at least five seconds."

I put it on my tongue and took it out after more than ten seconds, "now what?"

"See here, it's coming up with the reading and ... _look!_ _**You're ovulating right now!"**_Carlisle almost shouted with joy.

"Well why don't we all give the whole procedure, _our first try_ and see if we need to iron out any problems? Maybe test all of the equipment, so to speak?" I quipped; there was no time like the present!

"I'd love to, any objections Carlisle?" Esme laughed.

"Ahh, err, no... I guess not, we need to work out a good system and not be too shy with each other. So... umm, Esme, you and Bella go up and make Bella comfy and wait...maybe turn on some telly... or read a good book, or put some music on..."

"Don't worry dear, I'll make sure Bella is all fine and settled, you just go up to bed and for heaven's sake, **_stop panicking! _** And don't forget take this box of condoms and a syringe up with you." Esme winked at me.

I shrugged; she and I had become quite familiar with each other over the last little while.

Carlisle on the other hand, was still thinking in the instructing, objective, doctor mode. He hadn't made the mental shift to a happy, laid-back, relaxed state. Which he _definitely_ needed to be in... before he could have err, _lift off_, so to speak.

He blinked and laughed, "Ok, ok you're right! I'll stop worrying about running around, making everything sound just like a science experiment, and I'll start chilling out. Let's top up these glasses for good measure and drink up, to make sure we're all nice and relaxed."

Esme and I started giggling, as Carlisle made his way up the stairs juggling condoms, syringes and champagne.

"Here's cheers, once again!" Esme said to me.

"Now Bella, here's a few nice DVDs to watch, you like all of those Jane Austin and Shakespearean costume dramas right?" I nodded.

"And here are some snacks and dips, and I'll bring them up to your room for you and set you up so you're all nice and comfy. Ok?"

"Thanks Esme! You've thought of everything."

"Bring your bag, have you got your phone charged up, in case you need to make some calls?... Oh my! _I'm getting **all nervous!**_ I feel like it's my first time, all over again! Do you know Carlisle and I have never used a condom?"

We giggled again and dragged ourselves, my gear and food upstairs.

"Come on, we can do this! Show me which room you want me in."

Here I was, lying down propped up with heaps of soft pillows, in a lovely downy bed. It was the very same one that I collapsed into, after I'd found out Dad had died. I watched 'Shakespeare in Love' on the screen placed at the end of the bedroom.

I was so caught up in the plot and drama, that I didn't hear a thing going on, between either of the Cullens. The bedroom door opened and Esme walked in all flushed in the face, messy, wild bed-hair and a huge smile on her face.

"Here you go Bella, pop this in as far as you can, and settle down maybe with a pillow under your butt and only a couple of pillows behind your head. I'll come back and watch the end of the movie with you, after you put the semen in."

"Are you sure, what about Carlisle? Don't you want to err, look after him?"

Her eyes sparkled, "well maybe for a little while longer, it's _so nice_ to have him home, in the middle of the day like this! I'll bring you some lunch in a while. Don't get up now!"

"Sure, no worries!" I said cheerfully, trying to stay positive.

I looked at the syringe, took off my jeans and got right into the bed.

I pulled off my knickers and took a deep breath.

_I'll be **fine**, I'll be** fine!**_

I reached over, got the large, plastic syringe full of sperm and gently slipped it in, just like a large tampon, and pushed it right up inside of me, until I could feel something.

_I hope that thing I was feeling was my cervix!_

When I asked Dr Naidoo, she didn't feel any vestiges of a hymen, apparently I had none left, from using tampons regularly, for the last ten years.

I pushed the plunger in and breathed a sigh of relief.

_This wasn't **so bad**_**,** and far more pleasant than the one and only time I had sex, with Eric the boy-wonder.

I pushed the pillows out, leaving a couple behind my head, and put one under my rear-end. I lay back and watched the rest of the movie. Relaxing stretching and yawning.

I liked this bed. It was a good thing too, as it was _highly likely_, that I might be spending _rather a lot of time here_, whiling away the hours while Carlisle's swimmers finally meet up with one of my eggs.

The most active sperm would do a little war dance fighting together, to pierce my egg's outer coat and make its way inside, to start the miraculous process of fertilization.

I'd seen the whole thing many, many times in slides, books and movies,_ but now it was really happening...or not._

_Only time would tell!_

* * *

Please review. I love to hear what you think._  
_


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: SM is the owner of Twilight, lucky gal!  
**

**I own Rufus, and the feisty new Bella's personality.  
**

* * *

**Chapter five.**

After sharing a late lunch with Esme and Carlisle, I drove to the supermarket to refill the fridge and get some nice, new girly stuff.

For the first time in months I felt _completely_ relaxed. Shopping was a bit surreal...I was light, free and strangely joyous. Shopping wasn't usually my thing, but this afternoon, I was _actually enjoying it!_

I knew a large amount of money had been transferred into my account by Esme, straight after we had signed the contract. I was going to have money with which to cover my everyday expenses, she had insisted on giving me a _very generous_, monthly, living allowance.

Initially, my first reaction was to say that Esme's allowance was too much, but when Esme looked me in the eye sternly, and I relented.

It was good to finally agree, that living poor and _always worrying_ about spending every cent, was _really exhausting._ Now I didn't have to worry about spending moderate amounts of money for the simple things in life, into the foreseeable future. I was still going to look for something I could do while at home, and earn money.

I wasn't going to go spending wildly, but I felt excited to at least have _some things_ I'd done without, for quite a while now.

The Cullen's lawyer had started the process, to draw up bank cheques to pay off the mortgage, my student loans and all of Charlie's medical bills.

A massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and I felt _free_ _to be me. _

_Free to eat_ _what I wanted_, rather than trying to fuss over Dad's restricted palate and poor appetite.

_Free to spend a little on some nice things!_ I'd mostly been doing without. Cheap generic products were ok, but now...now I could purchase some really good stuff.

I wanted to let loose in the kitchen and taste some new things too. I missed the diverse tastes to be found at the Californian cafes and food stalls during my university years.

I wanted to eat something delicious and more expensive than I could have afforded and paid for, just only yesterday.

I went to the deli section and put some goat's milk fetta, large marinated olives and sun dried tomatoes in the shopping trolley.

Then I picked up some fresh baby spinach, large red peppers, avocados, eggplants, and some luxurious, middle-eastern staples like – flat Turkish bread rolls, almonds, walnuts, pine nuts, figs, dates, hummus, tahini, couscous, garlic, cardamom, coriander, cumin and turmeric some extra expensive, organically grown, cold pressed, extra virgin, olive oil.

_Yum!_

I looked down at my shopping trolley with a smile on my face, and went back into the produce section, to pick up some mandarins, apples and pears.

I went to the meat section and picked up some organic, free range chicken thighs, lamb and large, free range eggs.

In milk aisle I found a brand which was organic and whole fat. I laughed to myself, whole fat milk always tasted better, and I needed to put on a little weight...what the heck! I placed it into the trolley.

I have three lifetime's worth of fish eat, sitting frozen in Dad's large, box freezer in the garage. I would never need to buy any fish. I should seriously get stuck into finding new salmon recipes.

I found the prenatal vitamin supplements which I was expected to use daily, and grabbed the largest bottle. Wow, they were _expensive,_ but important, and wait for it..._I could afford them_...and most importantly they would assist in achieving good health for the littlest Cullen, once he or she finally made an appearance.

After that _thrilling_ choice, I really let my hair down and threw in some expensive shampoo and conditioner, one of those fancy, pink razors, an expensive moisturizer, yummy body lotion and body wash, gloriously soft, quilted, three ply toilet paper, quality lip balm and a great smelling deodorant into the trolley.

I laughed and felt something leak out..._oh._..gravity having its way with the sperm! I would need to use lots of panty-liners if I wasn't going to be constantly worried about my clothes. I grabbed a few packs of the nicest, most absorbent ones I could find. Shaking my head. This could go on for months, I needed to be prepared!

I stopped in front of the toothbrushes and suddenly... felt quite undecided... so many different ways to clean one's teeth... so many colours, and shapes to choose from. I smiled and grabbed an electric toothbrush, some whitening toothpaste, some fancy, flossing ribbon and some nicely flavored mouth wash.

I spotted some nice pyjamas and socks, so I bought those too. I saw some undies, and added those to my pile. I would be more than happy to give my yucky, old knickers the flick!

To say I was smiling when I went to pay at the check-out would have been a _real understatement_. I was in fact, _grinning like a crazy loon, and chuckling under my breath. _

_Buying expensive supermarket items, was giving me a **bizarre kind of high**...it was almost like winning the lottery..._

"Bella?"

I turned saw Mike Newton behind me.

"Hi Mike."

"You look really happy...even though you just buried your Dad yesterday. Is ...uhh... everything ok with you?"

He eyed me suspiciously, _like it was a** crime** for me to smile_. Although from his perspective I probably was acting really _odd_.

Shopping for groceries doesn't usually make people _ecstatic and want to dance around in public signing show tunes, like on 'Glee'!_

"Oh Mike, it's just all the emotions I'm experiencing at the moment, don't worry, I'm fine."

"Mmm, right...sure! Did you get a chance to reconsider your opinion about going out with me some time?"

_Shit! _He really _didn't get it_ yesterday, when I told him off, did he?

"Mike I still won't be dating, you or anyone else. So please just drop it, ok?"

The look on his face wasn't devastated, but it was kind of ...hopeful... like he would get me to change my mind **_eventually_**, if he _only just tried a little **harder**, and didn't give up being __**really persistent.**_

_Good grief! Was he ever going to get the message?_

I paid up and without looking back at him, wheeled my shopping trolley into the car park and started loading the groceries into my truck.

My good humour had evaporated, along with Fork's sunshine. Thick, heavy rain clouds were coming in fast.

"Damn you Newton." I mumbled under my breath.

"Oh Bella, you've finally lost the plot and have started talking to yourself now, hmm?"

I spun around.

"Well, Jessica you're still as nasty as ever, I see." I huffed, while continuing to load my shopping.

"Ha! Why the hell did you need to come back here for? Forks was doing just great without you."

"Huh, really? You must be delusional. Did someone put _you_ in charge since the last time I looked? _No, they didn't_...you know what Jess? I would have thought that you would have grown up and started acting your age by now, but obviously... you're _sadly,_ _developmentally delayed and stuck in a time warp, __**still**__ acting like the head bully-bitch_, like in high school. May I remind you that you are now twenty two years old and a fully grown adult, who should know how to act?"

She looked a little shocked.

"Jess, why don't you cut the crap and get out of my way. I've got much better things to do, than stand here and be verbally harangued by a _toxic, small town __**parasite**_ like you."

Jess started opening and shutting her mouth, like a stunned mullet. _It was **priceless!**_

I jumped in Bertha, and started her up. Her engine was still as loud as ever. She was a big, red, loud beast.

Jessica was still standing there in shock.

Apparently no-one had ever given her any biting come-backs, or called her on her shitty attitude.

I laughed aloud, reversing out of my spot and watching, as she started getting all wet. The heavens had opened, and the rain pelted down in buckets.

Jess looked _exactly_ like a freshly caught mullet now!

I laughed and laughed!

_What was **with** me today?_

Ok, let me think...

First, Dad dies in pretty bad circumstances.

Second, I'm now officially a surrogate for the Cullens. I'm ovulating and currently Carlisle's spermatozoa is leaking out of my girly bits.

Thirdly, Mike and Jake have tried to pick me up and won't take_ no_ for an answer.

and Fourth, Jess and Lauren are _**still**_ the town's, most horrible, scraggy-assed bitches.

Yep, that's about it...

Except I've suddenly had some sort of **_emotional transformation_**, and am now, for the first time ever in my life..._scarily assertive_ and quick with wonderful, witty, cutting come-backs!

Some veil had apparently lifted, to reveal_ the snarky, steely, take-no-prisoners Bella Swan_.

Maybe I'd finally cracked, and Dad's death had tipped me over into _a hard-assed, fearless...more intense, freer version of me?_

I drove slowly through the rain and pulled up in front of the house.

Luckily, the rain has eased back to a drizzle. I gabbed all of the bags. I only wanted to do a single dash, to the porch, even though my arms would be probably be pulling out of their sockets with all the weight.

I made it without slipping in the slushy mud, all the shopping and my arms happily still intact.

Looking down, I spied a couple of things sitting on the doormat.

One was an elaborate bunch of tropical flowers and a card. The other was a tiny ball of bedraggled fur.

I set down the shopping bags and knelt down to examine the soaked fur ball.

It made a tiny little noise. I was curious...I touched it... it was... a very, very wet kitten. Poor thing was in danger of getting hypothermia.

I picked it up, it opened its eyes and looked at me and made another tiny noise. I melted...poor baby! I stuck the little thing down the front of my tee-shirt and unlocked the door.

I kept the kitten there beside my skin to warm up, as I bought all the shopping and flowers inside. I pulled off my wet shoes and socks. I took off my wet, winter jacket and hauled all the groceries into the kitchen. The flowers could wait; I would look at them later.

The poor little kitten came first! Occasionally I would feel the fur ball move, as it slowly unfroze itself. I chuckled.

I put the food away and put on the kettle for a hot drink for myself, I was cold too.

Now, what the hell could I give this kitten to drink? It was probably still too young for solid food, I wonder where its mother was and if there are any more kittens somewhere nearby? I wonder how it got to be all alone?

I knew my fancy full-fat organic cow's milk wasn't going to be good for the kitten's digestive system...I needed the advice of a veterinarian.

Oh! That's right! I had a vet right next door! I put her number in my phone, right after I moved back here to look after dad. She said I could ring her in an emergency...

I rang explaining my predicament and she was more than happy to help me. She had a heap of kitten stuff stored at home. I heard her knock at the front door and I welcomed her in.

"Hi Angela, it's good to see you again."

"Ok, where is this little kitten?" She smiled. "I've found this stuff in boxes stored in my garage. It'll help with caring for a new kitten."

"Wow, thanks Angela... he or she is still down my tee-shirt, let's go into the kitchen and we can have a look at my little, wet waif, over a nice cuppa."

"Sure that's great!"

She looked down at the flowers still sitting by the door. I picked them up, looking at large arrangement quizzically.

_Who would send fancy, tropical, garishly bright flowers to me, just the day after Dad's funeral?_

"These were on the doorstep as I arrived and I haven't had any time to bring them any further than the front door...what with all the groceries and a wet, half frozen kitten to look after." I shook my head.

"Come on, its cold and we can warm up in the kitchen down here." I led the way.

The poor little guy wasn't too happy about being pulled out of my shirt, into the cooler temperature of the kitchen, with two giants looking at him.

He hissed and tried backing up away from Angela, but luckily she knew all about handling furious fur balls.

He was a _he_, that much was obvious, and his coat was quite long, and he looked twice the size, now that he was all dry.

Angela, giggled, and scuffed him by the neck.

"Alright let's see...he's around six weeks old, so that's good for you, he can be fed solid food as well as this kitten milk I bought over, from a dish rather than a bottle. So it will be less work for you."

"He's in pretty good shape, and just hungry. He's also got fleas, and probably worms too, so let's fix that right now."

She pulled out a small tube and placed a dot of liquid on his skin at the back of his neck. Then she got a small, plastic syringe and squeezed some paste into his mouth. She gently held his mouth shut while he was forced to swallow the worming paste.

"I know, you don't like the taste of the worming mixture, do you little fella?" She smiled at him.

She let him go and he shook his head and blinked at us wide eyed and unsure of all of the fuss.

"What are you going to call him?"

"Hmm, looks kind of like...a Rufus...yeah I think the name suits him. What do you think Rufus? Do you like your name?"

He looked at me and backed off as I went to touch him.

"Where do you think he came from?"

"He might have been from a litter which was borne to a stray female cat I found. She had been run over by a car or truck sometime yesterday. She was dead by the side of the road and was obviously still nursing. She looked like a stray, without a collar. So, you are now the proud new owner of little Rufus." Angela smiled.

"Ok, we can get used to each other, can't we little fella?" I muttered.

I picked him up by the scruff of his neck. He looked at me like I was _the enemy_. I laughed and patted him; he wasn't sure about me at all.

I rubbed his head and ears and put him back inside my tee-shirt.

"I'll need to wash myself and my clothes to make sure I'm not carrying fleas. That flea treatment will resist any new fleas and break their breeding cycle right?"

"Yeah you need to apply it every month to keep on top of them, but it's much better than the old washing and powder treatments they used to have for cats."

"Lastly, here's a small litter tray and some kitty litter to start you off. Where are you going to feed him?"

"How about in the laundry?"

"Put this tray near his food bowl, and put him in it, straight after each meal, he'll soon get the idea of how to use it, most cats are pretty easy to toilet train."

"Thanks so much Angela! How much do I owe you?"

"Don't worry about it; I've got all of that stuff from the sales reps, which constantly drop by my clinic. My old cat can only use _so many _new samples and I'm more than glad to help you, especially since you only just had your dad die. It must have been hard coming back here to care for him. Charlie was a good neighbour, but a little on the unsociable side sometimes."

"Ha! No kidding! He was my Dad and I did love him, but _sometimes_ it was like trying to get _blood out of a stone_, trying to get him to open up and just talk. He would never, ever tell me how he was feeling, and although I knew he was depressed, it was a bit of a shock that he attempted to end his own life, with a bottle of whiskey and swallowing all of his medications, on his last night here."

"Oh god, that's awful Bella!"

"Yeah, it was even crazier, because I didn't hear him all night, and stupidly thought that he was sleeping peacefully. When he was really trying to end his life. I feel a bit guilty for not stopping him. I had no idea he even had a bottle of Jake Black's home distilled hooch in his room, it must have been hidden, along with his stash of contraband I found yesterday."

"Oh Bella, it wasn't your fault, you did everything you could. He knew what he was doing. I'm sure Charlie made his choice, it wasn't your responsibility."

I started crying. Angela came up and hugged me. Rufus meowed loudly and we both ended up chuckling, he didn't much like being squashed.

"Sorry little fella!"

While I lay down some newspaper, and set up Rufus' litter tray, food bowl and a milk dish, Angela sat and relaxed in the kitchen.

With a little canned kitten food and some kitten milk in his dishes, I placed the little guy in front of them and stood back.

He meowed and didn't know what to do. I guess that he'd never eaten from a bowl before, if his mother was a stray.

I picked him up and placed him closer to the food. Still he had no idea.

I put my finger in the milk and then touched his nose. He licked it and started purring excitedly.

"He really loves the milk Angela." I called out to her.

I got him close to the dish and bought his nose to touch the milk. Initially he resisted me, but then he licked again, and then got the hang of drinking out of a bowl.

_Bingo!_

"He's got it!" Angela noted with a smile, watching Rufus from the doorway.

He couldn't get enough of the milk and drank it all up, licking the bowl clean.

I thought he might like the food too, so I did the same thing and he got the hang of it fairly quickly.

I laughed and he looked very satisfied and full. His tummy was so full, that it bulged!

"Very good Rufus! Now for your next lesson, toilet time!" Angela and I chuckled.

I placed the well fed Rufus onto his litter try and stood back. He meowed and tried to follow me.

"Ok little fella, now when you need to do your business, this is how you do it."

I sat him back on the litter and got his front paw and did a scratching action with it, I showed him again with the other front paw.

"See?" I told him.

I stood back near Angela and let him try it out for himself.

"Hey Ange, want to stay for some dinner? I'm getting hungry, and I picked up some great food at the supermarket."

"That would be great! I only seem to eat toast and packet soup if left to my own devices on the weekends. _I can't cook to save myself!_ So anything I eat which I haven't tried to make myself, will be _more than fine_ with me Bella." Ange laughed and shook her head.

We heard a tentative scratching, and I turned to see Rufus getting right into making a nice mess scattering the litter around, he squatted down, looking very thoughtful.

"I think we have success!" Angela whispered.

"That's excellent, good job Rufus!"

I set out some spices and the chicken, and chopped up some onion, garlic and put together a Moroccan flavored dish, and placed it in the oven. One day I dreamed of buying a nice Targine, in which to cook long, slow dishes in true Moroccan style.

While I was busy with cooking, Angela held Rufus in her lap, he settled down to sleep.

We chatted away, like we'd known each other for years. I felt so comfortable and relaxed around her.

There was a lot we had in common; we both had a great interest in all of the life sciences and the environment. We both enjoyed going on long forest hikes and bird spotting.

I told Angela about some of the work I had done monitoring and researching, the various seabirds on the Californian coast.

She was excited and told me about some of the local bird colonies here and on the coastline around La Push, particularly the skuas, petrels, albatross' and shearwaters, not to mention the various gorgeous raptors.

She and I both found that we had a _great passion_ for all of the eagles, falcons, hawks, kites and others types of raptors that were to be found all here in the Pacific north-west.

I started scratching my midsection, and pulled up my tee-shirt, to find out that I'd been bitten by ..._**fleas!**_ Oh God, I completely forgot that I had put my _little furry fleabag_ down my shirt! I was probably full of the biting nasties. I had to act fast, before they spread any further.

"Ange, please stay here for a little while. I've got to jump right into the shower, and wash myself and these clothes, quick smart! Damn fleas!"

"Sure, sure, I'll just dash go home and bring back a nice bottle of wine to go with our meal, your chicken dish smells delicious already, I can't wait to try it."

"Oh that would be great! I'm not much of a drinker, but a small glass won't hurt me especially if I eat something with it."

"I can bring you something else to drink, if you want?"

"No, I think I would rather like a little wine tonight, please don't go to any trouble though. I'm easy to please."

"Ok, here's your baby, I'll see you in a while." she handed me Rufus; he was still curled up fast asleep.

_He's as cute as a button! I love the little critter already. So soft and ginger with little white socks and white stripe down his nose._

I put him down on an old, woolly sweater of Charlie's and he kept right on sleeping.

Ange went out the back door, to go to her place next door. I quickly took most of my clothes off and threw them in the washing machine and made my way up to the bathroom.

I gave myself a good scrub with my lovely new body wash, shampoo and conditioner and shook my head, when I thought about this morning.

Laying there in the Cullen's spare bed, holding in Carlisle's sperm, while they swam around and got well acquainted with my cervix and my ripe egg sitting up in the lining of my uterus.

_Crazy!_

I was going to repeat the whole thing, in two day's time. Esme was hopeful we would have a good result. I wasn't sure how long it would take.

Maybe it would work, maybe not.

As I came out of the shower, there was a loud knocking at the door.

_Crap! I wonder who that could be? My hair was still dripping, and I was wrapped in a towel. Damn!_

The knocking continued, getting more loud and intense.

I threw on my long robe and ran down the stairs, still wet.

"Ok, ok, I'm coming! Hold your horses! I'm coming!" I yelled to the loud person making a noise at my front door.

I threw the door open and came face to face with Mike Newton. Drunk as drunk, standing there breathing beer fumes on me and holding a sad looking bunch of daisies.

"Mike?"

"Bella, please forgive me! I need to make everything right with you. I can't go on... without knowing that you'll _never_ forgive me..."

"Mike what are you talking about?"

"What I did in high school, it was terrible, and today I finally realised the gravity of it! Bella, I treated you _so badly_, just letting Jess and Lauren get away with all of their crappy behaviour. _I should have **stood up** and defended you, but I didn't have the guts. _Please, please forgive me, I was stupid and thoughtless and _**afraid**__ of them."_

"Ok, if I forgive you will you go home and sober up?"

"I guess ...wait ... does that mean we're friends now?"

"I don't know Mike... acquaintances maybe."

"Oh... right, well do you want to go out with me now?"

"No Mike, I don't. Don't ask me again, it's getting really monotonous having to say _**no**_ all the time."

"Well change it to a _**yes!**_ I really like you Bella, we could be good together."

"**_No means no Mike!_** I'm going back inside now, goodbye Mike, now _please _just _**go home!"**_

I closed the door on him, his beery breath and sad, wilting daisies. I leant against the door, shaking my head at the sheer, unrelenting persistence of his actions. He mumbled a few things, before I heard his footsteps stumbling down the path and back on to the road.

I peaked at him through the front window; he was walking back to his parent's house. I was relieved he didn't get behind the wheel to drive anywhere.

"Good grief, he's just too much!" I muttered and pulled my robe tighter around me.

"Bella? Where are you?"

"In here Angela, I'm just making sure Mike Newton has left."

"Why?"

"He was just here at the door, making a big, noisy, drunken, pest of himself. I managed to send him on his way home to his mama, thank heavens!"

"Ha! He's that blond one who acts just like a golden retriever right?"

"Yeah, have you met him?"

"Oh yeah, when I first moved here he wouldn't leave me alone."

I chuckled, "he's kind of like a sticky, Cling-on ...it's like it doesn't matter _**how many** times_ I say no, _he just **doesn't listen**_. What's with all the guys here in Forks? Jake did the same thing at the funeral."

"Oh it's because of the mating imperative and achieving greater genetic diversity. When most males see a new female, they suddenly get an irrational impulse to spread their seed." Angela rolled her eyes and smiled.

I chuckled, "well I guess you're right there, but the thing is my eggs _aren't available_ for their ...err ... seed. I'm rather fussy, about who I let into my bed. Mike and Jake really don't cut the mustard, I'm afraid." I learnt my lesson with Eric the five-second boy-wonder. The only male in bed with me would be Rufus.

"Come on, dinner smells like its ready, I'm going to put on some clothes and dry my hair. I'll be down in a jiffy."

"I'll pour us some wine."

We ate and drank and talked and laughed. The rain bucketed down outside. When it came to going home, I lent Angela my big umbrella and she hugged me goodbye.

_What a day!_

I got a new, furry, baby boy called Rufus, a great, new friend called Angela, I was a deliciously warm and full of Moroccan chicken and hopefully Mike Newton would leave me be, in peace.

I gathered Rufus up after saying goodbye to Angela, and looked over to the tropical flowers. I pulled out the note.

_'Bella, we've been thinking of you. _

_Enjoying my time in the Bahamas with Phil! _

_Come and visit us when you finally leave Forks._

_There is plenty of sunshine and fun in Florida! _

_Cheers Renee.'_

I couldn't believe it! She _**knew**_ Charlie was gravely ill, and then in ICU in a comatose state. I had rung her, and left a message a few days ago when he died.

_She never even bothered to mention Charlie and his death._

_I never got a phone call; looks like these flowers were her **strang**e way of coping with the situation._

_She was **scared** of getting old and dying after all._

_ Why even **bother** to send these **ridiculous **flowers at all?_

I huffed.

_I don't think I'll ever understand my mother, not that she was ever really much of a nurturing kind of person. _

_Ha! More like an egg donor with a bad attitude!_

"Let's go to bed Rufus, it's been one hell of a day!"

* * *

Please tell me what you think, I adore your reviews!


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: SM owns twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter six.**

I awoke with a tiny, furry paw swatting my nose. What the...? Oh yeah...it's Rufus!

I wiggled my arms out from under the covers and patted his head. He meowed; I guess he must be hungry. Ange did say something about kittens needing smaller, more frequent meals than adult cats.

"Come on baby, let's get you fed and I'm sure you need to go to the loo by now too, I know I do."

I held him in my hands, he was too small to try coming down the stairs all on his own. He ate and drank like the starved waif that he was, and then did his business in the litter tray, like a pro.

Well, apart from his excited attempts to dig his way to the bottom of the pile of litter, he was as good as gold.

"Rufus that's great, you got the hang of it so quickly!" Said I, the proud mama cat.

I had my breakfast, after doing the saliva indicator, measurement thing, which told me that I was still ovulating. The Cullens and I had agreed to see each other tomorrow.

Today I was free and I thought about what I needed to help me get some other paying work apart from Esme's allowance. It needed to be work which I could do from home, and that wasn't physically stressful, and preferably work which kept my brain active.

I knew there were some great online job sites, but my prehistoric computer was pretty much due to die anytime soon. I didn't even trust the damn thing to send me my e-mails properly.

I took a breath and decided to go and pay for something better.

I needed to upgrade _soon_, to obtain something new, something that worked, that was light and easy to carry. Should I think buying a new laptop or a fancy i Pad or an equivenant android?

I would definitely need to upgrade my Internet provider too, and buy an upgraded modem with WiFi. While I was thinking about it, I should also replace my crappy, old printer.

Mmm, looks like I'm going to have a trip into Port Angeles today. They have a couple of good computer stores in town there now, and I'm sure the shop assistants could offer me suggestions as to what I needed to buy.

It was dawn, and Rufus and I were enjoying our breakfast. The sky was unusually clear, with deep pink and rose lighting up the horizon.

On a whim, I decided to ring my old environmental science professor, we got on like a house on fire and I knew he would be up really early at dawn, counting birds.

I know it sounds _odd_, but it was his long-time passion, monitoring populations of seabirds, he had published some studies on their decline in numbers over the years.

He and his wife lived right on the coast, near a large bird rookery. He did his bird count daily, without fail. The only ever times, he missed his bird count, was when he was out of the state at a conference, or was severely restricted to bed. Like after he experienced a massive coronary, and his wife and doctor _made_ him stay in bed, instead of gallivanting around the countryside and cliffs, with his binoculars and a notebook, counting birds.

"Yes?" I heard the wind blowing, through the mouthpiece; he must have been on a windy stretch of coast, probably standing on his favourite cliff top.

"Prof Aro, it's me Bella Swan, how are the Tufted Puffins and Storm Petrels this fine morning?"

"Bella, how the hell are you? It's like you just dropped off the radar, where are you? I haven't seen you in months!"

"I'm in Forks, Washington; you know where I grew up? I had to come home to care for my Dad, he died last week."

"Oh, that's sad, how are you coping? Are you coming back to give me some help here? I'm not getting any younger, and Pia is complaining about me not retiring as soon as she wants."

"Oh?"

"Yes, she wants me home, where she can make me grow ... petunias and help her knit throw rugs or something awful. She wants me to settle down! I told her I'm the kind of guy, who _no matter how** old** he gets_, _doesn't want to be __**fenced in**_... and that I _really **hate**_ those stupid god-damn petunias."

Poor Sulpicia, she was a lovely lady, who worried constantly about her husband falling off a cliff, during his early morning bird count.

"Really?"

"Yes, so Bella when are you coming back to finish you studies? I have some great projects for your honors project, you could take your pick, being my favourite student and top of the class four years in a row."

"Well Prof, I'm busy with things here, and its very likely that I'm going to be stuck here in Forks for a while. What I was ringing about was... to see if you needed some administration or marking work done? I need something I could do on-line and send back to you, via e-mail... or maybe you know of someone else in the department who wants some work done?"

"Hmm, what?... marking or reviewing papers for me, or maybe setting up my course work on line, for those students who study by distance?"

"Yeah, I know there wasn't any work available a few months ago, when the Uni had all of those financial cutbacks, but maybe that kind of work could benefit both of us, if you have any Prof."

"Sure, they keep_ pressuring me_ to get up to scratch with all this_ fancy, new-fangled, on-line stuff,_ in order to make the university more efficient, and bring in more on-line students...but it's getting _too much_ for me Bella. On top of that, my eyesight isn't what it used to be, and all of that reading I have to do for the student's exams, reports and research papers _is driving me __**nuts.**__"_

"Uh..."

_"Yes, I've got it!_ I'll pay you a wage, out of my discretionary budget. You can assist me, in getting on top of my entire under-grad, student marking to begin with. After that, we can get stuck into placing _all_ my course work into the correct on-line format, and meeting the university's strict requirements for their distance ed. students. That way... _**I** get to keep my job, and **you** get some work too!_"

_"**Really**? You'd do that for me? Thanks so much! It** really** means a lot to me Prof._ There might even be some occasions that I can travel down to see you in Monterey and see you for short periods. Then we can get this work sorted out face to face." I squeaked in excitement.

"I think that would be _perfect _Bella! I could stop worrying about the higher ups being on my back, and you could keep in touch with the latest goings-on around campus, as well as help an old guy like me out."

"Prof, you're not even eighty yet! You aren't really old, until you turn the big eight zero you know!"

_"Well, I sure feel it!_ So I'll send an e-mail, with all of the job details we just discussed. I'll set up Gianna with your details, so I can employ you properly. Would you be able to come down to see me some time next week?"

_I should have finished my first lot of inseminations with the Cullens by then. I would be free to do my thing for a week or so, until I needed to be back in Forks, for the next round._

"I'll be able to drive down and see you, by next weekend, is that ok?. Can I stay at your place while I'm there Prof?"

"Yeah, sure, there's always a bed here at Casa di Volturi for you Bella! If Pia found out you were staying somewhere else, I wouldn't hear the end of it!"

"Is it ok, if I bring my new kitten Rufus? I adopted him just yesterday and he's still really a tiny baby."

"Sure as long as he leaves my puffins and petrels alone, he's more than welcome. Pia loves cats; she'll probably want to knit him a little coat while he's here." Aro chuckled.

"Thanks, I can't wait! I should be arriving there on Saturday afternoon."

"Ok, I look forward to it my dear, see you then, ciao Bella!"

* * *

I made up a warm bed for Rufus in the laundry. I was hoping he would be ok for a couple of hours while I was away, buying a new computer and printer setup.

My phone rang, it was Esme.

"Esme, hi."

"Hi, how are you this morning?"

"Fine, I'm just about to go off and shop for a new computer in Port Angeles."

"Oh, ok...um I was wondering... if you would like to... maybe... come by this morning while you are still ovulating, and do another session with us? Carlisle is working the afternoon shift permanently now, so we can see you in the mornings, and we don't have to try and juggle his work around your cycle."

"Well, ok that could work. I'd be glad to."

"And while I think about it, Carlisle has access to lots of nearly new computers from the hospital, as they are forever upgrading them. I'll see if he can get you a nice one with his staff discount."

"Esme, that's not necessary."

"Oh but I don't mind! I want to help!"

"We'll talk about it when I get to your place, ok?"

"Sure, sure!"

_I huffed, it was lovely that she was thinking of doing this for me, but it felt a little...motherly, or ...controlling or something._

_Wait! I had to __**stop**__ myself getting all grumpy and negative, just because she cared and was generous._

_We __**had **__to get along and be happy in each other's company; otherwise, this surrogacy situation would get **really weird, really fast.**_

_I just wasn't **used** to being fussed over and nurtured. My parents **never did**, it was a complete __**novelty,**__ something strange and new, having someone else anticipate and care about my wants and go out of their way for me. To make me a priority, a valued important person in their lives.  
_

_If I just relaxed and went with the flow, I'd be more likely to get pregnant, and more likely to have a __**successful **__outcome for them, rather than if I was tense and struggling with the situation._

I breathed slowly and deeply, letting my mind relax.

I topped up Rufus' food and milk, and placed a couple of hand-warming gel packs, into his bed with Charlie's old sweater.

I placed him there so he could enjoy the warmth and patted him.

"Its ok sweetie, I'll only be away for a little while, you can keep nice and warm in your new bed."

_He purred loudly, he seemed to have accepted me as his...surrogate mother! _

_I laughed to myself... it was incredibly ironic that I was doing this on __**two fronts,**__ for both Rufus and the Cullens, within twenty four hours of each other._

_What was the universe trying to tell me I wonder?_

I _also_ had the promise of doing some excellent, mind stretching, paid work from home! Yay!

Things are really looking up.

* * *

Things went pretty much the same this morning, as yesterday's insemination session. Except for the champagne and signing a bunch of papers.

I lay back on the downy pillows and watched Keira Knightly as Elizabeth, yelling Matthew Macfadyen, the brooding Mr D'Arcy, in the 2005 movie version of Pride and Prejudice. I sighed, they were great together and the location was amazing.

I wondered if Carlisle's sperm was doing a dance around my cervix, and I hoped that it was deciding to try to move along, right into my uterus in search of my egg.

There was a gentle knock on the door, and Carlisle entered, holding something small and black.

"How are you Bella?" He asked smiling softly.

"Oh, you know, same old, same old"... I joked.

"Ha! I hope it's not getting too boring for you already?"

"No only kidding! Next week I'm going to get some paid work, that I can do at home and here, with my environmental science Professor, Aro Volturi. It will mostly be online, reading and marking papers and such, for his undergraduates. Later there's more work, pulling his whole course curriculum together, in order to present it on-line, for the distance students studying with the university. They are an ever growing sector of the student body."

"Oh that's great, it will stop you getting too bored here when you get sick of watching costume dramas, and won't be physically stressful at all."

"Although Carlisle, after 150 of _exactly_ _the **same** exam answers, _it might end up being _really monotonous_." I chuckled.

"Well, about that, I've got an i Pad here that you can have, if you want. I never use it now that I have upgraded my phone. I wiped the small amount of personal info on the i Pad, so it's yours to use as you want. If you don't want to use it, it will just sit here in a cupboard, till next time Esme has a clean out, and it will be almost worthless by then."

"Ok, ok, ...you've managed to make me feel, like I'm _somehow _doing _you_ a big favour, by taking it off your hands...how did you manage to do that Carlisle?"

"Years and years of training to get my patients to follow my medical advice...I always make them feel like they are really helping _me_, because the vast majority of people _**don't **__want to help **themselves** at all!"_

"Huh, ok that's interesting to know."

"He passed me the i Pad."

We spent the next hour looking at all of its features and he showed me how to load up some useful new apps. He had magically loaded it up with credit before giving it to me, so purchasing new apps was effortless.

I loaded up some photos from my phone, to show the Cullens my little Rufus. He came onto the screen looking as cute as ever, especially with his mouth and whiskers full of milk from his first meal.

Esme came in; she smiled as I told her about the wet, bedraggled ball that I found half frozen on the doormat yesterday.

"Poor little thing, it was wonderful Angela could help you. She's a nice friendly girl. We should introduce her to our nephews Carlisle."

"I don't know Essie; those boys aren't necessarily looking for some nice girl like Angela Webber to settle down with ...they are most probably still busy sowing their wild oats! Don't you remember what happened last Thanksgiving? With Jasper bringing one girl here for lunch ...what was her name? Alice, that's it! She was so small; she looked all of thirteen, for heaven's sake! Then some older woman called Maria, who was easily not a day younger than forty, and dressed in that tight leopard-skin top, with her assets on full display came a-knocking. She was crazy and kept coming around here all weekend, making Alice cry and trying to drag Jasper off to be with her!"

I snorted, he sounded **_absolutely charming_**... like a real wild boy! Playing _both_ ends of the spectrum simultaneously. Ughh!

"Please, don't remind me!" Esme said, rolling her eyes. "And then there are Edward's adventures, with those damn Denali triplets. I mean to say... I don't think I've _ever_ been _**so embarrassed**_. I don't know what possessed him, to think it was **_fine_ **to bring _**all**__ of the triplets_ along, camping with us. Didn't he think that we would hear _every single, little thing_ they got up to, while they were all sharing a tent? Honestly!"

I rolled my eyes, those two nephews sounded like _**disasters** waiting to happen!_ I'd make sure to warn Ange, and share the wacky stories of them and their multiple partners. So she could give them a really wide berth.

"Please don't feel you need to introduce me to them! I don't think I'm up for that sort of wild behaviour!" I pleaded in jest.

_I doubted if I would be someone who would be included in the Cullen's Thanksgiving dinners or camping trips. _

_I was just the surrogate. I needed to remember that!_

"Oh no dear! I wouldn't want you to have to deal with them like that ...they are nice boys in their own way, _except_ when it comes to making good choices with their girlfriends." Esme sighed.

"You are _**way too good** for any of them Bella!_ I would **_never _**let them get their claws into you. Anyway, you've got a brilliant academic career ahead of you; you don't want to be tied down with either of those _**miscreants." **_Carlisle said intensely, looking at me.

_Maybe I __**was **__valued by them? It sure sounded like it! Carlisle wanted to support my studies. They both did._

_Shook my head, who knows what kind of future I was looking at?_

"Do your family know you've started trying this new arrangement with me yet?"

"Umm, no not yet, we were thinking of telling them, when and if we manage to get a positive outcome. Once you get pregnant and have a healthy progression with the pregnancy...maybe we could tell them _then." _Carlisle said, I got the feeling he wasn't_ that_ keen to share the news with them right now, which was fine with me._  
_

"Ok, so no rush then? That's good, because otherwise it's going to be tricky trying to explain it. I wonder what's going to happen, once I start showing a baby-bump? I hate to think of the wacky rumours, that will be circulating madly on the grape vine around town then!

"We could have a suitable story ready, or you could go somewhere else for the last few months of the pregnancy, when you are really showing."

"I could maybe head back to Monterey California, and stay with my friends Aro and Pia Volturi, they would make sure I would be fine, until the time for the birth."

"How about we think about all of our options, and discuss them next time you come. Want to do this again tomorrow?" Carlisle asked me.

"Yeah sure, same time, same place." I grinned.

"Thanks Bella, we're really hopeful, aren't we Essie?" she nodded and they both hugged me. It was sweet.

"I'll do my best! I can only hope your swimmers know where to find my egg." I mumbled into their warm embrace.

We all started giggling.

Who would have thought, that _anything _about this process could be funny? But it was, hilarious in fact! We rolled about, laughing so much so that Esme and I ended up with tears in our eyes, doubled over, gasping for breath.

* * *

Please tell me if you are enjoying this story. I always love to hear you comments and reviews.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: SM owns twilight. I own my mistakes and all of these crazy plot twists.  
**

* * *

**Chapter seven.**

I drove straight home from the Cullen's place and found Rufus curled up, fast asleep in his bed. I had wondered if he was going to pine away for me, but it looked like he didn't panic at all, and happily got settled himself down, enjoying his bed and sleeping the morning away.

Either that, or he was _still_ getting over the trauma of losing his mother and nearly dying on my doorstep.

Most cats managed to sleep between 18 to 20 hours a day, the lazy old things! And Rufus seemed to be following in the great sleeping pattern that cats had enjoyed for eons, the whole world over.

I picked him up and held him to my chest; he woke up and started purring loudly, licking my fingers and kneading my boobs with his front paws.

"Sorry Rufus, there's no milk in there; let's get you some more to drink in your bowl." I poured out the last of his milk supply, into his dish which he leapt on enthusiastically, lapping it up like crazy thing.

"Man, you're starving! At least you have a good appetite, I wonder how big you're going to grow if you keep eating like_ that_?"

I was excited about the i Pad Carlisle had given me. I still needed to upgrade my modem, WiFi and printer so I could be fully set-up to do the work Prof. Aro promised. I rang my phone company and got set up with a great unlimited, broadband deal, starting tomorrow.

_Well, that part was easy!_

I also needed to buy Rufus a carry cage for our road journey down to Monterey in my truck, and some more cat food supplies.

"Want to try coming in my truck for a trip to Port Angeles, little man?"

"It might be good to get you used to travelling in Bertha. If I start you off young, it will seem completely normal, hanging out in a noisy, old truck travelling along on the open road. There'll be nothing to get scared about when you're older, will there?"

He purred and crawled his way out of my hands, and up to my shoulder perching himself right up there, balancing and purring loudly in my ear. He settled into my hair, enjoying the view from up high.

I laughed. He and I were going to get on fine.

I looked around and saw the old drapes in the living room, I'm sure those things must be as old as the house, and packed full of dust and cobwebs.

I'm pretty sure, that if I tried to take them down and wash them, they would disintegrate in the washing machine.

I thought about finding something nice, to put up in their place. Maybe some of those nice, light, pleated blinds that insulate the glass and still look nice and neat, might do the trick.

I would love to get rid of those filthy, drab, old curtains.

And the beige paint in the living-room, was looking the worse for wear, it was in great need of a fresh coat in a nice warm colour.

Dad's many stacks of fishing magazines and dusty fishing trophies piled up around the room, could be stored somewhere else. As well as, his hundreds of old video tapes, cassette tapes and vinyl LP records. Dad wasn't much for upgrading his sound system or movie watching.

I was sick of that dusty, prize-winning fish sitting open mouthed and stuffed, in its ornate, gold frame right over the fireplace,_ in pride of place_.

I was even sicker of all of my faded school photos, _each one looking **sadder** than the last_. I was a homely looking kid, skinny, freckle-faced, with thin, lanky hair and big brown eyes.

Not to mention the photos Dad _still_ displayed of his wedding day with Renee! The poor guy _never_ got over her, and even insisted on wearing his wedding ring, long after the divorce. He was faithful to the last, having been buried with it on.

I huffed not much has changed with me and my face either, especially my general awkwardness. I still have similar features to my school photos, including the heavily freckled face, pale skin, and lank hair.

Not much I wanted to do about my looks. I'm sure it would just feel like pushing a boulder up a hill, if I ever started worrying about 'looking good and fitting in', nothing would ever stay in place, and I'd be**_ forever_** fighting my natural, plain face and hair._ Just like fighting gravity._

Looking at the stained carpet, I thought how nice this room could look with some new carpet or some other floor covering instead. New floor coverings would really cheer this place up, as the old carpet was so full of dirt and dust.

The crappy old vacuum cleaner was much, much older than I was. Knowing Charlie, it was probably second hand when he first got it, just after he and Renee moved in here. It _so_ needs replacing...

I started a list of things that really needed doing, around the house.

I needed to think though; did I **_actually_** want to stay here for the long term?

After the Cullen's baby finally came into the world, I would be free to stay or go.

_Would I sell this place? Rent it? _

_Should I keep it or let it go?_

_So many __**choices!**_

In the mean time, I could at least buy a new vacuum cleaner. I could easily take that with me if I left here. It would be great to see just how much dirt I could shift out of these carpets with a new cleaner, maybe that's all it needed..._ a really thorough cleaning._

I could look into steam cleaning the carpets too and see if they came up looking any good, they might even be ok without all the stains, dust and dirt.

The paint, carpet and curtains were something Esme could advise me on. That's her specialty after all.

* * *

Rufus was as pleased as punch, to be riding in Bertha the truck. He was stuck up inside my tee-shirt again, and he purred all the way to Port Angeles.

_I loved how happy he made me, just by being his furry little self._

First stop for me and Rufus, was an appliance shop going out of business with tons of heavily discounted floor stock. I picked up a fancy cyclonic vacuum, a steam floor-cleaner and a top of the range juicer, _really, really cheap_.

Next, I scored some good, basic computer gear and the young shop assistant offered me a new laptop, which was slightly out of date and also heavily discounted.

I'd spent _far less_ than I thought I would need to, so I counter-offered a lower price for the laptop, and he agreed.

_I was overjoyed!_

I now had some great new gear, which could help me earn a nice living, as well as keep my brain firing on all cylinders, while I stayed in Forks being a surrogate.

The shop guy helped me to the truck and loaded it into the cab for me. I thanked him, and he got a strangely familiar, determined look on his face, and asked me if I wanted to have coffee with him sometime...

When I turned him down as gently as I could, and he looked rather forlorn. I showed him Rufus, who was still snuggled down in my shirt, and that seemed to cheer the shop guy up considerably.

Maybe it was seeing me pull something out of my shirt giving him a glimpse of my bare skin, which did the trick cheering him up, who knows?

I left my truck in the parking lot and went into the pet store, a few doors away from the computer place.

I found a cute, washable, carry bag, which didn't look like a prison and it was perfect for Rufus. I loaded up my shopping basket with some kitten food, milk, a brush and a nice, gold collar with a bell.

Lastly I needed more kitty litter. The little guy was going to use up the small amount of litter we had, the he was going. I should be grateful that he was really great at using his litter tray, and had not gotten confused as to _where_ to go...when he _needed_ to go.

I got a pooper-scooper too, handling animal scat wasn't something new to me being a biologist, but cats naturally carry parasites that can seriously harm unborn babies. I wanted to play safe when emptying his tray and not catch something like toxoplasmosis, _that would be horrible and **tragic**_.

I loaded all of Rufus' gear into the truck cab and laughed at the funny reaction he got inside the pet shop, when I revealed to the girls there, who I had hiding down, inside the front of my shirt.

They offered to engrave his name and my phone number on the tag of his collar, while I was there with him. While we waited, another girl brushed him with his new brush, and he purred and purred, charming her with his _general gorgeousness_. His coat puffed up to twice the size, with all the loving attention.

He now looked like a ginger, powder puff wearing a new gold collar...hilarious!

As we left, and his new friend with the brush ended up giving Rufus a catnip-stuffed toy mouse to play with. He couldn't stop licking it and purring even louder.

I placed him in his new carrier with his new toy and he happily obliged settling inside it, nice and secure, without a single complaint.

He was too easy! I was so glad I didn't have to struggle with him to get him to travel in a carrier.

* * *

After arriving home, I set my new computer gear up in Dad's old room. The room had excellent views of the neighbourhood, and the sun streamed through the windows. I looked around, determined to get his old bed and chest of drawers out of the room, on order to turn it into a proper cosy office.

I would need some help shifting the bulky furniture down the stairs. I could store it all in the garage, until I worked out what to do with it.

The curtains and carpet would need a seriously, good clean, if I was to keep them and not rip them out, and it was a great chance to try out my new steam and vacuum cleaners.

I was busy vacuuming, making good headway in the heavy dust and cobwebs, when Angela called out to me. She must have been knocking on the door and I didn't hear her over the noise I was making with my fabulous new machine.

"I'm up here Ange, come on up!" I hollered.

"Wow, look at you, you _busy woman!_ Can I give you a hand with anything?"

"That bed frame and chest of drawers, need to go downstairs. Are you up for a little_ heavy lifting?_" I waggled my eyebrows, joking with her.

"Yeah, no worries, we can do this lot easy. We'll just pull the bed frame all apart; smaller bits are always much easier to handle. Where do you want to put them?"

"I was going to store them in the garage."

So we did just that, Angela was surprisingly strong, and we set it down in the messy old garage.

The job of cleaning up that garage chaos, could wait another day. I guessed it would take _at least_ a week's hard slog, to sort through it all.

Charlie's mattress could go to the dump, it was disgusting. I wasn't going to store it, that would have been _ridiculous_. We left it outside, propped up against the side of the house.

I had heard somewhere, that after only ten years, a mattress will have _doubled its weight_ from all the extra skin cells, dust and mites living in it.

Charlies mattress was _at least_ twice that old.

_**Gross!**_

I invited Angela for dinner, she agreed. It was the least I could do, to thank her helping me with moving that furniture.

I assembled a lamb and veggie curry, with some slow cooked, brown rice.

The curry turned out thick and fragrant, _so delicious_ that we both had second helpings, it was_ that good!_

Rufus entertained us with his mouse, dragging it around, with it's tail between his teeth and straddling it's stuffed body either side of his legs, as he awkwardly tried to walk around holding onto it. He was in love with his toy, and we laughed at his antics, licking it, rolling around with it and cuddling up to it.

Angela hugged me tightly as she left.

"You are the _best cook_ Bella, if I had my way; I'd eat here every night!"

"Really? I'd gladly have you over every night! I love your company, it makes the evenings much less lonely and I find you easy to talk to, and we have a great laugh."

"Can I come tomorrow? I don't mind helping you pay for groceries; your food makes me feel like...like I'm all alive and energized. It's so different from eating toast or cereal for dinner"

"Yeah, I know the feeling, it's great to have you here, and maybe I could show you some simple dishes to cook, for when I'm not here. Like this coming weekend, I'll be heading down Monterey, to see old my professor and his wife for a week or so."

"I'll miss you when you're gone Bella. I'll make sure to collect your mail and check that no one breaks into the house."

"Thanks that would be great! I'll do the same for you if you ever need to go anywhere."

"Ha! I'm _highly unlikely_ to want to go visit my missionary parents over in Tanzania, any time soon. Although, I'd _really_ love to go to Africa sometime, and see all the amazing wildlife there."

"Maybe we could go together and help out as volunteers in a wildlife refuge for orphaned elephants, or injured, big cats? Wouldn't that be **_something?"_** I sighed.

She kissed me quickly on the lips and smiled "yeah, it **_totally would!"_**

I watched her, as she walked into the night, back home to her place. I hugged myself, thinking about travelling around the world with Angela.

I closed the door and started locking up for the night, Rufus and I headed up to bed.

I stretched out under the covers and went into a deep sleep quickly.

_It was so bright and clear... almost eye-shockingly brilliant technicolor... I was eating rich, exotic African dishes, served in wide, earthenware dishes, while seated on big, elaborately embroidered cushions. _

_I was watching the deep desert skies become increasingly saturated with rich hues, as the stars stared coming out. _

_Angela sat by my side so relaxed and graceful, smiling and laughing as she fed me tasty morsels of the food. I licked and sucked her fingers, as she gave me another delicious taste of our food. _

_She leant in towards me and kissed me deeply, sensuously, slowly...and ever so softly. I was hot all over, wanting more, as I reached for her..._

I woke up panting frantically, my vagina all slippery and clenching in waves of pleasure and the rest of me was aching with longing and drenched in sweat.

_Holey heck! What the hell was that?_

* * *

Ha! Hope you are enjoying the story so far, like my surprise ending to this chapter?_  
_

Please leave your reviews, I love to hear what you have to say.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: SM owns twilight.  
**

**This chapter was partially inspired, by a real life situation that really happened to me when I was staying at a friend's house. I hope you get a chuckle out of it, I know I did while writing it!  
**

* * *

**Chapter eight.**

Rufus had jumped looking alarmed at my strange behaviour, as I sat up shaking my head, to clear my mind of those _vivid colours and intense desires. It was just a crazy dream!_

Angela Webber, is a good friend, someone who is just a lovely, kind neighbour!

_I like her_ _company, companionship and her great sense of humour. _

_**That's all!**_

_My mind is just playing tricks on my body, making me feel things that it shouldn't._

I huffed, it was five in the morning and I needed to pee.

I checked off the things I had to do this morning before seeing the Cullens:

Must remember to monitor my cycle, _before_ drinking anything...I could really do with a nice hot cup of coffee right now, and check my emails, while I'm at it.

Must also remember to take my supplements and start packing for the trip. I'll need to leave on Friday morning, and make a stop for the night, somewhere that is _cat friendly_...my old roommate Leah won't mind me crashing at her place, down in Devil's Elbow State Park, Oregon.

I should ring her and give her a heads up that I'm coming, just to warn her. In case she's entertaining one or more of those fellas she likes to keep around. They are _all_ tall, dark and handsome, with the most beautiful, glossy, black hair, rolling down their backs. _Grrrr...! Damn, I feel all hot again!_

When Leah and I shared a dorm room, it was constantly busy on her side. Guys coming and going, knocking on our door at all hours of the day and night. It just made me more determined to study, and my second home became the library and later, Prof. Aro's place and his quiet, little guest room.

Leah and I still managed to stay great friends, even with all the odd hours and company she kept. It will be great to catch up and see how her job as forest ranger is going.

Rufus sat snugly inside my hoodie pocket, his head poking out to catch the view. I slipped on my ugg boots, it was really frosty this morning, and the sun was _hours away_ from dawning.

Rufus tucked into his food, while I let the indicator measure my saliva...aha, still ovulating! I wondered if this do-hickey would be able to tell me if I ever got pregnant? My saliva would have changes in it too, if pregnancy was the case wouldn't it?

I'll need to ask Carlisle, I'm sure he and Esme are just a _mine of information_ regarding all the latest developments in this area.

Today, I might watch some different type of movie which includes historical costumes, while I'm lying back, letting the semen do its thing. Maybe one of the French classics, like 'the Count of Monte Cristo', or 'les Miserables ...perhaps 'Cyrano de Bergerac?' or something set in the mid 20th century, like 'Chocolat' would be good ...I could _never_ _get enough_ of ogling the delicious Johnny Depp, and _not_ just because of his excellent acting skills!

_Man! What's **happening** to me! I'm suddenly all over the place, __**longing**__ and __**lusting **__after people, who aren't even** available!** _

_I __**never**__ do this kind of thing...maybe it's all the hormones? ...but wait, I'm not taking any extra hormones!_

_Maybe it's something to do with Carlisle's sperm flooding my girly bits for the last few days?_

Or maybe it's an _odd emotional backlash_ from all the stress of Dad dying, and then suddenly being released from a life of grinding poverty?

Yes, that's probably it..._an unconscious reaction... to **all** the stress I've been under._

That dream with Angela was intense though! I so felt it _all over_...and _that orgasm!_ Mmm... I'm certainly going to have some more of _those_. That one this morning felt _**incredible!**_

_Yes, that's certainly an__** excellent **__way to relieve stress!_

_I chuckled to myself, thinking of all the fun I could give myself, **relieving the tension.**  
_

Rufus scratched around his litter box, turned and scratched some more, and then squatted, looking off into space as he concentrated on his business.

He scratched his litter some more and got out, went over to his bed on Charlie's old sweater and settled down to washing himself thoroughly.

_Ok! Focus!_

First, I need to make something to drink and take those supplements with some breakfast. Then check if I'm finally connected to the new broadband set up, and check all of my emails.

This lemon, ginger and green tea is really warming and satisfying.

I don't even _feel_ like drinking coffee now that I think about it, which is_ really weird_. I've drunk it for years, each and every morning. Now I'm suddenly _not craving it._..how odd!

These fried eggs on toast are delicious, mm,_ so_ much nicer... I just don't fancy runny yolks at the moment...like I always _used_ to have them runny, the firmer, solid egg yolks taste so much better...

My _tastes_ for things seem to be changing, that's strange.

I feel like something salty with my eggs though ...I remember tasting this weird, dark brown stuff which came all the way from Australia once... it was very salty, and spread on toast... now _what the hell was that spread called?_

Veggie...something, I'll see if I can Google it, maybe I can buy it somewhere in California, or order it online?

I remember the crazy Australian exchange student who was staying at our dorms one semester, she gave me some to try once... she called it ...veg ...vegi ...no ... Vegemite. Yeah that's it!

I feel like some of that, weird, dark, salty stuff spread on my toast and sitting right under my fried eggs, would surely make these crisply, fried eggs _completely perfect right now!_

It was weird, that I'd _completely forgotten_ about that Aussie chick, until just now. One thing I remember about her was that she was always heading off before dawn, in order to catch the cleanest, least crowded waves, in order to get back in time before class started. She always laughed, and joked around, and the boys all went crazy for her.

What was her name? Kat something... Katia! That's it, she was Australian, but with a Russian dad and a Singaporean mother, she joked in her Aussie drawl, that her parent's house always looked like it was a meeting of the united nations. A regular melting pot of cultures, languages and food.

My mind was _all over the joint_ this morning...I needed to focus!

Checking my emails on this lovely, new, fast service, I saw that Prof. had gotten all excited and organized _everything_ for me ready to sign!

Excellent I can get started the moment I get down to his place on Saturday. He's given me an approximate schedule of items that needing attending to first, especially his student marking, and later once that's finished, the whole of his curriculum needs posting correctly on the university's website, for all of the students studying off campus.

I shoot back an email, telling him I can't wait and am really keen to start.

I Google Vegemite, and find that there's a distributor who I can buy it from situated right in central San Francisco. Yay! I send them an email, telling them that I'm keen on buying some next week.

I get an immediate response back, saying they have a full range of Vegemite jar sizes, and their store's opening hours, and where to get a good parking spot close to the shop.

I reply, saying thanks and hope to see them soon and glad I was that they were so prompt in answering my inquiry.

I get another reply in return, saying they are early birds who get up _way too early,_ so they can answer their emails and Skype back home to Australia, so I was welcome and they looked forward to meeting me soon.

Another friendly Australian! I bet the whole country is happy...although I'm sure they must have a few grumpy ones, maybe the happy ones do all the travelling, and leave the sour-pusses back at home.

Leaving that random thought, I decide to try some of Dad's fish for dinner tonight. I rug up with gloves and a scarf and go out to the garage and pull a nice-sized salmon out of the big, box freezer.

I put the salmon on a long metal tray and place it in the fridge, to slowly defrost during the day. I would then stuff and season it, ready to bake whole in foil tonight. Baked potatoes, onions, butternut squash and sweet potato would make a perfect warming accompaniment with the salmon, and cook at the same time, right beside the fish in the oven.

I needed to pick up some lemons while I was out, and some more fruit. Fruit, I couldn't stop eating it! Ice cream and custard might be good too, for dessert.

I was looking forward to seeing Angela, and hoping she would like this meal. I'm sure she would, she seemed to like most thing, luckily. It was great having someone who didn't scrunch their noses up, like Charlie used to, he was such a fussy eater.

I found an empty cardboard box and pulled down all of my childhood photos and Charlie and Renee's wedding shots, it was sad. I can see why Dad kept hanging on to these wedding photos; they both look so young and happy.

_So in love._

I add all of Charlie's dusty fishing trophies into the box along with the photos.

_Damn_, the dust on these shelves is nearly an inch thick!

I seal up the box and write on the outside, what's inside it.

Now for that stuffed and mounted fish!

Its time for it to lose its position above the fireplace...Charlie was so proud of it and placed it there to show to the world what a great fisherman he was,_ the damn thing completely dominated this room_. Well, it was going to lose its _**status**_ _in the scheme of things now!_ That nasty yellow, glass eye had always given me the creeps.

As I reached up and to bring off it's hook, the dust rained down on me... Ugh! Fricken dust!

I start sneezing and sneezing. My nose streamed and eyes watered and itched.

I should organize a garage sale for after I get back, maybe Angela has some things she'd like to part with too, and we could do one together.

I put a pile of things together, ready for a yard sale, and hope that the stuffed fish gets snapped up fast, by another fishing-mad local. So that he can place in his living room to gather decades worth of dust and spook his kids.

_Sorry Dad! Please __**forgive **__me for hating your prized fish and wanting to get rid of it!_

...

As I come out of the shower, happy to get rid of all the dust in my hair, I heard my phone ringing. I rushed over before it goes over into voice mail.

"Esme? Hi, how are things?"

"Oh good Bella dear, we're wondering if you could come early this morning, like in the next half hour? Some of our family are travelling up to see us this afternoon, and it would be great to get our ...err ..._session_ out of the way, before they arrive here."

"Yeah, sure, I'm still fertile today, but I'm guessing it will fade off soon, until next month's ovulation starts. I'm good to go now. I'll come over in ten minutes, how's that?"

"Thanks dear, you have _no idea_ how much we both appreciate what you are doing for us."

"Esme, thanks, but you both have already done a lot for me, so we're all even. I'll see you real soon!"

I towel dry my hair and pull on some warm sweats.

I set Rufus down in his bed with his toy mouse and two warming gel packs, grab my truck keys, wallet and the i Pad, throw them into my bag, and head off out of the house, all rugged up.

Eight o'clock in the morning, and the sun is still trying to come over the horizon, its really frosty and the ice crunches under my feet. My breath billows out as I unlock the truck, and then it takes five minutes to warm Bertha up. The old girl isn't really happy to make a move anywhere soon, she groans loudly as I put my foot down to get her engine going. Good thing I topped up the antifreeze in the radiator.

I should look into getting chains on my tires too, ready for the winter. I really don't like this ice, driving in winter is such a pain.

* * *

Lying back on the pillows, once again full of semen... I'm completely relaxed and loving watching 'Chocolat', drooling over Johnny Depp's character the captain of the river rats. Johnny has mastered a perfect, lilting Irish accent, and sounds incredible playing gypsy jazz on his steel string guitar, I sigh.

_Marry ME Johnny!_

I hear a commotion downstairs, some voices and doors opening and shutting.

_Oh goody!_ Let's just hope the visitors _**don't**_ feel like popping in here and introducing themselves... while I'm lying full of Carlisle's sperm!

My door flies open and in tumbles a couple of very tall people, a stunning, statuesque, blond woman and a chunky, neckless, muscle-bound guy who looks something like a quarterback.

From this angle, they both seem to be well over six foot tall...

They are so focused on loudly arguing with each other, that they haven't even noticed me, lying here in the bed.

They continue verbally sparing, yelling abuse over the top of each other, and suddenly she starts stripping off her jacket, and throws it on the bed.

He pulls his sweater off and does the same. Her shoes are next, thrown hard across the room.

He grabs her, and she jumps into her arms, wrapping her legs around his middle, as they start kissing and moving towards the bed.

_I had to act FAST, before they land here on top of me._

_"Hello!"_ I say politely, trying to gain their attention.

They continue kissing, like there's no tomorrow.

_"Hey there, excuse me!"_ I raise my voice louder, waving my arms around to get their attention from my horizontal position.

She notices something and slows down, but he doesn't seem to want to stop, and forces her mouth back onto his.

_"Hey you! **DEAF HEADS!"**_ I belt out as loud as my lungs can go, while lying flat on my back.

I put my two pinkie fingers in my mouth and let out**_ a piercing whistle._**

_That noise __**finally **__gets their attention...**thank God!**_

"What are you doing here?" blonde sneers at me, lowering herself down the man's body and rearranging her clothes.

"Who are you?"he asks, looking confused.

"Why are you in our bed?"she huffs, hands on her hips.

I open my mouth to answer, when a flustered Esme rushes in and looks like she's about to unleash a scary tornado in their direction.

_"__**Rosalie and Emmett**__!_ _I_ _**told **__you, just now when you came in, to go get yourselves settled into the guest room on the third storey, this room is __**obviously **__taken...!" _Esme stares at the two of them, in fury._  
_

"Who is she? Why can't we stay here? I like this room better, can't she move instead?"

_"I want you both __**out now,**__ please stop disturbing Bella!" _Esme points towards the door._  
_

"But..."

_"__**Out!**__ I mean it!"_ Wow...Esme looks like she's about to blow a gasket.

"Ok, but I'm not happy about this Esme, why does **_she_** get priority over **_us_**, your family?"

_"I'm going to count to three and if you're not __**out**__ by then, I'll have to ask you to __**leave **__my house altogether!" _Go scary Esme! Wow, I didn't think she had it in her!_  
_

The blond glares daggers at me, huffs loudly, picks up her clothes and leaves.

The man follows her out the door, but momentarily glances back at me curiously, before the blond cuffs him around the back of the head.

Esme is red and shaking.

"Are you ok?" We both asked simultaneously.

I sigh deeply and shook my head. Trying hard to stifle a laugh, the situation would be farcical if it wasn't so _embarrassing _and _important _to Esme; I was trying to get a baby started for her, after all.

"Wow, she's charming! Which relative is she...or is it he that you are related to?"

I giggled, even though it was shocking that I had very nearly ended up being in bed with both of them, while they had frenzied, angry sex. Eghh!

_It was kind of crazy, me lying here full of Cullen sperm, with visiting relatives **storming** around the house._

"Esme?"

_Poor thing looked like she was in shock._

"Oh Bella dear, I can't even imagine what you must think of us! I'm so terribly sorry! Those two can't even take simple instructions. How they get along in life is beyond me! Please forgive me; their terrible rudeness seemingly _knows __**no**__ bounds."_

"Come and sit down, you look like you need it." I patted the bed beside me.

"Rosalie and Jasper are twins, and both are Carlisle's older brother Caius's children, there's _no excuse for their appalling behaviour!"_

"So what are you going to tell them about me? They were curious, once they actually stopped their wild, angry groping, to notice me yelling at them ...I'm sorry, I don't normally yell at strangers, it's just that..."

"They were in their own little world, yeah I know! Rosalie has _always_ thought that the world revolves only around her. She has always been rude and inconsiderate, a selfish brat, who's grown _even worse_ as the years have gone by."

"So what's the story? Will you tell them what I'm here for?"

"No, not yet, especially after her rudeness to you just now. I'll just say that you are a good friend, who stays here occasionally, if they even bother to ask, somehow, I don't think they'll try and engage me in much conversation after what just happened. She's not used to me standing up to her."

"Ok, well my cycle looks like it has nearly finished the fertile part, for this month. I'm planning to travel back to Monterey leaving early on Friday morning, so if you want me, you can call my cell or email me."

"At least it's sunnier there than Forks, and you'll be catching up with your old professor and his wife, right?"

"Yeah, he's nearly eighty and needs all the help he can get, if he wants to keep lecturing. His wife worries about him and his health, but he doesn't want to settle down and grow petunias just yet." I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

"Well, they sound lovely. You don't need to wait around here any longer if you don't want. I can bring you up, some tea and plate of snacks if you feel like something before you go."

"Oh Esme, really, it's fine...I'm fine. I just don't like to see you all upset about those two self-centered..._relatives_ of yours. Promise me you'll not wear yourself out, waiting on them hand and foot, while they are visiting you."

"Oh don't worry Bella, I'm going to make sure they apologise profusely and then take us both out for an expensive dinner, and maybe even force them to make their own bed. They have all walked over me for _long enough_, and I'm sick and tired of their behaviour! Particularly Rosalie."

I patted her knee, "way to go Esme! That's the spirit!"

"Are you sure I can't get you anything?"

"No I'm all good, thanks anyway. I'll be off shortly. I'll keep in touch while I'm away. Do you want me to strip this bed for you?" I asked.

"No I'll do it. It will help me release some of the stress I'm feeling, after all of that yelling."

I nod, "I'll get out of your hair, in a few minutes," she hugs me and kisses my head.

"I'll see you again darling, and pray that I don't go to jail for strangling my nasty niece! I'll look forward to your calm sanity and sweet gentle humour, promise to email me all the time you are gone, ok?"

Once I'm finally alone, I reach over to the bedside table and grab a panty liner from the packet I keep there, and pull my knickers back on. Then reach down to the floor and grab my sweat pants.

I wiggle my feet into my uggs and pull my hair back into some sort of order.

My hair feels a little thicker, as I drag it through my fingers...it's got more fullness, and body. Maybe it's the new hair products, supplements and better quality food I'm eating now?

I kiss and hug Esme and Carlisle goodbye. He walks me out to Bertha, and apologizes.

"Bella, the _one_ time they come here _early_, when they always usually show up late._ What are the odds?_ I'm so, so sorry, my niece has no manners. I hope you can forgive us."

I look at him and snort, "You've done nothing wrong Doc, but I'm not sure Blondie and I, will _ever_ be best buds, if you know what I mean! I think its good I'm going away for the week. Just in case she wants to have another go at me and we end up having a full-on fight, in round two. Next time, I'm hoping to at _least be** vertical!**_ It was kind of hard yelling my lungs out and trying to getting their attention, from an entirely supine position!"

Carlisle chuckled at the thought.

"I'll keep you guys posted as to what my cycle is doing while I'm away, I promise."

"You enjoy yourself while you're away Bella, and we'll see you again, say around five days before your next ovulation?"

"Sure, I'll see you both then."

"Drive safely!"

I waved my arm out of the window as I drive away. I watch as he turns back to his house, looking grim.

Gee, I wonder if Blondie is going to get finally get her comeuppance?

* * *

I set down my shopping in the kitchen and the house phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Is Charlie there?" a man asks.

"I'm afraid he died two weeks ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

There was an awkward silence...

"So ...uhh...thanks for ringing." I said, hoping to let him go.

"Ahh, sure, so what's going to happen with his house?"

"I'm living in it". I felt uneasy, who was this guy?

"Right, right ok. I should leave you to it then, bye."

"Yeah bye..." well that was weird! I could sense the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I hope that _that_ wasn't Charlie's _drug dealer_ ringing. I hope Charlie didn't owe that guy any money! 'Cause he sure as hell wasn't getting _anything _out of me!

I pulled the old, olive green, 1970's, dialing handset, out of the old fashioned phone plug in the wall. The damn thing was probably a collector's item; it would be another thing to sell at a garage sale.

I would be _more_ than happy to _not_ talk to that guy again. Hopefully he hadn't got my cell number or email. I would give the phone company notice of Charlie's death and cancellation of the service.

Let's hope that strange guy didn't feel the need to come around and make personal calls here at the house.

Rufus came racing towards me meowing. He launched himself at my legs and scrambled upward, climbing towards my shoulder.

Crazy cat! He purred in my ear, as he smooched me and rubbed himself on my neck and chin.

"Hello baby! Did you miss me sweetie?" I rubbed his little head and stroked him as he tried walking between my right and left shoulders.

We went into the kitchen; I topped up his food and milk, and put the kettle on to boil. I made myself a sandwich and found a nice apple to bite into.

Going back into the living room, I looked over to the curtains..._what to do...what to do?_

I dragged a kitchen chair over to the window and looked at how the curtains were attached to the curtain rail.

Hmm, I saw a small screw; it acted as a kind of stopper from losing the whole curtain right off the rail, when someone pulled on it.

Unwinding the screw and gently pulling it off, I was then able to take down the entire heavy, brown curtain. A cloud of dust billowed up, making me cough and splutter. Thick cobwebs were tangled around the top of the window, previously hidden by the top of the curtain. I had no idea just how thick they had built up!

These damn curtains weren't going back up, even if I did get them clean. That's for sure!

I dragged them outside, and happily stuffed them into the bin. It felt good to be free of those dark, dreary drapes.

I grabbed the broom and swept along the top of the window, pulling off the cobwebs with it.

How many years had these been up there?

I shook my head.

I found some of those tee-shirt rags, I had ripped up days ago and made a solution of white vinegar, methylated spirits and water, got back up on the chair, and vigorously cleaned the window, and polished off the streaks with more dry rags.

I ran the wet rags all over the timber work and gathered a heap more dirt and dust.

A ray of light suddenly shot through the clouds, and the room lit up.

_Oh my god! This room was **amazing** without curtains! _

_There was so much light flooding in._

_It lit up this room making it so much bigger and brighter!_

I was going to really enjoy redecorating and making it all mine.

* * *

Hoped you enjoyed that chapter.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: SM owns Twilight, lucky duck!  
**

* * *

**Chapter nine.**

The next two days I spent clearing, cleaning and then packing, ready to leave Forks.

I had to admit, the living room looked great, but a little stark without all of Charlie's clutter. I'd cleaned the carpet with vacuuming and then steam using my lovely new gadgets; and underneath all of the ground-in dirt, the carpet was _surprisingly_ nice! All of the grotty stains had been lifted by the steam cleaner and I felt a sense of achievement.

I would pick out and buy some new pleated blinds for the windows when I got back after my trip, as well as some new some new rugs. I'd been checking out colour charts for new paint, and new energy efficient light fittings, online. They would be my next choices to make.

The other great news, was the bank that had sent me the full title for the house and land, I was now officially the new owner!

It shocked me to know that little old me, was _a real life home owner!_ How ever so humble, there's no place like home..._my home!_

_No one could __**ever**__ be able to take it away from me!_

It was all mine and I would be forever grateful to my friends the Cullens, for helping me to make it happen.

As predicted, my fertile cycle had eased and I was starting to feel more edgy, just like the way I feel when I'm premenstrual... I must be heading towards a period...I guess. Well, that's what it feels like anyway.

I've read the manual for my saliva sensor front to back, and apparently, there's no pregnancy indicator on this fancy do-hickey. I guess the only way I'll find out if I'm pregnant is the old fashioned way, by missing my period and peeing on a stick.

Rufus is having fun with the vacuum cleaner, trying to pounce on it as I moved it around getting up the last of the dust, and admiring the clean carpet. It felt great under foot too.

After I switched the vac off, Rufus quickly races up my body, and perches on my shoulders, looking_ very_ pleased with himself and purring in my ear.

_**Mad cat!**_

Last night Rufus tried running up Angela's body, and freaked her out completely...she just didn't see him coming, as he ran up her back, instead of her front.

When he found her shoulder and started purring, she finally calmed down and laughed. She shook her head, wondering what crazy tricks the naughty boy would get up to next.

Rufus spent the next hour licking Angela's neck and ears, in an effort to apologize for making her squeal and freaking her out.

We all loved the baked salmon and veggies, particularly Rufus.

If a cat could smile, he would have looked like the Cheshire cat, I'm sure! He just about ate his whole body weight in baked fish, and still begged for more! Greedy boy!

I planned on pulling out a couple of big, frozen salmon and packing them with ice in the large ice chest, and taking it with me down to Leah and the Prof. as presents and to help make a small dent in the huge amount, stocked in the box freezer.

* * *

My dreams had picked up, _increasing in intensity and colour_. Every dream was _deeply moving_ and filled with some sort of _unfulfilled longing._

The oddest was the _re-occurrence every morning_, of my rise in body temperature and the strong wringing and clenching of all my pelvic muscles, waking me up in a _confused, sweaty, orgasmic mess_.

I dreamed of Angela, then Leah, and this morning was a most confusing dream... of both Esme and Carlisle hand-feeding me sweets and wrapping me tightly in their grasp, to the point where I felt smothered, but orgasmed nevertheless. **_Weird!_**

Every dream had some sort food theme and was in shocking brilliant colour.

_Was I tripping on something?_ No I'm pretty sure I wasn't, unless there was _something_ in the town's water supply. No, it wasn't that, everyone else would be acting odd too if that was the case, and so far, Forks was still as boring, unchanging and as overcast as ever.

_Was I still going through some sort of unconscious, stress reaction?_ Could be a distinct possibility?

_Was I finally having a delayed sexual awakening?_ Up until now, I'd been almost _asexual_ in the way I related to the world around me. I'd been somehow_ immune_ to reactions of this sort. No one had ever attracted me, or made me feel hot, let alone made me _dream_ about them in this way.

When I gave into peer pressure and had my _one and only sexual experience with Eric_, I wasn't so much unimpressed with the whole event; as _I was more __**upset**__ with **myself**_**,** that I thought that if I followed the crowd, I would somehow fit in.

It confirmed to me that I was not only _different,_ but that I wasn't _normal,_ and _sex just wasn't for me_.

Maybe I was wrong, and it was _the whole situation, _and _**Eric** who wasn't really right for me?_ Rather than _**me** not being right with the world,_

Maybe out there somewhere, I'd be able to find _someone_ who I actually _like enough_, to try and have a _real life relationship_ and maybe, maybe, that might _even include __**sex**_**...**_possibly even __**enjoyable, fulfilling sex**__ the kind of sex that makes **both** partners happy._

_Who knows what I was going to experience, if this crazy-waking-up-orgasm-thing kept on happening?_

Could I _cope_ waking up feeling like that everyday? Yeah, I suppose I could cope...it was kind of wild, and made my heart feel like jumping out of my rib cage...and the intensity of starting out my day _feeling like that_ was a real buzz, I have to admit!

_Is this what teenage boys feel like waking up having wet dreams?_ Maybe.

_What if it all got wildly out of hand and __**all I ever did**__ was __**crave**__ and __**long**__ for this __**intense connection and sexual contact**__...all day and night?_

I'm pretty sure that_ that_ hopefully wouldn't happen, but you do hear of women who are insatiable nymphomaniacs. I hoped and prayed that this was just a phase, and I wasn't going to become one of those women, it would be _too much!_

Let's hope it doesn't ever develop to that level, and _what ever_ is causing this change in my body, _calms down a little!_

Waking up in the morning in a sweaty mess after a wild dream, isn't the end of the world, it's just a change I suppose. Worse things could happen, like being hit on the head with a meteor.

Journaling all of the dream sequences while they are still fresh in my mind, will be a great way to figure what the hell is happening, and if nothing else, it will make good fun reading, if and when it finally ceases.

Oh, here's another great idea! I can log my cycle in the journal too, and follow to see if the dreams have anything to do my hormonal fluctuations!

Yes it's a _perfect scenario for the basis of a small scientific project_ ...on me! It's a little out of my normal field of study, but nevertheless, it could work...couldn't it?

* * *

Tonight for dinner, I'm showing Ange how to make delicious, vegetable ratatouille, served with a herb flavored couscous. Its an easy dish to master, and nutritious enough to eat as a main course on its own.

She's keen to learn, and I want to show her that her skills in the kitchen can extend to things other than toast and instant soup. She'll never survive the winter on a diet like that. She's too thin as it is!

A timid knock on the door, reveals Esme. She looks worried and I welcome her into the house.

"I'm sorry to burst in on you like this Bella. I just needed to get out of the house and get some sanity, with a nice, normal person, who I'm not related to, either by marriage or blood."

"What's happened? Did you finally crack, and strangle Blondie with her own hair?"

I tried making light of her situation, but obviously things were serious for her to be driven out of her own home.

"Oh Esme! Tell me everything! Come in and sit in my newly, cleaned living room. It's a little stark at the moment, but I can happily assure you that there's not a _single speck of dust anywhere!_ As you can see, I've been having a little bit of a cleaning frenzy, since Charlie's been gone. Let me put on the kettle, and you can share all of your worries with me."

"Wow! This room's got great potential Bella! Nice big windows, if there was a comfy window seat right under the window there, it would look _adorable_ and be a lovely place to sit in the sun to relax and read."

"That's a really great idea! Do you know any local tradesmen who could make a window seat for me?"

"No, not really, but I'll let you in on a little secret... I designed and built all of my own cupboards and shelving at home, without anyone else's assistance."

"Oh my God, Esme! Really? You _have_ to teach me how to do stuff like that! _I'd love more than anything_, how to _make stuff_ _with my own two hands_... and know that it won't fall down or break, when I use it."

"Sure, I'd love to! At the moment I'd do anything to get away from all of the drama and tension, surrounding our niece and nephew's visit to Forks."

"Well, how about I give you a spare key and you can come and hide out here, while I'm away in California? It's not as palatial as your place, but it is quiet and my neighbour Angela would be good company if you want someone to chat to."

"Thanks Bella, it means the world to me, why couldn't I have nice, normal, friendly relatives like you?"

"Yeah, I know the feeling! I wish my mom was as thoughtful and caring as you. She's still begging me to come down to Florida and hang out with her, so she doesn't get lonely while Phil tours with his baseball team. The only reason why she wants me there, is because they've _banned _her from tagging along. Last time she managed to make a big fool of herself, drinking too much and then propositioning _all of the team members_... _in front_ of the team manager, all of their wives _**and**__ her own husband Phil."_

"Ha! Gee, she sounds like she could give Rosalie a run for her money!

That girl has me so wound up, I can't think straight! She's trying to push ahead in her modelling career, but her personality is _so toxic_ that it's holding her back. She's hoping to become the next big supermodel, but she's way too demanding and has apparently thrown too many tantrums, to be offered any serious work, by the high-end designers and their agents."

"Oh right, I thought it was only the designers who were allowed to throw all the fits, and the models just wore the clothes. Kind of like... silent life-size, walking coat hangers, or something."

"Ha ha, _silent_ isn't a word anyone could ever call Rosalie! _She was __**born **__complaining!_ Well what with her _selfish personality_ _**and**_ the _extreme dieting_ to keep her stick-like appearance... is now costing her friendships, work and soon her family too. She's so _irritated and mean_ the whole time... because _she __**wants**__ to eat, but __**can't**_**.** On top of that Emmett wants to settle down with her and start a family."

"Huh, she doesn't seem like a kid-friendly kind of person Esme, maybe Emmett needs to get someone less dramatic, and more err, soft and maternal."

"That's the thing; neither can bear to be parted from the other. They love each other a lot, even though they fight all the time. She's torn between her career and motherhood."

"Can't she have both? There are lots of great models who have been both mothers and models. Look at Jerry Hall, Miranda Kerr and Claudia Schiffer, they have all modelled successfully and had kids at the same time."

"Yes, I've told her this, but she remains stubbornly immune to reason. Oh my! Who's this little cutie?"

Rufus came strutting into the living room dragging his toy mouse proudly along.

"That's Rufus my kitten, I found him on the doorstep a week ago, wet, bedraggled and nearly dead. Angela helped me revive him."

Rufus sat his mouse down by Esme's feet and she picked it up and dangled it in the air, and he chased it, leaping and pouncing on it. He rolled around attempting to kill it completely dead, before licking it into submission.

We both chuckled.

"He's gorgeous!"

"Yeah, Rufus cheers me up, just by being himself and not worrying about whats going on in the world."

"Come into the kitchen and I'll make you that cuppa I promised you."

"Oh wow, these egg-yolk yellow cupboards could be fixed up easily Bella. In fact, have you ever thought about knocking down this wall here, and then opening up this whole living space? Then maybe putting in a bunch more windows all along the sunny side of the house, and running new kitchen benches and shelving all along this wall here?"

Esme had come to life, demonstrating and explaining exactly what I'd worried and thought about doing, to make the most out of this place while I lived in it, and adding to its charm and comforts.

"Here Esme, can you draw out those ideas for me, like a sketch?"

I handed her some pens and several sheets of paper, and she got to work, making sense of my squashy living / kitchen / dining areas. Showing me how it could easily be done, so that the space was not only inviting, but vastly expanded and much more efficient.

I was amazed at what a difference her ideas could make.

"So this is all possible?"

"Mmm sure. These days, getting a pre-made set of adjustable, kitchen cupboards, sinks and shelves is so easy, it all comes delivered to your house in flat packs. New plumbing and electrical work could be put on this wall here, and you could even fit in a small pantry, and put the washer and dryer into a small, neat cupboard, to use all of the extra floor space for a bigger dining area, see?"

I nodded. Her ideas were great!

"Or if you wanted, you could add on an informal mud room / sun-room, incorporating the laundry, out on this side of the house. Expanding out here, making it a lot more easy to live in and appeal to a greater market, if you ever wanted to sell it or rent it in the future."

"Huh! That could be amazing, but what about the cost? I've still got to get to pull some savings together, for the future."

"Yes, I understand. Would you let me cost out some affordable alternatives for you and draw up some plans, maybe put together some budgets so you can see what these ideas would cost to actually build?"

"Really? Would you do that for me Esme? That would be wonderful! Are you sure it's not too much trouble?"

"Oh hell no! It will be my great pleasure! This kind of thing I love to do and I'm really good at. It keeps me from going prematurely grey,and from stressing too much, being murderously annoyed by my thoughtlessly rude relatives."

* * *

That's how I came to have two good friends, sitting at my tiny kitchen table, eating with me. Esme took the spare key with her, and a bunch of re-modelling sketches, promising to let herself in, to do all the necessary measured drawings and some research on the costing and options.

Angela was happy to get to know Esme better, and she surprised herself at the delicious food she made with me, promising to try practicing the ratatouille recipe again.

I made her take home the leftovers to heat up for her lunch.

Rufus and I made our way up to bed. I couldn't wait to get on the road tomorrow nice and early. I had set aside most of the things to take with us by the front door, including the Charlie's giant ice box, ready for the frozen fish, Rufus' food and milk, his carrier and the majority of my clothes packed in a small rucksack.

Leah was keen to see me and my new kitten, promising to introduce him to her hunting dog Marcy.

I prayed they would get on, and that Rufus wouldn't be too scared by meeting a dog for the first time in his short life.

* * *

Hi, hope you are enjoying reading this story, as much as I'm enjoying writing it.


	11. Chapter 11

**SM owns twilight.  
**

**Spooky granny stuff is about to happen, please be prepared, Bella's in for a rocky ride!  
**

* * *

**Chapter ten.**

I loaded Bertha up, leaving the ice box with the two frozen salmon in the truck's tray, so I could stop and stock up on more ice and fuel, before heading down the highway.

I kept Rufus and his toy mouse zipped up inside his carrier and my clothes, i Pad, saliva monitor, phone and a nice big bag of toiletries inside the cab.

I was getting spoiled with all of my nice new products. It was easy to enjoy the difference that I felt everyday with my hair and skin, and even my teeth.

All of Rufus' other stuff was packed away inside the cab of the truck too.

I had watched as he'd used the litter tray _before_ we left, but I was hoping he didn't need to go _too often_, and that he would let me know if he wanted to go, instead of piddling inside of his carrier.

Once out on the highway things were going great dong a top of sixty miles an hour, until Rufus meowed in warning, to let me know that he wanted to use his tray.

We stopped at a park beside the highway. Rufus was a real trooper easily adapting to the concept of doing his business, while in slightly unfamiliar surroundings. He got into the swing of it, without so much as a single grumble. I praised him and patted him, telling him that he was the best cat ever.

I fed him while we were stopped too, just to make sure he was not starving or thirsty. I pulled out a thermos I'd filled up with hot water earlier at home and made a cup of nice, hot tea, and bit into my cheese salad sandwich.

* * *

Big red Bertha chugged along, guzzling gas. I had to fill up regularly, and it made me start thinking, perhaps one day soon I should upgrade and get a car which was more fuel efficient and easier to handle.

The old girl, had no power steering, ABS brakes, air bags or even a working radio.

I had to sing aloud, in order to entertain myself. Thank heavens Rufus wasn't human,or he would have been complaining loudly at my lack of ability! And also I didn't know the words to most of the songs I sang, and ended up _making up crazy lyrics,_ to belt out at the top of my lungs instead.

_It might be nice to have a car with a sound system that worked, and didn't cost a small fortune in fuel._

Rufus and I pulled into Leah's place, a log cabin which was standard issue forest ranger's accommodation. A hound came bounding out, barking and Leah followed, pulling me out of the cab, holding me above the ground and squeezing tight.

"Oh My God! Look at you! Something's _different_ about you!"

"Leah, put me down! You seem to be as strong as ever, and you've adapted well to being a ranger-girl. How's it going living here in Devil's Elbow, Oregon? Getting enough action?" I razzed her back.

"Marcy get down you crazy girl!" Leah yelled at her dog.

Marcy was sniffing the truck's cab, and jumped up inside to get a closer look at Rufus, who was zipped up safely inside his carrier.

I heard a hiss, and Marcy whimpered, sniffing some more at Rufus, who was now fluffed up to three times his normal size, trying to show the dog, just how big and scary he was.

Rufus hissed some more, trying for some more size to intimidate Marcy.

I patted Marcy, "Marcy, hey sweetie this here is my little, baby Rufus. Are you going to help me look after my little kitty? You want to say hi?"

Marcy whined and whimpered some more, licking the front of the carrier.

"What do you think, is Marcy trustworthy? She won't try to eat Rufus will she?"

"Nah, she's a funny, old thing, remember when I told you how she tried to adopt a rabbit? And the other time when she took a liking to a lamb and followed it around, guarding it? She just misses having babies, don't you girl?"

Marcy yipped and whined as she wagged her tail furiously.

"Ok here goes nothing", I pulled the carrier out of the cab, and unzipped it.

I pulled a hissing, fluffed up Rufus into my arms, and he scrambled up onto my shoulder and looked down at the dog and then hissed and howled for all he was worth."

Marcy sat at my feet and looked up steadily, focused on Rufus.

"How about we go inside and get settled?" Leah chuckled.

"Ok I'll grab my things in a tick, but first you hold Rufus and I'll get his food and tray organised. Can I set his stuff up in your laundry or bathroom?"

"I've got just the spot; it's in the spare room with you Bella."

"Great thanks show me the way." I gave Rufus to Leah, who cooed and tickled his ears and kissed his head. Marcy wanted in on the act; she wanted to _show him her love_ too. I went to the other side of the truck and pulled out of all his gear.

For such a small animal, he sure did travel with a lot of stuff!

Once we were inside, Rufus sat on the top of the lounge and hissed some more at Marcy. She came up carefully and sniffed him, he tried to defend himself, by pulling his claws out and trying to swipe Marcy's wet nose.

Marcy stayed watching Rufus, as I sat him in front of his food and milk. After Rufus did some growling and hissing at poor Marcy, he turned towards his dinner and ate like a greedy pig.

Marcy sat by watching. When he finished licking his plate clean, Rufus moved over to his litter tray, ruthlessly ignoring Marcy.

Marcy lay down and kept watch. Leah and I quietly observed, from the corner of our eyes. She offered me some beer, I declined saying I wanted some tea.

"Tea? You _never_ used to drink tea! _What's going on with you Swan?"_

"Nothing...much, I'm just trying to look after my health, that's all."

"Huh, really? She cocked her head to the side eyeing me up and down.

"No, I'm not buying it...it's _something else._...something like...wait a minute! _Are you knocked up?"_

"What! Pregnant? ...you...you think I'm _pregnant?_ Why do you say that?" I needed to know what she thought, before I 'fessed up to her. It had always been hard keeping secrets from Leah.

"You look kinda different, I just _know_ _something is __**up**__ with you_. Come on tell me!" she nudged me.

"Ok! I'll tell you the whole story, as I cook this salmon out of Charlie's freezer. Do you want fillets or a whole baked fish?"

Leah shoved me out of the way and started working on the fish with a lethal looking knife, that girl could fillet a fish perfectly in seconds. She'd spent many summers working on fishing boats to help pay her way through school.

"I'll fillet, you talk, and _don't leave anything out!" _she ordered.

I puffed my cheeks out, and rolled my eyes.

"Ok, ok it all started when I got turned down from my summer teaching job, due to the university's funding for new positions being cut back..."

_I detailed all the horrible, desperate feelings I had experienced, and my complete melt down in the hospital, as Charlie was told about the surgery he couldn't afford, and all the bills which were due._

_Then I talked about Charlie attempting suicide, and him eventually dying in the ICU, his funeral and then all the weirdness exhibited by some of the locals towards me._

_And then finally, I told Leah, about my discussion and eventual agreement to become a surrogate for a childless couple, who I had gotten to know._

Leah blinked at me and took a big breath, luckily she put down the knife before letting me have it.

"_**Shit Bella!**_ _**What did they do**_..._for __**you**__ to actually __**agree**__ to do this for them? ...I don't even know what to call this crazy situation you've got yourself into!"_

"Leah..."

_"Bella...don't you value your health and well being, and what about your sanity?_ What if in the end, you _really, really_ _**regret**_ _giving up your baby?"_

I was shaking.

"Leah, please just sit down for a sec, I want you to understand it's not like you think...well it sort of is, but I _did_ have a choice, a really hard choice."

I took a deep breath, Leah looking at me like I was mad.

"The choice was...I could say **no**...and go on living in poverty, stressing out in low paid work, trying to pay back huge debts, without a house to call my own and unlikely to be ever able to go back, and finish my honors course, and then be denied a lecturing position, or able to do any research ...Or to say **yes**, and have a fresh start, financially speaking, with every one of mine and Charlie's debts paid off_ in full_, and giving _hope_ of a new life for a loving couple, who desperately want a baby and to be parents more than anything in the world."

Leah was silent, and took a big long sip of her beer.

"So you are relaxed and at peace with this decision Bella?"

"Yeah, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm really hopeful about the future, for the first time in years."

"And if you _managed_ to get pregnant, and _actually_ have a baby, could you hand it over... without pulling your heart out and dying a little inside?"

"I only agreed to have their baby, if they _promised _to cherish and adore _any_ baby that I had, even if it was disabled or had some special needs. Did you know that Esme is trained as a special education teacher, and still loves all of her old students, she works as a volunteer remedial reading teacher at schools in Forks."

"You never answered my question Bella."

"I made them _promise those things_, because _I would only regret_ being a surrogate, if I _wasn't one hundred percent sure_, that any baby would be _completely loved_, and they would make excellent parents. I wanted to know that I could go ahead and live my life fully, doing what I love and opening up rather than closing down, ending up just like my Dad."

Wow, I finally said it. I spoke my hardest, deepest fear, my fear of becoming so depressed, that eventually I would have gotten driven to commit suicide.

Leah pulled a skillet out and started frying the salmon. I threw together a salad.

I looked around, wondering why Rufus wasn't crying out for a share of the fish. It was his favorite.

I pointed, showing Leah the direction of our pets.

I stifled a giggle, as we spotted little Rufus, lying fast asleep across Marcy's front paws. Marcy was resting her face close to Rufus' furry little body, her eyes fixed in adoration at her new charge.

"Oh, she's got a new baby to love! Look at her eyes, she doesn't want to move." I lined up my phone and shot some photos. I emailed them to Angela and Esme.

"Yeah Rufus has found a nanny to keep him out of trouble until you leave tomorrow."

"Come on, let's eat, I'm starved!"

"Does Marcy want to eat?"

"Does she _look_ hungry to you? No she's got other things on her mind at the moment!" Leah laughed.

We ate and chatted the evening away, I moved Rufus so that Marcy could eat and go outside for a loo break. She shot back inside quickly; to make sure Rufus hadn't disappeared on her.

He slept on, as I placed him back in-between her paws, she licked him. He purred and rolled into a ball. Marcy sighed and put her head down and closed her eyes to sleep.

"So _just make sure_ you look after yourself Bella! And remember _I've got your back_ if you need me for anything. _I'm on your side, ok?"_ Leah said suddenly, looking serious.

"Thanks Leah, that means a lot."

"Hey, have you thought about having someone there, _just for you_ during and after the birth?"

"Ahh no, not really, why?"

"Cause I'm pretty sure, the even though you _think_ you'll be fine now, when it comes to the crunch, you'll want someone there to support you through the _**pain **_of handing it over, the baby blues and feeling all lost and vulnerable."

I nodded, "Leah do you want to be with me as my support person, that is_ if_ I ever get pregnant?"

"Hmm, I think you _already are!"_

"_What do you mean... already are_?"

"You heard me Swan! I think you are already pregnant, you kind of have a different aura about you."

_"Aura? What is this?_ Since when did you start getting into stuff like auras? Do you wave crystals and cleanse chakras too?" I joked..."come on Leah, this is _**me**_ you're talking to... the boring, hard-headed scientist Bella Swan, not some dope-saturated hippy like my crazy mother."

"Well, I'm willing to place a bet on you, _really_ being pregnant, _regardless_ of whether you believe me, or not."Leah replied.

"Ok, what if you _are right_, and I _**am**_ up the duff?"

"Don't know, how about we work _that _out when you find out officially, in a few weeks time?" Leah giggled.

What the hell was in her beer?

"So Leah... do you often get these _strange urges_, which force you to reveal stuff to random women... about them being pregnant and their altered auras?"

Leah went quiet...she huffed.

"Its like this, I've _**always**__ had this sort of gift_, my mother, and grandmother had it too, it's a family thing ok? I somehow, have _always_ had _this thing_ that tells me stuff..._I just __**know**__ stuff! I don't know __**how **__it works, it just does."_

"Why did we never speak about this before? We shared a dorm for four whole years?"

"I wasn't thinking it would ever come up between us, and you have always been such a straight-laced, hard-headed rationalist, but now that _you're here_ and you _know that I know stuff_...there's some important news that my granny wants you to have, are you ready for it?"

"Ahh yeah I guess? ...is it bad news?" now I was totally spooked!

Leah took on a strange, far-away look on her face, drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes. I gasped; Leah's face smoothed out and had taken on an odd, ethereal quality.

"She says not to worry,

Your path has been set,

That you will receive

Far more than you get.

And in time you'll see,

That two can be fun,

And two it will be,

For more than just one."

Her voice was different, calm, warm and sort of old...And rhyming?

_That wasn't Leah_!

Leah was always a straight talker, not into poetry and that spooky-rhymey thing that she just did.

"Leah...what does that mean?"

"Granny's showing me the number two, doubles of everything...oh she's laughing at me now and telling me I'm rusty."

"What?"

"Ha! Ok, ok, I've got it! Sorry I'm so slow granny...There's going to be twins Bella, that's the news! You'll have one of each, a male and a female, one dark, the other light, one weak, the other strong. Polar opposites, yet remaining together and living life fully, and _only together_ will they achieve their soul's destiny."

"Twins! Did you just say _twins?"_ I sat in silence opening and shutting my mouth just like a guppy.

Twins...two babies...holey moley! I was going to be the size of a battleship, the size of a blue whale! A great, big, baby-making factory!

"Leah, promise me something?"

"Yeah?"

"Just _promise to stay with me..._ when it's time to pop them out? I think I'm really going to be _needing you..._ a whole lot _**more**_ than I thought!"

"Bella, I know it's a shock, but granny says you'll be more than fine, you will be _brilliant_ and you'll hatch a couple of _fine lookin' babies_."

_"You'll come up to Forks and __**be**__ with me right?"_

"Bella, you couldn't keep me away!"

"Ok...right..._Leah I'm really scared."_

"Come on let's go to bed, you can crawl in with me. I'll make sure to chase away those bad thoughts."

I shrugged numbly in agreement.

_I wasn't sure that I was __**strong enough, brave enough, **__or__** determined enough**__..._

Leah's arms wrapped around my shoulders and she held me tight.

"Just close your eyes and sleep, I've got you. Nothing's gonna hurt you, I'm here. Sweet dreams baby cakes."


	12. Chapter 12

**SM owns Twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter eleven.**

Waking in the arms of Leah this morning, was a gentle experience, without any odd dreams, racing hearts or wild orgasmic reactions.

I sighed and felt relaxed and well rested. So protected and warm. Leah slept on, while I smiled to myself.

The girl had_ really_ managed to freak me out last night, and the whole warning from her granny was a little hard to believe now, in the hard light of the early morning.

I sighed.

Well I guess I could just chill, and see what happens. Stressing about something I couldn't control wasn't worth it. If I really _was_ pregnant like Leah and her ghost of a granny said, it was important to be as laid back and calm about the whole thing as possible.

It was doubly so if there were twins involved!

God, how the hell do I take this stuff she said seriously?

But then again, strange stuff _does happen_... but there _may_ be a rational explanation for it all. Although at the moment, I have no idea as to what kind of explanation that could be.

I had to keep up with my saliva monitoring, although until my period arrived I wasn't sure if monitoring the hormone levels in my saliva would be of any use at all. I had to take my vitamin supplements though, they were important.

Marcy came up to the bed and looked at me, I reached out to pat her and felt something else. I propped myself up on my elbows, and who did I spy hitching a ride on Marcy's back? Rufus!

I shook my head and chuckled, trust Rufus to piggy-back on top of Marcy!

I wished I had my phone so I could take candid photos of the two of them together.

"Are you two hungry?" I whispered. "Come on guys."

I edged carefully out of bed and got up. Stretching and moving around slowly, so that I don't trip on Marcy or any of the clothes strewn all over the floor.

While I fed Rufus, Marcy didn't want to leave his side, but I opened the back door for her and she scooted out quickly, poor thing must have been busting for a leak.

I stuck the saliva do-hickey in my mouth while I put water in the kettle and started to heat it up. I needed extra for my thermos and for some tea, I was feeling really thirsty this morning.

Rufus finished his business in the tray and came smooching and rubbing around my legs, meowing loudly. I huffed and picked him up..._whoa! What a head-rush!_ I felt as if I was about to faint, I held onto Rufus, but he was unnerved by me looking and acting odd. I sat down on the floor, so as to not fall down and hurt myself. I placed him on my shoulder, while I took some deep breaths. He meowed and nudged my neck and raced back down to the floor, meowing and looking for Marcy all around the house.

Marcy raced back inside and the two of them reunited, she lay down and Rufus jumped around on her head. Marcy raised her head up and Rufus held on, balancing like he loved to do on my shoulder, well that was _before_ Marcy came along and replaced me as his favourite new plaything.

I picked up my phone and snapped some great photos. I could start a little picture book about the adventures of Rufus, or a calendar of him posed like this, perched on top of Marcy.

I emailed the photos of the comedy duo to Leah, as well as Esme and Angela.

Leah made me promise that I would give her regular updates and let her know when I got the very first confirmation of my pregnancy. She said then she could start being excited to be a proud support-person for me, the Cullen's surrogate, and she could start planning ahead for the big day, when they came into the world.

I surprised myself at getting more comfortable with the idea of a spooky, all-knowing granny, who helped Leah somehow. I still wasn't ready to _accept_ the whole concept as_ the truth,_ or anything like that...just yet anyway!

We loaded up the truck, hugged and I cried a little...while Leah started to laugh and picked me up, swinging me around in the air.

_Damn crazy, strong, Amazon woman! I was really going to miss her!_

Leah held Marcy's collar while I drove away, Marcy howling in distress at the loss of her new, furry playmate.

I waved goodbye, sniffling as I drove off towards the highway. Rufus settled down with his toy mouse and slept in his carrier.

* * *

"Bella! Bella! Look at you!"

"Professor you're looking good!"

"It's so good to see you! You must come in and eat something!" Pia said to me.

"Oh Pia, thank you! Is it ok for me to bring in my kitten first?"

"Oh, yes bring in the bambino, oh my look at him he's so sweet! I've got the perfect thing for him, come here piccolo...you have such a beautiful face! Aro look at his face, have you ever seen such a sweet kitten?"

Prof Aro and I laughed as Pia made a huge fuss over Rufus.

She insisted we eat immediately, because we were _obviously_ starving.

I was happy that some things never seem to change; Aro and Pia were both the same joyous souls, Pia fussing, making us eat copious quantities of food, and Aro was wanting to pull me away from Pia, in order to catch me up on all of the dramas going on within his department.

After Pia was _completely sure_ that Rufus and I weren't famished. Aro dragged me off to walk along the cliff to watch his birds and talk.

He had spent many decades following the rookery's population. Aro studiously detailed the rookery's welfare, population, numbers and the creation of each new generation that hatched and grew into adulthood. Returning to the same place they were born to repeat the cycle.

It was one of the longest running bird population studies in the world, I was proud him. Prof Aro was a wonderful lecturer and I was blessed to have him as my mentor and inspiration. In the ornithological world, Aro was at the top of the pile, along with only a handful of others.

"Bella I'm really happy that you're going to be working with me, _you have no idea!_ I've had a lot of pressure from those awful bean-counters in the admin building. They keep hassling me constantly, about my slow marking, and the online education market...well that area has suddenly grown like mad..." he waved his arms around in an effort to get his point across, Italian style.

I just let him talk.

"I really don't see the reason why people don't want to come right into class and attend a lecture. It's sad that they are sitting there alone in their living rooms or bedrooms, just looking at a screen. They sit there on line, instead of getting into the whole social scene at uni, interacting with other real life humans, engaging in all of the great conversations and debates!"

Aro had a point, but _lots_ of students had to fit their study into their real life, work, kids, disability and remote distance. These things often made it hard to come in person and attend a class physically. Being on-line was an excellent way to study, especially if the support services were in place, to assist the students to get the most out of the experience.

"Environmental science is really big right now! Not to put any pressure on you or anything, but I _can't wait_ for you to get all of this done for me."Aro stated finally.

I nodded and smiled.

"Bella, I have an incentive for you, to assist you in your work with me and make your life a little easier."

"What's that Prof?"

"I'll have to show you the incentive right now, before we go back inside; come this way."

I followed his path back to the side of his beautiful house, wondering where we were going.

He opened the door to his garage and entered.

Turning on the light, he smiled at me. "Here it is!"

I looked around, "what?"

"Bella,_ the car!"_

"What do you mean?"

A gorgeous convertible, sat looking impeccable in Aro's garage. It was midnight blue with a high gloss polish, and absolutely perfect paint job, not a scratch or dent anywhere.

"The car, it's my incentive gift, to encourage you and to thank you for being my favourite student, someone who makes me wish that Pia and I had had children."

"Oh professor! You can't just _give_ _me a car!_ You are _already paying_ me to do this work!"

"Ah Bella mia! You would be doing me a most important favour, if you took this car; _please_... _it's important that you do!"_

"Professor Aro, please tell me _exactly_ why you are doing this? This gesture is more than generous...it's kind of extreme!"

"Can you keep a little secret?"

"Sure."

"Come closer and sit down in it, see how it looks and feels with you right in the driver's seat."

I sat down on the luxurious leather seats; they were so soft and beautiful.

The dashboard was full of gadgets and dials I had no idea about. The car even smelt new! There wasn't any dirt or mess inside either, obviously! The detailing was perfect, unlike Bertha my dear old truck. This car looked like it had just been driven out of the showroom.

"This looks new car Prof, why are you doing this for me?"

He was quiet and looked a little sad.

"This car is actually ten years old, but it never gets driven, apart from when I take it to be serviced at the workshop."

"Really? It's so new looking. I never knew you had this car, I've only seen you drive that red Alfa-Romeo of yours."

"This is Pia's car. Her brother bought this for her, but she never drives anymore, her eyes aren't so good. She hasn't gotten her license renewed in the last five years, she's lost her all her confidence behind the wheel. So her poor car...it just sits here, gathering dust and never being driven. So believe me, you would be doing me and Pia a really big favour taking this car off our hands and making good use of it."

"Well, Prof. It's beautiful. I don't know what to say!"

"Just say yes Bella! I know your old truck; she's just about ready to die."

"I know, poor old Bertha is over fifty, I guess she should really retire. Maybe I could find someone who would like to look after her, a collector of antiques perhaps?"

"So you like this car?"

"Sure, what's not to like?"I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "It's beautiful!"

"Well here are the keys, take her for a spin and see how she drives!"

"Really?"

"Go on! Try her; she handles like a dream, especially in the bends."

I bit down on my lip, feeling nervous. What if I do something to damage her? She was _so different_ from Bertha the beast!

"Ok, but I need you to sit beside me Prof. I'll need you to give me some tips on what to do, and where everything is. This car is completely different from the truck. What sort of car is this anyway?" my sad lack of knowledge in the wide world of motoring was really showing.

"It's a Mazda MX5. It's a _great_ car for a single girl like you, to use for zipping around and being _seen_ as a hot young girl about town." Aro waved his hands about.

I shook my head and snorted in amusement.

_I was the woman who would be voted_ _**least likely**_ _to ever be described as a 'hot young girl about town'.  
_

I started her up and she came to life. I didn't need to let her sit idling while she warmed up; there was no spluttering, or straining. The engine sounded like a smooth purr, Aro pushed a button and the garage door automatically opened.

I laughed and put her into first, applied a little gas and once we were on the road, I let her out a little and she roared into life. Gripping the corners, this beauty was so low to the ground, and so wonderfully responsive to my movements. It was a revelation at how much fun I had been missing out on with driving, it was in sharp contrast to all of the years I'd spent battling with Bertha to make her behave on the road.

Power steering was fantastic! I could see why drivers around the world just loved it! My upper body strength wasn't going to be needed so much any more. Having to handle Bertha was always a bit of a struggle, so much so, that I often broke out into a sweat just getting her fitted into a parking space.

This little car had all of the bells and whistles too! Even a fancy sound system and cup holders! Wow! My life was full of excitement today!

Feeling like I'd won the lottery I drove and drove. Aro watching me like a hawk, as I got comfortable with driving something so small, light and zippy. I finally turned her back and headed to the beautiful house on the cliff, overlooking the endless sea and the bird rookery.

"So what was the secret you wanted me to keep Professor?"

"I wanted you to _not tell anyone_ at the department about this car, ok? They might get jealous, or start making the wrong assumptions. You have an incentive, and Pia and I have a way to thank you. As well, we can make sure this car goes to someone we know...someone who will need it and enjoy it. Especially since your old truck, she is dangerous, expensive on fuel and hard to park, this Mazda is much better for you Bella."

"You know what Prof? I think you're absolutely right. This is a way better car for me. I kept the truck only because I didn't have any other options. What you and Pia have done for me, has been ...simply amazing, I just don't know how I'm ever going to thank you."

"Well the best thing you can do for me, is to do all of the work I give you, and then come back here and study your honors year with me. After that, you must enrol in the PhD program and become a professional researcher! _You have a great future ahead of you and I believe in you Bella mia!"_

* * *

My time in California didn't last long enough!

Maybe this time next year I would be back for here with the Prof. for good, studying and working hard, and following my dreams.

I'd gotten of the undergrad marking started, Aro carefully supervised me to see if I was fair with my marks. We talked about strategies, involving how to tackle the layout and contents of his curriculum, and how to make the most of it, once we started on loading it up on the website.

Pia and Rufus had paired up, and made each other very happy. He was growing like crazy, especially as Pia insisted on feeding him six times a day.

I found a classic car collector who gave me some money for Bertha. He promised me that he'd send photos showing me her restoration.

My crazy, orgasmic dreams hadn't returned, but I was feeling quite hot all the time and really bloated too. My system felt constantly wired and on edge.

My boobs were sore and lumpy. And I often wanted to suddenly stop and take along nap in the middle of the day after one of Pia's meals.

I felt _really,_ badly premenstrual.

Maybe that's what it was... maybe and there was no pregnancy after all?

Maybe Leah was delusional and I needed to get a grip on reality!

I packed up the new car, getting a kick at how amazing the whole thing was. I'd registered the car in my name and updated my insurance too.

It was all mine, and such a pretty car. She needed a name, something to reflect her personality, zippy, light, fun and most of all Italian in honour of Pia and Aro ... there were so many nice girl's names ...Bianca, Lucia, Sofia, Stella...yeah Stella was great. This little car was my star, sparkling and twinkling, especially when I finally got back and drove around the streets of Forks, in the dreary, grey gloom.

I had to get the garage cleaned out too, in order to protect my baby from all the weather.

I'd laid down some protective sheeting along the small backseat for Rufus so the carpet and upholstery wouldn't be damaged by his food and litter tray. He cried a bit at the loss of Pia and her warm hands, before settling down in his carrier.

Pia cried too, I think she and Aro will need to get themselves a kitten soon too.

I promised to return as soon as I'd finished all the marking.

What a trip! I'd even gotten addicted to eating Vegemite on my toast every morning, which Pia thought was just disgusting. I laughed; I couldn't get enough of it! Perhaps I should drop into the shop again, and buy up more so I don't run out before I returned in a month's time?

* * *

Driving along Lucia was a breeze. I knew I should have stopped for the night somewhere. I made great time, and after our last short stop I decided to give, Rufus another feed and what-not while we stopped and relaxed in a quiet park. I thought it was time for a snack too and settled down for a nice long nap.

I lay the seat right back, and closed my eyes. Waking up two hours later, feeling so refreshed, that I decided that it would be good to set off and take in the whole, remainder of the return journey in one big go. I would never have attempted to drive over one thousand miles in Bertha without having to stop for the night, but with Lucia it seemed so easy! Lucia, was incredibly light on the fuel too, for which I was very grateful for.

Coming back after midnight, through the wet streets of Forks, was more than a little strange. The place was positively _spooky_ after dark._ Not a soul stirred._

Parking my little Lucia outside of the house and looking at my life here, was a shock. I'd only been gone for a couple of weeks, but it seemed like a lifetime.

Rufus and I crashed in bed. Sleeping heavily, as soon as our heads hit the pillow.


	13. Chapter 13

**SM owns Twilight. I own my mistakes.  
**

* * *

**Chapter twelve.**

"Bella?"

My eyes were shut so fast, it seemed they weren't going to open.

"Bella, are you alright?"

"Ahhh." I managed to moan.

"Essie, I think she's just sleeping, her pulse and breathing are fine, she's just had a long drive home, let's leave her to sleep."

Hmm, the door shut and I heard them leave. My eyes were shut tight, and I wanted to keep on sleeping.

I rolled over and suddenly I felt nauseous,

Shit! I opened my eyes and leapt out of bed, and whoa! Head rush ...I felt faint. I shook my head and cleared it. I was _definitely_ going to throw up!

I held on, as I launched myself at the loo and heaved...and heaved.

I shakily stayed hovering over the porcelain, up on my knees on the tiles. Esme and Carlisle tentatively came into the bathroom to see what was going on.

I looked at them I must have been a real mess, and nice shade of green to boot!

I pulled off some loo paper and blew my nose. And then some more as I wiped my eyes, I didn't even know I was crying and shivering. Carlisle wrapped a towel around my shoulders to help warm me up.

Esme wiped my face gently with a warm, wet face washer and I sighed.

"Sorry about that!"

"There's nothing to apologize for, how about we get you back to bed and I'll bring you up some ginger tea?" Esme asked.

I nodded, "could I have some toast and Vegemite to go with it?"

I pulled myself up to the bathroom sink and rinsed out my mouth and once more with some mouthwash. I didn't want to move very fast, in case I set off the awful waves of nausea again.

"So how are you both, and to what do I owe the pleasure of your company this morning?"

Carlisle who'd been hovering beside me to make sure I made it back to bed, just smiled.

"It's two in the afternoon Bella, and Esme was starting to worry about you. She drove passed expecting to see your truck, but a fancy sports car was parked outside instead. She rang me and made me come here to help her investigate, in case there was a thief with a fancy car, who was stealing stuff from your house. Luckily it's been a slow afternoon at the hospital, and I could come and help her to see what was going on."

"Sorry to have worried you guys." I mumbled.

"Not at all, not at all! You must be very tired Bella. How are you feeling?"

"My period hasn't come yet, I'm feeling incredibly pre-menstrual and my boobs are tender and really sore. I _was_ having strange colourful dreams, and although I haven't had any for a while, I'm still feeling hot, as well as bloated and really odd. And then, when I moved in bed, just now, I was nauseous and getting up, I suddenly felt all faint, like I was about to black out."

"Ok, I think that it's time to see if you can pee on an indicator stick, and see if you're pregnant." Carlisle said calmly.

"Pregnant? I thought I was just..."

"Early pregnancy and PMS have _very similar symptoms_, if you are suffering from bad PMS, I can help you with that too."

"Oh, ok."

Esme came up with a tray of tea and toast.

"I couldn't find that Vegemite stuff anywhere; can you tell me where it is?"

I smiled and shook my head, "it's still in the white plastic bag right by the door, I didn't get to unpack it last night, sorry."

"I'll just go and get it."

"Thanks Esme."

I sipped my tea, feeling better by the second.

"What's this Vegemite stuff?" Carlisle asked, looking concerned.

"I'm kind of addicted." I admitted.

His brow creased.

"It's not a drug or anything, it's an Australian spread that is used on toast and bread. It's very salty and apparently packed full of some of the B vitamins."

Esme handed the small jar to me and I chuckled.

I spread a little on the toast and chewed, hmm, perfect.

Carlisle examined the label to see if it was possibly harmful to my health.

"Want to have a taste Doc? I love it so much, that I got extra in San Francisco on the way back home, so I didn't run out."

I spread a tiny amount on a triangle of toast and offered it to him.

He bit into it, like he was going to taste something awful. He chewed for a second and thought.

"Actually, it's kind of nice, but strange. Why would Australians eat this? Don't they have any honey or peanut butter in Australia?"

I chuckled and kept eating, my stomach felt completely normal. Thank heavens!

"Who knows? But I do know just about every Australian kid grows up eating this, so I guess it can't be too bad, otherwise they would have banned it."

Carlisle rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"I'll go and get my doctor's bag; I've got a pregnancy test in there. Are you ok to pee Bella, is your stomach all settled yet?"

Esme gasped.

I nodded. "We'll see what's what. It might just be the _worst PMS I've ever had_, or fingers crossed, _something else!"_

Once I peed on the white plastic gadget, I left the bathroom to watch it change with the Cullens.

Rufus had made his way back up the stairs, and wound his body around my legs, while we all stood around in a circle and waited.

I closed my eyes and took a deep, slow breath.

"Bella, you're _pregnant!"_ Carlisle said in awe.

I opened my eyes and giggled.

_"It worked!"_ I was shocked it was so soon, so easy.

"In just _one cycle, that's **so amazing!**_" Esme whispered.

"Hopefully you'll soon have a baby Cullen, to love and hold Esme." I hugged her.

Carlisle hugged us both, and we all laughed.

"It's still early; you're not even six weeks along yet. We will just need to watch and wait; hopefully the pregnancy will progress smoothly. I want you to take everything easy, rest and eat lots of small meals; keep up with the supplements and nothing too physical, ok?" Carlisle said in doctor mode.

"Sure, I'm only doing my prof's marking, I'll be going back to California, next month so he can post the results. Then we have other work to do, which could take quite a few months. But Im not planning to do anything crazy, I promise!"

Rufus ran up and launched himself onto my shoulder.

"Sorry Rufus, have I been neglecting you sweetie?"

"I fed him and put his tray out, which he used straight away." Esme smiled.

"Thanks so much, you're a life saver Esme!" I patted Rufus as he purred in my ear.

"Let's go into the kitchen and we can catch up." I had wasted so much of the day sleeping.

"I'll better head back to work, to finish the remainder of my shift. I'm ecstatic that we have sorted the mystery out. You have to tell me _all_ about the new car Bella, it's not something I would have guessed that you would choose drive. How does it handle?"

"Like a dream! I was given it by my professor, his wife couldn't drive anymore and it was just sitting unused in their garage. I was so amazed to receive it! It was really wonderful driving back, so different from Bertha, my old truck. I managed to sell the old girl off to a nice guy who restores classic cars."

"That's good, make sure when you drive your new car to _always use the seat belt_, and _don't speed_. You've got a precious cargo to watch out for now." Carlisle looked at me all misty-eyed.

"Yeah I'll be cautious. Doc remember until recently I was the daughter of the police chief and owner of a truck that didn't go over sixty miles and hour." I reminded him smiling.

It seemed that driving within the speed limit, was_ ingrained my system,_ and I found it _hard to speed_, or break any of the road rules.

Carlisle left with his doctor's bag, and Esme and I settled down in the kitchen to catch up on the last week or so.

"So are you still entertaining relatives?"

I was grateful, that I didn't have to see them again, even if it _was_ by accident. I could stay here, away from the Cullen's place.

"Rosalie has left us and seems to be on a slightly more even keel, behavior-wise, since she and Emmett finally decided to get engaged. She's thinking of getting into a less stressful type of modelling, which will allow her to eat more sensibly."

"Huh, that's great." I said unenthusiastically. I didn't care _what_ she did. I would be _more than happy_ _**never**_ see Blondie again.

"We have Jasper staying with us at the moment; he's trying to get over his latest romantic disaster. He feels everything so deeply; he's such a sensitive soul, poor guy." Esme sighed.

I nodded... _**hell **__wasn't **he** the one who was playing with the little, underage chick, and the scary, stalking cougar __**at the same time?**_

_I bet he was just a thoughtless, selfish dick, who would happily screw anything with a vagina. __**Sensitive soul, my ass!**_

"So I bet you've been _so_ busy with your nieces and nephews, that you didn't have any extra time to look at making those plans for my living room and kitchen."

"That's where you're wrong honey! I got so happily carried away, drawing up plans and costing out products; that I had no time at all to worry about Rosalie and Emmett's problems. I've got a lot to show you, come in here. I've got all the details set out, to show you all of your options."

We sat and chatted about all of the ideas Esme had come up with. I was so impressed, it was brilliant!

"I love what you've done, these ideas are wonderful Esme! You should think about doing this as a career, you are really talented."

"Thanks, it's really just a hobby, but maybe one day I'll do something with it. Want to eat a snack?"

"Yeah, let's have some fruit, I should take my supplements while I'm at it."

_"This baby is __**really **__happening, isn't it?" _I muttered to myself._  
_

_I had trouble putting my mind around the fact that I was pregnant, up-the-duff, with a bun in the oven, reproducing, replicating...having a baby...or possibly two._

Esme and I ate some crackers, cheese and apple slices. She poured some more ginger tea, it was very settling for my stomach.

"Yeah, its crazy and amazing... and Esme, I have to tell you about a weird thing that happened, when I stayed with my friend Leah. It seems she's kind of psychic or something and she noticed I looked different straight away, as soon as I got out of the truck."

"She then had a ...a sort of 'message' from her dead granny, she said that...I'd be having twins, a boy and a girl, one light and the other dark, one strong, and one weak...something like that."

"Wow, that's a little unsettling, but you're ok with it, aren't you Bella?"

"Well that evening it scared the hell out of me and I freaked a bit. I really am pregnant which she noticed straight away, and we'll just have to wait and see if I'm going to have twins or not."

"I'd be in heaven! A real instant family! You know there are twins in Carlisle's family, like Rosalie and Jasper, and their cousins Jane and Alex."

"I know! The other thing I need to tell you is Leah, insisted on coming, to be with me _at the birth_, in order for her to support me. She's worried I won't have anyone to support and comfort me, once the new little Cullen or Cullens come into the world."

Esme was quiet for a moment, and looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Of course, that's great! you should have someone there for you. I might be too excited with holding babies and being all emotional to take good enough care of you, after all."

"Well, I'm sure that wouldn't be the case, but Leah will be there, nevertheless! She's a force to be reckoned with, and one of my best friends. I just wanted to give you the head's up, even though its months away."

"Well, I'm looking forward to meeting her; she sounds like quite a character."

"Yeah, she is."

"So Bella, I know you wanted to choose this yourself, but when I saw them so heavily discounted, I couldn't resist! Just close your eyes, now stand here and...now you can open them!"

I looked and saw the living room windows with the _perfect pleated blinds_. They fitted, and were neat and light against the window frame.

"Esme! I love them! They look absolutely perfect, they fit! Wow the window looks _exactly_ how I imagined it would!"

"Yeah, that's why I took a punt on buying them... And I got something else too, to make the house a little more comfortable to live in for you... I also found it heavily discounted too."

"Oh Esme! _What did you do?"_ I rolled my eyes smiling at her.

"It's only a little something, and it will be _perfect_ for you. Just wait a second, I'll go and get it."

She bought in a good sized box and put it down in front of the fireplace.

"Come and open it!"

"Ok"...I looked at the charcoal coloured, sheet metal rectangle. There were some white pebbles in a plastic bag and another couple of shaped, stainless steel sheets.

"Esme, what is it?"

She grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"Bella, I want to introduce the best and newest way, to heat a room _environmentally_, _without odours_, _smoke or high fuel bills_...it's an indoor ethanol heater. It slots perfectly, right into your fireplace, without needing a flue or any extra changes to the chimney."

I blinked, wow it sounded amazing. I wondered why I'd never heard about them before now.

"Can we put it together and try it out? I'm keen to see how nicely it works, and if it creates the warmth it promises on the box." Esme rubbed her hands in glee.

"Ok, sure!" I smiled.

Esme was right in her element.

"Do we need any tools?"

"No, I've got my favourite screw drivers, right here in my handbag."

"You keep screwdrivers in there? Any other tools?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Ha! Well I keep a measuring tape and a stud finder, also some plastic wall plugs, plumbing tape, duct tape, a plumb bob and a spare light globe."

"Esme, you are a one woman wonder! Want me to hold anything for you?"

* * *

"And that's how you do it!" Esme chuckled, stepping back and admiring her work in triumph.

Hell, I was _more than impressed!_ I was ready to crown her the_ new queen of do-it-yourself projects._

"It's fantastic, and I can't believe it throws so much heat out, I love it!" I warmed my hands and front, and turned around to warm my back and legs.

"Now all you need is a nice window seat and it would look perfect in here."

"Didn't I promise to help you with that Esme? I need to pay you back for the blinds and the Eco-fire first, how much do I owe you?" I asked.

"Bella, they were presents, you don't owe me anything!" She waved her hand to brush away the thought.

"Esme! I _have_ to pay you something, _be reasonable!"_

"Ok, how about a pecan pie for Carlisle?"

"That's not enough! How about I throw a couple of large, whole salmon in, _as well as_ a pecan pie?"

"It's a deal!"

"Thanks Esme, this room looks and feels great."

"Can I bring the stuff to build a window seat over tomorrow?"

"I guess, but I insist on paying you."

"Ok, how about you pay me with another type of pie? Maybe pumpkin, or lemon meringue?"

I shook my head and laughed.

"Alright! Alright, I give in! But I insist on helping you construct this seat, and you must show me all of your handy hints, that you use to construct something like this."

"Ok, I'll go home and cut and finish off the timber all ready to bring tomorrow, I'll be here early."

"I'll go and buy some ingredients for your pies, and some more cat food. Rufus really knows how to pack it away!"

* * *

I was filling my trolley with supplies, and thinking about how nice it would be if I had a big pantry in my kitchen, and how I would stack all of the groceries into my car. When a smooth, melodious voice, brought me right out of my day dreams and back into reality.

"Ma'am? I was just wondering if you could advise me on something."

I blinked and looked up and up so more, there was a very tall, delicious looking man, with honey-coloured hair and deep blue eyes smiling down at me.

"Ahh, ummm, sure." were all the words I could muster.

"Ok, so which type of chocolate should you suggest I buy? Something dark and nutty; or perhaps something with a softer filling, in white or milk chocolate?"

"Mmm, well that depends, who are you buying for? Is it an older lady with dentures? Or someone younger, someone who has more exotic tastes?"

"Well, I think she's fascinating, and most likely to desire something sweet, but kinda different."

"Oh, well I would maybe chose the dark chocolate-covered ginger pieces, or the dark chocolate slabs with chilli or raspberry."

"What about the fancy Belgium chocolates?"

"Maybe if she's the kind of person who likes ornamental sea shells, but doesn't like getting her hair wet, and enjoys smooth, easy and less challenging things."

"Ok, how about this?" He held up the dark, chilli flavoued slab of Swiss chocolate, and a box of chocolate truffles, covered in ground pistachios with a macadamia filing. "Would she be impressed by these two choices?"

I shrugged, "maybe?"

"Thank you for the advice ma'am, I surely do appreciate it." He smiled again and I sighed.

I don't know who he was, but I was guessing he definitely _wasn't a local_. I moved off smiling back at him. I looked down into the trolley, I had nearly everything I needed... but talking to that guy, gave me _ideas_. And not just hot, sexy ones either.

I shook my head when I thought of what I said to him, I sounded like the woman in the movie 'Chocolat' who knew all about how chocolate could match one's personality and reveal their secret desires.

I could try making some chilli flavoured, chocolate brownies, with macadamias, and maybe another batch with crystallised ginger and macadamias. I grabbed the extra ingredients, and headed towards the checkout.

The smooth talker was there ahead of me, busy chatting up the check-out chick.

I waited while she batted her eye-lids and blushed and giving him her number on his way out.

_Mmm, he looked like trouble with a capital T, __**a walking-talking penis**__, just waiting to get his end in and then walk way, not even considering all of the negative fallout he probably caused along the way._

I kicked myself for feeling so stupid, and even taking my time to talk to him and actually thinking that _my opinion_ _mattered _to him.

I got through the checkout, with Miss Thing, still looking a little stunned at having Mr Smoothie smile at her, _it probably make her day...maybe even her month!_

I shook my head and paid up. Heading out to the car, I noticed a fancy, new, silver 4 by 4 with all the extras, heading out of the parking lot. Mr Smoothie waved as he drove passed me.

I dropped into the car shop and bought a special cover to go over my beautiful Lucia, it would take me a while to clean out the garage, and she needed to be kept out of the weather, in the mean time.

I didn't know whether I should be doing too much awkward, heavy lifting right now, if I was going to attempt to cart all of the heavy gear out from the garage and then off to the dump. There was certainly a _lot_ of crap stored in there.

I noticed on the public notice board. A hand written notice caught my eye. It stated that there was a young, local man with a truck, willing to do odd jobs for cash. I made a call right there and then, he might be the answer to my all of my messy garage worries.

"Hello?"

"Hi I'm after Seth Clearwater?"

"It's Seth speaking, how can I help you?"

"I'm after someone strong who can help me clean out my Dad's garage, and perhaps assist me setting up a yard sale with the items. I can pay you for say, for two days, one to clean out the garage and set up the items, and another day, to cart the remainder of the stuff to the dump or a charity store."

"Sure I might need to bring a friend, to help pick things up and move them, is that ok?"

"Sure."

"Is it possible for me to have first dibs on items, in case there's something that catches my eye?"

"Yeah sure, no worries Seth, that would be good. How about we make it this Friday and Saturday, nice and early?"

"What's your address?"

I told him and he was so excited to know that it was the police chief's old house. He knew Charlie well, as his Dad and mine were fishing buddies and rivals in all of the competitions.

* * *

I was pleased that soon the garage would be able to hold nothing more than my lovely Lucia, and of course the box freezer, full Charlie's fish.

I set up all of the under-grad marking in Dad's old room, and bought in some extra lighting for the table I was going to work at. I could work _whenever_ I wanted, and not be distracted by all of the fluctuations in the natural light outside. Forks being so gloomy overcast, artificial light would be my constant companion while I did this work.

As I set to making something delicious for dinner, Angela came knocking at the back door, holding my mail she had collected while I was away in California. We hugged and laughed, and I dragged her into the living room and showed her what Esme did, she was very impressed. I told her about the window seat, she said she was jealous, and wanted one too.

I grilled some marinated chicken and made some mashed potato and stir fried green beans, and baby spinach.

We sat in front of my new fire, with Rufus purring away.

I told her about having a yard sale on Saturday, and she thought there were a few items she could sell too. It was great to be home, snuggled up in front of the fire.

* * *

Please send me your feedback.

Ever had interesting conversations with strange guys in the supermarket?


	14. Chapter 14

**SM owns twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter thirteen.**

That night I struggled with sleep, so I got up, made a big mug of hot chocolate and went upstairs to work through some of those undergrad assignments Aro had given me to mark.

I ploughed on, reading and marking, reading and marking... they were all pretty much spouting the same old standard stuff, not really an original thought amongst _any_ of them.

I gave most of them a C, or up to a B+ if the student had actually had put in a little more effort. Then I came across a _pure_ _gem_, an assignment that sparkled, was witty, concise and perfectly formed. I gladly awarded this masterpiece of writing an A+.

The department had a good system of making sure, that it was hard to work out _who had written what,_ so as to retain fairness and avoid cheating. The students all had a personal code, instead of their name on their work.

Whoever dci-357 was, was undeniably a brilliant writer, someone with a fantastic brain, and I wished I would be able to meet them someday, _whoever_ they were.

I shook my head; the _best work really __**does **__stand out_. I wondered what the student was like? Would they be as funny and interesting_ in real life_, or were they only like that _on paper?_

When I was writing these very same assignments as a student in first year, I apparently sparkled on paper, but was never so sparkly in class. I was always good at taking a backseat and letting others in the class do all of the grandstanding.

Nevertheless, Aro and my other lecturers, had seen _something_ in me and nourished it, nurtured it and after four years I wasn't a shy wallflower so much anymore. I had gained a lot of confidence and I got asked to spend time assisting PhD students in research trips, and tutoring the students struggling with using English in scientific texts and writing their papers.

All of their successes rubbed off on me and I became proud of _not only_ their achievements, but _my own too_. I made a lot of firm friends that way, and many still kept in touch via email. It was wonderful when I would see their work published in prestigious science journals, or hear that they were doing some amazing projects, in far-away, exotic locations.

I finished off the remainder of the class' assignments and sat there recording all of the marks and then emailing them off to Aro. If I kept up this rate, I would be finished quickly. At least I had agreed to work, for a set amount of money. Whether I worked fast or slow, was entirely up to me.

I turned off the desk lamp, stretched and yawned. I guess I could go back to bed and sleep.

* * *

"_Ma'am, I got to say you're looking so much better, each time I catch a glimpse of your pretty face."_

_He stepped up and looked me up and down. _

_I started to sweat, I was gasping for air. _

"_Come here my little honey-britches, _

_I want to see you eat this chocolate? _

_Do you like it? Are the flavours just right? _

_Should I have chosen something more...__**exciting?**_

_Do you want a challenge? Want to __**taste **__me?" _

_I was grabbing onto something, _

_My pelvic, back and leg muscles were rhythmically clenching_

_ to the beat of something __**wild, dangerous and hot**__... oh!_

Huh?

I sat up in bed, my heart pounding, and sweat on my brow.

Breathing fast and looking around like _he_ was in the room _right here with me **now**_, tempting me with his sweet treats and his silky, smooth voice.

My vagina was all slippery and clenching, still orgasming, while I tried to shake _those_ thoughts and colourful visions out of my head...and work out what _exactly_ had just happened.

It was a dream, just a _weird, wild, chocolate dream_ with _that guy_ from the store yesterday.

Another wacky, food dream and this one had a _dangerous _undertone.

I moved to get up and felt dizzy and sick again, _great!_

I moved as fast as I could and let myself hurl in the loo. It just kept coming in waves, until I was shaking with the effort of staying upright.

Ughh! I hate vomiting! I hope the morning sickness doesn't keep going for too long during the pregnancy.

I rinsed my mouth and went down to the kitchen, with Rufus following me. He was getting good at going up and down the stairs now, and his body had doubled in length and weight.

I still felt the nausea, rolling under the surface ready to erupt again.

I got some hot ginger and lemon tea and Vegemite toast, slowly into me, with small sips and bites.

I sighed in relief, as it worked its magic and the nausea went away.

It was only five in the morning and it was as good a time as any, to start making some delicious pies, to pay Esme back, for all of her presents yesterday and today.

I wasn't worried that my hair was still a fright, and I was still wearing an old nightie that was very comfortable, but not one of the most _attractive _pieces of nightwear in the world.

Who would see me, no-one except Rufus right?

I pulled an ancient, tattered, hand-written recipe book of Nanna Swan's, out of the cupboard and looked up her pecan, pumpkin and lemon meringue pie recipes.

I set the oven to heat, and found all of the ingredients, as well as the pie dishes I would need. Nanna Swan was renowned throughout the county for her pies and won a lot of prizes at the county fair every year. She was one who _never_ gave these recipes away to _anyone_, except me, her one and only grand child.

Charlie never bothered to cook and Rene never followed a recipe in her life, but me... being a scientific, measured, rational person... who even _liked following the rules_ and wasn't wildly creative... I _loved_ following my Nanna's recipes, _to the letter!_

After I finished baking the pies, I hoped to bake some brownies, and experiment with the flavours a little, just like Nanna Swan always did.

In fact her brownies were her real favourite, and she mixed up the toppings or flavours, to surprise everybody, making a game out of getting them to guess all the ingredients.

I chuckled, maybe if Charlie would have learnt to cook brownies, he might have been able to _incorporate _his dope more easily into his _diet_, and manage his pain better, instead of smoking.

His lungs were the problem and his surreptitious dope smoking, only exacerbated_ the inflammation in his trachea and lungs,_ which in turn, _increased his chest pain_ in the long term.

I had put the pecan pie into the oven first, and had set the assembled, uncooked pumpkin pie aside, ready to put it into the oven, when I heard a noise outside. I guess that would be Esme delivering the timber, ready to construct the window seat today.

I heard a knock.

"Come in Esme!" I hollered, not wanting to leave the kitchen, as I had to co-ordinate the swapping of the pecan pie, for the pumpkin pie, in and out of the oven... without losing too much heat, or making a big mess with the sloppy, pumpkin mixture.

"Well, something smells mighty fine, what's cookin' good lookin'?"

I jumped and squeaked in fright; luckily I'd just gotten the pumpkin pie settled inside the oven and shut the oven, _before_ I heard his satin voice speak from somewhere near the kitchen door.

"Jasper, would you stop scaring Bella! Hi sweetie, why are you up so early?"

I coughed and spluttered. I blushed and caught sight of my wild hair and ugly nightie in the window's reflection.

"Umm, I couldn't sleep so I got up and thought that_ now_ was as good a time as _any_, to start cooking your pies." I mumbled.

"Well they do smell delicious, my mouth is watering already. I can't wait to taste them. Jasper's helping me today, as his truck can carry all of the timber and tools. We'll go get started." Esme said cheerfully, heading out the door.

"Ok I'll make some coffee for you and go brush my hair, it looks like a bird's nest! Ahh, it's nice to meet you Jasper, I'm Bella."

"Yes, I know." He smiled at me, like he could pull all of my secrets from me, with just _one smouldering look._ I grinned back, and raced off up the stairs.

_Why does __**he**__ have to be Esme's nephew? The one who has __**all of those crazy, tumultuous relationships?**_

_I could see __**exactly**__ why he was having trouble, he was __**entirely **__too good looking and smooth talking **for his own good!**_

_I could see why he and Rosalie would be twins too! Both of them were tall and blond, and insanely, unnaturally, ridiculously good looking!_

_And why oh why, did I wake up this morning, dreaming of him in a bizarre sequence of chocolate and danger...ending in a super intense orgasm, the most intense ever! _

I shuddered.

_I was going to have to pull myself together and get a grip on reality!_

_Someone like him and someone like me, will never and can never, ever be friends, let alone something __**more.**_

It was like he was _another species entirely_, one from a planet where they only allowed the good looking ones to make babies, and the uglier ones stayed sterile.

I blew out a big breath, I needed to tame my hair and get dressed in something more suitable than an ancient nightie. My new, stretchy- waisted, black, yoga pants felt good around my bloated middle, and still looked neat enough. I spritzed my hair, with some special, conditioning stuff to help tame it, and ran a comb through it so it would sit nicely.

I decided on wear a long sleeved tee and over it, I threw one of my grandpa Swan's colourful Hawaiian shirts. I never got to meet him sadly, but if I was cooking his wife's recipes today, I would proudly wear his shirt in remembrance of his great love for her and her delicious cooking.

Rufus watched them setting up the construction gear in the living room, and I put on the coffee and made myself some more tea.

I checked the pumpkin pie; it always took a long time to bake.

Thank heavens, it would give me plenty of time to cook a little breakfast for them and maybe some more for myself as well.

I ended up doing more cooking, occasionally coming into the living room to check on their progress, it was well underway. Jasper was not only skilled with his hands, but he was good at taking Esme's directions too.

I watched them work together, as a well oiled team and smiled to myself.

Maybe Jasper isn't such a one trick pony after all! Maybe he can actually do stuff other than break girl's hearts and talk smooth!

On our first coffee break, Jasper eyed me like a hawk and watched as I tucked into some bacon and eggs on Vegemite toast.

"It's great to see a girl eat!"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise and kept chewing, I was famished!

"Most of the women I know, never hardly eat anything! It's like they live on thin air or something."

I shrugged and turned to conversation to Esme.

"It's looking great already Esme, you two do much building work together before?"

"No, this is the first time I've had Jasper as an assistant, he's learning fast though, aren't you?"

"I'm trying to pick up some skills so I can fix up my old family home outside of San Francisco."

I nodded, "where is the house exactly?" I couldn't help asking...I _had_ to know.

He smiled, "It's in Rio del Mar."

"That's in Monterey Bay, near where I studied for the last four years, in Monterey. We are kind of neighbours!"

"Wow, Esme and Carlisle said you studied, but I didn't know we're down there near my place. Aren't you studying environmental science?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"That's the same course I've been studying, by correspondence for a while now. I can't seem to study full time, because of all of my other commitments."

I nodded.

Esme smiled, "Jasper is a photographer for 'National Geographic', and he can't stay for in California long periods, he's always on the move going far and wide on exciting assignments."

"Wow, 'National Geographic'! I bet you go so many amazing places and see so much. I can see how your work commitments would get in the way of your studying full time. I'm sort of stuck here too. Doing other things, while my professor wants me back there, completing honours and getting stuck into a PhD project."

I winked at Esme; _we both know_ _**what it is,**__ that's keeping me here_.

I'm not sure if she's told Jasper our secret, pregnancy news yet. I hope not, it would be _awkward as hell_ to try and explain.

"I'm really looking forward, to the uni putting their curriculum online. It seems to be delayed for some reason, and it's _quite frustrating_ waiting for them to get into gear and actually _do it_." Jasper grumbled.

"You're studying environmental science, by correspondence then, online would be so much easier. Which college are you with?"

I was shocked when he said it was _my college and my department_. I smiled when I thought that there was a high possibility, that I was marking his course work, upstairs _right at this very moment!_ Also, that I would be setting out the full course curriculum in Environmental Science, for him to study sometime, during the next few months.

_It was a small, small world._

Here was a man who travelled, and studied and photographed.

A man _so fine_, it should be _**illegal.**_

"I'm about to pull the brownies out of the oven want one guys?" I smirked.

Of course I knew he'd be _unable to resist_ these little beauties, my Nanna had a wonderful touch with cooking and I had inherited it from her.

They nodded and smiled at the same time.

"Excellent! I'll make you some more coffee to go with them."

The pecan and pumpkin pies were all done, as well as my first batch of brownies. These had been made with dark chocolate and a small amount of chilli flavour and fine almond flakes over the top. I sprinkled over icing sugar, to add to the 'wow factor', placed them on Nanna Swan's best china plates, with little cake forks and napkins.

I bought out the tray with the freshly brewed coffee and luscious brownies, and to look on Jasper's face was _priceless_.

He gaped at me as I set the tray down and handed him a dainty plate.

"Tell me what you think; it's a variation on my Nanna's recipe. I was inspired by the conversation Jasper and I had in the shop yesterday."

He looked lost for words again and glanced down, taking a piece out of the brownie with his tiny cake fork, and putting it in his mouth. He moaned, his eyes closing ...hopefully with _delight_ and not _agony!_

Esme did the same, but didn't groan so loudly.

"Oh My God! This is amazing! I haven't tasted anything so sweet and sinful since South America! Shit Bella, where'd you learn to cook so well? You are very talented! Can I have another one? Please?"

I had no idea that he had virtually inhaled the first one _so fast_! I laughed.

"Maybe later, they taste much better cold. And I want to save some for Angela and Carlisle too."

"Oh!" Poor guy looked disheartened.

Esme nudged him, "come on Jasper, let's get this finished up and vacuumed, so and I can bring in the cushions to complete the seat. Bella you really are a very talented cook, and I'm not just saying that because you are a great friend to me and Carlisle either!"

While they got on with the finishing touches to the window-seat; making the bench-top and adding the hinges; I got on with the lemon meringue pie. I'd already baked the crust and poured in the thick, lemon layer.

I washed out the mixing bowl and beaters with hot water, so they were super clean and free of anything to stop the egg whites forming into stiff, white peaks. I started the noisy beating process and slowly added in the caster sugar, to make it _exactly right_. I kept beating it till it held firm and didn't collapse. I nodded to myself.

"You look like poetry in motion." Jasper muttered when I turned off the racket.

I looked up; Jasper was smirking at me from the doorway.

I huffed and smiled. "The next bit will take some concentration, so don't scare me again, ok?"

"Yeah sure, I'll stay right here."

I gently poured out the meringue on the top and smoothed it out, then went over the top, making small wavy peaks. When I was happy with how it looked, I opened the oven door and gently placed it inside.

"Perfect! You should see the look of concentration on your face, its brilliant! I wish I could photograph you, you are fascinating!"

I huffed and shook my head. "No I'm not."

"_Yes you are Bella_, you truly _are_ fascinating, I don't hand out praise lightly."

Huh! I had no idea what to say to that, I'd apparently run out of smart remarks.

I yawned and stretched, I'd had an odd morning and it wasn't even ten o'clock yet. I sat down feeling a little light headed.

"Here dear, have a glass of water you look a little pale." Esme said.

"Thanks, could you pass me my supplements? I forgot to take them earlier."

Jasper watched and curiously picked up the bottle.

"Bella, I didn't know you were expecting a baby."

I bit my lip and looked down, and back up at Esme...what should I say?

"Bella is pregnant, just in the early stages, aren't you?"

"Yeah I haven't told anyone except Esme and Carlisle yet, it's not something I won't too many people to know about, just yet."

"Oh, right...I can keep quiet. Doesn't the father know that you are having his baby?"

"Uhh, yes he does."

"There's nothing wrong with being a single mother Bella, not these days. But doesn't the father of the baby _want _to be with you and help you?"

"Umm, he's not able to leave his wife, but he _is_ helping me."

I looked at Esme, hoping she would think of something to say, which would stop Jasper from asking anymore questions, or making any assumptions.

"I ...can't really talk about it any more Jasper." I said finally.

"Wait just a minute!...You said that you have _only_ told Carlisle and Esme, and the father _knows and is married_...are you...have you...are you having a baby _with _Uncle Carlisle? Did you and Uncle Carlisle..._have an affair?_ Did you _condone_ this Esme? This is crazy! My own family! The only sensible ones in the whole Cullen clan, and even _they_ have gone _completely, stark-raving mad!"_

He looked furious and turned around and ran out of the house.

Esme sighed and ran after him.

Oh God! If this a small taste of what's going to happen, when people find out about me and the Cullens...

If _this_ is how it's _going to be_, I may as well get _**prepared **_for all of the _crazy shit_ to rain down on my head, earlier than I expected!

* * *

"I still can't believe it! I get the _gist _of what you three agreed to do, but it is still spinning me out! I mean, how are you going to deal with all of the _fall out_ and why would someone _as bright as you Bella_, put yourself in _such a __**fucked up**__ situation?"_

Esme had dragged Jasper back into the house after telling him the basics of our surrogacy agreement.

He'd started apologizing, to me for making assumptions, but then went into a long-winded, philosophical discussion, about the all of ethics and dynamics of the situation.

I sat silently, tears rolling down my face.

"I don't think it's really any of your business Jasper. I would just ask you to please not share your distress and angst with anyone else. Keep it to yourself, at least until Carlisle and I are completely ready to tell people. You need to stay quiet, for _all_ of our sakes." Esme said seriously.

"Ok, but tell me _why_ ...why did you _do it_ Bella?"

"Jasper," I sighed, "I don't think you would _**ever **_understand."

"Oh really? Just try me!" He challenged.

"Have you ever been totally alone in this world, with no one to turn to?"

"No."

"Have you ever seriously been about to be homeless?"

"No."

"Have you ever given up all of your dreams, in order to care for a dying family member suffering in awful, chronic, untreatable pain?"

"No."

"Have you ever been hungry, for weeks and weeks at a time, with hardly any food to eat because you had to share the small amount you had with your sick father, and there was _no extra money_ to feed you both properly?"

"No. But what about soup kitchens?"

"Ha! What about them? There _aren't any_ in Forks. I was working as a casual, pretty much with full time hours, but _still _not earning enough to pay all of the bills, as well as feed myself and my dad. It's called being part of the _working poor_ Jasper, that's how it is for millions and millions of people every day, for the whole of their lives."

"Have you ever had to watch over someone you love, die a slow death from a suicide attempt?"

"No."

"Have you ever lost a simple, low-paying job, just because you couldn't make it to work, due to your dad being taken to hospital in a coma, halfway dead?"

"No. But..."

"Have you ever had to bury any family members, with your mother unable to attend the funeral... because she couldn't give a shit?"

"No...why would she do that to you?"

"Has your future ever looked _so bleak and hopeless_, that you saw no way forward, other than to follow your dead father into his grave?

"No...Bella, you ..."

"Have you ever seen someone who has worked hard all their life, been a responsible, upstanding citizen, and paid their taxes become penniless and nearly homeless because his health insurance refused to cover his treatment and he had not been allowed access to social security, due to bungling, bureaucratic ineptitude?"

"No, I've heard about people like that, but never met any."

"Ok then, I have _made my point!_ You will _never_ be able to understand my position, and _why_ I decided to chose becoming a surrogate mother for the Cullens, the way I did."

He looked sad.

"But hear this Jasper, I _did choose_ the Cullen's, and _they chose_ me. I made a choice and what's more, _I'm glad I did!_ Because for the first time ever, I have more than just financial security and a future, _**I have hope**_. I have something wonderful to hope for and live for, and I'm really looking forward to giving Esme and Carlisle, two of the nicest people I've ever met, a family of their very own."

He looked right at me.

And I looked back at him.

I got up and hugged Esme.

"So please, no more questions Jasper. _We don't need it and it won't __change anything. Just **accept** it and be thankful for all of your blessings_, be _thankful _that you have a great life, _doing __**exactly**__ what you love!"_

* * *

Please send me a little feedback! I love it!_  
_


	15. Chapter 15

**SM owns twilight, I own my mistakes, and a secret passion for Jasper.  
**

* * *

**Chapter fourteen.**

Seth Clearwater and his two friends came rumbling into the driveway at seven thirty sharp.

I laughed to myself; his truck was _even older_ than Bertha, by about twenty years! It had obviously been done up, with lots of fancy paintwork, extra chrome fittings and big, fat tyres. Seth really must have loved his truck, and had spent a large amount of time, effort and money fixing her up.

Seth and his two buddies were smiling brightly and piled out of the cab, like a bunch of excitable puppies. They couldn't have been any older than sixteen. I didn't mind, it was actually _easier_ to handle younger guys, and particularly if they wanted to make a good impression.

I guess they would be close with Jacob Black, coming from the same tiny community down the coast at la Push. I didn't want to think about Jake right now. I needed them to help me clear out the garage and work out what should be sold, and what could be thrown out, or donated.

Each of the young guys came and introduced themselves, Seth had driven his his truck and took the lead, Colin was next who must have been about Seth's age, and then there was Brady, who I guessed must have been only fourteen.

"Ok fellas; let's go see what I want you to do."

I explained about my car and the freezer of fish, and then showed them the rest of the stuff, which was cluttering up the garage.

They eyed the chaos, stacks of dusty, messy piles, _who knows_ what could be hidden in there in the gloom and dirt?

My guess was _not a whole lot_...but then again, I was interested to see _exactly_ what Charlie had squirreled away in there, over the years. I might be pleasantly surprised after all! Here's to hoping I would have a _nice_ surprise, and not something horrible.

"Have any of you guys got leather gloves? I don't want you to hurt yourselves, and I want you to wear some strong boots, to protect those bare feet too. Why are you wearing shorts in this freezing weather anyway? Aren't you cold?"

They looked at me like I was talking another language... and shrugged.

"We don't feel the cold, we're tough." Seth bravely said puffing out his chest and crossing his arms.

"I _get_ that Seth, but let's see if I can help you to at least _protect_ your hands and feet. _Just do it for me_, it will give me a little piece of mind, _ok?"_

I chuckled, somehow I was using Carlisle's technique, to get people to do what I asked...by letting _them_ think they were doing _me a favour!_

I searched, and found what I was looking for; Charlie had never thrown a pair of boots or gloves out in his life. I gingerly pulled out all of his dusty boots, and then a box of gloves, and let the young fellas try them on.

"Give them all a bash first, to make sure there are no spiders hiding down inside them; you never know what's made their home in them!"

They dutifully knocked the dust and dirt off the items, and gave the boots a good peek before they tried them on.

"Actually these aren't in such bad condition, why don't you keep them? Are the boots about the right size for your feet?"

They mumbled and looked at the big leather, police-issue boots on the ends of their long, skinny legs.

"Hang on; I think Charlie kept some police-issue socks and some other clothes in here too."

There were thick wool socks, as well as sweaters, rain jackets and woolly, knitted hats and scarves, for the times Dad went fishing; I also found some waders and long rubber boots.

The teenagers giggled as they tried on some of the clothes.

They were a bit big for them, but I was pleased their feet fit the boots when they added the socks, and so did their hands in the leather gloves. At least they would be _somewhat protected._

"Seth, do you think it will rain for the next two days? It would be perfect if we had a little fine weather for the garage sale."

They looked at the sky, dawn was just breaking.

"How about we sling up a large tarpaulin in between the trees, garage and house, and then the gear for sale can be protected from any rain?" Seth asked.

"Yeah, you can never really tell what its going to be like in Forks, hopefully it might stay dry for us. I think putting up tarps is a great idea Seth, can you three manage that for me?"

They nodded.

"Ok there are several large tarps over in that corner, and some strong rope near it. How about you find a couple of the biggest ones to rig up a shelter and I'll go make you three some breakfast and juice?"

Their smiles were huge, at the mention of _food_. They agreed to set up some cover for the sale items and quickly got stuck into it.

Seth looked at me anxiously as I was leaving.

"Umm... Bella?"

"Yes Seth?"

"Have you got any spare hair ties, the guys and I don't want our hair to get all dusty..." he looked sheepish, and blushed.

"No worries, I've got heaps, any colour preference?"

He shook his head, but Colin and Brady both said _'__**black**__' _at the same time.

"Ok so...no pink hair ties then, got it!" I chuckled and went inside to get started on their breakfast.

I came out with a tray of fried food, a big pile of toast, a carton of juice and three glasses. I looked at their handy work.

"That's a nice job you've done there fellas, come and eat."

I sat down the tray and they came racing over.

"There's a tap over there, if you want to wash up first."

I pointed to the side of the house. They scrambled together, in a wild tangle of long limbs and rinsed off the worst of the dirt. Coming back, to leap onto the food, virtually inhaling it, like they hadn't eaten in weeks.

Rufus came out of the back door tentatively and sniffed. He hadn't spent much time outside before, so he was torn between exploring and playing it safe.

"Hey Rufus, come and meet some new friends, come on, don't be shy," he looked out at the three young men and raced out of the open door, flew over to me and up onto my shoulder. He purred loudly and rubbed himself on my chin, _to show them that I was **already** claimed._

I chuckled. "So guys this is my kitten Rufus, and he thinks he owns me, don't you baby?" I scratched his head, and his purring got louder.

The three, who had demolished all the food in record time, smiled at me and Rufus doing his shoulder-balancing trick. I handed out three, sturdy hair ties...in _black_, they pulled their hair into low ponytails quickly.

"I'm great at braids, if you want me to plait your hair for you...any takers?"

The looks on their faces cracked me up! I must have suddenly _reminded_ them of their mothers, or big sisters. They shook their heads together silently declining my offer, hoping against hope, that I wasn't going to mess with their long, satiny locks.

It didn't take long to us make a big dent in the garage chaos. There was _**a lot **more good and useful stuff_ than I had previously thought, which was good in a way, but didn't really solve my problem of the lack of storage. I could keep my car _and_ the good stuff in the same small single garage.

I thought I should keep the best tarps and the nicest rope, and some of the better looking, intact tools, the rest of it could be sold.

I made a small pile of the things I would keep, and told Seth.

He suggested putting up some _shelving_ to store items, up off the garage floor and still leaving _plenty of room_ for me to park Lucia. What can I say, he was a _genius!_

There were still some mystery boxes at the very back of the garage, and Angela was yet to come over and see what she wanted to add to the items for sale.

"So Seth is there anything here you want to have first dibs on?"

His eyes lit up, "I would like that bed frame, chest of drawers, the rope and some of the tarpaulins, they would come in handy for my new business, carting things to the dump for people."

"That's great, so how about you take the stuff you want, back home now. Then it won't get mixed up with the sale tomorrow. I'll go through the last of the boxes, if you'll drag them out for me into the light."

"Really, I can have this stuff?"

"Yeah, if you want to work out a price, we can come to some sort of arrangement."

"How about I work one day for free, to pay you for the stuff."

"I guess, but the money you make might be useful for you. How about I give you the stuff you want, if you take everything that remains here after the sale, and do with it what you want, sell it on eBay, take it to the dump, or give it out at a pot latch, as long as I don't have to deal with it, ok?"

"That's great, I can do that!"

"And then if you like, I might have some more paid work, for you and your two amigos, like painting the house, mowing the yard and knocking out some internal walls in the living room. It will be much harder work, and I'll only offer it to you if you think you are up to it, and will do a good job."

"Sure, we could do that couldn't we guys?"Seth asked Colin and Brady.

"I only ask, that you _make sure_ that you get the ok from your parents, and that it doesn't interfere with _any_ of your school work, ok?"

Colin nodded and asked me in a quiet voice, "Er... Miss? Are you going to do anything with that?"

He pointed to the roof truss of the garage. I squinted and finally saw what Colin was pointing to. Perched up high in the gloom, was a _really large surfboard_, it looked like it was made of wood, not like the modern white foam and fibreglass boards that you see nowadays.

"Wow, I had _no idea_ that was there! Can you see if you can get it down Colin? Maybe use the ladder to reach it? Be careful, don't fall!"

Colin nodded. Seth and he set up the ladder and gently pulled it down from its hiding place in the roof timbers.

Apart from the thick dust and obvious age, it looked like an old, handmade board, from the early days of surfing. It was around ten foot long, and as Colin dusted it off, I smiled.

I'm pretty sure Charlie _never_ surfed. This board may have been much older than my Dad, perhaps _his father_ had surfed in the nineteen forties or fifties? I guess that would explain the tropical shirts from around the same era, that Charlie had held onto, in his wardrobe.

"Colin this board _could be_ quite a valuable collector's item, will you like to help me list this on eBay, or a similar surf memorabilia site, and we can see how much it goes for? I'll give you half of what we sell it for, how's that for a deal?"

He smiled and readily agreed, looking proud to have spotted it.

"Colin, do you surf?"

"Yeah I love it! I've been saving up for a new board, and I can't wait to get the one I want. I really want to get a six foot six, rounded pin tail with quad fins...it's such an _amazing board!_ One of the local shapers in Port Angelus is keeping it aside for me, when I've got the money."

"Well that's cool"...I didn't understand _half_ of what he just told me, even _after_ hanging out with biology students who surfed, for the last four years.

"I want to thank you for spotting this old board up there in the rafters! I was completely oblivious, thanks!"

He smiled shyly.

"Why don't you all load up Seth's stuff, and wash up and come inside for some of my brownies? I need your opinion, as to whether they taste any good."

Of course they all loved the brownies _so much_, that they quickly demolished the whole plate full.

I chuckled and waved goodbye to their truck, piled with Seth's horde of my Dad's old furniture and gear.

I looked around at the hundreds and hundreds of fishing mags, trophies, nets, poles, sinkers, lures, spools of nylon fishing line and thousands of lethal looking fishing hooks. Then over at the pile of jackets, hats, scarves and waders.

There were some broken rusty tools, and assorted other broken, dusty items. A wicker picnic basket, some weathered folding chairs, a moth-eaten canvas tent, a few old blankets and rugs.

I pulled some flat items away from the side of the garage wall and was surprised that these were paintings...very dusty but paintings none the less! I took the first one out into the fading light to look at it more closely... and was _impressed_, this painting I held looked like a water colour of the local forest and the nearby river here in Forks.

The wooden frame around it was wide and simple, without patterns or paint. I couldn't yet see a signature, but it may have been disguised by all the dust laying on top of the glass.

I put it down and went to get the others.

What I discovered _made the hairs stand up on my arms_. These five water-colour paintings, were apparently created by someone, who signed their name _**C. Swan**_. Could my Dad have actually painted these? Or were these paintings another relative's art?

Tears came spilling over, trailing down my cheeks.

These were painted around Forks and La Push. All were landscapes delicately and beautifully executed, in light flowing colours.

Gently brushing the dust off with a soft rag, the glass and frames cleaned up nicely. Well _these_ were _definitely_ coming back into the house! I don't think they would _ever_ be sold _in my lifetime_. I needed to go through Charlie's journals to see if he ever mentioned the paintings and if he painted them.

_Why would they have been stored so haphazardly, in the garage? _

Maybe Renee might know something about them? I could ask her by email, talking to her on the phone, just made me angry. She still wanted me to come down and keep her _amused_ in Florida..._fat chance of that ever happening!_

Angela came home from work and we chatted about setting up the sale and where we should place our handmade signs to attract buyers. I told her that Seth and his friends could probably help her if she had any big things to cart over to my yard.

I asked her to look at the paintings; she was intrigued with them too. I snapped some photos of them and sent an email to Renee, asking if she knew anything about them.

I sent another email, with the same photos to Esme; I knew she would be interested. The Cullen's collected art, and were keen on the work of local artists. Maybe she knew of C. Swan, and his or her work?

As it got dark, I decided to quickly go through the boxes Seth had pulled out for me, what I saw _freaked me out._

Military uniforms, lay carefully folded... and apparently in good condition, with layers of mothballs and brown paper, in one wooden box.

Another wooden box held a bunch of different swords in their scabbards; one looked like it was possibly a sabre.

The third box contained some leather belts and other items used on uniforms, and a tightly folded, American flag.

I needed to keep these boxes away from the sale, in order to do some further research. _Who owned them? Where did they come from?_

Charlie was never in any of the armed forces, but were any of my other ancestors? How old were these, and would they be of historical value to anyone?

The dark had set in now, but I didn't feel happy leaving the boxes and old surfboard out on the lawn. I didn't feel confident moving them by myself either, so I just covered them over with some extra tarps, and hoped they weren't stolen in the night.

* * *

The house and garage were a _hive_ of action this morning. The Cullens both rolled up, with some items they wanted to sell too, and insisted helping me and Angela out. Angela got Colin and Brady to drag some nice chairs over, along with lots of scatter cushions, posters and _books,_ _lots and lots of books!_

Esme bought over some slightly used electrical goods, model cars and floor rugs.

I showed the Cullens and Angela, the mystery water-colours and military gear, and Carlisle looked at me with new eyes.

"You can easily research your family connections to military institutions Bella, they often have databases online, but the local history society would be able to assist you too, especially if you have early family connections to this area." Carlisle said.

"Ok, I want to keep these under wraps for a while, they are a real mystery." I pointed to the wooden boxes, which I had Seth bring inside for me, first thing after he arrived this morning.

"Good idea Bella, and before it gets too busy, I want to apologize for Jasper's outburst the other day. I had a long talk with him. It was mostly _my fault_ for never fully explaining _everything_ to our family... about just _how sad_ Essie and I have been for the last decade, trying _so many times_ to have a baby and failing, as well as how _devastating_ Esme's hysterectomy was for her, last year."

"It's not up to your family to push their opinions on to you Carlisle. I do kind of feel sorry for Jasper, after he demanded that I explain my reasons for being a surrogate. I think I may have broken him. He left here really over-whelmed, even sort of _in shock_ after _I said_ _**what... I said."**_

"Yes well, he was shattered that you _called _him out, on his forceful questioning of your motives in this. I have to say that you have gotten well and truly _under his skin_, and made him question _a lot_ of things that he has always taken for granted."

"I seem to always cause havoc in your family, I'm sorry Carlisle."

"Hey don't you _ever apologise_ for _who you are_ or _what you've done!_ I'm _proud of you._ Jasper is a young guy who's always had it too easy and has people throwing opportunities and money at him _all the time."_

"But ..."

"No buts Bella, both Rose and Jasper need to recognize that _what_ they have, is _very different_ to what most people in the world have...they are privileged and have been spoiled because of it. I'm sorry to admit that I've been a party to _giving __**in**_ _to their whims and wants, especially _when they were children. Essie and I were keen to have children of our own and the twins were somewhat of a substitute. The same goes for Edward, Esme's nephew, he is _just_ as demanding... expecting us to _**pander**__ to his every whim."_

_WOW! He really laid it on the line._

"Please just accept my sincerest apologies for Jasper jumping to the wrong assumptions Bella and causing you so much distress. You don't need the extra stress; _pregnancy is trying enough as it is! _Still feeling morning sick?"

"Yes, but I've come up with a novel solution to it avoid it though. I make up a thermos of boiling water, and sit it next to the bed, with a mug and tea bags before I go to bed, and make up hot ginger tea first thing in the morning. I also have a plate with some dry, salty crackers. That way I can settle my stomach _before_ I get out of bed, and avoid all of the vomiting."

Carlisle's eyebrows rose.

"So other than feeling bloated and tired a lot of the time, and having sore boobs, it's all good!" I chuckled.

"Well, let's make sure you don't overdo it today! Why don't you sit down and I'll ask you the prices, if someone wants to buy something ok?"

"Are you sure you don't have any doctoring to do, rather than hanging out here and selling off my Dad's old stuff?"

"No I have the day off today and I've been missing hanging out with you Bella, you make my day brighter. I'm jealous of Esme coming here and seeing you so much. I _loved_ those pies you baked by the way, _the pecan pie was divine!_ You have _quite_ a gift when it comes to cooking."

"Huh, thanks, it all came from my Nanna's recipes; she was famous for her pies and even won prizes at the state fairs every year."

"Well, you seem to have inherited her talent, and the courage and strength to keep going when times get rough, from whoever owned those military officer's uniforms and swords Bella."

"I don't know if _those_ _attributes_ are particularly inheritable traits Doc, but I'll accept what you say, with thanks. It looks like we have some customers rolling up!"

* * *

Having the Cullens, Angela and Seth and his crew here, made the garage sale go fast.

I handed over the haggling and prices to Esme and Angela, who firmly stood their ground when I looked like I would essentially give things away for nothing.

I got sent inside, to make some coffee and snacks, so that Esme could work her magic on those customers who wanted _everything for nothing_. And I happily left her to it.

Carlisle helped me bring some trays of food and drinks out, and he insisted I sit and put my feet up while I drank my tea.

Seth and the guys were happy to hang around, helping as needed when someone wanted to put furniture or awkward objects in their cars. At the end of the day, when nearly everything was sold, and the weather had turned rainy, Seth's dad Harry, came to say hi. I hadn't seen him since the funeral.

I remembered he and Charlie went way back together, growing up here as kids. I asked him to come inside and showed him the paintings, his eyes got teary.

"_Oh my_, I never thought I would _see them again!_ Your dad, he painted these during his senior year, he was a good artist and won the art prize that year. These were hanging here in the house, but when Renee came and moved in, she decided that she hated them; she said they were too boring and amateurish. She made Charlie pull down his great pride and joy, and stop painting altogether. "

I shook my head, _that evil bitch, why did she have to act so cruel _towards Charlie? He never stopped loving her. Why did she hate these paintings? They never did _anything_ to her, to deserve such scorn and derision.

"I think she thought that his love of being outside in the open air and spending time alone in the forest, painting...somehow took his attention _off her_, and painting _was his __**first **__love, in a way._ Your dad was a creative soul, who had his talent squashed by a selfish, careless woman, _who didn't __**see**__ the real Charlie_. She tried to make him into someone else, _someone he could never be_. He wasn't cool and exciting enough, he didn't have a lot of money to splash around, _and he was quiet and steady, just like you Bella."_

I stood there beside Harry, sniffing the tears away.

"Huh, well I hope Dad doesn't mind me getting upset about things, it was hard watching him die, and I wished so much that things could have been better for him. I'm glad I know who painted these now. I'm going to get them professionally cleaned and put back here, in the house _where they should have __**stayed**__ all along!"_

"Harry I want to thank you for letting Seth and his friends come and help me. You don't mind if I ask them to do some more paid work, like house painting and some gardening? I've got plans to open up this room, and make some changes to the living and kitchen area. If I get them properly fitting protective gear, and get Esme to supervise them properly, would you let them all come, and work for me after school and on weekends?"

"Bella, I think it's great! They are all gaining confidence from being here with you. I was so happy to hear Seth rave about your cooking last night, you sound _just like your grandmother_, who had a magic touch in the kitchen. I was happy you made them wear boots and gloves too. They think that they are indestructible at this age, but injuries do happen."

I laughed, "they were a _lot _more worried about their beautiful, long hair! I asked them if I could plait it for them, but they looked horrified! Poor things! Now Harry, there's something here, that I was wondering if you'd like to take home with you, its over here."

I took him outside to where I'd stashed some things I didn't want to sell just yet. There I found the creepy, prize-winning, mounted fish that Charlie was so very proud of.

"Harry is this fish something you would like?"

"Oh Bella _really? You __**want **__me to have it!_ I remember seeing Charlie land that beauty, it was in the last ten minutes of the last day, of our big state-wide competition. I was so _sure_ I was going to win, but he pipped me at the post and bought her home! I've never seen him _so proud_, except for the day you were born, and then I believe... he could have just about _swallowed the moon up_, with all of his happiness!"

_That did it for me, I was __**beyond **__words and for the longest time, I couldn't talk, I just cried._

_I really, __**really**__ missed my Dad._

* * *

Please leave me some feedback, it makes me glow!_  
_


	16. Chapter 16

**SM owns twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter fifteen.**

I plodded through my marking for Prof. Aro, as things got busy around the house. I sat upstairs snarling and grumbling, red pen in hand while I read and re-read the student's work in front of me... while Seth, Colin and Brady, transformed my yard into a tidy, user-friendly lawn, from a previously unkempt jungle, full of high grass and fallen tree limbs.

Seth's crew came and worked away diligently, joking all the while as they happily mowed, chopped and pruned. Then they built and started a compost heap for me and dragged the tree limbs away to La Push for to use for firewood. Then they constructed a sturdy chicken run and shelter, they even supplied me with a couple of young hens, who were just about to begin their life as mature hens who lay eggs.

Rufus and I found our new girls endlessly amusing. They enjoyed Angela's and my kitchen scraps so much, and scratched around in the mud looking for worms and slugs. Their feathery antics made me laugh, and Rufus thought that his new post outside their run, was his _favourite_ place to be. I couldn't wait till they started laying delicious, fresh eggs.

I planned that in the up-coming spring, Seth's crew could start prepping the old flaky, boards which clad the house ready to start painting the house a new colour. I decided on pale yellow ochre, with a cream trim for the windows and eaves, maybe a dark, rusty red colour for the front door, I hadn't really decided if that was the colour I wanted.

* * *

Esme insisted on paying her personal art conservator a visit with Dad's paintings, and paying for them to be professionally cleaned. The conservator remounted and sealed the frames, so that insects and mould wouldn't attack the heavy paper they were painted on. Overall, the paintings were in very good condition, even after being stored in a dusty, damp garage for over twenty years.

Dad's five landscape paintings found spots around my living room, and I was so happy that they were all back home, _where they belonged._

* * *

I had a small job of checking Charlie's grave and his finished black granite headstone. It was more than a little strange, going back to his grave, but I met the guy who had carved and made the headstone, and watched as he worked, setting it into the earth and concreting around it to provide stability against the weather.

The headstone looked glossy and black. I had just wanted simple words, nothing fancy. Dad was a simple man, never felt any need for fanfare. I lay a simple bunch of white lilies down on the bare earth, in front of the stone.

I remembered our funny times together, when he wanted me to learn how to fish. I had cried and cried when the live bait of wiggling worms and chirping crickets, had to be hooked and thrown into the water to attract the fish.

I kept on falling into _whatever body of water_ was nearby, and getting all blue and shivery. I never _meant_ to get all wet, it just kind of happened!

_I wasn't __**much **__of a fishing buddy...sorry Charlie!  
_

Hypothermia was a constant companion of mine growing up, not enough body fat I guess. It didn't matter _how much_ Charlie rugged me up and sat me close to the fire, I was _still_ bone-chillingly cold. Luckily I could read though, so as I grew I sat there quietly not disturbing him, entertaining myself with what ever book I had my nose in, and keeping _well away_ from the water.

I remember Dad being sad, but trying hard not to show it, when I went to college that first time. He _tried_ not to cry, but I knew that he would be letting the tears flow. once I had driven away in Bertha.

He got sick soon after my first year started, but hid it from me. _I wished I had known_, I could have somehow _made_ him seek treatment earlier. Maybe he could have lived and I wouldn't be crying at his grave.

_I hoped that __**where ever**__ he was... that the fishing was great, that he could paint in peace and be free... free from suffering and free of pain_

* * *

The historical society didn't have much information for me, as my grandfather and great grandfather didn't come from Forks or the Olympic Peninsular.

I found them all listed on a military database, and it appears that the newest of the uniforms, belonged to my father's father, an interesting navy man based in Hawaii.

There he was known for surfing his old Hawaiian Malibu, and wearing colourful, tropical shirts, when not in uniform. He was based in Pearl Harbor, worked as a weather specialist, and fell in love and married the girl, who worked in the base's kitchen as a cook.

So my Nanna was originally a beautiful Hawaiian local, who cooked her way into my grandfather's heart. I bet she did a great hula dance too!

My grandfather's father and his brother were both naval officers, and before that, their father was an officer during the Civil War, for the northern states.

I gently pulled out their uniforms and swords. Carefully packed underneath were some old war journals, which of course I found fascinating.

Maybe one day, I could make time to sit down and transcribe them all. At least put them online for others to use for historical research purposes. I'll ask around when I go down to the campus in Monterey, they have a History department there and one of the staff is friendly with Aro.

Maybe they will help me, I'm sure they see old, hand written documents all the time.

* * *

At the eight week point, the Cullens and I went along to an appointment to have an ultrasound and see the specialist.

We all were excited to see two little peanuts with two little heartbeats!

We gasped and cried and hugged!

_They were real!_

Leah's granny was correct and I winked at Esme, and she nodded back at me.

So _twins!_

It gave me a reminder that _yes, I really __**was**__ pregnant_.

Dr Naidoo was very happy to see how well the two babies were progressing.

She gave me all the same advice that Carlisle had, and _impressed _on me the fact that, I should _keep active, but not overdo anything_. Also, that if I needed to and had a chance, I should put my feet up and take a nap during the day. She wanted me to eat small, frequent meals and keep up with my supplements.

She organised for fortnightly appointments, to monitor that progress and ensure that the babies were fine. She said my babies weren't sharing a placenta which was a small blessing, and that I had a good chance of going through the pregnancy, and them making it all the way to full term.

She told me to read up about twin pregnancies, but not to worry _too much_, that although natural birth for twins was possible, that when the time came, it was possible that I might need to have a caesarean to deliver them safetly.

Her gentle palpitations on my tummy, were calming and easy, she gave me her personal phone number and said to make sure to ring her if I had any pain, bleeding or worries.

My next appointment would be a few days before Christmas.

On the phone Leah shouted and cried and she told me to come see her as soon as possible. I told her that I would never go against her granny's predictions _ever again_, and Rufus and I would be coming down, to hand all of the marking I had completed back to Prof. Aro.

And talking about _marking_, the same student kept coming up again and again with brilliant papers and exams results!

Whoever this was, was obviously someone _really special, someone with a great future_.

The other students kept producing similar, boring, average results, except those few, who were obviously erratic in their answers and results...I strongly suspected that they were cheating, but not very successfully as their results were _so_ varied... ranging from perfectly brilliant to less than hopeless.

I made a note for Aro about what I had suspected, and sent off the finished results via email.

Later in the week, Rufus and I would make another trip, stopping at Leah and Marcy's place. I'm sure our pets would just _love_ that, and then down to Pia and Aro's place where she would fuss over Rufus again, and he would gain large amounts of weight, eating six meals a day. Pia was incorrigible! If she had her way, Rufus would end up looking like a cat version of the Michelin man!

On the phone to Pia, she mentioned that Aro had organised for a big festive gathering, for all of the students and staff at their place, and it would coincide with my trip down there. I laughed and told her to let me help with the food, and she admonished me, saying that I was to rest and enjoy myself. The whole thing was going to be fully catered.

I sighed down the phone and promised her that I would _leave the kitchen alone,_ and _mingle_ with the guests.

* * *

The only big downer in my life, were the crazy calls I had received from Renee.

She sounded paranoid and upset with me, and verbally harangued me about Charlie's art.

At first I couldn't understand what on earth she was talking about.

She continued at accuse me of deliberately upsetting her.

In that moment, I realized that she had _finally lost_ all sense of reason.

When I asked her why... _why _she thought I was deliberately upsetting her, by asking her if she knew anything about the five paintings.

She rambled and shrieked... and confusingly rambled on some more.

Saying stuff like 'no one understood her', and 'why did she have to put up with an ungrateful daughter'...at that point I cracked and realised I had had _enough_.

I told her to not bother ringing anymore. I told her that I'd found out what she did to Charlie's and his creativity.

Renee cackled and said she had taken the paintings down off the wall and _put them in the bin_... but Charlie must have rescued them from the trash and _hid_ them from her.

Then she went into another meaningless, rambling monologue.

I told her that from now on, she was _no longer my mother_, and I refused to have anything more to do with her.

Ending the call was such a relief.

I shook in anger. Poor Dad, fancy her throwing his art in the bin...who _actually does something like that? What a nasty bitch!_

I texted Phil, to say a goodbye and to let him know that I _wouldn't _be keeping in touch with Renee.

He was now all on his own, with my crazy-assed mother.

I felt sorry for the poor guy, he didn't deserve to have to put up with her wild erratic behaviour, but he _did_ marry her and who knows how long that relationship would last?

Renee's rambling speech made me wonder if she was drunk and/or on something... perhaps she was in the process of having a mental collapse, who knows?

* * *

It was going to be Christmas in just a month!

I planned on trying something wonderful, a Christmas lunch for everyone I wanted to thank for helping make this last couple of months _livable._

I wanted to include Seth, Colin and Brady, Esme and Carlisle, Angela ...and Harry hopefully! Maybe even Leah could even make it up here for lunch; I would love it if she came.

I wanted to make the day a happy one, with a big baked turkey and baked potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce as well as a steamed plumb pudding, homemade vanilla and macadamia ice cream, and brandy custard.

I planned to buy an ice-cream maker while I was in California, it would be a Christmas present to myself. I wanted to try new flavours.

I would make a bunch of delicious chutneys, jams and jellies for presents, and to decorate a _real spruce_, rather than the sad looking, plastic one which I sent to the dump.

I wanted tinsel, bows, bells, holly and mistletoe decorating the rest of the house. I even thought of getting Seth's crew to put up strings of twinkling lights all around the outside of the house.

The day before I left for California, I sent out invitations for my Christmas lunch in the mail. I would make sure my festivities this year included lots of silly carol music and paper hats and most of all, thanking everyone for being wonderful friends to me.

I wondered if I could invite Jasper? I'd like to be his friend, and he was someone who helped construct my window seat after all. I ran the idea passed Esme, she gave me Jasper's address, but she told me he was away for the next two months on location in Mexico and El Salvador photographing for National Geographic.

I sent him an invitation anyway, just in case he _was_ able to make it up here.

He might be able to make here it here another year for Christmas. I could hope, I guess.

_I __**still **__dreamt of Jasper...food and longing, ending in a deep and intense orgasmic finale._

These daily dreams had nearly become an accepted part of my life now.

Waking up like that all _hot and flushed_.

It was crazy, but _who_ could I ask about it?

How would I describe my symptoms... and _who_ would believe me?

For someone like me, who had virtually no real experience and who had previously never been a sexual being at all, it was a _shocking revelation_ that _this_ could feel _so amazing_, and _yet deeply unsettling_ at the same time.

Was it just my body responding to the raised levels of hormones that made me dream like this?

Was it an unconscious desire to be with Jasper?

In the dreams there was never any sex or even nudity, it just _always_ finished with an orgasm... was that _mad_ or what?

And someone as beautiful, accomplished and desirable as Jasper, would _undoubtedly_ be _avoiding me like the plague_ in the future, because I made him feel like crap and ended up sending him into shock, as I _forced_ him to listen to me confront him on the facts of my life.

Carlisle and Esme thought that he'd be fine, and told me to stop worrying.

_Would I be forever dreaming of Jasper, but never really **knowing** him?_

Maybe it would be fine... and I should stop fretting about how I overwhelmed him. He was an adult after all!

On my last evening in the house, Rufus, Angela and I enjoyed sitting at either end of the lovely window seat, playing chess, while the rain pelted down outside and the fire-light flickered around the walls.

Some of Angela's cushions and books had made their way into my living room, and we decided that they looked good there. I thanked her for being my friend, and never letting me down.

When I revealed my pregnancy with twins to her she was surprised, but smiled at me.

"They are the Cullen's babies, aren't they?"

I nodded silently and she hugged me.

"That's the most amazing, bravest thing I've ever heard. Let me _be with you_, when you want someone to understand, to listen and be there. I get how most people won't get it, but I _do, I really **do**_. Let me tell you a secret, I'm my mother's daughter, but my biological father is my uncle."

I looked at her.

"My dad, was infertile, so they used my uncle's sperm to have me, and for that I'll be _forever grateful_ to him."


	17. Chapter 17

**SM owns twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter sixteen.**

This morning I had slept in late, last night I'd done something I never usually did. I had gone out on the town and had fun with a wonderful bunch of strangers...I groaned as I lifted my head up, the nausea hit me... I listened to a truck pull up in the driveway, as the caterers arrived and started setting up the marquee in the garden and rolling out boxes and trolleys of food, drink and glassware.

I looked around, trying to remember my outing last night and _why_ I felt so sick..._morning sick_, that's right I'm _**pregnant!**_

Pia had snuck into my room earlier and taken Rufus, for a large breakfast and some playtime. She and he both loved playing with balls of wool and pieces of scrunched up paper, her throwing them and he cashing them.

Thank heavens she had left a tray of tea and toast for me!

I sipped and chewed slowly, and the nausea gradually receded.

_Thanks Pia!_ She _somehow_ had guessed what I needed. I wonder if I should spill the beans on my current state of pregnancy?

Pia saw I was in _need_ of a little pampering when I arrived here a few days ago.

Apart from giving me breakfast in bed _every day_, yesterday morning she _insisted_ that we should visit a spa for the day, her treat! We left Aro grumbling about women being ridiculous creatures, and kissing us fondly goodbye anyway. I drove us off to this pink girly place, where men like Aro, could _only imagine_, what we did there.

It was my first time to a spa too, so really I had _no idea_ _either!_

We got _the works_, a mud wrap, a facial, waxing, an hour long massage, a pedicure and a manicure, but the thing I was _most daunted_ by, was the idea of having my hair cut. Pia said it might make a nice change for me, having something that was easier to look after.

I huffed, not knowing whether to laugh or cry at my eight year old self, who _hated_ hair cutting, and who still thought she ruled me.

I know it sounds odd in this day and age, but my _last_ ever haircut, was when I was _eight_. Charlie took me off to his barber's shop. I cried the whole time, ending up with something similar to a _boy's_ short hair cut. I got badly teased about it at school, as you can imagine.

Since then, I've just let it grow longer and longer and I put it back in a sensible ponytail or plait if it was in the way. I could sit on it, but my hair is fairly thin and wispy, not as bad as it _used to be_, but still quite lifeless.

I sighed in relief when I got to meet my hair dresser. He was a wonderful, caring guy who _completely got_ how worried I was about having my hair cut. He spent lots of time, showing me nice styles that would better suit my face and my straight hair.

I told him that I was going to _take a big leap of faith_ and _trust him to give me an __**amazing **__cut_. His eyes shone when I said that. I also wanted a style that was easy to maintain, he clapped his hands and thanked me for trusting him.

I closed my eyes and relaxed, letting myself _let go of **all** of my frightened, childish hair issues._

It was really _nice_ having someone else play with my hair.

I must have almost dosed off, day-dreaming of the _hotness of Jasper_ and all the luscious food we could eat together.

I remembered the chocolate we talked about in the store, that first day.

_For **that moment** in the grocery store, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, or __**what**__ the hell I was feeling in fact._

_He** entranced me and annoyed me** in equal measure!_

_Now, I was left with longing and regret._

_I'd probably never see him again anyway, knowing my luck!_

_And if I ever __**did**__, he would be surrounded with hordes of other beauties, women to match his looks, his smooth easy voice, his charm and grace._

"You can open your eyes now and tell me what you think!"

_Huh?_

I opened my eyes and looked at a stranger in the mirror.

_Where am I? What just happened? Where was I?_

I blinked and shook my head...the woman in the mirror shook her head and blinked back.

"Oh my! I can't believe it's me!"

"You like this cut darling?"

"I can't believe it, I'm...I'm so different...so amazing! I can't believe it!"

I leapt up and hugged the stylist.

"You are so welcome sweetie, can I take your picture? I really like this style on you, it lifts your face up, makes you look great!"

"I thought it was someone else in the mirror for a second, you've worked a miracle! Thank you!"

"So can I take a snap of you now? I want to show you some other ways to style your hair, so it gives you a few different looks, ok?"

"Yeah, sure."

_Who knew_ I could look like a _whole, new woman_, just by getting a great haircut?

He showed me some great ways to change my hair, and recommended some things I could do to my face, with a small amount of makeup, when I dressed up and went out.

My face must have shown, that I wasn't going out so much...or ever.

"You don't get out much, do you honey?"

"Ah no, I don't... does it show that much?"

"Well, I think I'm going to have to change that! You deserve a night out! You can come out with me and do a little partying!"

"Really?" I squeaked. "I don't drink alcohol or do drugs, but I can dance a little...still want me to go out with you?"

"Sure! You are the cutest, little thing, and my friends will just love you! How about we have a lovely, relaxing meal and a then you can have a little peak at the fun life I lead!"

"Ok, I'll come out for a meal and an hour or so, at whatever place you want to show me, before I leave and go to off to bed alone."

"So early nights are your thing?"

"Yeah I guess, I'm tired a lot at the moment."

"Really? Why, are having trouble sleeping?"

"No I sleep like a log, and wake up very early...with a really hot, re-occurring dream."

"Wow, sounds like we should talk about this over dinner, my partner is a psychologist who specializes in dreams, he'd _love_ to chat to you."

"Ok, it's a date then!" I laughed.

We agreed on eating at a nice place, serving the freshest seafood down by the water.

I took Pia home and Aro grumbled about missing us. I told them I was going out for the evening and dressed up in the nicest thing I had, some neat, black, nicely-cut slacks, and a butterscotch cashmere sweater with a wide, soft, cowl neck. It was comfortable and flattering, and gave me enough confidence to relax.

The cashmere was cut long enough, to cover my rounded tummy and yet not look frumpy. I wore some soft, black leather Mary-janes. Heels and I had never agreed.

My hair already looked, great thanks to Steve; I left it as it was. I couldn't get over how light and swishy it felt, brushing against my shoulders!

Pia insisted I borrow her beautiful string of black pearls, to go along with the outfit.

Aro even commented on my appearance, wondering aloud who I was seeing tonight.

I laughed and told him it was just my new friend Steve, the gay hairdresser and Steve's partner who I didn't know yet.

I promised my hosts that I'd be _sure_ to be home _before midnight_ and they chuckled as I went out the door.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Aro called out.

* * *

Steve and Vlad turned out to be the most hilarious dinner companions _ever!_

I don't think I had ever laughed so much in my whole life! Everything they said seemed to be filled with innuendo, wit and cutting sarcasm, I had tears rolling down my face from the laughter and my sides ached.

Steve looked at me, in a sudden turn of seriousness.

"Bella tell Vlad _all about_ this re-occurring dream you wake up with every morning...tell us _all _about who's in it...I bet he's _a real hot tamale!"_

"Ooh, yes tell us _all!_ Is he someone _special?_ I bet anything he is _completely gorgeous!"_ Vlad queried pointedly, eyebrows raised and lips pursed.

"Well..."I huffed, "I do dream of the same stuff every morning, before waking up all hot and err...sweaty."

_**"Really?**_ And you dream of having a hot experience...with someone equally hot?"

I rolled my eyes; right here before me, I had _a dream specialist_, someone who _studied this kind of thing for a living!_ If there was _anyone_ out there who would believe me, _it was Vlad!_

"Ok, ok I'll spill! Every morning I have a dream which is deep with longing and this same really beautiful guy, who is trying to feed me food, usually fancy chocolate, and wants me to taste, uh... not _just_ the chocolate, if you get my meaning. I wake up all...uh...hot and flustered in the _most intense_ _way_. But_ in_ the dream there is _never any sex or nudity._..but it always results in a wild, unconscious _reaction_ on my part."

I looked down and blushed deeply.

"Oh honey, the dream is all about unfulfilled longing, nourishment and desire, do you have this happen _everyday? _It sounds like _your **body** has recognized what your **mind** cannot.._.that _this guy_ has **_something_** you need..._something important_ that you need, _as much as breathing or food...he's the __**key **__to it all!_ And how _long_ has this hot dreaming, been going on for?"

"Well, the vivid food dreams started pretty much, as soon as I got pregnant."

"PREGNANT!" They screamed together.

"...but it only took that _**one**_ time of seeming him, to start seriously dreaming of him. Its almost normal now, I keep waiting for it to slow down, but the dreams keep coming, and haven't gotten any er...cooler, they are still as hot as ever."

"Pregnant sweetie? So I'm guessing he's _not_ the father of you child."

"Ha! No he's not, he's his nephew!" I giggled.

"His nephew? You have hot dreams about your partner's nephew?"

"Well, firstly, he's not my partner! The man I'm pregnant to, is _**very** happily married." _

"Yeah, apparently so!" Vlad said sarcastically.

"No _it's true!_ I'm having a baby for him and his lovely wife. I'm a surrogate." I said trying to be serious for a moment.

"No! Really?"they both gasped, clutching their chests.

"Yes I'm a surrogate for a lovely couple, that's why I can't drink for a while."

"Wow! That's ...I don't know what to say...are you happy _within_ yourself? Will you be able to give the baby up, without any regrets?"

I nodded, "I made them promise that they would love and cherish any baby, _**no matter what**_ they were like. I have found, that they are two of the most compassionate, loving people you could ever meet. But the most exciting thing is that I'm having twins."

They jumped up and yelled, "TWINS!"

They raced around the table and hugged me.

"Oh my god! Congratulations! Twins!" Steve shouted.

"We must celebrate!" Vlad demanded.

"Let's go to meet our friends and have a little bubbly!" Steve suggested.

So we sang and danced the next few hours away, at a wonderful gay bar with a cracking karaoke and DJ setup.

Vlad and Steve's friends all cheered when they heard I was pregnant with twins, as well as being a surrogate.

I even got a few offers by some gay couples to carry their babies for them. I was given cards and phone numbers, asking me to seriously consider being a mother of their babies, which they so desperately wanted.

Lots of men danced with me, and some wanted to sandwich me in between their rock-hard, tanned bodies, and even touch my tummy, like I was some sort of fertility goddess.

It was kind of odd, yet strangely powerful; being _lovingly admired_ by heaps of sweaty, dancing, well groomed men.

And there wasn't _one_ amongst them, who made me feel uncomfortable for being one of the few women in the room. By the end of the night they all knew my name.

Just before two in the morning I was gently placed into my car by Steve and Vlad, and sent on my way home. I hadn't even drunk any alcohol, but _felt like a million dollars, riding on a glorious, natural high._

* * *

And here I was sitting up in bed, listening to the hustle and bustle of caterers shouting at each other and the clattering of things being stacked and unstacked, heaved and hauled, and people running around getting things ready for Aro's guests from the university.

I took my time getting showered and dressed in a comfortable wrap dress. I towel dried my hair and put some of the product through it, that Steve suggested, added some lip-gloss and a little eyeliner.

I was so pleased my tummy settled, no vomiting this morning! I took the tray and pearls down to the kitchen. Pia and Rufus greet me and we hug each other.

Pia asks me how my night was, and I end up telling her about my escapades at a gay bar, dancing with lots of friendly men, which she thinks is super funny.

Aro is dressed in a beautiful Italian suit, rather than his usual bird watching clothes, and Pia gives him an admiring look.

We have a taste of the caterer's finger food and I get myself a drink of mango and orange juice.

Pia and Aro start drinking some very nice looking wine. I wished I was drinking, and as Aro goes to pour me some, Pia looks at him and I decline.

"But why not Bella mia? You always drink a little wine with us!"

Pia is smiling with me, I'm smiling back.

"Professor, ..."

"Bella?"

"Prof. I'm not drinking because..."

"Yes?"

"...because I'm pregnant, with twins." I finally blurt out.

Pia goes pale and looks like she's about to faint.

Aro stands there speechless.

I wrap my arms around Pia, to support her, and gently move her over to a chair.

Aro stands blinking.

"What did you say Bella? I thought I heard you say that you are having _twins_...but you aren't married, you have no man!" Pia murmurs in shock.

"Who got you in the family way Bella? Am I going to have to go out and threaten him? Is this true...you are going to be a mother?" Aro asks.

I sit down next to Pia, and Aro comes up to us and places a hand on both our shoulders.

"I think you guys should have another drink, before I say any more." and with that instruction, they throw back their glasses draining them swiftly. Aro pours himself some more wine, feeling the need for a little fortification.

"I'm nine weeks pregnant and I'm carrying twins, for two wonderful friends who can't have their own babies. They asked me to be a surrogate, after they had tried and tried with no success for ten years."

"Really? You would do _this_ for them?" Pia asked.

"It's such a big sacrifice Bella. And _what_ did _they do for you_, in return?" Aro scowls at me.

I sigh, for there was no easy way to say this.

_I hoped to **hell** that they would understand, and didn't kick me out of their house in disgust._

_Or that Aro got really angry and stopped our work together._

"They paid off all of my debts and my father's debts, and they are covering me for all of my living and medical expenses, for the time that I'm their surrogate."

"And they wanted _twins too_?" Pia says curiously.

"They wanted a baby, but twins are a double blessing, unexpected but most welcome. I couldn't think of two more doting parents, to raise these twins." I pat my tummy.

"Bella you are an exceptional and brave, young woman. I hope these people know this and treat you with the honour and respect you deserve." Aro says seriously.

"And you need to _rest and relax_ while you are here Bella. I won't put up with you doing _anything_ strenuous, and you need to _eat_...eat more!"

"Pia, you don't need to panic, I'll be fine."

"Well while you are here, I'm gonna watch over you and fuss a little more. It's_ almost_ like I'm having grand babies...I wish you were my daughter Bella, I just _know _you will make beautiful babies."

I laughed and shrugged.

"Pia suddenly looked panicked, but Bella... it will _break your heart_ to give them away, yes?"

"Maybe, but I have asked to keep in contact with them and see them as they grow. I will be like a god-mother to them or something."

The guests had started arriving, and Aro went to welcome them to his home. Pia and I walked around her garden together.

"Bella, I never told you about Aro and me and why we never had children. Many years ago when I was a young girl in Napoli, my mother was desperate for money. We were very, very poor and things were bad for us. My brothers, sisters and I, were left to look after ourselves, while my mother tried to get work and scavenge for food."

"Anyway, I was coming back home through an alleyway one night, and I was set upon by a gang who attracted me and held me down and raped me. I was left for dead and would have perished, but for a man who found me, picked me up and took me to his home."

"I must have been unconscious for quite a while, but he and his wife tenderly cleaned me up and cared for me. He was a doctor, and I got the best of care. They adopted me and raised me, and that's how I met Aro, he was a neighbour and we became very close. But later when we married and had no success getting pregnant. I found out that that terrible attack, had caused _so much internal damage_, that I would _never_ be able to bear children."

I was overwhelmed, poor Pia, so small and so brutally treated by those bastards.

"Bella, I would have wished to have met you when Aro and I were younger and maybe arranged for _you_ to have a baby for us. What you are doing for this lucky couple, is a _really big thing_ and I hope they know this!"

"Excuse me ladies, could you point me towards the gent's restroom?"

_That voice!_ I turned towards it and look up and _up some more_... _God he's so tall! ...it's him! It's __**Jasper!**_

"Bella!"

"Jasper, its good to see you again, before I point you in the right direction, you must meet my special friend Pia Volturi, she is Professor Aro Volturi's wife."

"Ma'am, it's a great pleasure to meet you." he bowed down and kissed Pia's hand.

She giggled like a schoolgirl and blushed. "Jasper ..." was all she could say.

"I'll be back after I find the men's, please don't go away! I have _so much_ I want to talk to you about." Then he smiled, turned and raced off

"Oh my god! I never got to tell him which way the loo is!" Pia fluttered.

"Don't worry, he's a big boy! I'm sure he'll find it eventually Pia!" I laughed.

"Well he's a nice looking man! I _saw_ the way he looked at you. Tell me about him."

"He's studying the environmental science course, by correspondence and he's a photographer for 'National Geographic'. I know him because of a strange connection; he's the _nephew_ of my twins' father."

"What? He's the nephew! Is the father of the babies like Jasper in looks?"

"Ha! Yes I guess he is, Jasper's a twin too and you should _see his sister!_ In fact, I'm _sure_ the whole family are _too beautiful to be real._ I once thought that they were all _aliens_ from another planet, they were _so_ attractive. Carlisle is tall and blond, but a little more care-worn and older, he's 37 and his wife Esme is 33."

"I see that this Jasper, he would be good for you Bella. He likes the same things that you do. Nature, science, and I bet he likes your food too, have you cooked for him yet?"

I closed my eyes and remembered him _groaning_ in delight, as he bit down into my brownie.

"Yes he has." I admitted.

"Well then, _he's all yours_, no other woman will be able to hold his attention, after tasting your food Bella!"

"Pia, he's...he's very...um..."

"What? Desirable, good looking, charming, attentive, _what more_ could a sweet girl like you want, yes?"

"Pia, that's not so! He charms his way through life, having women fall at his feet. He won't see me that way, I'm plain and pregnant and inexperienced in everything to do with men. On top of that I'm sure I scared him off the last time we met."

"Nonsense! I can see he's _more than a little_ interested in you...he's enamoured! I've got to just go and check on something."

Before I could stop her, she had zipped off, to do whatever it was that she _had_ to do.

I sighed, what a crazy twenty four hours!

The spa and haircut. Steve and Vlad, the dinner, the dancing. The late sleep-in and my admission to Aro and Pia.

And now Jasper was _here, **right** here at this __**very**__ same place_.

Rufus came up to me and I picked him up. He decided to scramble high up, onto my shoulder and balance there. He started purring like a wild thing and rubbing himself all over my ear, neck and chin to scent-mark his territory. I was well and truly claimed!

"I've seen wildcats do the same thing, he wants to let the world know that you and he are a couple." Jasper said laughing behind me.

"Yeah, either that, or I'm considered part of _his territory_, take your pick! So how's things Jasper? I heard you were in down in central America on assignment."

"Yes I was, but it got called off, due to a local drug war raging between two cartels and some of my crew being kidnapped."

"Shit Jasper! I'm so sorry, did they make it out, and are they ok?"

"Yes, I just heard this morning that they were released, hungry and dirty but mercifully unharmed. Luckily the kidnappers accepted the ransom payments and released them."

"Wow, that's crazy, and you... how are you?"

"I'm seriously thinking giving up the business and settling down to photograph weddings, christenings and bar mitzvahs." He shook his head smiling.

"Really couldn't you just go photograph in the nice, safe places of the world?"

"That's not usually my thing. I tend to go into all the places that the others _fear to tread_, mostly war zones and areas of civil unrest. Makes for great stories, even if I do come back, a little worse for wear."

"Oh Jasper, I never got to ask you much about yourself, when you and Esme worked on my window seat. I'm sorry, that I was abrupt with you, and I never got to thank you properly for your work. The window seat is my favourite place in the house now."

"Bella, you had every right to get angry and you didn't need give me your reasons, for doing what you did. I'm _so sorry_ I was a pushy bastard, making stupid assumptions. Can you _please_ forgive me?"

"Jasper, you were just curious, asking questions is a good thing, _usually._ I'm getting better at explaining the whole surrogacy scenario to people, I just told Aro and Pia an hour ago, and they seemed to take it pretty well."

"So you forgive me my terrible curiosity, can we still be friends, sweet Bella?"

I blushed a deep red and somehow _lost my hold on reality,_ for a moment or two_...__**how**__ did he do that?...__**what**__ did he say?_

"Sorry what? I just lost my train of thought for a second."

"Forgive me?"

"Ok. I already sent you a Christmas invitation to my place for lunch."

"Can you _please_ let me taste your brownies again?" he gave me a look full of desire, were my brownies really _that good?_

"Oh, sure."

"I dream about them, you know!"

"Really!"

"Yes, I have dreams about you and your brownies, that are _far **too** wild_ for a sweet girl like you, to imagine!"

_Ha yeah...**wanna bet**? If **only** he knew about the way I dreamed of him!_


	18. Chapter 18

**SM owns twilight. I own my mistakes.  
**

* * *

**Chapter seventeen.**

Jasper and I found a quiet seat in the garden away from the noise of the big crowd from the department, Aro sure had put on a wonderful celebration, including a swing jazz band and open bar.

"How are your studies going?"

"Great! I've been pleasantly surprised about the marks I just got back on my assignments and exams." Jasper smiled slowly.

"Excellent, are you happy with what you're learning? Have you any ideas with how the uni can support distance students like yourself better?"

"Well, for a start, you could try more in-depth information available online, live feeds and videos of lectures, on-line and Skype feed-back for tutorial sessions with lecturers,and of course, much faster posting of results...I could go on and on with ideas. Why do you ask?"

That last suggestion _stung_, and I understood _exactly why_ he said it! Aro had taken ages to mark the work, with his poor eyesight, and then had paid me to do his marking for him, almost at the last minute before the uni had been forced to sack him.

"I'm being paid to assist Prof. Aro to pull his entire curriculum together on-line, and I'll be trying to make the site the best course _ever_. I think a really good site could help all of the students to learn, don't you think?"

"Ah, so you have Aro's ear? Does he listen to what you have to say? Have you got many more years of study before you finish?"

"Ha! Aro only hears what he _wants_ to hear, like any man. But sometimes he does listen to me. I've helped him with a few things, and I'm very grateful for his and Pia's friendship. After this pregnancy, I plan to finish my honours year and get stuck into a good, solid, research project. It could take me many, many years. I guess it's a good thing I adore studying and academia."

"So how is your pregnancy going?"

"Ah well apart from some morning sickness, I'm good and so are the babies."

"Babies? Is there _**more **__than one?"_

I chuckled. "There are twins just like you and Rosalie. It must be Carlisle's genetic heritage; I don't think there are any recorded twins on my side."

"Oh wow, twins? How do you feel about that?"

"I had a little early warning, from my friend's granny _'from **beyond** the grave'_, but there's nothing like seeing those little peanut, baby shapes with their tiny heartbeats, growing and looking healthy right there on the ultrasound."

Jasper looked thoughtful, like he wanted to spill something important.

"It took a lot of talking by my aunt and uncle, to get me to see how it felt. To be completely _desperate for_ and _desolate without children in your life_. I'd never given it any thought before. But now I see what they must have gone through and I'm really glad you have found one another and you managed to fall pregnant so quickly Bella. I'm _pleased_ it's working out for everyone. They just can't wait to be parents, and they are so very grateful to you for sacrificing so much, to do this for them."

I watch him speak, gently nodding to myself. This was a different guy from the one who challenged and accused me not that long ago, he had been _changed _somehow. Maybe Esme and Carlisle had torn shreds off him too, not just me?

He smiled at me. "You look great by the way, especially with your new haircut."

"Thanks Jasper, it still is a shock that my hair feels so light and short. Last time I had a cut, was a completely disastrous episode, at my Dad's barbers and I refused to go anywhere near scissors after that. I can't imagine _why_ I was so scared to have my hair cut before now, I am like a changed person, Steve did such a wonderful job don't you think?"

"Ah... so this Steve's a hairdresser?" Jasper scowled.

"Yeah, he performed a minor miracle and cured me of my mortal fear of scissors _and_ created a great, new look for me. I trusted him and he did a wonderful job. I also had a great time when we went out until two this morning!"

"Oh, he sounds like _quite_ a guy! Will you be seeing _a lot more_ of each other in the future?" Jasper snarled sarcastically.

"What? Oh maybe? I guess next time I want a new cut I'll make sure to see him, why do you ask?"

"It sounds like you both _**really**__ hit it off."_

"Yeah we did, I had one of the _best night's out in ages_, and I even danced in a club, something I don't normally do."

Jasper looked like he was in pain.

"Is Steve a good dancer?" He murmured.

"Well Vlad seems to be better at getting down on the dance floor than Steve. But there were lots of other guys there who seemed to like dancing with me."

Jasper gulped and looked away.

"Other guys?"

"Oh well yeah I was only one of a few women there last night. It was really only guys dancing, lots and lots of hot, half-naked, well built, sweaty guys, I felt like I was treated like a sort of minor celebrity." I chuckled.

"All guys? What kind of club...oh...was it a gay nightclub?" He started to laugh. "I thought that you had found..."

"Found what Jasper?"

"Found a boyfriend." he mumbled.

I chuckled, "no, Steve and Vlad are very much _a couple_, a happy, committed, gay couple, who are _married_. They took me out and I danced with a lot of their friends, and ate some wonderful local seafood. I laughed a lot and talked a lot about my situation. They were really understanding and funny."

"So you are still single then?" He said seriously, staring into my eyes.

"What about you Jasper, are you single?" I eyed him cheekily; _two could play at this game._

"What...? I Ahh, yeah well I'm _sort of single_, I guess." He answered.

"_Sort of_ _single_, what does that mean exactly? Is it like _'I can't help it if **lots of women** fall at my feet and I __**accidentally**__ say "let's get it on baby", 'cause I'm __**sort of single**__'?" _My voice got pointed, trying to get him admit stuff...stuff that scared and frightened me.

"Yeah well, sort of... I guess. _Women like me and I like them_, ok? Where's the _harm_ in that?"

"There's no harm, _none at all_. But Jasper, you _don't_ get to ask me about _my status_ and _who_ I'm going out with, while at the same time, you can't work out yours! In the future, unless you're _completely __**certain**_ as to your own relationship status, don't ask me about mine, ok?"

I was seething inside.

_Why oh why, was __**he**__ the one to push all of my buttons?_

I could easily handle guys like Mike Newton and Jacob Black, but _I had a hard time keeping cool and calm around Jasper._

I think I must have shocked and stunned him again, because once again he was speechless.

"I'm going to have something to eat, before the caterer's food is all gone, are you coming?"

I got up off the seat too quickly and felt really dizzy. I wobbled and Jasper put his arm around me, to make sure I didn't fall.

"Bella? Are you ok?"

"I just got up too quickly. I need to eat, like now!"

"Ok, let's go, can I go get you a drink or something?"

"Juice would be good, no alcohol, or anything fizzy. Thanks that would be great." I smiled at him.

Pia came up to me, with a plate of food.

"Here Bella Mia, food... I saved it for you _mamina_. _Now mangiare!"_

I chuckled at her loving attention, I think she would start hand-feeding me little morsels, if I didn't start eating fast enough for her.

"Ok, ok, Pia I'll eat but tell me, what does _mamina_ mean?"

"Little mama, you like it? I think it suits you!" She laughed.

"How's the party going? I haven't been watching all the comings and goings, is Aro alright?"

"Don't worry, just eat. Aro is in his element, schmoozing and chatting and making lots of advantageous connections. You know how he is, the king of his castle!" She waved her hand in the air, smiling. "I always let him go and stay out of his way, happily in the background."

I tucked into the food she had brought me. I had nearly finished everything on my plate when Jasper came back, looking flustered.

"Here's your drink Bella, I'm glad you found some food. Feeling a bit better now?"

Pia looked at me curiously.

"I'm fine, just fine, no need to panic. Thanks for the drink Jasper."

We heard a couple of people making their way along the path, to our secluded garden seat.

"Jasper honey! There you are! I was wondering where you had disappeared to with those drinks." A woman's voice called out.

We looked over and there was one of the faculty members and another woman, moving as fast as their high heels could carry them, making their way towards Jasper.

Jasper's anxiety showed. He rolled his eyes and then looked back at me, with a hopeful, questioning look on his face.

I smirked, thinking that I'd joked about _this very thing_ with him, just moments before.

Pia turned to give both the women an icy, furious glare.

"Heidi, Chelsea, how are you both? I haven't seen either of you, since your last trip away to Thailand, for that plastic surgery. How did it go by the way? Contract any nasty infections? I hear they aren't quite as quite as good at hygiene control and sterilizing their instruments, as here in America."

"Pia, it's so nice to see you!" Heidi looked unnerved at Pia's questions. Apparently she was used to it.

"Yes it is! Are you well Pia?" Chelsea piped up, looking a bit sheepish.

Pia nodded regally and gave them a tight little grin.

"Jasper..." Heidi started to say.

"I'm sorry. I can't spend any time with _either_ of you. I've got some important matters to attend to at the moment." Jasper said coolly.

"Err, ok, Pia, Jasper, we'll see you both later. Ciao!" Heidi said waving as she left.

"Yeah Jasper, I'm sure I'll catch up with you later." Chelsea tried to say seductively.

They wobbled off up the path, on their _too high_, high heels, ridiculously unstable on the gravelly surface.

I started laughing and Pia joined in, we ended up getting louder. I snorted and guffawed in a most unladylike way, tears came up and we both wiped our eyes.

Jasper looked like he didn't know whether to be embarrassed, or amused.

"Wow those two are still at it! I thought that they had given up, after that crazy debacle of a fundraiser they organized, two years ago." Pia reminisced. "Jasper dear, _whatever_ you do, make sure to _keep away from those two vipers_, they are so poisonous, that being near them will be like the _kiss of death_ for your career."

"Mmm, yeah, they nearly lynched me at the bar and wanted to drag me up to dance with them. I had quite a time fighting them off. Sometimes it's hard for some women to see that there's _much more to me_ than just flesh and bones. I have a mind and feelings too." Jasper complained.

I remembered Esme's statement about Jasper being a sensitive soul. Maybe he really was?

"Jasper want me to show you Aro's amazing bird rookery? He's been studying it for many decades, its really close by. I'm sure Heidi and Chelsea won't be going up there, especially in those heels!"

I stood up and grabbed his hand. I winked and Pia smiled at us, as I led the way up to the edge of the cliff.

While following Aro's narrow path along the coast, I relaxed and Jasper's face lost all of its tension.

The bird calls got louder and louder, as we moved closer to the large rookery.

I slowed down and we watched the birds swirling and landing up and down, all along the high cliff-face, riding on the gusting ocean, air currents. I had always loved it up here.

I found a boulder which I always liked to sit on and Jasper joined me. We sat in silence looking out to sea and watching the birds.

As the sun started going down Jasper looked over at me.

"Thanks for showing me this Bella. It's pure magic."

"Yeah, I love it here. Let's get back, before Pia starts panicking."

"Wait a while, at least till the sun goes down, I love watching it set into the ocean. At home, I make sure it's what I do _every time_ I'm back, its a wonderful way to say goodbye to the day and all the rushing around."

He pulled me a little closer and I leaned into his side.

We sighed simultaneously, and then giggled.

_I lost myself in the sunset and feeling his body next to mine._

_Peace. Nothing but peace._

I smiled to myself, I could really get used to feeling _this peaceful_ all the time.

Maybe Jasper was _the key_, like Vlad said?

Jasper held onto my shoulder on our way back down the cliff, not wanting to let me go. I liked his touch, it was confident and warm.

Before reaching Aro's place he turned towards me and leant down and kissed me. I smiled at him. What if I kissed him back? Would that mean something? Would he _know_ that I longed and dreamed about him?

We stood close. Him bending down to reach me.

I looked up at his face. His eyes shining, with his intriguing smell and his intensity...he gently placed his hand against the back of my head, and moved in closer.

His lips touched mine and I moved closer to get some more of his beautiful mouth. We sighed and moved together as our mouths started moving in a sweet meeting of satin flesh.

I reached up to his shoulders and touched his silky hair and held onto the back of his neck. He reached down around my waist and picked me up, so he no longer had to bend over. My feet dangled in the air.

We both chuckled and kissed some more, our tongues moved and we slowly tasted and explored each other.

_Oh my, oh my! I __**never**__ knew kissing could be so amazing, so intense! _

_I hoped kissing Jasper never stopped!_

"Want to come and see my place in Rio del Mar? Maybe watch the sunset together tomorrow night?"

"Uhh, yeah maybe, but do you want me to come to your place, as a _friend _or something else?" I whispered.

I _needed to know,_ if I was going to be _one woman among many_, or someone who meant enough, to be the _**only one**__ for him?_

_I couldn't share... I wanted __**more**_.

I wanted some reassurance from him, that _what_ he wanted... wasn't something to throw away as soon as I had gone.

I'd always wondered what being in a relationship was like. Maybe Jasper wanted to try _being_ with me? Just like I wanted to _be_ with him.

Jasper had gone very quiet and still, his face was torn. He didn't know how to answer me.

I waited calmly, while he found his voice.

I released my grip on him, letting his shoulders go, putting my feet down on the ground and stepping back.

"Can we be friends... who just spend time together, _enjoying_ ourselves?" He asked.

"What does that even _**mean**_ Jasper? Is that like _'friends with benefits'?_ Or '_fuck buddies'?_ Does that mean that you will hang with a _'friend'_ and enjoy their company and get physically close to them, but when that _'friend'_ isn't there, _**what then?**_ Is that when you get together with the _**next**__ friend_, and the _**next **__one?_ Each_ 'friend,'_ filling in a space, _a gap in your life between adventures and exotic locations?_ So the only thing that you have _in the __**end**_**,** _are a bunch of meaningless, nameless women-friends, who are ways for you to fill in a gap, or scratch an itch?"_

"Hey, I'm just being friendly here! I'm not wanting to start anything serious!" Jasper held his hands up like he was attempting to surrender.

"Sure ok fine! I'll be going. Hope you have a great life Jasper!"

I turned away and marched back into the house. I was completely confused and unhappy with how I just handled myself.

_**Why** did I just go off, spouting crap like a crazy woman?_ Scaring him away. I bet he's running away, as fast as his legs can carry him, right now!

I was _no one special_ to him.

Not _a serious prospect_, not someone who mattered.

_**Just friends** right?_

Well he could count me _out!_

If I was _only to be a meaningless fuck_ and _just_ a pleasant way to pass the time...he could forget it!

If I was to be one woman among many, then he could forget that he ever met me, and leave me in peace to get _over _him.

Rufus and I went inside. I grabbed some food out of the fridge and an apple, poured a glass of milk and went upstairs.

I ran a deep bath full of bubbles and sank right into the beautiful, all-encompassing heat.

Only _then_ did I let myself cry.

_I **had** to let him go, and be himself. _

_To let him go and have **as many** 'friends' as he wanted. _

_I **had** to let him be a free spirit._

_But his __**kiss**__! His kiss was something else, something amazing!_

_I felt my soul touch his, in that moment when we kissed._

I sobbed and sobbed.

Rufus balanced on the edge of the bath and rubbed his face against my head. I reached out and touched him, but he wasn't so impressed that I was dripping wet, and he jumped onto the tiled floor, shaking himself off and then focused on cleaning himself thoroughly, to remove my soapy scent.

Someone gently knocked. Pia stuck her head in.

"I was worried bella mamina. _**What** on earth did he do to you?_"

I sobbed louder.

"He _kissed_ me!"

"Oh! I see."

"Pia I _want_ him, _but I can't have him_, not how I want anyway. I can't see how I could _ever_ share him with those other women."

"Ok. I'll make you my special, hot chocolate and you need to get some sleep, you got hardly any last night."

"I did have a long sleep-in this morning." I groaned.

"You need a full tummy and a long sleep. Everything which looks so bad now, will all look _so much better_ in the morning!" she left me and I sank down under the water, and held my breath.

Maybe Pia was right. Things _would_ look better in the morning.

I got ready for bed and drank my hot chocolate. Rufus and I snuggled together in my bed and we slept like logs.


	19. Chapter 19

**SM owns twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter eighteen**.

I set out back home to Forks.

Rufus rode shotgun, paws up on the window, enjoying the scenery as it flew passed and the sun shining. When he got sick of looking out the window, he curled up on the seat and decided that sleeping the hours away, would be a better use of his time.

As I drove, I got to thinking about everything that Pia had said to me before I left.

"Bella mamina, you can play this situation _hot_...just like all of those other women who have pursued him relentlessly, and end up becoming disposable to him."

"Or you play it _cool_, and let him _work for your affections_. Let him do the chasing, the pursuing, and the bargaining. All his life he has had women throw themselves at him. He has _never had to lift a finger_ in pursuit of love."

It was true... I would bet almost _anything_ that Jasper had never had to try; it was always given to him freely, and without restrictions.

"This is how you will get him, when he decides to come and get you...and he will; you make it _not so easy_ for him. _You have to become a woman who __**knows**__ her own worth and doesn't __**give in**__ too quickly."_

"In behaving this way, you become totally irresistible, unattainable, and the ultimate forbidden fruit. He'll do _anything_, and be _anything_ to deserve your love. Don't _give_ your love away for free!"

Aro agreed with Pia. He said the old fashioned way, was _always_ the best, and men liked to earn the woman's love and respect.

I laughed when he told me to remember, all of those male birds who have to put on a big show in order to receive a female's attentions. The females go for the most impressive, well plumaged male, not any dowdy, old prospect.

He also said that Jasper Cullen may certainly be ready to drop his old ways, when I became someone who caught his attention. And he said rather cryptically, that Jasper had great potential as a perfect mate for me. I shook my head with all the biology analogies.

I was sad to say goodbye to these two dear people. I was indeed blessed with wonderfully wise people who helped me out.

Pia made sure I had _plenty_ of snacks and drinks packed in the car, to keep me going for the long drive back. Aro had supplied all of the information that I needed, to get on with my next job.

I had no idea what the _hell_ I was going to tell the Cullens, when I saw them.

I can just _imagine_ _it_... going something like..."Hi, I'm in lust with your philandering, man-whore of a nephew Jasper. He wants to add me to his collection of 'friends with benefits'. _Isn't that just __**great**__!"_

I clearly remember Carlisle's description of Jasper and Edward, about both of them being miscreants.

I shook my head, seeing as how Jasper's the _only guy_ I have ever let kiss me, and who I've been dreaming so much about... it's not like I'm going to be, _so very difficult_ for him to catch.

I just want to be _'the One'_.

I just want to have _some time_ with him _exclusively_, to see if we could work together, and to see if what we have has the potential to really _go_ somewhere.

His kiss, his touch, and his quiet companionship while we were sitting there on the cliff-top boulder, looking out to sea. Now those things _were __**really **__something special_. I didn't want being with him like that, to _ever stop_.

But what is it... that makes me want _to scream_, after being _so calm and peaceful_ around him, maybe we aren't _compatible at all?_

Am I too naively idealistic, to want to be in a monogamous relationship with a man like Jasper?

It's not like I wanted to be married to him, or anything.

I just wanted to have _the hope_, _the idea_ of being _exclusive_, and not having to share him with others.

In nature it was relatively rare for animals to pair up for life, there were some notable exceptions, and humans sometimes did find that love bond. But mostly we set ourselves up for bitter disappointment. I mean look at my poor Dad as a classic example, he _never_ managed to _get over Renee_, even after decades apart, and her re-marrying!

But who was I kidding? What would someone as gorgeous as Jasper, _ever_ see in me?

I was a plain, pregnant, single, _and_ _a scientist_. Hardly a sexy profession!

I liked my new haircut though, and I was _always _welcome back at the gay club, where all of those guys could lovingly rub my tummy. Just like I was some sort of _fricking, fertility goddess!_

I was the owner of a fat, fluffy, ginger, half-grown cat, two hens, a sports car and a house, and wonderfully, happily_, no longer in debt_. Yay me!

I had purchased a lovely ice cream maker, at a low price, and I was looking forward to making and eating _lots_ of delicious, new flavours.

If I _couldn't_ spent my time with Jasper, maybe I could drown my sorrows in _best ice cream **ever****!**_

I also stocked up on Vegemite, god I loved that stuff! Addicted wasn't really the word, for _the love_ that I felt towards it!

I also picked up some nice looking maternity clothes too, soft stretchy tops and pants, soft stretchy bras, a few adaptable sarongs, and a beautiful, soft, cashmere jacket with a hood and large pockets.

I even found some black ugg boots, to replace my old ones! Another great Australian invention, which I certainly couldn't live without!

I was having twins for a lovely couple and I had a big job ahead of me in the next six months.

I had to _focus_ and get this work for Aro all completed and up on the web, being _used_ by the department as a whole and updated, with new stuff _all the time_, creating new ways for students to interact with the teaching staff and each other.

I needed to stop _pining_ for Jasper, and also start thinking about getting ready for Christmas!

Trees and decorations, gifts and carols. Christmas cards with happy messages. Lights, _lots_ of lights and tinsel and a pretty wreath for the front door.

Pia told me to 'count my blessings and focus on the bambinos'. _So I will_, I will count my many blessings ...for Pia and for the twins.

_The Cullen's twins. _

My tummy feels kind of hard, and my boobs are still tingling and tender, but not so sore anymore.

I enjoyed taking naps in the daytime, with Pia holding back Aro from wanting to discuss work, all in an attempt to fuss over her 'mamina', little mama.

Aro and I did manage to plough through _heaps_ of good work and he was _**more** _than pleased, with all the undergrad marking I did for him.

We were able to go through the whole curriculum, and I showed him the kind of thing I was looking to achieve. There were other universities which had some great sites, and I think it was _then_, that he started understanding just what a big difference this could mean to the running of the department. His department could double or triple, with more students studying his ground-breaking science and research from _all over the world._

He looked at me differently after that, like I was somewhat of an agent for change, who would revolutionize 'life' as he had previously known it.

Growing babies is hard work for the body.

I promised the twins that I would get an afternoon nap, _every single day_. To eat the _freshest, yummiest food_ I could find, and to start _enjoying_ myself. Steve and Vlad had made me see how good it was to laugh again.

Life was good, I looked forward to the future.

My health was great.

I'd made some wonderful new friends, in Steve and Vlad. They had regretfully declined my offer for a White Christmas spent in Forks, with a baked turkey lunch. They did tell me they were looking forward to following my surrogacy journey, and to email with any news, or call in to catch up with them if I went down to San Francisco again.

Vlad especially loved receiving emails from me. I sent him my dream journal, for his reading pleasure and amusement; that and also wanted to see if he had anymore insights into the crazy workings of my sub-conscious mind!

Rufus and I made a stop-off a Leah's. She and Marcy welcomed us in and Rufus played around, chasing Marcy for ages until they both collapsed in a heap, to sleep off the exhaustion.

Rufus still managed to curl up under Marcy's watchful gaze, both of them looking as cute as ever.

While I was there, Leah forced me to spill the goods about Jasper.

Just by looking at me, she _knew _something serious was up. Her granny came through again and told me to 'play it cool', and let him 'work to earn my affections'. I got spooked when Leah went into _full-on channelling mode_, and came out with this gem:

'Let go, let go, you will receive!

Make the most of our beliefs.

Make the most of what you know!

Get on board and it will go-

_Completely_ your way,

You will find

That _being here_, is where you'll find-

Your heart and soul,

Your feelings too,

And all in all, your sense _renewed_.

That coming home and letting go,

All faith we have in you_, does show!'_

She said that Christmas would be a day to remember, and that my babies were gorgeous.

Oh well, I'll just have to be patient and _see_ what happens.

Maybe by Christmas, which was only a couple of weeks away, things might look a little clearer.

Here's hoping Santa is listening! Either him, or Leah's granny and my nanna Swan, might _combine forces,_ to make it all work out the way it should.

_I'll say AMEN to that!_


	20. Chapter 20

**SM owns Twilight, I hope you all enjoy this little chapter.  
**

* * *

**Chapter nineteen.**

I was so glad to arrive home; Forks had suddenly put on its snowy, most Christmassy look in ages. Driving through the streets, it reminded me of a pretty Christmas card, it was still daylight and I made the most of admiring it.

It was great to unload all of the gear I brought back with me, without stumbling around in the dark, I watched out for the icy patches on the path, and parked Lucia in the garage, so she could be snug and out of any blizzards that might develop overnight.

I unpacked the box holding my lovely, new ice-cream maker, my lovely, new clothes, the extra Vegemite, and all of the extra cat stuff. Rufus made sure he ate some _more_ and I laughed to myself; he was fast becoming a furry, four-legged stomach! Pia had insisted on feeding him six meals a day. Maybe I should get him into a sensible routine, of eating only twice a day?

Then I got all of my computer gear out and the files downloaded successfully, this saved me a great deal work, moving piles and piles of paperwork up and down the stairs. I kept the hard copies for reference only, leaving them stored in the garage. I took the boxes of papers back with home with me, only because Aro _insisted_ that I needed it.

I don't think he understood just how_ small_ technology storage, had become recently. I had filled quite a few memory sticks with Aro's information, and it was wonderful to get it retrieved and working as it should.

_Thank God for scanners and memory sticks!_

Angela came by and welcomed me home with some mail and our _first eggs!_ Even though it was a little too cold for the girls to lay, that hadn't stopped them from _doing it anyway!_

I was so happy that I raced out into the clod air and gave them both some food scraps, they raced around thinking they were both in chook-heaven.

We caught up on the gossip, apparently Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley_ were back together_ and planning a big wedding!

I chuckled, remembering Mike's drunken antics at my front door, trying to get me to be interested enough in him and try dating.

Apparently Jess was the girl for him _after all_, ha, ha!

_Good luck with **that** Mike, you'll definitely be needing it!_

Seth stopped by too, and told me all the latest goings-on at the reservation down at La Push. The Blacks family had had their distilling equipment removed and destroyed by the governing tribal council. And La Push was now declared a completely dry zone. Alcohol as banned within reservation boundaries.

There had been a recent spate of alcohol-fueled domestic violence, road accidents and property damage against the tribal council member's houses and cars. So the community had come together, to _stop the rot_, and change their priorities, demanding a safe, secure place for women and children, and a better place to live, in peace and harmony.

I asked Seth what he thought, about having the res as a dry zone, and he shrugged. He said many of his friends got stuck into the Black's homemade fire water, on most of the weekends.

He said it had caused them to fall asleep in class and not do so well in school, and it seemed to leave them disinterested in life in general, particularly sport. Some of Seth's friends had been great baseball and basketball players, but once their heavy drinking started, they had lost their passion, for the sports they once loved, and didn't come along to training. Seth said the teams had disintegrated and they lost all of their matches.

Seth was sad he had lost some good friends to drink, and they'd ostracized him for wanting to start his own small business, rather than hanging around drinking with them all weekend.

He was proud of what he and his crew had achieved. I asked him if he, Colin and Brady, as well as his dad Harry, would like to come for Christmas lunch, and if he and his crew could decorate the house with lights for me.

I gave him money to buy some simple strings of lights and within two hours, the three of them were scrambling around on my roof with ladders and power leads, settling up the lights. I found an old Christmas wreath and dismantled it, taking off all of the worn bits, and adding some holly, new red ribbons and some shiny bells.

I had great pleasure hanging it up on the front door. It suddenly felt like Christmas!

My appointment with Dr Naidoo went well the following morning, she was pleased with my progress and I was feeling a lot less nauseous in the mornings, _thank goodness._ Esme had started a little album, using the pictures from the scans and things about this pregnancy, including the pregnancy indicator, to show the babies when they got older.

The next morning I went to select a small spruce in the tree lot, and fell in love with a really cute one. It was small enough to fit into the back of my car's boot, but Seth spotted me as he drove passed and offered to bring it back home in his truck for me. He told me it was a bit too small, and I laughingly told him to mind his manners.

My spruce was small, but the _cutest-looking one ever_. I reminded him that _good things come in small packages_. We chuckled, he as he loaded it up, using only one hand. I guess it _was small_, when I saw him do that.

I waved him off as he took it back to my place. I thought about getting a few more decorations for the house, some Christmas cards, tinsel, and maybe even some red, elf hats, so I could _really_ get into the swing of things.

I stopped off at the butcher's shop and ordered a big, fresh turkey and then dropped into the supermarket for a big shop, to stock up on all of the goodies I wanted, to make lunch a special meal.

* * *

I wore the red hat around the house, humming Christmas carols. I had started making my edible presents.

I was stirring a big batch of red bell pepper and tomato chutney, in a pot on the stove top, when there was a knock at the door. I was expecting Esme, so instead of leaving my large batch of chutney, I called out instead.

"Come in Esme. The door's open."

"Well something smells mighty good in here!" A smooth voice said.

I jumped about a foot in the air! _Jasper!_

"I...I ...I thought you were Esme." I sputtered.

"Sorry Bella, that's the second time I've scared you while you were cooking."

"Jasper...you're here...in Forks!"

"Yeah I am." He smiled.

"I just wanted to apologise for being crazy, the last time I saw you. I'm sorry; I always go off on a tangent and get ..."

"Bella stop saying that. It's _me_ who's been blind and stupid! _I'm_ the one who should apologise! I came here to see if you would please, _please_ _let me make it up to you?" _Jasper pleaded._  
_

I turned the gas on the stove right off, so the pot of chutney wouldn't bubble over, and got ready to pour it all into clean jars.

"How about you take a seat Jasper? And while I finish these jars off, you talk? I'll listen, I promise."

"Ok well, first things first... I _really_ want to apologise for being a stupid, selfish, horny man; who just _wanted everything_, _without __**giving**__ anything back._ I was feeling _overwhelmed_ with desire. _You Bella Swan,_ are the most fascinating, intelligent, observant woman I have _ever _met. I can't _stop _thinking of you, I _dream of you_... as well as your food. My god!... Those are really crazy, wild dreams I've been having about you!"

I started chuckling nodding to myself..."oh yeah, _**those**__ dreams!"_

"It's true! In full, wild colour and such incredible longing and desire! You have _no idea_ Bella! It's painful! I wake up each morning all... ah... consumed, is the the_ best_ way to describe it."

_I shook my head, wow! It looks like we've been having **similar** experiences._

_Vlad would just __**love**__ this; I had to let him know!_

"Jasper, did you know that I've been having similar dreams, about you and food, it's _kinda spooky_ and _more than a little crazy_ right?"

_"Shit, you have too?"_ he gasped.

"Oh yes! They started straight after I met you in the supermarket that first time, and we had that strange conversation about chocolate, remember?"

_"You too? __**Really**__?"_ He looked spooked and pleased at the same time.

I nodded, smiling to myself.

_Well,_ _well, well! Who would have thought!_

I sensibly tried to get back to finishing making-up my batch of chutney, which would soon become the presents, for all of my guests.

"So Bella, I've _got to know_...do you feel _anything _for me at all? I've got to be completely honest with you. You have _changed me and my view of the world_. I'm _**so**_ in love with you! For ages I thought, I could _just stop it_ somehow, and _it would go away_. But it's the _**reverse!**_ _I'm __**so **__drawn to you. You are the __**only **__thing I think about!_ _It's taken me over! I can't even focus on my work, or my studies! I'm lost."_

I bit my lip and listened to him spilling out his innermost secrets.

"Bella, _I **need** to know_, do you feel _something_ for me? _Anything at **all**?"_

I stood still, holding my ladle ready to pour the searing, hot chutney, into a glass jar. I bit down on my lip, and looked up to him.

I took in a slow, deep breath.

"Yes, I _do_ Jasper. I _feel so much_..._too much!_ It's like... I've been _consumed with desire_. But never the less, I want to be _careful_ around you." I admitted, finally. I let out my breath, like I was about to start sobbing.

"I know_, I get it_... you don't want to be another, meaningless, time-filler, you want _something else._ You want it to _mean something_. Do you know that after you'd said all of that stuff to me... even though I reacted like a prize dickhead! I realised pretty quickly, that you were _completely right!" _Jasper stepped up closer to me._  
_

"It's humbling, to have you _call me out on my bullshit_. You have a way of _cutting right through the crap_ and _getting right to the point!"_

"Bella, you were **_right_**, when you pointed out the distinction to me. You didn't want to be a 'friend' like I was used to. When I seriously thought about it, I knew you were _perfectly correct_."

"There have been _a lot_ of women in my life, and you were right, they _do_ _fall at my feet and throw themselves at me_. But since I've met you, I can't stand any of them, they are really _nothing_ to me."

"It was like you came into my world and _turned on all the lights!_ What I see about myself isn't too good at all. There's something about _you_ that makes me want to be a _better _man."

"Jasper..."

"Here read this, I need you to see this, before you _do or say_ anything else!"

I wiped my hands on my apron and took his piece of paper from his shaking hands. He looked like I held his life, right here in my hands.

It was a pathology laboratory print out, for lots of different tests and their results.

"I went and got the full range of tests that I could think of, for every STD and tropical disease, as well as a general health check."

I read it, it was very comprehensive indeed. More thorough than the one I went through at my check up, before the Cullen's and I decided to go ahead and try to get pregnant.

"Bella, I really, _really_ want to be with you, _just you_. I want to _try _and be someone _you could love_, someone _you could be proud_ _of_, someone _who is completely fulfilled by just being with you."_

"Jasper..."

"Bella I want you to see, that I'm _serious _about you, that I want you to know _all _of me."

"Jasper", I huffed, "just come here and kiss me!"

* * *

I'd love to get your feedback!


	21. Chapter 21

**SM owns twilight. Rufus is all mine, and he's currently having time out in the naughty corner!  
**

* * *

**Chapter twenty.**

As we headed towards each other's arms to take that sweet much longed for kiss, there was a knock on the door.

I shook my head and chuckled, and Jasper muttered "damn!"

I went and held him anyway, to make sure he knew that I still wanted him.

"Want to go answer the door for me, while I finish up these jars of chutney, before it goes all cold?"

Esme and Carlisle followed Jasper back into the kitchen, they looked curious as to why he had turned up at my place, rather than theirs. They just wanted to say hi, and make sure that the twins and I were doing well.

There were hugs all around and Esme put the kettle on. I pulled out a freshly made, plate of brownies from the fridge. Jasper and Carlisle nearly jumped in excitement at the prospect of eating one. I knew Jasper had been _lusting_ after my brownies for a while, but his uncle Carlisle too?

Jasper seemed to have decided, that he was in the _mood_ for letting his emotions out and _revealing his intentions_, so after a few sips of coffee, and a whole brownie to fortify him, he _launched into a sudden declaration_ of his feelings, in order to let his aunt and uncle know _exactly_ how he felt.

"I've got some news I want you to know." He said seriously.

"What is it? What happened? Esme looked worried."

"Well Aunt Esme, I've met this amazing, fascinating, woman and I've fallen head over heels and deeply in love with her."

"Oh!"Esme exclaimed.

"So son, is this one _different_ from the others that we've met?"

"Yes, very different. She makes me want to be a better man, to focus on what I really want, turn over a new leaf and dedicate myself _exclusively and wholly to her_, because she's _really_ worth it!"

"What's so different about her?"

Jasper looked at me with awe and answered Carlisle.

"She _sees things about me_ that others don't. She _calls me out on my bullshit_ and _doesn't let me get away with it_. She has a _brilliant mind_ and a _huge caring heart_. She is willing to sacrifice her health, for the chance to make you both happy. And _we have been __**dreaming**__ the same dreams_ about each other, for a while now and I'm _ready and willing_ to make _**those **__dreams a new reality_."

"And when did all this happen Jasper?"

"We met in California, at her professor's place. They were throwing a big bash for the holiday season, and _**there** she was!"_

"Yeah, I was surprised to see Jasper, because he was supposed to be in central America, but ..."

"But the assignment was cancelled, due to a kidnapping and the ransoming of two of my work colleagues." Jasper finished my sentence.

"Yes, so when we saw each other... we had a strange sort of catch up session, and I wasn't sure Jasper was really _that interested in me_...I thought he was a bit of a player, or at best, a real heavy-duty, _commit-o-phobe_ ...and although we had a glorious, peaceful moment on the cliffs watching the sunset and even kissed, I _still_ wasn't sure about him." I said smiling at the memory. I _still_ hadn't had another kiss yet.

"I was still trying to get her _to play my game_ of being 'friends with benefits', and _she wasn't having __**any**__ of it."_

"Good for you honey!" Esme smiled.

Carlisle chuckled and nodded.

"And just a few minutes ago when I was expecting Esme to visit, I got a knock at the door and I called out for you to come on in, as I was busy with the stove. And in walked _mister heart-breaker_ here and we had a _discussion, which happily clarified a __**few **__things_. For a while, I had thought that _**I** was the only one feeling strongly_, but it seems that Jasper was feeling the same and in fact _so deeply_, that he even went to the doctor and got blood tests to _prove_ he's serious."

"Yeah and you two just interrupted our make up kiss." He pulled me into his side, I giggled.

"Ok, we should leave you two in peace, but if Jasper starts behaving like a cocky, farmyard rooster, _don't hesitate_ to pull his fancy tail feathers out and kick him out of your hen-house, ok Bella?" Carlisle said with a smile on his face.

"Uh, ok." _what was it_ with people using all of these wacky, animal analogies?

Carlisle rounded in on Jasper and got up close, and stared right into his face and pointing his index finger into Jasper's chest.

"And Jasper, if you start behaving like an out-of-control, _penis on legs_ again, I will _personally come and __**castrate**__ you!_ Got it? Bella deserves the best, and if you hurt her _in **any** way_, I will make your life _a living hell_, got that?"

"Yes sir!"

Esme hugged me and told me to let her know how everything went with Jasper.

"I've brought a few things over for Christmas and some things for your tree sweetheart. It's the _cutest_, little spruce, I just adore it!"

"Oh Esme, what's all this?" there were a few, _big,_ beautifully wrapped parcels, sitting under the tiny spruce.

"It's just a few little things sweetie, nothing to worry about! What happened to the poor angel?"

"When I saw that tree, I knew it _needed a good home_. Rufus has been a bit naughty, playing with the ornaments, so I've temporarily banned him from the living room. He leapt on the angel and shredded her badly. I _made _that angel when I was in grade two! I think she's going to have to go into retirement, and I'll have to find a newer model."

"Well at least he has good taste! I'm sorry about that Bella. Where is he now?"

"Upstairs somewhere in disgrace, he's not used to me growling at him. Although knowing Rufus, he's probably _sleeping_, having forgotten that he tried to kill my angel." I chuckled, that cat could sleep anywhere!

"Seth did a great job with the lights!" Carlisle noted.

"Oh they did, but being teenage boys, they wanted to add all of that kitschy, crazy stuff and light up half of Forks, with a _high voltage Santa and an enormous sleigh_. I told them the lights that they put up were _plenty_, and maybe they could try the bigger stuff another year. One good thing though, they all got _a lot more work_, putting up lights for many other houses, with older folks and single moms, who can't or won't climb up ladders."

* * *

We waved them goodbye, and Jasper came up behind me and whispered down into my ear, his warm breath billowing out in the icy air.

"Now _where __**were**__ we_ before we got interrupted?"

I grabbed his hand and started laughing. I bought him back inside, and pulled off our wet shoes and socks.

"Let's go into the living room, put the heater on, play some music and get to know a bit more about each other." I said boldly.

"Can I have another brownie Bella? Please?"

"Yeah, brownies and hot chocolate, with a little chilli sprinkled in it, that will warm you up Jasper!"

"Ha! I somehow don't think that's really a problem, I'm _really hot for you_ already! But I won't say no to anything you want to put in my mouth!" He chuckled.

"Well you had better come over _here_ then."

I dragged him over to the sofa, and straddled his lap. Then moved in for the flavour I had been _longing for_, his lips, his tongue, and his wonderful taste.

He snickered and kept kissing me slow and soft. His large hands splayed out and captured my back and butt. Firm but gentle.

We kissed and kissed. _I couldn't think! _I had left one world... and floated up to _another whole universe_. It was _so fantastic, so all encompassing, I was immersed in a whole world of Jasper and me... where nothing else mattered. _

We must have locked lips, kissing for a good hour, when I got a glance at the kitchen clock. _Wow, where had the time gone?_

"Jasper?"

He kept kissing me and stroking my back, butt and legs.

"Does this _usually_ happen?"

"Does _what_ happen, baby?"

"Ah, does time _fly like this_ normally, when you kiss someone?"

He started laughing. "What?"

"Well, _does it?"_

"Does _what?_"

"Oh, never mind!" I chuckled.

_I think my brain must be turning to mush! Is this what kissing does to my ability to speak and make sense? What must making love be **like**, if this is what kissing does to me?_

I was about to start kissing him again, when my tummy rumbled.

"Let's go get that hot chocolate and brownie I'm starving, we were supposed to have them ages ago."

"No let's _stay here_ and keep kissing, I do believe I found something _more delicious_ than your brownies!"

"Oh really? And what's that?"

"It's this!" And that's how... I didn't get to eat much _except Jasper_, until I insisted on getting something out of the fridge at eleven p.m.

* * *

Mmm! Kissing Jasper! One of life's great fantasies!


	22. Chapter 22

**SM owns twilight.  
**

**Please note this chapter is M rated, and contains descriptions of sexual situations.  
**

**Bella uses the correct anatomical terms, being a scientist, until it comes to Jasper, then she loses her rational brain and uses his nick name for his member, ha ha, I hope you like it!  
**

* * *

**Chapter twenty one.**

_My blond man held me tight and kissed the back of my neck slowly, his hands had come up to gently touch my aching, sensitive breasts, his thumbs grazing my nipples with each pass. And with each and every pass, he made me __**ache**__ for him a little more. _

_I groaned._

_I could feel his breath and tongue, hot against my skin and he rolled me onto my back, one of his hands moved to my hip and down to my thigh. He pulled up my knee and set a slow gentle pace, rubbing himself against me._

_My groaning became louder._

_My clit was so enlarged and sensitive, that it took only a few nudges by his hot length, to send me flying! _

_My body straightened suddenly, like an electric shock had run right through me. _

_The clenching spasms continued to grow, I was calling out, and it was __**almost **__too much, so much sensation engulfing me. _

_He rubbed and nudged against my slippery slit and continued to ride it out; creating an overpowering cascading of emotions, sensations, suddenly forcing a huge release...where I felt really, **really wet** and engorged. _

My eyes flew open. I was shocked to find that he was _real_, and _right here with me._

With me!

Tangled in the sheets and playing out our perfect dream _together_.

He moved once more pushing into my core and then he let go with a deep, loud groan. I squealed, involuntarily. The sensation making me feel like my body was about to shoot through the roof, so sharp and intense was the onslaught of him against me.

_OH MY! What the **hell?**_

"Jasper?"

His eyes shot open, "Bella!"

I smiled at him, still coming down, from my wild, sweaty high. My tee-shirt was damp, my undies well they were completely _**drenched**_.

I gasped; I hoped that I hadn't suddenly miscarried, or something.

I reached down, and looked at my fingers, it didn't look like blood...but what was it?

I started untangling myself and struggling to get up.

"Bella, are you ok?"

"Umm, I'm not sure; sorry I need to go to the loo."

Jasper reluctantly let me go and groaned aloud again and he looked sheepish himself.

"I'll be going there as soon as you go, actually do you mind if I use your shower?"

"Yeah sure, make yourself at home. I'll be back after I see what has caused all of this moisture."

I hoped Jasper could relax enough, to _want _to stay with me, and feel like he wanted to stay too. Now that we had sorted out what we wanted from each other, it was important to me to see him as much as I could.

I also wanted honesty between us. I needed to tell what was happening to me, and be clear about my needs as a pregnant woman.

"Oh", he smirked. "I have had a bit of a moisture problem myself."

After checking myself out, and seeing nothing like blood, and feeling no pain. I wondered if I had just had a sensationally, _big, physical reaction_ to being with Jasper, as I dreamed my usual erotic, wake-up dream.

So rather than a being alone and _merely moist_, I kind of _gushed fluid_ instead when I had that extended orgasm, right there in bed with Jasper. My labia was swollen, and it freaked me out a bit...was this _usual?_

Maybe Jasper could show me and tell me what was normal? He did have all of this wide experience with women, after all. Instead of being jealous about his past, I should use it to my advantage.

I chuckled as I brazenly took off my tee-shirt and knickers, and snuck into the shower to shower with Jasper.

"Hey, beautiful!"

"Hey yourself, can I wash your back?"

"Ah sure, only if I get to wash you in return." He chuckled.

I relaxed and enjoyed washing and massaging his shoulders, back and sweet tight butt. Man Jasper was _so_ irresistible, so hot. I hadn't ever imagined I would be _so lucky_ to have such great company in the shower.

I turned him around and had great pleasure washing his chest, and down to his delicious looking and fast growing penis.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Umm, is this a normal reaction for you?"

"What do you mean? Are you talking about my _'slugger'?"_

"Is that what you call it? Does it _usually_ spring back so fast?"

"Ha ha! Bella why do you ask so many questions? There's no real _normal_, and my body is just happily reacting to you and your delicious body. Want to feel how you make me feel? Want to touch it?"

"Is that ok? Like that?"

I tentatively touched his swollen penis, it had enlarged before my eyes, surprising me with its size and width. How the _hell_ was this giant thing supposed to make all the way into me, without splitting me in half?

Jasper chuckled some more and laid his hand over mine and showed me how to stroke his length. He threw back his head and moaned.

"Yeah, that's perfect, just like that Bella."

He reached down and kissed me. He lifted me up and I let go of his peen...err 'slugger', and put my arms around his neck, his enormous peen nudged me, as he moved my legs and placed them around his narrow hips.

"Bella I really, really need you. Let me love you baby."

His peen nudged my slick, swollen labia, I squeaked and gasped.

"Jasper, I've just got to ask... are you sure you are clean? Nothing to declare?"

"No I'm squeaky clean Bella. I would _never_ put you at risk. Can we see how good we feel together?"

"Jasper, can you be patient with me? I'm ...I'm...not sure you're gonna fit, you're _so big!_ I've never had much experience, it was only the once, and I...don't know what to do...can you show me?"

"Bella, _could you be __**anymore**__ perfect?_ I'll go slow, to make sure I don't hurt you, let's see if you and me fit together?"

"Ok, just go slow, big fella!"

"How about we take this back to bed, I have a feeling the hot water is going to run out?"

"Wait! I need to have a quick wash first."

Jasper groaned like he was in pain.

I released myself from his grip and stood up and quickly soaped and rinsed off my sweatiest bits. I wished I hadn't let him _hog _all of the hot water. And I was _starving _too! _I needed to eat!_ I hadn't eaten properly since lunch time yesterday. The 11pm snack didn't really count.

My stomach lurched as I started getting out of the shower. Morning sickness took over and I began dry reaching. I doubled over, dripping wet and all out of sorts, suddenly feeling like the _**least** sexy woman_ in America.

I hadn't left my tea making and crackers by the bed in a while either. I would have to go down and make something in the kitchen.

I needed to eat _fast. Sex could wait!_

I wrapped the towel tightly around me and went downstairs to the kitchen. Rufus was quite distressed, at having been _ignored_ for the last twelve hours.

I started feeling sick again and focused on something to eat _immediately._

I started chewing on a slice of bread, and put the kettle on.

I bent down to give Rufus his food and started heaving again, the smell from the cat food was _awful_.

I shivered and closed my eyes... I needed to try and keep from throwing up.

"Bella? What's going on, are you ok?"

I shook my head and heaved. Tears ran down my face.

"What do I do? How can I help you? Should I call Carlisle?"

I opened my eyes and shook my head. I couldn't stop shaking and heaving. Holding my middle and tears springing a leak, running down my face.

I pointed to the tea bags, and toaster.

"Tea? And toast? Ok sure! I can do that. Please just sit down Bella. I'll make sure you're fine. Just take some slow breaths, just try and calm down." Jasper held onto me and settled me carefully into a chair.

He set the toast and tea in front of me; I stirred some honey into the tea, and sipped. I chewed my Vegemite toast and sighed.

Jasper made some for himself, but declined to try the Vegemite. Coward!

"Thank you. That's perfect." I finally said.

"I haven't been looking after you very well Bella. I've just been focused on my own selfish needs. I hogged the hot water. I stopped you from eating properly and I wanted to have sex, before you were really ready."

"But I do! I _want_ to, I _really do!_ I couldn't think of anything more amazing, except I've only done it once, with a guy who was tiny in comparison to you. I just hope I'm not a hopeless disappointment to you." I teared up again and started sobbing. I wished I could just stop crying, this was ridiculous!

"Bella please don't cry honey, I'll make sure that it will go fine, we both woke up with such a beautiful dream this morning, and you are such a spectacular woman, I love you, _all of you_. We'll get through this, how are you feeling now, any better?"

"Can you pass the tissues?" I grabbed the box and wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

"I'm sorry I left you hanging Jasper, I **_had_** to eat... like _immediately._ Morning sickness, it comes on really quickly, and I have to drop everything to stop it. I thought I was _over_ it, but not eating properly, and regularly in small amounts, will _obviously_ set it off."

Rufus leapt up onto my lap and smooched me. Jasper leant down and kissed my head.

"Right! From now on we'll eat _however and wherever_ you like, I promise not to distract you from eating any more. So shall I make you something else baby?"

I went from crying to laughing. Jasper was _trying_ so hard to please me, and looked so worried and concerned for my welfare.

"Oh Jasper come here and hug me. That's what I need from you right now."

I rose up and Rufus meowed, unhappy at being on the floor again. I ignored Rufus, Jasper wrapped my in a tender hug.

I chuckled, "Rufus isn't used to being given the cold shoulder."

"I love your body, you fit me _just right." _Jasper whispered._  
_

He squeezed me and moved his large hands around my back. I shook my head; I was _still_ in my towel. Jasper... I suddenly realized was _also **only** wearing a towel!_

"You look amazing in a towel Jasper! I would love to get you back into bed, but I need to eat something else, I'm completely _starving!"_

"How about some fried eggs, or French toast? I can cook both!" Jasper volunteered.

"How about we _both_ cook some French toast? Then I can drag you back into my boudoir... to try and introduce your 'slugger' with my various girly bits..." I was such a brazen hussy, but at this moment I didn't give a flying fig.

"I think _something happened_ this morning... that I _wasn't expecting_ and didn't _seem normal_...would you like to have a look and give me your considered opinion? Seeing as... you have _so much_ experience with the workings of the female anatomy." I asked him cheekily.

Jasper's face was all at once amused, surprised and worried.

"Are you feeling pain or worried about anything? I could easily take you off to the hospital?"

_Yeah right! I can just imagine it now..."excuse me doctor, but I'm all swollen and squirting, after having an amazing orgasm"...yeah, like that's ever going to happen!_

"No let's cook and eat... and see what _happens _later? I think its fine, really...if not I'll let you take me to see Dr Naidoo my ob/gyn. I think that what ended up happening this morning, was a _mixture_ of pregnancy hormones, _having you_ in bed and waking up to you _moving against me_ in such a delicious way."

"Oh really!" Jasper wiggled his brows and started looking in cupboards for gear to make the French toast. I sighed and helped him out, quickly finding what we needed.

We seemed to work happily together and I sliced up some fruit and got plates, creamy Greek yogurt and forks ready, as well as some more tea for me and coffee for Jasper.

When the plates were full, Jasper took the tray up the stairs and we sat in bed and ate, happily feeding each other forkfuls of French toast and fruit. Jasper took off our towels, and we lay back on the pillows in the sunshine streaming through the window and admired each other.

It started slow and gentle, Jasper kissing and nibbling me. He spent a long time playing with my boobs, which had been growing bigger with the pregnancy and were exquisitely sensitive to his touch. I was making whimpering sounds and he kept murmuring, too quiet for me to hear him clearly.

"I would love to take your photo Bella; you are so fascinating, so perfect. Did you know your skin is like the finest, ivory silk? Your nipples, like dusky-pink cherry plums? Your hair, like polished, mahogany? Your sweet lips have the most perfect, plump curves? The freckles on your face are like the soft, fluttering shadows of silver birch leaves, moving in the breeze?"

"You are quite a poet, do you write any of this stuff down?" I rolled my eyes giggling.

"Baby I haven't even got started yet! Your eyes remind me of glistening pools of rich, dark chocolate, your teeth smooth, pearly and perfectly spaced, piano ivories. Your navel is a wondrous pucker of delightful flesh."

He kissed and licked my navel, sucking the surrounding flesh and murmuring again.

"Do you think the babies can hear me yet?"

"I'm not sure if they have developed their ears yet, we'll have to look it up on Google."

"Please let me photograph you Bella, I want to take shots all the way through the rest of you pregnancy and document the progress, to remember what an _amazing thing_ you have doing for Esme and Carlisle."

"Umm, well only if you _promise_ to let me _eat_ enough and not _distract_ or _annoy _me too much, and that the shots aren't pornographic or anything." I chuckled.

"Everything I take of you will be _tasteful and tasty_, just like you baby! Now let's see what's been worrying you down stairs here, in the magic world of never-never land!"

I closed my eyes in embarrassment; Dr. Naidoo was the only person to get a good peak down there. I wasn't sure what _average_ was... or normal. I knew the basics being a biologist, but I hadn't taken the time to watch porn or look at other women closely, so I could compare myself.

"How does this feel?" He ran his hands around my hips and slowly down around my thighs.

"Err nice."

He moved to lean up on one elbow, and with the other hand he gently touched my inner thighs, "and this?"

I nodded his touch so warm and deliberate.

He leaned in and kissed my abdomen, and either side of my sensitive, inguinal creases, either side of my mons veneris. I groaned.

"And how about if I do this?" He leaned right in and nuzzled his mouth and nose right into my pussy, I squeaked and wriggled.

He moved one hand to part my outer labia and licked upwards reaching my clit and making me gasp and jump a little.

"Mmm, so sensitive, so responsive, you are delightful. Let me show you more."

And those were the last words he spoke. He obviously had some _insane_ skills in the _hot-loving department_, and proceeded to make me boil over with ecstasy and abandon.

I had orgasmed, and was again _so_ wet and swollen. And everything he did was perfect and too delightful for words. _I rode along... on the __**Jasper express.**_ I made strange noises, which defied description.

His fingers inside of me slowed and he chuckled, looking up at my wild eyes.

"Seeing you like this, it's beyond words, _so unbelievable_, being with you here and now, I'm surely the _luckiest bastard to ever walk the face of the planet!_ Ready for the _next_ round? Or do you need a rest?"

"More!" was all I could say.

Wiggling my legs and pelvis. He was kneeling up between my legs. We reached for each other and he pulled me up so I was upright, face to face with him and wrapping my legs around behind him.

We kissed and he looked me in the eyes, "ready? You set the pace and how deep you want to go, ok baby? I'll just support you, under your cute butt, like this."

True to his word, he put both hands under me and lifted me up.

His peen was well and truly ready for action.

"Now just put old slugger there, right where you want him baby, don't be scared." Jasper murmured in my ear.

Slugger was weeping and a slick, rosy colour. I reached him and rose up a little more, getting him to sit right at my swollen entrance, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and the out and let myself sink right down onto him.

I smiled and Jasper kissed me harder, biting down gently, onto my lower lip to distract me from my worry, that he would be too much for me.

I sighed and sank down further, I came back up a little, all the while Jasper supported my movements, and whispered things like... "so hot, so sweet, those silky wet folds."

It felt fantastic! I deliberately clenched my pelvic muscles around him, to feel him some more. Oh god he was massive, yet filling me easily.

He let out a deep groan.

"Jasper, help me move on you some more, you feel so good!"

He responded with some slow and deep moves, and looked at me, "can I lay you down, and pick up the pace a bit?"

I nodded, and he laid me back, like a precious cargo and stayed kneeling there and holding onto my elevated butt. He started to thrust, his slugger, pushing up high against the front wall of my vulva. Right on the soft layers inside where nerves of the g-spot lay.

I could feel him so well! It was all _so sensitive and intense_. I closed my eyes and suddenly stared _flying again!_ Off racing fast on the _Jasper express,_ he had started getting faster and harder, he moved my legs up onto his shoulders and thrust in harder, this angle was deeper and even more amazing.

I howled and squealed and _**came**_ _like I'd never come before_. Jasper joined me in his orgasm, his voice just as loud as mine, but a deeper kind of growl.

We lay there, after I managed to get my legs back down on the bed, panting and feeling the after effects of our first, wonderful time together.

I looked at him, and he looked just like a cat, that had swallowed a canary.

"I think we might have scared the neighbours into thinking that there's a couple of _bob-cats mating_ in the forest nearby."

"No, I do believe you sounded more like a _puma_ Bella." Jasper chuckled.

"Whatever we sounded like together, _that_ was fantastic, thanks to you and slugger there!"

"Yes it was! All of those hormones are making you extra sensitive and it's beautiful to see and taste something _so plump and juicy, so ripe and delicious_, I don't know what you were worried about, _you are divine Bella!"_

"Thanks, I couldn't have done it without you. All these years I was wondering what the big thing was about sex, but you _showed_ me how wrong I was, and I can't wait to do that again...but first I'm going to wash and I need some more snacks."

"Can bring them up here for you baby? Have a hankering for anything in particular?"

"Fruit and nuts, and maybe a little chocolate too? I have to take my supplements, so some juice would be good too. Thanks Jasper."

"Uh...Bella, can I bring my bags in, out of the car? I need some stuff, and is it ok to have it here... in your house?"

"Sure, please make yourself at home, bring your stuff in and store it here. How long are you staying? That is _if _you want to stay... you do, don't you? I shouldn't make assumptions, sorry."

"Bella, if you'll have me, I'm _**all**_ yours. _I'll stay as long as you want me_, I can study and work on my photography anywhere. I've got all my gear with me, all the time anyway; in case there's an opportunity for a great shot."

"Well in that case, I'll clear out some drawers and there's plenty of hanging space in the wardrobe. Actually, if you want, I've got some special shirts that would probably fit you. Feel free to try on my grandpa's Hawaiian shirts, if you want."

"Huh, sure why not?" He smiled.

I grabbed a few things and headed for the bathroom, hoping the hot water was back, and gave myself a calming wash.

I couldn't stop smiling, what a feeling! It was a sense of liberation, release and wonder. And Jasper was _here_, making it happen _with me!_

_With me...here... **right here**, with me! Wow!_

I combed my hair out and applied some stuff to give it body and tame the frizzy, fly away hair, dressed in some new yoga pants, a long sleeved tee and a tropical shirt which had colours and a print that I loved. I put on some cotton socks and my new black uggs and went down stairs.

Jasper was still out front, talking on his phone. I stuck the kettle on and rustled up some fruit and nut snacks.

Rufus was happy to see me and I gave him some attention, giving his coat a good brush to get out the knots that would always form, under his tummy, neck and near his legs, his hair was so long. He loved being brushed thank heavens and didn't fight me when I had to work on getting his knots loosened up, and I chatted to him, while he purred loudly, sprawled out on the floor.

"What shall I make for dinner Rufus? Some spicy tomato soup and perhaps a veggie and feta flan? That would be easy to make and keep for later, if we got hungry for some midnight snacks."

I poured some tea and took my tablets and ate the fruit. I wonder why Jasper wasn't coming inside? I hope it was nothing serious.

I didn't want to pry on him and whoever he was talking to. I started assembling the soup ingredients, throwing them into a large pot and added the chicken stock, it could slowly simmer it down and when it was soft, I would blend it up to a nice smooth consistency, add in the seasoning, and sprinkle on some finely chopped parsley.

I was starting to panic a little, was Jasper alright?

I heard the front door open and shut, and his footsteps down to the kitchen. I looked around, and he had a shattered look on his face.

"What's happened? Are you ok?"

He shook his head. I came and took his hand.

"Jasper come and sit a while, I made you some tea."

He sat and looked down at his tea, as it got cold.

"I can't stay, I've got to go. I'm so sorry Bella."

"What? Why? What's happened? What about Christmas?"

"I can't stay. My friends Pete and Char are ready to go back to Mexico, in order to finish our last assignment. They have had their funding threatened by our editor, if we _don't_ complete the assignment _as a team_. I had previously pulled out before coming here, hoping that they could replace me, but _apparently my editor finds me 'irreplaceable'."_

"Oh, so you are going back, where they both got kidnapped and held for ransom? This _editor_... wants you to go back _there?_ Where you might get hurt and killed, and maybe never manage to come back? Can't you _just say no?_"

"Another kidnapping is unlikely to happen Bella; we just got _unlucky_ to first time, that's all. I feel really obligated to Pete and Charlotte, we've been through _so much together_, they have saved me many times and I owe them, this one last trip."

"Oh, right." I couldn't stand in the way of his strong friendship with these two. They meant a lot to him.

"Bella, I've got some ideas to _make_ this work, and keep out of the worst of it. I'll try and get it all done in a shorter time, and make sure that we can have a story, only with less drama. I'm going to get Charlotte to document their kidnapping as a _big part_ of the story, to get the point across to our readers, about all the dangers involved in that part of the world."

"Please Jasper, promise me to _stay safe_, I've only just found you! _Please come back in one piece!_ Can you stay for some soup? It will help you warm up and give you some nourishment."

Jasper had tears in his eyes.

"If it wasn't Pete and Charlotte, I wouldn't go at all. My editor is a mad woman, who only wants _results_, regardless of the cost in human suffering, particularly the journalists in her stable."

I held him and kissed him, "I'm going to make you eat some of my soup _before_ you go, _so no leaving just yet, I __**insist!**_ Why don't you go get some clean clothes on, freshen up a bit and by the time you're all done, I'll have it ready for you?"

He kissed me and got up and went upstairs with a change of clothes.

I blitzed the soup and ladled it into two bowls, adding the parsley and a big dollop of Greek yogurt.

Jasper came up and held me from behind.

"After this trip, I'll be back here with you, and I won't be leaving until you say I'm no longer welcome. I love you Bella. I don't want to let you go. You make me complete, in a way I never thought possible." he sighed, kissing my neck.

"I know I feel the same way. I'll want you forever! I'm giving you fair warning Jasper... once you come back_, I'm __**not **__going to let you go!"_

We ate our soup in silence. I took out my phone and took his photo, he took his out and took one of me too.

It was sad, but _what could I do?_ I would've loved to _caused a big scene and scream at his ruthless editor, _but what good would _that_ do?

As we finished eating and stood up, I took off my shirt, my favourite of grandpa Swan's collection... the one in soft turquoise and green, with surfboards printed all over it.

I made Jasper try it on, it looked _so good_ on him, with his deep blue eyes.

"It suits your eyes; let's make it your good-luck shirt! I'm going to ask my Nanna Swan to _watch over you_, and see you come home to me. I want you back in bed with me, as soon as humanly possible. Ok my beautiful lover?" I asked.

"I'll be back. I'll stay safe for you."

We kissed like there was no tomorrow and I held off from sobbing, until he got into his four by four, and drove away into the heavy Forks rain.

* * *

Please send me a little feedback, I'd love to hear what you think.


	23. Chapter 23

**SM owns twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter twenty two.**

I would have collapsed on the wet road, if it wasn't for Angela spotting me through her window, and coming out into the pelting rain, to pull me inside, out of the freezing conditions.

She took my hand and sat me down in the living room. She lit the Eco fire and found a dry towel to sop up the worst of the moisture from my soaked clothes and hair.

"Can I go get some dry clothes and a blanket for you Bella?"

I was shivering and crying, but eventually shook my head and found my voice. "It's ok Ange; I'll go change, thanks for being my friend."

I broke down, sobbing and hugging her. She patted me on the shoulder, and calmly tried to shush me and started rocking me slowly to get me over the worst of it.

"Bella, Bella whatever is going on, I'm here for you, ok? Come and sit in front of the fire, I'll go get something quickly, just wait here and try to get warm."

Rufus and I curled up together, he purred and I cried.

Angela stayed with me, as we talked into the night, eating soup and falling asleep on cushions and blankets in front of the fire.

* * *

It was only _one week_ until Christmas!

I had sent out all of my cards wishing everyone a happy life, even Renee and Phil got one. Phil sent a sweet e-mail wishing me the best, and saying that he was finally separating from Renee.

I had finished making the chutney and jam, to give away as my presents, and had wrapped red ribbons around the lids to give them a Christmassy feel.

I made some different batches of ice cream. Angela, Seth and I tried them out. Esme said she would keep the ice cream as a treat for Christmas lunch, as she said her waistline had been expanding, and she was watching her calories. I said she was thin as a rake and seriously needed to _eat_ if she was to keep up with the twins when they arrived. She just chuckled, and said she couldn't wait for them to arrive, that next year Christmas would be wonderful.

I made two thick, creamy ice-creams, using the flavours of butterscotch-pecan and dark chocolate-raisin, and then a lighter, tangy sorbet of orange.

Esme was bringing a large, smoked ham for Christmas lunch and Angela wanted to help too, so I asked her about organising all the Christmas music and carols. She had a great ear for music, and got right into selecting the whole lot. Growing up in a Christian household, there was a lot of fine classical music and sacred hymns for this time of the year, and she also threw in some funny carols and Elvis songs to lighten up the sound.

I decided to go out and buy a fold out sofa-bed, to make sure that Leah had somewhere to sleep when she got here. I bought the most comfortable one I could find, and had it delivered. I put it up in Charlie's old room, where I had made my study.

I made some batches of brownies, and wrapped them up in cellophane and had them ready for unexpected guests to take home as a present and left one plate of them in the fridge for snacks.

_Every morning_ I would wake up dreaming of Jasper...only to find Jasper disappearing in a wisp of a dream, before I could open up my eyes.

_Every morning_ I would cry and want to stay in bed hiding under the blankets, feeling sorry for myself, but he would text me at the same time, to tell me he was _alive_ and that he _really missed_ my 'wild, puma calls', and I would text him back and say I loved him and 'slugger' too!

_Every morning_, after Jasper's texts, I would get out of bed, vomit, feel like crap and go downstairs to tea, Vegemite toast and keep really busy.

I kept thinking, that if I _crammed many activities into my day,_ then I wouldn't have _time to stop_ and time to sit and think about him, _then I __**would**__ survive this_ and _he __**would**__ be home soon._

One morning I ran out of things to do, and just stopped.

I put on a silly, girly, vampire movie, lay back in one of Charlie's leather recliners and relaxed. I watched the stupid girl get completely carried away, falling in love with the _wrong guy_, she should have totally gone with the quiet blond, who was _much more suited_ _to her..._ of course, and pissed the his pixie wife off, back to the asylum where she came from...crazy damn plot!

I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of the movie and awoke to someone knocking at the door.

I took a while to get myself out of the _fully reclined, recliner_, and up to answer the door.

I guy stood there, with a big bunch of exquisite Asiatic lilies. I signed for them and I looked at the note. They were from Jasper! The scent was divine, and their beauty was sunning. I smiled; they were gorgeous,_ just_ like him.

_'My love, my life, I'll be in your sweet arms soon! J xxx'_

I found a nice glass jar my Nanna had once used keep preserved fruit in, and filled it with water, I sat the lilies on the living room coffee table and admired them. I hoped they would last until Christmas. I took a photo of them and sent Jasper a big thank you text.

* * *

Esme came calling a few days before Christmas and wanted to let me know, that they had some extra visitors staying _unexpectedly_ for the whole of the holidays. She didn't look so happy about it and asked me if I minded if she and Carlisle only dropped in for a short while on Christmas Day instead of coming for lunch, I said to bring them _all over_ here, _the more the merrier...right?_

She looked at me and smiled sadly, saying she didn't want to _ruin_ a nice lunch with her family squabbles. Rosalie, Emmett and Edward had all suddenly decided to drop in and stay with them, _as well_ as their various parents. That meant she had _nine extra guests_ landing on her...and they all assumed it was _**fine**_, and that Esme didn't _mind_ being a slave to their whims!

Poor Esme, everyone in her family had just _assumed_ she would be hosting Christmas lunch like she always did, and no one ever checked if she had wanted to do it this year, or if she and Carlisle had _other plans. _They just all _turned up_ on her doorstep!_  
_

I offered to give her the large smoked ham back, and she waved it off, saying she had organized a special, last-minute catering service to cover her guests for lunch. She said that she really _couldn't get excited_ about cooking for all of the ungrateful, trouble makers, that she was unfortunately related to.

Apparently they all had _difficult palates_, and were apt to try out wildly stupid, new fad diets, and expect her to follow along with their irrational whims, catering to their wildly different, food fads. It kind of made sense now why Jasper had mentioned that he wasn't used to seeing women eat, and enjoy their food.

She hugged me, and rubbed my tummy; my babies were really starting to show now and my middle was quite hard. I gave her some chutney, black currant jam and three take-away containers, filled with my home made ice-cream. And told her she was _always welcome,_ if it all got too much and she needed somewhere to escape to.

I asked her if she had told her family about me being their surrogate yet, and she said no, but was thinking about telling them at Christmas.

She said it was as good a time as _any_, and I chuckled at her hopefulness.

"Wouldn't it be maybe _better_ to try and email them all a short message, _**after **__I delivered the babies?_ Then, that would leave them _much less_ _time _to react and end up being difficult about things, that they would never have a hope of understanding. And if they knew as soon as the babies _arrived,_ they would focus on the _babies_ and not so much _how_ they got here."

I asked if she did choose to tell them all during Christmas, if she could at _least_ keep my name _out of it_, so none of them would contact me.

_I feared Rosalie's reaction_. How was it that such a bitch was the_ twin_ of the man I loved?

And who knows what the rest of them would be like, once they found out about me?

* * *

I stopped and looked around; the house was as perfect as I could make it.

Rufus was wearing a red bow and extra bells on his collar, which he absolutely _hated_ and continually tried to take off.

I had several happy emails from Steve and Vlad wishing me all the best for Christmas and the up coming year. They were holidaying in Cuba, enjoying all of the Latin music and dancing. And the hot, young, gay guys they hung out with in the underground clubs.

Leah was about to arrive here any moment, with Marcy. I wanted her to get to know Angela, I'm sure they would get along really well.

Aro and Pia had rung _and_ emailed, to tell me that they loved me and that they were sure Jasper would come back with me soon. Aro wasn't worried that I hadn't managed to do any of his work yet, and told me to enjoy my holiday. Pia said she had started knitting for the bambinos, I thanked her in advance. Her knitting was spectacular... so fine, lacy and delicate. I don't know how she managed it with her bad eyesight, but she did! I'm sure Esme would treasure Pia's knitting, once the bambinos were born.

I had at least six guests for lunch, but had made enough for ten. I knew that Seth and his crew _ate_ like they had hollow legs; honestly I don't know _where they put all of that food. _They had grown rapidly since I met them, and I wondered how big they would get before they stopped.

The lights were all lit up outside, the weather had gotten snowy and very overcast. I hope there wasn't a damn blizzard! I wanted everyone driving to be safe and not stuck in a drift, or run off the road.

The turkey was roasting, along with the large tray of veggies. I had sliced up the ham and made cranberry sauce. Then there was a big Christmas pudding, warm brandy custard and there were my three yummy flavours of ice-cream. I had brownies, rum balls, chips and dips, as well as those silly crackers with the paper hats, jokes and whistles.

Tinsel and winking lights were put up around the house, and the tree looked swamped in decorations. I even made myself a new angel and warned Rufus from trying to kill the new one. I had a moment of sentimentality, and kept the old, shredded angel in a special box of stuff from my childhood.

I wore my red, elf hat and gave one to Angela as soon as she walked in, snow flakes in her hair, arms laden with all the music and a present.

I heard a knock at the door and a bark, and I ran over to see Leah and Marcy come in covered in snow too. Leah hugged me and went upstairs to get settled with her gear. Marcy and Rufus chased each other around and I gave Leah an elf hat to wear too.

Seth, Colin, Brady and Harry turned up next, and I broke out the soda for the boys and me, Leah poured herself and Harry a beer, while Angela decided on some sweet, fruity wine.

Luckily Angela had brought over all of her kitchen chairs, so we at least had _seats_ for everyone, and I put out all the snacks on the coffee table. The boys got stuck into them, gobbling them up and drinking lots of soda. Harry started reminiscing about Charlie, and looking very sad.

He went to see Charlie's paintings again and chatted to Leah. She had a strong tribal heritage too and understood a lot just by being with Harry and listening to his stories.

I focused on the lunch, and pulled out the turkey, once I was _absolutely certain_ that it was properly cooked. The veggies were good, and ham all ready.

I set all the food out on my little dining table, it would be a 'help-yourself buffet', because there was _no way_ to fit everyone around the table which ever so _generously_ built for just _two!_

I would love nothing more than to eat lunch with my beautiful, golden lover, my man.

I wondered what kind of Christmas he would be having?

Would he be safe?

Would he ever return?

I got _stupid_ tears rolling down my face..._again._ I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts, and blew my nose looking out at all of the heavy snow, falling in the backyard. It looked like something out of a fairytale.

I had to get ready, and call everyone over and help themselves to the food, before it got cold.

Suddenly I heard a commotion from the living room, and Marcy was barking, Seth was hooting and Leah and Angela giggling like schoolgirls.

I was grabbed from behind, and I jumped in surprise, at _his hands_ on my tummy and boobs.

"Mmm baby, happy Christmas you feel so goooood!" his silky voice whispered in my ear.

"Jasper, my God! You're back! It's _really_ you!"

I swung around and clung to him, jumping up into his arms, and kissing him like I wanted to _eat him_ for lunch, _instead_ of the turkey.

"Uh ha! So _this_ is the little woman who has _all the power_, over our boy Jasper Cullen! I _never_ thought I'd ever see the day, when he would finish work _early_, in order to get home quickly to surprise a girl for_ Christmas!"_

The words were spoken by a man, who I noticed out of the corner of my eye. I took a breather from kissing Jasper, and looked over to this amusing stranger.

"Hi Bella, I'm Pete Whitlock and somewhere in the other room is Char, hope you don't mind a few more mouths for lunch?"

I giggled, "I don't mind, welcome to Forks Peter. Hey everyone _grubs up! Come and get it!"_ I shouted.

I clung onto Jasper and he moved us over to the kitchen sink, to keep out of everyone's way. We kissed and I looked him over, to make sure that he was _really_ here, in _one piece_.

"It's _so good_ to see you! That must have been the fastest 'National Geographic' assignment _ever!"_

I noticed he was still wearing my grandfather's shirt. I gripped the collar and kissed him some more.

I let us breathe for a moment and Jasper answered.

"The trip ended up being way _easier_ than we thought; we focused on Pete and Char's personal story and I shot photos in the general region. We talked to and photographed some other survivors of these drug cartels."

"We kept right out of the cartel's territory this time, and went through the history, and statistics of how many people have died and kidnapped, which communities are under their control, the money spent on illegal arms, bribes, and of course the human drug mules and their drug routes."

"I'm glad you wore this lucky shirt Jasper! I'm amazed you are here in one piece!"

"Pete thought I was crazy wearing it, and I would wash it every couple of days, hang it out overnight and put it back on again." He laughed.

"Yeah, I've _never_ seen Jasper wear something _so obsessively_...and so quaint and out of character too." A small blond woman came up chuckling, like it was the biggest joke ever.

"Hi! You must be Charlotte! Thanks for bringing him back to me! Have you had some food yet?"

"I'm just about to get to the food. While you were kissing Jasper, everyone else had their first helpings. You both better get tucked in quickly, if you want to eat _something_ before those young guys finish it all off!" Charlotte giggled.

Jasper and I looked at each other and back at the food.

"Let's eat." we both said, and started laughing like crazy.

We sat down on the living room floor, perched on top of the cushions and tucked in. Having Jasper back, had _brought my appetite back_ suddenly, and I made him taste the special turkey stuffing I had made, and he gave me mouthfuls of baked, caramelized veggies. The sweet potato and onion were the best.

Jasper had a passion for my baked potatoes, but unfortunately the boys had gobbled them all up. I told him that I'd make him potatoes every day if he wanted, and he smiled at my suggestion.

Pete and Char were sweet together, she was tiny, blond and feisty, and he was rough, rugged and tall. There must have been at least eighteen inches difference in their height.

Pete and Harry started chatting, they had heaps in common, especially fishing and hunting. Charlotte, Leah and Angela all got on well too.

I went over to the tree and pulled out my jars of preserves, and handed them out. Thanking everyone for making my Christmas special this year.

Jasper got a special present, which I _hoped_ that he might like. It was hard to disguise though, but I wrapped it none the less, I gave him my great grandfather's sabre.

As I pulled my poorly-disguised weapon out from under the spruce, Jasper's eyes popped wide open. I placed it in his hands.

"Merry Christmas Jasper, welcome to my family! This sabre once belonged to one of my ancestors and I want you to have it. If you like I can show you the other swords and their uniforms. Their war diaries make great reading too."

He sat there unblinking, kind of in shock.

He knelt down and grabbed me around the middle and looked up at me.

"Bella I promise to always to serve, protect and love you. Hopefully I won't need the sabre to do it. Thanks baby...its brilliant!"

When he unwrapped it, all the men in the room leaned in to get a better look, Seth, Colin and Brady all wanted to touch it and hold it. But Jasper warned them off, and kept it by his side jealously.

Angela gave me some cook books, Leah some new binoculars and Seth and the boys all chipped in and bought me a fancy DVD recording device to make sure I _never missed_ a single game of football. I was moved by them all thinking of me. Even if I was highly unlikely, to ever want to record and watch _any_ kind of sport. I _would_ use it for all of those excellent wildlife documentaries, I never had enough time to watch.

Esme had bought some fabulous high-end cooking equipment, which included a new Kitchen aid blender, an Italian coffee maker and fancy pasta machine.

Pete and Charlotte apologized for not bringing anything as a present, and I told them that they bought me the _best present of all_, my Jasper.

I started crying and I kissed him again.

Jasper got up and bought back a plastic bag.

"I'm sorry there was no time to wrap it babe, next year I'll do better. I hope you like it anyway."

I looked inside and there was the sweetest little, buckskin leather-bound journal. I opened it up, expecting all of the pages to be _blank_, but instead, Jasper had written all of those things he had said about me...and what my body parts reminded him of, our first and only time in bed. It was truly like a _precious poem_, he had taken to time to write the words down and lay them out beautifully in this sweet journal.

"It's unfinished, I was hoping to have some more time to put photos of _you_ in it, but if you will let me, I'll put them in as we go. See where I left spaces? They are for the photos I'll take of you."

I was gob smacked! I'd never had such a perfectly, precious gift, he had made it _straight from his heart_. And just like us, it was a work in progress.

"Jasper! It's so, so amazing! I can't believe it, you are incredible! Thank you _so much_, I'll treasure it forever, thank you, thank you!"

It took a while for us to stop kissing, but eventually Angela and Leah decided it was time for dessert and started making coffee and cleaning up the dirty plates.

I came back to earth and apologized for being a bad hostess, and jumped up, Jasper trailing behind me, unwilling to let me go.

I pulled out the Christmas pudding of the steamer and onto a plate, and then drenched it in brandy. The brandy custard was already cooked and set in a pretty jug, the three types of ice cream were out of the freezer, sitting in glass bowls, the dessert bowls and spoons were set out, and the coffee was ready.

We all went into the living room, and I placed the steamed, brandy-laden pudding in the centre of the coffee table.

"Ok, gather round everyone, Jasper have you got a lighter?"

He handed over a much loved silver Zippo lighter, and I lit the pudding up.

The flames took hold quickly, burning blue and it was _spooky_ as it shimmered there in the centre of the living room. Angela, Leah, Pete and Seth all took photos with their phones, Jasper smiled and pulled out a camera and took some shots too, everyone was watching in awed silence. They had never seen a flaming pudding before.

I told them I got the idea from an English exchange student who stayed with Aro once, during Christmas, I was so impressed that she had cooked her own pudding and set it alight at the table that I wanted to see if I could recreate it.

The flames kept burning for ages! Thank goodness the alcohol eventually burnt itself out, and I was able to serve it up. Everyone thought the second half of the meal was as much of a triumph, as the first half.

Lots of them asked about the ice cream and where I got it. Apart from Angela and Seth, none of them knew. I made them guess, and I _finally gave in_ and told them that I had made it. And all the boys put in orders for _more_. I said they could be my official taste-testers.

I hugged the guys as they set off home, they didn't want to get caught away from the res. if a storm brewed up, it looked like it would pick up any time now. I told them to drive safely.

Angela put on some more music and Leah and Charlotte went into the kitchen to start cleaning up. Angela went in to see if she could help, and that left me, Jasper and Pete.

I was starting to get sleepy from all the food and work I had done.

I snuggled down into Jasper's lap in the recliner and closed my eyes.

I woke up and it was night already. I was in bed and Jasper was fast asleep beside me.

I hoped that everyone found a place to sleep and didn't try to drive anywhere. The wind had picked up and I could hear lots of rattles around the house. The storm had obviously picked up while I was sleeping. I decided to get up and use the loo, and check if everything was ok downstairs.

I snuck down to the kitchen, Rufus and Marcy looked up at me from their warm bed on the floor. I poured a glass of milk and looked around the _sparkling _kitchen. The whole place was clean as a whistle, and the small amount of left-overs stacked neatly in the fridge.

I shook my head. Those girls were amazing; I'd have to thank them for doing such a great job!

There was a body on the living room sofa, fast asleep. Maybe that was Leah?

Pete and Charlotte must be in the fold-out sofa bed upstairs.

Well it was good they got _themselves_ all sorted themselves out. I crept back into bed and curled up with my beautiful man.

This was _surely_ a Christmas I would never forget!

* * *

Please send me a little feedback, I love hearing from you guys!


	24. Chapter 24

**SM owns twilight.  
**

I want to wish everyone a happy mid winter, or summer, depending on which hemisphere you are reading. To all of those expeditioners in Antarctica at the moment, Happy Mid-winter to all of you braving the dark and cold right now!

I also want to that the **powers that be, **who came in and evicted my _neighbours from hell_ yesterday YAY! I now live in a happy friendly street.**  
**

* * *

**Chapter twenty three.**

Jasper and I had an amazing time, _waking up together_ in our mutual, hot, dream sequence... I laughed when I realized he was _really_ in my bed _with_ me.

We ended up making some more red-hot love after that, as well as some _strange noises_... until I remembered that most of the others would hear us, and probably start thinking that some mountain lions were mounting _inside _the house.

Jasper whispered to me that he didn't care what _anyone_ thought, as he'd had to put up with Pete and Char going at it, _all hours_ of the day and night, often in close quarters and under many odd conditions.

He said that having a door and hallway _between_ _him and them,_ was quite an oddity, a luxury even.

I laughed and told him that waking up with him had _totally_ made my morning, and that while he was gone I laid in bed crying until I received his texts.

Leah knocked on the door and bought in a tray of tea and toast for me and a coffee for Jasper.

She winked at me and said she and Marcy were going to play in the snow. I asked if she could check on my hens while she was out in the yard, I hoped the poor girls weren't frozen to death with the cold weather.

"Thanks for the breakfast in bed though, seriously its _so great_ having you here Leah." I said, the tables were turned, at college it was always her in bed with some guy, and me alone.

"Well my gran insisted, that you needed to eat before rising and she said Jasper here needed some extra time in bed with his best girl." Leah chuckled and left us to it.

I tucked into my food and tea. I sighed in relief; there would be _no vomiting this morning for me! Yay!_

"What did Leah mean about her gran?"Jasper asked.

"Ah well, Leah has a _really_ good connection with her gran...but the thing is her gran is _dead_, but still manages to keep in constant touch with her granddaughter via a sort of channelling thing that she does. Leah's gran was the one who told me I was having twins, and they would be a boy and girl." I chuckled.

"By channelling , do you mean like her spirit coming and taking over Leah's body, or is it a kind of 'hearing voices' sort of thing..._either way_, are you really _sure_ that her advice to you isn't a bit dodgy? Has Leah been doing a lot of drugs, or is she in need of a shrink or medication of some sort?" He looked seriously anxious, like Leah was going to turn into a raving, out-of-control _psychotic patient_, rather than just a plain, old **_psychic_**.

"_Jasper,_ if you want to stay in this bed... you'll just _have to be_ _nice_ and at least _try and accept_ what I'm going to say. I've got to tell you that Leah _**is** and always **will be** my best friend_. I've lived with her for four years at college and _**never once**_ was I worried that she was mentally unwell...I thought many times she might get pregnant because of all her indiscriminate, sexual activity and a few times I thought she might have drunk way too much, and need to go to hospital for alcohol poisoning. But _**never**_ did I _ever feel unsafe or doubt her sincerity_, when it came to me."

"But what if..."

"Jasper, why don't you ask her yourself, about her gran? I never knew what she did until recently either. Look if she _didn't want you_ to know, she _wouldn't have mentioned her gran_...especially seeing as her granny **_knows_ **that you want some more time in bed with me this morning."

"Ahh well, there is that... and I _do_ like Leah, she's a good person. I can see that, but..."

"Yes Jasper?" I said moving over to kiss his shoulder.

"I'm _concerned_ that's all... and I think you _really over did it_ yesterday. I had to carry you up here, you were so fast asleep that you never even woke up when I got you into bed."

"That's because I was tired and I could finally relax and sleep peacefully in your arms. I finally knew you were _safe and in one piece!_ Thanks for coming back here for Christmas; it meant the world to me, seeing you here yesterday. It was a wish come true!"

"I would be really happy, if you completely relaxed today and we just hung around and stayed in bed." Jasper smiled.

"Gee honey, _what ever_ will we do... to while-away the time?" I asked.

"Let's see, I'm sure I can think of a _few _things, like finding out exactly what your _favourite_ position is and if you like it wild and fast, or slow and gentle. And there are a _lot_ of fun and strange positions to try, if you like any of that karma-sutra, tantric stuff."

"Oh well, let's see if we can knock a few different positions off the list and see what I like best then...and _what's_ your favourite position Jasper Cullen?"

"I haven't found my favourite _yet_, but so far _you are my favourite_ and _whatever we do together_ is what I like." he chuckled.

"_Really?_ I'm not a disappointment, compared to all of those others?"

"Bella, _something_ has changed in me and my world. You shine so brightly, so hot and intensely, that _it's blinded me_ to _all_ _others_...its true! I can't even really remember... what on earth I thought I was doing with those others. My world revolves around you; _you my love_ are the _centre _of my universe!"

And with those fine sentiments, we made love in a few novel ways, ending with a big bang and lots of giggling.

Crazy wild, gymnastic karma-sutra..._what on earth_ was I thinking?

* * *

"Baby the light is perfect, I'm going to get my camera, don't go anywhere, just stay there!"

"Err...ok." I laughed.

He was so excited. The thick dump of snow last night, had caused the light to shine up into the room from the ground, rather than down from the sky. It lit up the room with a _crisp and bright glare_, compared to Fork's usual grey-green, depressing, gloomy light.

Out of the window, the snow was really deep and I was guessing most of the population was staying indoors today, apart from all the neighbourhood kids, who were out building snowmen, snow-forts and having snow fights.

Jasper's truck was completely buried. I'm glad he arrived when he did, any later and they would've been in real trouble trying to drive here.

Pete and Char were still sleeping-in, Leah had gone out with Marcy exploring the snow and nearby forest.

Esme and Carlisle hadn't come by yesterday, like they had planned. Apparently _all_ of the Denalis had arrived, bringing their guest numbers up to _fourteen!_ I think Esme and Carlisle needed to take them _all to task_ and make a few changes. When the twins come, they won't have time to go entertaining _so many_ people...will they?

Jasper huffed when I told him _what_ Esme was putting up with. He confessed that until recently, he _was_ one of _those thoughtless relatives_. Who just like the others, _let Esme organise everything_ and never gave back, never stayed to do the washing-up, or even offered to bring some food or wine with them as a present.

I thanked Esme for her wonderful gifts, and told her to sneak off here, _away from her guests_ and come here so I could make her a coffee with her lovely machine.

Esme said, that my food gifts were demolished in one go, by a greedy Carlisle and Emmett, Edward had complained that he hadn't tasted anything, and everyone else wanted to know who made the chutney, jams, and ice creams.

She said she _wasn't telling _and it was her secret. She told me I could probably make a small fortune, selling this stuff to her friends and relatives.

I promised her that I would make some ice-cream just for her. I wanted her to try it, I hear what she thought.

I heard some clicking and turned.

"_Hold it,_ that's perfect! You look so far away day-dreaming standing at the window. Good now look over here... Now try smiling..."

_Jasper with a camera, now that's something else!_ _I wanted to shrink away and hide, and also jump at him and rip his clothes off and make him call out my name! I honesty didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Let's just_ _say I had never thought I was model material, and cameras had always made me nervous._

After a while I got sick of being posed and snapped and went into the bathroom, hoping to get some peace. Jasper tried to follow me in, but I shook my head. I told him to make himself useful, and go feed my hens some pellets, and to make sure they had some _unfrozen_ water...that is if the poor things were still alive.

Rufus insisted on coming into the bathroom with me and wanted to_ reassure_ himself that I still loved him and he was _still_ number the one boy in the house.

I was going to have to get him de-sexed soon. I didn't want smelly cat urine around the place and for him to start fighting with the neighbour's tom cats. I'd have to book him into Angela, for the 'snip'..._I know... I had to be cruel to be kind._

I got into the shower and washed myself, the new secret to my shiny hair was to rinse with diluted, white vinegar. It really did make it _shine and feel silky_. I liked how Steve told me this, while at the same time, being surrounded by very expensive hair and skin products at the spa. The shiny vinegar, homemade rinse, cost me only a few cents, and did a great job.

I dried my hair and let ran it through my new, curling iron thingy, to add some extra bounce. I was feeling _so good_ having Jasper here, I was blessed and loved. I had wonderful friends and a cosy, warm house.

I opened the bathroom door and Jasper came up to me looking happy.

"Your hens! They're not only _alive_, but look! They laid some eggs! This one looks _double the size_ that it should be, it's massive!"

"Wow poor thing, I hope she didn't do herself any damage laying that monster! I'm starving again, let's go down to the kitchen, and I'll make up some Boxing Day surprises."

"Why are they surprises?"

"Cause you _never know_ what you are going to get, when you start making stuff out of left-overs. It's always a surprise!" I laughed.

We went downstairs and I assembled a tasty ham and feta flan, and popped it in the oven, it wouldn't take long to cook. I turned to the turkey carcass and started pulling off all the remaining meat. Jasper photographing me all the while...erghh!

I put the turkey bones and remnants which had been left at the bottom of the the roasting pan, into a large stock pot and covered it with water. I added some roughly chopped carrots, onions, celery, as well as some dried herbs. Then sat it on to simmer and put the lid on the pot.

With this, I would make a turkey-based stock, when it finished slow cooking.

The flan was ready to come out of the oven. I knew it would be gobbled up fast. So I asked Jasper to pull out some bread rolls from the freezer. I popped them in the hot oven, to defrost and get _crusty _on the outside and _warmed through_ on the inside. _Yum._

I poured some milk into five mugs and heated it up in the micro wave, and added my special Mexican drinking chocolate and a little ground chilli. It was a_ perfect_ concoction for warming up cold bodies.

As soon as I had made the mugs of hot chocolate, and as if by magic... Leah and Marcy came in from the cold and Charlotte and Peter came down from their room. All the smells had brought them into the kitchen.

Jasper chuckled as he continued to shoot pictures.

Jasper handed out the mugs and I served up hot bread rolls and the slices of the ham flan. Pete and Jasper disappeared into the living room to watch something on tv, and the girls and I ate and drank at the tiny kitchen table.

Angela popped her head in the back door and I waved her over to come and eat. I thanked them all for doing an amazing job of cleaning up the kitchen on Christmas night.

Angela, Leah and Charlotte all bonded in the kitchen, while doing the washing up and they chatted happily, like they had known each other for years.

I strained out the stock and did a taste check. _Perfect and rich_.

I checked what I had in the cupboard, I wanted to make something _filling_ and _hearty_, that didn't need a lot of fresh ingredients...I spied a full packet of arborio rice, a small grain, risotto rice..._that's it! **Bingo!**_

I could make a large pot of risotto using the rice, an onion, some garlic, the meat scraps from the turkey, and _all the stock_ I had just made!

As everyone came back into the kitchen looking for some more food, I slowly stirred in the stock to the rice and added the meat and herbs. At one point I got Jasper to stir for me, and made sure he didn't stop, when he complained Pete took over, and Jasper shot some more candid group photos.

Charlotte mumbled that she had never seen Jasper _so_ attentive and focused before, and I must have a magic touch.

I shook my head and smiled. The risotto was nearly ready, and I added some of the fresh herbs and tasted it..._mm just right for a winter's meal._ Pete tasted it and rolled his eyes, moaning in delight.

"_Now_ I get why he can't stay away! _It's the food!_ It's got that special _something_...that magic ingredient!"

"It's called a _freaky, family inheritance, that's what!"_ Leah said, giving me a knowing look and winking.

"What?" Jasper asked.

"Oh let's just say... Bella has _many assets_ and she _inherited a talent for making people __**love**__ her cooking._ Let's just say her little Hawaiian Nanna gave Bella a _natural touch when it came to food."_ Leah chuckled.

Pete and Jasper looked a little confused. I huffed, getting tired of all the attention.

"Let's just eat, Angela can you pass the bowls over please?" I asked.

We ate in front of the tv, which Pete and Jasper had hooked up to the fancy, new, recording device and _somehow_, the two of them had worked out how to make it work.I was happy about that, because I never seemed to get those kind of things to work, even with dutifully following the manual.

Excellent! Instead of football matches, we watched some wildlife programs we were all interested in. Pete, Char and Jasper even knew the film crew who made it.

I liked having my home cosy with good friends and my wonderful lover.

* * *

Jasper had started receiving lots of phone calls, each time he would sigh, roll his eyes and take them outside to talk. It was starting to bug me.

_Who was calling him? Why were they ringing constantly, or was there more than just one person calling?_

I must have looked really obvious, showing my worry on my face. Charlotte came up and rubbed my shoulder.

"Want to talk about it?" She looked at me sympathetically.

I nodded and huffed. "Let's go out and check on the hens, I've got some scraps for them."

We rugged up and went out the back door, me holding a scrap bucket and Charlotte some food pellets.

"You've known Jasper long? You guys seem really close."

"Yeah, we have worked together as a team of photo-journalists, for the last five years. The 'National Geographic' work is what we do most of the time, but we do sell our stories to all sorts of publications, and that extra work can make it more interesting for us."

The hens happily got stuck into the food and I checked to see they had some water, there was no way they would be able to peck through a thick layer of ice in their water bow with their beaks, once it formed.

"So what other work have you guys got planned? Any new assignments coming up in the pipeline? Jasper mentioned something before he left that he had_ resigned_ and wanted someone else to replace him."

"Huh, well I guess that's _one way_ of describing what happened. I would put it a little more bluntly, and say that he left our crazy, cougar boss hanging and he didn't want to give into temptation...again."

My eyes must have bugged out, at the thought of that crazy woman latching on to Jasper.

"He tried to call off his contract for the last assignment, after Pete and I got released from our captors in Mexico. So to get Jasper _back_ into her clutches, she threatened us all, wanting to sue us and told Jasper, that Pete and I would _never_ work for her or anyone else again. That's really the _only reason_ why he went back with us, down to Mexico. _It was to save our jobs._" Charlotte looked up at me.

"I'm going to guess that all the calls he's been getting this morning have been from your editor, I guess she knows you are all back from Mexico early and she wants him back with her for good." I theorized.

"I don't know for sure, but I guess this time of year is also when people call each other to _catch up_ and see how things are going...doesn't it worry you a little, that as we speak, Jasper's twin sister and his parents are both staying right here in town?"

"Esme did say that Rosalie, Emmett and both sets of their parents, plus Edward and his parents, and then the Denali triplets and their parents had _all_ turned up on her doorstep. God only knows where they are all sleeping! The house is _big, but not that big_. I'm more worried about Esme's peace of mind, than Rosalie or Jasper's parents being here in Forks."

Char looked skeptical. "Have you ever met any of these people Bella?"

"Only Rosalie and Emmet, and that didn't go so well. She's a real bitch and a half!"

"Ok, so have you ever wondered **_why_** Jasper has _never_ _ever _formed a strong emotional bond with _any women?_ That the women he knew were _never any closer than 'friendly playmates?" _Char reflected.

"No I haven't, I couldn't really see what would have caused him to _be like that_, apart from being exceptionally good looking and having women fall at his feet from a very young and impressionable age." I reasoned back.

"Ha! Yeah well he _does have that thing_, inheriting those stunning good looks and smooth voice. But what I'm trying to get you to understand, is his _family_, particularly his mother, and sister are cruel, cold and beautiful, and it's like somehow Jasper learned from a young age to enjoy himself on a physical level, but not get _emotionally invested_ in anyone."

"His dad is a hard-assed military man and is cold and calculating too, and he's emotionally distanced from Jasper. Thank god he had Esme and Carlisle, to show him the sort of love and support families _should_ be giving their kids!"

"That sounds bad, poor Jasper!"

"Life has been kind to him in some ways; he's never lacked for money or opportunities. But his emotional life has been _fraught_ with peril. And it hasn't been until _recently _that he's finally _seen what he's been missing._ You weren't an easy conquest, you called him out on his behaviour, and you were one of the first _emotionally-real_ women who ever captured first his curiosity, imagination, and now his heart."

"Huh, so none of the others were interesting enough, eh? I'm sure they must have been beauties though. Were _none_ of them emotionally available and ready to give their heart, _as well_ as their bodies?"

"I guess from what I've seen, he's gone for the exactly the same 'cookie-cutter clones' as his mother and sister. All of those women were as _shallow and icy_ as the first role models in his life." Char shivered, recalling some of the others she had seen him with.

"I don't think he was searching for _life's purpose and meaning_, until he had a sudden break down a few months ago. He realized our editor Maria, who'd been there for years using him like a vampire...he realised that what they had, wasn't ever going be _more_. _She __**used **__him and sucked him dry,_ _just like any other young guy with talent and good looks who walks through her door_. He saw her and all of the others, _for what they __**really**__ are, old, calculating, hard-nosed bitches."_

"Ok... so I have_ nothing much_ to worry about then? Or should I be even_ more concerned_ for Jasper?"

"Sweetie, _even I_ see that Jasper is transforming in a positive way, and the _only reason_ for this turn-around is _you!_ That guy will do _literally _anything for you, you are one lucky lady, because from now on, our boy Jasper is _sure_ to be a really dedicated, one-woman kind of guy!"

* * *

Please let me know what you think, I love your feedback.


	25. Chapter 25

**SM owns twilight. I own all of my mistakes, and Rufus of course!  
**

* * *

**Chapter twenty four.**

It's the beginning of a new year and I was now fourteen weeks pregnant!

Although the weather hasn't really gotten much better as far as the freezing temperatures, at least the snow storms have abated.

Pete and Char left for Seattle, to fly back to their home down south in Texas. It was really wonderful having them around, and I loved their sense of humour, their wit and how they well they knew Jasper, and all his foibles, and quirks. I'm looking forward to seeing them sometime again.

When they were about to leave, I _finally_ spilled the beans to Char, about how pregnant I was. No one had yet told them that I was expecting, which I was surprised by. Jasper was protective of me and the twins, even though they weren't his...or mine either. Jasper and I would always be related to them, no matter what.

To say Charlotte was shocked when I told her, would have been an _underestimation_. She stood there speechless for a few minutes, before _demanding_ to be told the full story. When I told her _all the details_ she shook her head and laughed.

"_No wonder_ he can't work you out! He's so fascinated! You're as different from any other woman he's ever met, as can be! You are thoughtful, caring, determined, intellectual and a _beautiful soul to boot!_ On top of that, you are pregnant with twins...for someone else! You have to _promise_ me to keep in touch and let me know how it all goes." Char smiled.

"Of course."I hugged her.

"Have you told his family yet..._has he?"_

"Ah... I don't know if Esme and Carlisle have told them the happy news yet. I'm hoping to keep out of their firing line, when they _finally_ find out! When Jasper found out he went a bit crazy, demanding answers and getting up on his high horse. After I tore a few shreds off him, Esme and Carlisle did the same. They also had a go at Rosalie for being rude to me in their house, now _that_ was something incredible to see... an _irate Carlisle_, normally he's as placid as a lake." I chuckled.

"I don't know him well, but Jasper always refers to Carlisle as if he wishes he was his dad, instead of the cold, pompous, Colonel Caius Cullen." Charlotte said.

"Ha you should have heard what Carlisle said to Jasper; the day he declared his love for me ...he threatened to _castrate Jasper_ _personally_ if he didn't behave himself! The look on Jasper's face was absolutely priceless!"

* * *

The other amazing news, is my two best friends have gotten _quite close and cosy_ lately. It all started out with Leah complaining of a sore back from sleeping on my couch.

Angela offered her a bed and since then, they have become kind of _inseparable_. Leah is still on leave here and has been helping out Angela in her vet clinic over the holidays. They even opened up a slot for Rufus, who is now a cat-eunuch...he doesn't seem to mind too much though, apparently he wasn't that attached to his balls _after all._ Once he had a half a day recovering, he was back to his same, crazy self, chasing Marcy around, admiring the hens, eating and sleeping for twenty hours a day.

Angela and Leah even operated on Rufus together. Although they were behaving like very good friends, I could see what was happening.

Leah and Angela were_ falling_ for each other. They eventually admitted to me how they felt.

Leah wanted to try and see if she could take their relationship further, but Angela was reticent, due to her conservative Christian background. Although Angela's not so religious anymore, her parents _are._ She worries that if they find out about her loving a _woman, instead of a man_... it might mean that they start denying her, and she may end up becoming estranged from them.

I hope they work it out, I feel they would be perfect for each other. They deserve some loving arms to come home to, at the end of the day, _we all do._

* * *

Once the snow had stopped and the roads had cleared a few days after the big storm, Esme came calling. I fed her samples of my ice-cream and made her real espresso coffee from the Italian machine she had given me.

I was great to see her again, I had missed her terribly. She was happy to come and be pampered a little.

She was happy to let me know, that even though she had _warned_ all of her family members, that Christmas _definitely wouldn't_ be at her house next year, she had still steadfastly refused to give them _any reasons_ as to _why_ she didn't want to host them all next year.

Apparently, each of them had been trying to _weasel the truth out of her,_ and she's had all sorts of ridiculous questions alluding to the state of her mental and physical health, some even assume she has something life-threatening, like cancer, or a brain tumour. Edward even asked if she was leaving Carlisle and joining a Himalayan Buddhist monastery.

I got a laugh out of that one! Esme and Carlisle have the happiest marriage I know. _Why_ would their nephew _even think such a ridiculous thing, doesn't he **know** them at all?_

She said that she and Carlisle are holding off telling them about me and the twins, because of their ridiculous behaviour.

All fifteen of them, were a bit _put out_ at the idea of hosting a big Christmas for everyone else, and started coming up with _excuses as to why they shouldn't and couldn't_ be the hosts for next year's celebration.

She said that for the _first time in years_ she actually _**saw **_them all for what they _really were_, a narcissistic bunch of self-important, freeloaders.

I congratulated her, saying she and Carlisle would get what they needed next year...a stress free Christmas, to relax and enjoy their new babies.

I sent her home with a batch of brownies, a pecan pie and some lemon sorbet, which she decided that she liked the best.

* * *

Esme, Jasper and I had spent a few hours going over the things we could achieve in the house, which wouldn't take long to create, not cost a fortune and not need any building approval.

Between us, we decided to change the layout of the rooms downstairs, of the kitchen/dining and living area, by removing many of the internal dividing walls and adding in a bank of large new windows to bring in the warmth of the sun...when it _actually_ shone.

Providing the sunniest side of the house with more windows, would add much more space and light, even on the cloudiest of days. One of the windows would slide open, so that we could move outside onto a large outdoor deck, which we would build at a later time, when the weather warmed up.

Jasper suggested adding on a deck and was excited by the idea of outdoor cooking and eating. He just wanted to barbeque and hang out with a bunch of guys, watching flames and turning steaks, with a beer in his hand. I loved the idea of moving between the inside and outside so easily, even having meals outside in summer.

There would be a simple, long kitchen built all the way along one wall, a coloured glass, splash back, new stone bench tops, long open shelves, and wide, deep drawers to hold all the pots and pans. I really didn't want to include any tiles in the kitchen, as cleaning dirty grout _always_ got me down. All the surfaces _had_ to be easy to wipe down, and very hard wearing.

I insisted on including a wide, kitchen island bench, to eat at and clean up the dishes with a sink and dishwasher fitted in underneath! Yay! I decided to include a big, fancy gas stove and oven. And finally, something I had always wanted ...a _pantry_.

Esme and Jasper came up with a great design for a laundry, enclosed in a cupboard. The washing machine would sit on the floor, the wall-mounted dryer directly above it, right next to it, would be a small sink and a hanging space for those delicate items that would be damaged, if I put them in the drier.

We all liked _different_ floor coverings, but I loved the light blond, floating wooden floor. It was pre-finished and easy to lay on top of the existing floor...and best of all _warm under foot_ and a _breeze to clean_. It was also nicely affordable.

Esme said she had a few nice rugs she no longer wanted and insisted that I have them. I wondered what they would look like, I was positive they would be beautiful knowing Esme's taste.

Jasper insisted we should fit in a toilet and small sink under the stairs, and actually it was a great idea; saving guests from needing to go up and down the stairs all the time. Jasper also wanted to buy a big, double-door fridge. I liked the ones with a French door system, with a good sized freezer on the bottom, rather than the top.

As we finalized the plans for downstairs, I started being _hopeful_ that all this work on the house, would create _wonderful _new place to live. And in the future, if I went to live back in California, it would make the house more desirable to rent, or sell if it was easier to live in.

Esme, being a genius/dynamo, had _already_ sourced all of the items we needed to build the new kitchen. All we needed now was a break in the weather and to employ a bunch of hands and a skip bin, to remove all the rubble from the internal walls.

Esme said she knew a great electrician and plumber who could get all of the required work done quickly for the kitchen, laundry-cupboard and the under-stairs toilet.

She _insisted_ that Jasper and I come and stay at her place, while it all got built, to avoid the noise, dust and cold. The water and power would be turned off for at least a week or so. I agreed with her that living in a freezing house in January, without the basics wouldn't be so wonderful.

* * *

So here I am! Living in the lap of luxury, at the Cullen's mansion.

Esme and Jasper organised Seth's crew to move and store all the furniture in the garage. I had boxed up all the small items in the kitchen. There were _so many boxes_ of stuff; I had _no idea_ when I emptied out the cupboards and drawers, _just how much there was and even if I wanted to keep it all!_ All the items were stored safety in the garage, until the new kitchen was completed.

I was _really_ excited! It would be a fantastic prospect to have a new oven and stove! _The things I could cook! The fun I could have! _

There would even be room for _more than two_ to sit and eat! Yay!

_I could entertain!_ The island bench was long and deep enough, to work on one side, and for at least four people to sit down and eat comfortably on the other.

While all the work is going on at home, I took the opportunity to get really stuck into Aro's on-line course work. I have an overall plan and if I keep it up and it all goes well, I'll be finished with it _before_ the babies are due to pop into the world.

I'm more uncomfortable now and my tummy has expanded. The nausea is still there, but if I snack _all the time_ I stave it off. So everywhere I go a bowl of fruit, nuts or crackers go with me.

Jasper and Esme have been _wonderful _and cheerful, even though they come home all dusty and tired from pulling out walls and putting in new strengthening beams in the ceiling, to hold the upstairs in place.

While the messiest of the work is going on, I'm not allowed back home. They are worried about the possibility of asbestos fibres and lead paint, which may have been used in parts of the house and that it may affect me and the babies.

They show me pictures of their daily progress, I'm in complete _awe_. I have a steaming, delicious soup and hot bread rolls ready for when they return at the end of the day. I usually try to make a roast or casserole to fill them all up too.

Carlisle is enjoying the food and my company, when he has time at home away from the hospital. Before his shifts, we often chat about all sorts of things and he asks about my progress. He makes me put my feet up and rest, but I end up putting my i Pad on my lap and continuing to work at the same time. Listening to music relaxes me, and when no one is listening, I like to sing along.

Rufus is here with me and is enjoying the warmth of the enormous house and all of the fun places in which he can perch on, to look out at the view, or to sleep.

I keep finding him in the most hilarious places stretched out, without a care in the world. On top of the highest bookshelf, in front of the central heating ducting, on the edge of one of the guest baths, one day I even found him asleep inside the clothes drier! I'm so glad it wasn't shut and going at the time.

Today is the seventh day of my stay here, and I'm looking forward to getting back home. I'm sure the Cullen's need to have a bit of privacy too. I'm sure it's wearing for them, having guests staying here with them all the time.

I keep up the cooking for them and today I've made a dish using salmon out of dad's freezer. Luckily we could keep the power _on _in the garage, so that the whole freezer of fish didn't spoil. _Thank heavens for that!_ A big, heap of _rotten_ fish doesn't sound so good. I still even have to hold my breath when I feed Rufus, his food smells _so bad_.

I place the whole, large salmon on a large baking tray, adding the dried fruit, finely chopped onions and spices which will sit inside it and around the scored flesh and finish wrapping it in foil. It will certainly be delicious!

Extra veggies have been placed around the fish and I'm pleased it will be a Moroccan style feast tonight. I've got a big tray of baklava already baked and set aside, to sit and absorb the lemon syrup I poured all over it, as it cools.

_It smells divine, and I can't wait to taste it...but I must wait! It's not really ready yet...oh **what the heck!**_ I lift out a small triangle from the edge of the tray... and am about to shove it into my mouth... when I _sense_ another person behind me.

"Well, well, well, who's _this_ then?" a man's voice says.

I turn around slowly still holding my tiny, dripping piece of baklava...I catch sight of an odd shade of red hair and green eyes. This man has his hands on his hips and is smirking at me with a lopsided grin, super-white teeth and ruby lips that are _a little bit __**too**__ plump_ to be good found on the face of a man. He has a very feminine quality about him, and his eyebrows looked_ shaped_.

"Why don't you introduce yourself first?" I mutter. _Damn! I __**really **__wanted to eat this delicious piece of heaven I'm holding._

"No I insist, ladies first." He smirked at me, eyeing me up and down like a piece of meat.

"I'm a friend of Esme and Carlisle. I'm staying here until my house is in a liveable state. I didn't know they were expecting guests today."

I wasn't sure that I _wanted_ to give this stranger my name. I didn't like the way he kept looking at me.

"Oh, they aren't! I just pop in here _whenever_ I feel the need to hide out from the wrath of my father. So you have a name, my little kitchen goddess?"

I roll my eyes at his pathetic attempt to suck me into his vortex of seduction.

I'm guessing that he must be _the __**other **__nephew_, Edward Mason. The one who took _all three_ of the Denali triplets camping, in the _same tent_, while poor Esme and Carlisle had to listen in _**all night long**_, to their sexcapades. Ughh!

_Nice, really nice! Way to show a girl a good time... by having group sex with her and her sisters in a tent within earshot of your relatives! He must really be a **classy** gentleman... NOT!_

"You must be Edward Mason, Esme's nephew right?"

"Uh, yes...I am, that's me... _Edward._" He looks a little surprised that I have worked out _who_ he is so quickly. "You haven't given me your name yet, will you let me guess it then?"

I huff, shrug and turn back to my baklava. _What the heck!_ _I need to taste it anyway...I pop it in and the flavours and sticky sweetness hits my tongue first. Then I close my mouth and hear and feel the crunch of the filo pastry. My eyes are closed to ensure I get __**every bit**__ of sensation in my mouth, registering into my brain. As I chew I start to taste the almonds and walnuts, sugar and spices. _

I must have moaned and looked like I was _tripping _on some spectacular party drug...Edward crept up to my shoulder and I suddenly become aware of him _way, way too close for comfort,_ I jump back in surprise.

"Hey can I try a little of that?"Edward licks his lips, in anticipation of getting something I_ really_ don't want to give him.

"No!" I say firmly.

I reach for a wooden spoon, in order to smack his hands if he tries to touch _**my** baklava_.

"Oh please? It smells and looks delicious... so do you by the way." He tries to get me to relent and gives me a smoking look, batting his very long, black lashes at me, and pursing his plump lips. _Was he** actually** wearing a little mascara and lippy?_

He reaches out to grab some baklava with his overly-long fingers and shiny, manicured nails.

I whip back and land a loud smack with the wooden spoon, **hard** _right on top his fingers_, just as he's about to touch my food.

_Ha! Got you greedy boy! Hope you learn your lesson, not to touch what's __**not**__ yours!_

_"Shit ouch!_ What the fuck! Who _are _you? Why did you _do that for?"_ He shook his hand and looks at me like I've mortally wounded him.

I quirk my eyebrows at him. _Want to try another go with my wooden spoon buster? _I hold it up and wave it in his stupid face.

"Listen up and listen well! I _warned you not to touch_ and I meant it! Now get out of the kitchen and leave me in peace! _Go and annoy someone who __**cares!**__"_

"I'm supposed to play at a recital tomorrow! My hand will be all bruised and swollen!" He whined, nursing his hand to his chest as if it was a precious jewel.

"Oh for heaven's sake! Stop being such a _ridiculous_, drama queen! Go put some ice on it, if it hurts that much." I waved him off with the wooden spoon.

"I'm going to see Carlisle to get an x-ray. It's probably broken!" With that, he flounced out the door and left me in peace.

I chuckled, what a stupid wanker! I looked down and decided to place the fish and veggies in the oven to cook. I was really looking forward to trying this dish later tonight.

I rang Jasper to let him know of Edward's appearance, and to see how the work was going at home.

"Hey babe, how's it going?"

"Great we're about to finish for the day. We got the new double glazed windows in today, the space looks _incredible_. I'm taking photos of it all for you, as soon as I finish this call."

"I'm looking forward to seeing what they look like. Hey Jas, I want to warn you and Esme, that Edward arrived just now, and uhh...caused himself... a little _damage_ in the kitchen."

"_What did he do?_ Did he try his stupid, dazzling charm on you?" Jasper suddenly sounded murderous.

"Yeah he did, but apparently I'm _immune_ to him so _that's_ a relief. I had to smack his hand with a wooden spoon though. He's taken himself off to the emergency ward, because he's _convinced_ himself that he's broken something, the wimp!"

Jasper laughed and laughed, "That's absolutely hilarious! I'll have to tell Esme, she's gonna crack up when she hears about you smacking Edward with a wooden spoon!"

"Ok hon, I'll see you when you get here. I love you, bye!"

"Yeah, I _adore you_ my wild, warrior woman! See you soon babe."

* * *

Did you like Ed getting a smack? I sure laughed about it as I wrote it, sometimes I really crack myself up!

I like the makeup and manicured hands on Edward too...I hope you all don't hate me for that. I'd love to hear what you think.


	26. Chapter 26

**SM owns twilight. I own my mistakes, and a good imagination.  
**

* * *

**Chapter twenty five.**

Jasper started his new job this morning; it was recording all the scenic and tourist sights around the Olympic Peninsular. He was being paid to take a heap of eye-catching shots. The group of businesses employing him, wanted enough beautiful scenery and character images, to fill up a book for a publication to encourage visitors into this area for holidays and day trips. The photos will also be used in on-line, television and newsprint advertising campaigns for the same group.

He's happy that this kind of photography will keep him close to me and I'm happy because it's _unlikely_ to get him killed, injured or kidnapped.

Talking of kidnapping, we've got Pete and Charlotte staying with us again, and Pete and Jasper have _just finished_ building the new deck! I have to say _Jasper in a tool belt_ ...is now a new favourite, reoccurring dream of mine.

I'm looking forward to it being warm enough to cook and eat outside on the deck, enjoying the fresh air and surrounding forest.

My daily dreams are still as vibrant and sexy as ever, and I'm still as overcome as always by their power. Luckily Jasper and I wake up at the same time and make good on our dreams and our already hot, responsive bodies!

You would _think_ that things may have started to settle down with us, but if any thing, my libido has ramped-up and I'm pretty much ready to _jump_ Jasper as soon as the poor guy walks in the door. Not that he seems to mind, luckily.

The new kitchen _was_ our favourite new place to have sex, until Pete and Char turned up. We then had to keep it restricted to the bedroom. Although we had a fun trip out into the trees once, to get a quickie in. We had a whole bunch of visitors too, and I was _desperate_ for being pummeled by Jasper's slugger...I know! _I sound like a complete nympho!_

Who could forget, that I once wondered to myself what the heck was so exciting about sex! Boy! Was I _wrong!_ Now I've turned into someone who can't imagine living without it!We laugh and joke about how well our bodies respond to each other.

I was completely _clueless,_ thank heavens for Jasper! He's not only _just_ as horny as me, but is _more than pleased_ that I'm up for all the fun positions and places to have sex as him!

I was happily _un-nauseous_ now, and cooking up a storm everyday in the new kitchen. My tummy has grown so much that the pressure on my bladder is starting to get to be a real problem.

The babies started to make themselves felt... around mid January, first with fluttering movements, and now with kicking and feet in odd places, like up under my ribs. At first I was surprised, but reading up on things, I was reminded that with twins you feel them earlier than with single babies. It only makes sense I guess, there a lot less room for them to fit.

Jasper spends a fair amount of time rubbing my back and feet, as things start hurting when I'm up and about on my feet for too long. I'm twenty four weeks pregnant and Dr. Naidoo is happy with my progress. I'm _definitely _having a girl and a boy! Leah's gran was right!

Leah and Angela are now officially an item! I'm so happy for them, not only are my two best friends happily in love with each other, but they both live next door, so if Jasper or Esme aren't around Leah and Angela even managed to score a job as a forestry ranger nearby in the logging coupes. I like it that Angela decided to follow her heart, rather than her rigid upbringing.

Thank god Jasper put in the downstairs loo! Because I use it _all _the time now. I also make sure that I thank him regularly too; the boy's a sheer genius.

Spring has finally sprung and Seth and his crew are very keen to get the painting completed on the outside of the house. When I saw them all yesterday, I couldn't believe _how much_ they have grown! It's truly scary! Seth promised me none of them were taking illegal steroids to enhance their stature and muscles. I've lined them up to get started on the painting, as soon as spring break starts. I'm _hoping_ the weather is fine for them, otherwise we will have to delay it.

Waiting for a long period of warm, dry weather in Forks... is like waiting for the Rolling Stones to play at a spontaneous, uncrowded gig at the local pub, _for free_...it _could_ happen in theory, but probably never will. I'm crossing my fingers that we get some great painting weather, for a week or so.

I'm planning on feeding the crew as they work, I bet they are going to eat _twice as much_ as they used to a few months ago. I've learnt how to make beautiful, fresh pasta, and I'm totally addicted to it. Pia has given me quite a few recipes for sauces and different filings for ravioli.

At the moment I have cravings for gnocchi. There's nothing as soft and delicious, as fresh biting down on downy, delicious pillows of hot gnocchi covered in a homemade sauce. I'm making it every second day at the moment.

I'm pleased Jasper is easy to please food-wise and very understanding about me and my cravings. He really _gets_ that my cravings seem to change as suddenly and dramatically as the Forks weather. Soon it will be something else I desire and crave to eat. Jasper just rolls with it and eats whatever I make, the sweetheart.

I'm hoping the Seth and the guys are pasta eaters, I guess they'll eat pretty much _anything_ they are always so hungry. I better stock up on more flour and sauce ingredients. To make it in bulk when the painting starts in earnest.

* * *

I grab Char and she and I head off to the local growers' market. We have been a few times and both love it. Even so early in the season, there are _always_ interesting things to buy and not just fresh food either.

I've got my eye on some beautifully made outdoor seats. I ask Char what she thinks of them, of course she loves them. Each chair is differently patterned, curved and looped made from locally sourced trees particularly the stripped, white willow stems.

The guy who lovingly makes them is a craftsman called Garrett. He's a quiet, friendly sort, who adores his chairs and makes them slowly and with great attention to detail. He doesn't ever do the hard sell; he just stands back and waits for customers to come to him. He notices everyone and smiles a lot. It must be nice working with wood and making beautiful things.

Today he has four finished chairs displayed on the grass in front of his truck, and one chair that he is still working on, while he waits for customers. It's good to show his potential customers, how he creates them and all the work involved.

I start to move towards Garrett, to ask him some questions about his chairs, I think I want to buy all four of the finished ones, they would look _great_ on the new deck, and I can imagine it now... sitting back and enjoying them, Jasper by my side.

But as I'm about to open my mouth to ask him, I get firmly _shoved_ out of the way...and two very tall, blond women push in front of me and start taking over my personal space.

Char and I look at each other in confusion. She moved around to get a better look at who those rude women were. She says one name that nearly freaked me out.

"_Rosalie Cullen!_ I might have known it was _you_ who was rude enough to push in front of us!" Charlotte says loudly.

"What? _Oh...it's you!_...What's your name again? Don't you work with that long lost brother of mine?" Rosalie says cattily and turns back to Garrett.

A snooty-looking, slightly older version of Rosalie, turns towards us slightly...looks us up and down...like we might be carrying something _nasty and contagious_, and turns back to Garrett.

_Heh! She must be Jasper's mother!_

"I'm interested in buying all four of your chairs young man, I'll take them now. What's the price?" she opens her Louis Vuitton clutch and waves her black credit card in Garrett's face.

He cracks a small grin, and looks in my direction, winking.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to let the other ladies do their business first. I believe they were here, _before_ you were." he said calmly as she continued to wave the credit card in his face.

"But I _can't wait!_ I need to buy them _now!"_ she started to raise her voice.

"Ma'am, like I said, I'll serve you next, just let me attend to these ladies first...ok?" Garrett stood his ground. Looking at them with a calm strength, he wasn't going to back down.

"Now you look here! _I **want** to buy them and I **want** to buy them **NOW!**"_

Garret looked only slightly miffed at this woman's rudeness. He arched his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh really? Are you used always used to treating _everyone_ you meet with such scorn and derision, or is it just _me?_" Garrett asked her calmly, not taking her demands personally, just throwing the question back at her, like he was having a relaxed game of tennis.

She stopped suddenly, his rhetorical question was a bit of a worry...if she answered either way, she would seriously implicate herself...I chuckled and Charlotte roared in laughter.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and muttered rude things under her breath.

Garrett smirked at her, "Yeah, that's what I thought! Now you two, can _stand aside_ for my sweet, little chickadees standing right behind you, if you please!"

_"Well I never!"_ She huffed loudly and turned suddenly, pushing me off balance as she passed me, toppling me backwards on to my butt.

Rosalie smirked at me and followed her mother off into the crowd.

Off to _torment_ some more _innocent _stall holders, no doubt!

Charlotte and Garrett came around to me, lying there feeling a little shocked.

"Bella are you ok hon? Is there any pain? Can you get up?" Charlotte asked, looking at me like I might have hurt more than my pride.

Garrett came around behind me and gently reached under my arms and lifted me up.

"Thank you, I think I'm fine guys, sorry to be a bother." I wiped my backside trying to wipe off the wet grass and mud.

I looked at Garrett, "you were really kind to help us, instead of making a quick sale with the Rosalie and her mother. I was just wanting to know if you would tell me how much all four of your chairs are, will they be good to stay outside in the weather? And also, if you make deliveries locally?"

"I'll be very happy to deliver and you can pay me _whatever you think is a fair price sweet-cheeks_. You might be happy to know, that I don't like to sell my babies to _just_ anybody, particularly like those other women."

I nod, how could I come up with a fair price for his beautiful work?"Ok, so how long does it take you to create one of your beautiful babies, Garrett?"

"A couple of days."

"Well good, then I'll pay you two hundred each, that's eight hundred, for the lot. Is that a fair enough price?"

"Sure pretty lady, now where shall I deliver your chairs?"

I paid him the cash, gave him my address and he packed up his stall; having sold _all his wares_ for the day. Charlotte and I chatted to him and we followed him out.

We got into the car and drove home. Char was busy texting as I drove.

"I can't _wait_ to see Jasper's face when Garrett's truck rolls up and we bring the chairs up. I _love_ them so much. I really _hope_ Jasper will like them too."I wonder out loud.

"Bella... he would _love __**anything**__ you bring home_, even if it was a _dead cow's, bloated carcass... he'd __**still**__ love it."_ She laughed.

"I've just texted Jasper that Garrett will need a cold beer, and for him and Pete to fire up the barbecue. I'm going to cook us some of those special sausages I bought at the market."

"Great idea!"

"How's the tummy, twins not _too upset_ about having you land on the grass?"

"Ah...yeah they feel ok, I can't say the same for me though. I didn't know Jasper's mother could be such a rude, snooty bitch, no wonder Jasper doesn't have much to do with any of them!"

"Yeah they only got a phone call from him, for Christmas this year! I think he had one of the _best_ Christmases that he's ever had with you, rather than having to put up with all the crazy dramas they love to create."

"Yeah it was pretty special, _wasn't it?_ I'm still amazed you all got back here so early. It meant so much to have you there, and I also got to make some new friends, with you and Pete."

"I've never seen Jasper so driven by the thought of someone before, it made me and Pete want to come and_ see you all the more._ He couldn't shut up about 'Bella this' and 'Bella that'...you should have seen him get drunk one night and cry in his beer about how you were _too good for him_. It was sweet." Charlotte giggled.

"Oh look! The guys are all excited!" I spotted the three of them standing chatting on the street beside Garrett's truck.

I parked in the garage and we unloaded the trunk with all the other stuff we had bought.

Jasper came rushing over and pulled me into a big kiss and hug.

"Bella, baby, how are you? I heard you got pushed over by my mother...I knew she was a bully, but I never thought she would do something as thoughtless as that. Are you hurt at all?"

"Jasper please calm down. I'm sure I'm ok. Do you like the chairs I bought? I'm hoping they're perfect to put on the deck." I smiled at him.

"Yeah sweetheart, I love them . Garrett's an interesting sort of guy. Let's get you inside, I'll carry this shopping, come on inside and let's put your feet up on these new chairs." He was still worried about me. I shook my head and followed.

I got inside and was fussed over _again_; they put me on the chairs and wouldn't let me move!

Garrett made himself quite at home drinking a beer and standing by the smoky barbeque. The boys and Char made a quick lunch of bread, sausages and my chutney.

I drank some juice and got up to pee. My bladder was somehow shrinking, to less than _half_ its previous size. This could have been exacerbated by the babies using my kidneys and bladder as a trampoline all the time.

I felt a bit faint and flushed. My yoga pants were all dirty on the back, from the fall.

I think I was a bit more shaken than I thought. It might be the remainder of the adrenaline rush after being pushed and falling. Maybe I should call Dr. Naidoo? I know I have her phone number somewhere...

"Bella, can you open your eyes?"

_It took a little while to come back... Jasper was asking me a question. _

_I must have blacked out. _

_I was lying on the floor._

Everyone was crowded around me, looking very worried.

"I'm calling Carlisle, he'll know what that to do." Jasper pulled out his phone and started waiting for him to pick up.

I shake my head, "Dr. Naidoo."

"Ok, I'll call her too Bella, _don't worry._ Hey Carlisle, I need you to _drop_ everything and come here. Bella's just fainted and before that she was pushed and fell onto her back."

I felt just like a prize goose, never mind that I fainted while sitting on the loo, under the stairs. Which is _not only_ an awkward spot but _my knickers_ were _down around my ankles_... luckily Char took charge and shooed the guys out. I get myself up with her help, covering up my embarrassing bits.

She insisted that I lie on the couch, with my feet up.

She says it's _just the thing_, to get the blood to run back up to my head!

I laugh.

For such a tiny woman, she sure is bossy!

She feeds me some crackers and cheese, gives me some sweet lemonade and sits by my feet, rubbing them.

Carlisle's car and soon after, Esme's pull up in the driveway and they both sprint up to the house, eyes wide, looking frightened.

Carlisle takes my heart rate, blood pressure, looks in my eyes, in my mouth, takes my temperature and examines my tummy listening for both foetal heartbeats, he declares me and both babies well.

When he hears what happened, from my, Charlotte's and Garrett's point of view. He looks grim and shakes his head.

"My _**own **__sister in law_ ...just managed to cause Bella physical distress. Will _anyone_ in our family ever manage to pull themselves together and start acting like they have a heart and a _modicum_ of compassion?"

"Jasper has." I pipe up from my position on the couch.

Carlisle smiles at Jasper. "Yes you are correct Bella. Jasper _has_ shown us all, that with the right motivation and the right woman, a man can achieve anything!"

Pete calls out that the sausages are cooked and the Cullen's stay for a little bit of lunch.

Esme sits next to me on the other end of the couch. I'm allowed to sit up and still feel a little strange, but it gets my light-headedness gets a lot better with food.

"This is different from what I _had_ planned to be doing, but this is so much better! How's things, feeling a little bit better?

"Well everything is good Esme, apart from me flashing the _whole world,_ while I lay unconscious on the toilet floor just now! I love the deck, have you seen it yet? Pete and Jasper did an amazing job. What did you previously have planned, before Jasper or Carlisle gave you a panicked phone call? I hope it wasn't too important."

"I was going to get ready for the hospital fundraiser tonight, lunch was supposed to be at the spa in Port Angelus. But I'll get ready from home, without all the overpriced treatments, and I'll look _just fine_. I'm not missing out on a thing, especially seeing as Rosalie and Anthea would have _also_ been at the spa there with me."

I look a little confused.

"Anthea is Caius' wife... and Rose and Jasper's mother dear."

"Oh _right_, I never knew her name. She and Rosalie are _really alike_, and not just in looks either! I can see where Rosalie learnt to speak and act. Garrett called her on it though... in a most gentlemanly way too!"

"That's why they were at the farmer's market today; they were here for the hospital fundraiser. Normally a market held in a muddy field isn't really their scene." Char giggled.

"Well yes and no, it's not usually their scene ...but if it's**_ the_** _latest, trendiest place to hang out, and all the cool people are doing it, then they will too_. I think there must have been a write up in one of the glossy, designer magazines about Garrett and his chairs, that's probably why they were _so keen_ to buy them and pushed their way in front of you. They certainly don't like hanging out with fresh produce, and the people who grow it. _They hate dirt!" _Esme said.

"Yeah, you should have seen their _ridiculous_ shoes sinking down into the mud, as they stood there _demanding_ that Garrett serve them. They each lost _at least_ four inches in height in less than a minute."

We all started cracking up at that one.

Only_ fools_ wear heels into a muddy field, and think it's a good thing to do!

"So they are both at the spa right now?" I wondered.

"Yes, and Edward said he was going to be joining them."

"Esme, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but Edward maybe needs to think about _toning it down_ a bit _..._ with all the makeup and stuff, he'll be mistaken for a drag queen one day. He wears an awful lot more makeup than me and you combined. There's nothing wrong with being well-groomed, but he does take it a lot further than is really necessary."

Esme smirked, "he's a highly-strung, sensitive type. His mother wants to _smother_ him; his father wants to _toughen him up_. He can't make up his mind _what _he wants and _who_ he wants and _where_ he wants to go in life. Because he has access to _so_ much money from his mother, my sister, he will never really apply himself to _working_ hard at something. He has talents, like playing classical piano, and being fluent in many languages, but as yet he has nowhere to channel all his energy and nothing to keep him focused."

"He's not confused with his sexuality is he? Maybe he's bisexual?"

"It's entirely possible Bella, _who knows_ except Edward himself? He certainly changed his demeanour for a while, after he met you Bella. I think he kind of _likes you."_

_Good Grief! Give me strength...why would** he** like **me?** After-all I **did** hit him hard on his long, manicured fingers? Fricken weirdo!_

"Yeah, you think he actually liked _me and my wooden spoon!_ Maybe he should try bondage and discipline, it would probably suit him!"

"Carlisle and I got a real chuckle out of that Bella. I still laugh about how you taught him to keep his hands to himself."

* * *

Please feel free to comment and review.


	27. Chapter 27

**SM owns twilight. I own my mistakes.  
**

* * *

**Chapter twenty six.**

"I'm pleased with the babies' progress, but I'm going to have to _insist_ that you start taking it easy."

I nodded, Dr Naidoo was firm in getting her point across.

"Bella, your blood pressure keeps fluctuating, and I don't like it dropping so suddenly, I think that's why you have been fainting and feeling woozy for the last few days. I want you to get more rest, lying down on your _left side_- not on your back, drink _at least_ two litres of liquids a day, eat more snacks, don't get up so fast, try to keep from standing too long, and don't worry so much, ok?"

"Can I still do my work on the computer; it's fairly easy and doesn't require any physical or mental stress at all? I'll promise to have more naps and eat more snacks." I had been getting behind on my schedule of work for Aro.

"Alright, but come and see me in a week's time and _promise_ to call if anything is worrying you, I'm here for you and so are the Cullen's."

"I know...can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Did you know these babies are for the Cullens... and I'm _just_ their surrogate, right?"

"Yes, I guessed that from how you behave around each other, and why they do what they do for you. You have to see that for them, you _aren't_ considered _just a surrogate_ Bella. You are much, much more. If they wanted just a surrogate, _with no attachments_, they could have easily gone to an agency or overseas, to get one."

I look at her, my mind racing. I kind of knew that already...why did it panic me and thrill me at the same time?

"To the Cullen's, you are a brave, young woman who is _worth_ the chance. For both of them you are worth the effort and worth getting attached to. You are more than a surrogate, and I hope you already know just _how much_ you mean to Esme and Carlisle? But if you don't, you just need to see how they look at you with pride, admiration and love."

"Will it turn out alright in the end? Sometimes I have such vivid scary dreams, that something will go wrong." Its true, especially since having to deal with Rose and her mother, I dreamed of bad outcomes for the babies and me... not of hot sex with Jasper.

"Bella, I can only promise you that I'll be there for you and so will the Cullen's. You'll have the best obstetric care I can give you, if I see _anything, anything at all _that causes me worry I'll make sure to intervene promptly. As things are going so well for you, I'm expecting that you will be able to deliver normally, close to term. We'll hope for the best and prepare for the worst...ok? I've booked you into the Private Women's Hospital in Port Angeles, its where I look after most of my patients. There's a beautiful, private room available there, _whenever_ you need it." she was trying to reassure me, but I still saw the bad dreams, still in my head, hours after I woke up screaming this morning.

Poor Jasper it took him a while to settle me down and get me to relax. I tried to describe the dream to him, but it wasn't making any sense. He just looked concerned, and he felt bad having to leave me for the day, going off to shoot some pictures in a scenic spot several hours and a long hike away.

"Doctor...do you think I'll be able to have access to a counsellor or someone to talk to about the whole surrogate thing? In theory, I'm sure I'll be able to hand the twins over easily enough, but I'm know that part of me might be sad and regretful about the whole arrangement..."

"I can arrange that for you, do you want to start talking to someone soon?"

"That would be great, thanks."

"I've got someone in mind that lives close to you, he doesn't take on many new clients, but I think you and he would work well together."

"What's his name? I want to be careful... knowing how fast gossip moves around Forks." I can just imagine it now, I shook my head and focused on what she was saying.

"He's Dr. Garrett O'Keefe, he's very quiet, and spends most of his spare time nowadays making chairs, rather than counselling clients."

I chuckle..."yeah I know him, I just bought four of his chairs and he saw me faint when I was on the loo, he helped me up off the ground when I got knocked down. I think he'll be _great_ as someone to talk to."

"Good, how about I set it up and you two can organize a place to meet? For the first few sessions, maybe think about him coming to your home, or staying close to home. So it doesn't tire you out travelling around all over the countryside."

"Ok, ok I'll make sure I do that, he already knows where I live anyway."

_Who would've guessed that Garrett the laid-back craftsman, was in fact a fully qualified shrink? I was definitely going to enjoy us meeting up and working through my worries._

* * *

I had all Seth's crew of working like beavers today, the weather was holding, and Seth Colin and Brady were joined by another two older kids Quil and Embry. Actually looking at them, I remembered that they were around Jacob's age and used to follow him, but now I guess they were looking for _another _hobby, now that being drunk wasn't acceptable in La Push any more, due to the Tribal Council ruling. I hoped they didn't give Seth any grief him being younger but still their foreman, and I hoped that they worked hard, and didn't goof-off.

Jasper had set up the correct scaffolding, to ensure the painting was done safely for the crew. Especially when they started to prep and paint the upper storey, eaves and guttering. Neither of us wanted anyone falling off ladders or taking any extra risks.

Jasper bless him, had bought all the paint, sandpaper, paintbrushes and masking tape. Then he showed them what he wanted and how to mask off the glass on the windows and sand the external timber boards properly, before brushing on the finishing coats of paint.

I was feeling good, now that I was up to date with what was happening with my body and how to deal with it. Like always, I enjoyed following instructions. Garrett had called me and was keen to start our sessions as soon as possible.

Dr Naidoo's orders had calmed me down and shifted me into a position... where it was beginning to feel _easier_ for me to ask for help.

Until recently I would have _never_ asked for help, of any sort, from anyone.

I considered myself too independent, too self-reliant.

I had felt _too alone_ in the world, like I was the only one to be trusted enough to do the things that needed to be done, no-one would ever do stuff for me.

If I didn't do the things for myself, _no-one else would_, and stuff would get left and undone, unfinished, incomplete, ignored.

_Bad things_ were likely to happen... if I didn't do it **_all_**...it sounds weird, but that's how I thought... Like I had the world's burdens piled onto my shoulders, like I was an unloved, work horse, not a carefree filly.

It took a little while before I _got_ that it was _completely fine,_ to ask to speak to someone like Garrett.

I wasn't an island, I needed to be with and interact with people, and they needed me.

Jasper had started changing all of that for me. I didn't feel quite so alone anymore. I could tell him and ask him anything. He happily shared my worries and my burdens, and I his. I liked the way we supported and cared for each other.

_I liked us!_

When I got out of Dr Naidoo's office, Esme asked me what I needed, and _I actually told her **what** I wanted_ ...snacks and drinks, fruit and nuts, supplements with extra iron, and ...finally to be a god-mother to the twins.

She smiled and agreed immediately. She said she would've asked me before now anyway, but she wasn't sure if I wanted to be that committed to a future with seeing the twins.

I shook my head, "I couldn't imagine not being part of their lives Esme, at least to be around, so as to see them both occasionally. I have come to the conclusion that what I'm doing here with you... is a _way bigger_ thing, than anything that I currently know how to deal worth. It's something I have started to worry about... that I won't cope, when the time comes. That's why I'm going to be seeing a counsellor, to work_ through_ things. I need to settle my mind, and work through all the unresolved things that are _continually_ coming up...things like how I feel about my mother and father and all the pain I feel and emotional baggage I've been carrying around. Everything feels _all jumbled up inside_ and I asked Dr Naidoo to suggest someone. She is lining up Garrett to help me."

"Oh darling, I think that's a wonderful idea! Garrett has an excellent reputation and a calm, friendly presence. I know it's a big thing we have asked you to do for us, but we trust each other, and we love and admire you for it. The twins will be_ blessed_ to have you in their lives and although things are never completely certain, I know they will love you as much as we do."

We both started getting teary. I blew my nose and calmed down enough to continue talking.

"So you like the idea of me talking over stuff with Garrett?"

"Oh sure, I have seen a psychologist myself over the years, because I had _a lot_ of anguish about my infertility. Then apart from that, there's always things I needed to deal with... about the family I grew up in and... the family I married into. As you can imagine it's _never_ been easy me being an essentially a shy and retiring person, having to deal with so many demanding, drama queens all in one place."

I smile at her, "yeah I can imagine!" I'd only met Rosalie, Emmett and Edward, _heaven knows_ what the older generation would be like!

Whoops...I'd forgotten _Anthea_, Rose and Jasper's mother. She was a _real handful_ and not in a nice way either. It was hard to imagine a _whole house full_ of people like her, landing on her unexpectedly and staying over for the holidays...poor Esme! I'd be seeking psychological advice, after that lot descended on me too!

"I have to say though Carlisle is still the pick of the bunch, as far as the Cullen men go, his older brother Caius isn't such a nice man, and there are two other brothers who are also older than Carlisle, but they live overseas and never seem to keep in touch with us, except for a Christmas card that their wives send us once a year."

She pulled up in front of the supermarket and we shopped for lots of healthy, easy snack foods, juice and flavoured milk to keep me from fainting. We snacked our way around the shop and got to the checkout with a few empty containers, which the operator put through the scanner with a smile on her face.

I grabbed chocolate milk out of the shopping bags and drank it on the way home.

Esme told me about some of the ideas she had for the babies' rooms.

I didn't have any real opinions; I knew they would have all the best of everything and beautiful surroundings.

I rubbed my abdomen and felt their little arms and legs moving under my hands.

"Esme I know you'll make a wonderful mother. Their rooms will be perfect, but the most _important_ thing is that they will be loved and cherished. Won't you babies?" I said rubbing my middle.

* * *

"Tell me about your mother Bella."

I took a deep breath.

_Where do I start?_

"She's someone who I've had to let go from my life recently. She has always, as far back as I can remember, been someone who only cared about herself, what _she wants and needs._ She never really cared about my Dad or me, and mostly used to see me as a companion, a person to _keep her from being lonely and bored..._sort of like_ transitory, superficial entertainment, _to **_distract_** her from real life. In the end, she never seemed to _get_ me...you know, _what made me tick, what I liked or loved_. She never really cared for me, or valued me. I just wasn't_ important enough_. I wasn't a priority for her. To Renee, money and status were always more important than me...or Dad...She didn't like the idea of being a mother...I'm not sure _why_ she even bothered having me in the first place. I do know that my Dad adored her and never got over her, he always wore his wedding ring and kept their wedding photos around the house, even decades after they had split up and divorced."

I had run out of steam...what more could I say?

The crew were painting the house and listening to music.

Garrett and I sat in his chairs, on my lovely new deck and sipped our drinks. It was nice out in the sun, and there was just a small wisp of a breeze.

I liked it out here, it was amazing Charlie had lived here for years and put up with all of those dark, pokey rooms.

It was quite a simple question that Garrett had asked me, and it set up a whole heap of emotions and flash-backs to times... which I had unsuccessfully tried hard to cut out of my life and stop thinking about.

"Ok, here's what I want you to do. Keep this notebook as a journal and write down _in longhand_, all the things you _think about_ and _know about_ your mother."

He handed me an unused, old-fashioned, school notebook.

"Yeah I can do that. What if I run out of pages?"

"I'm sure that _one_ will do the trick. Because next session we'll be doing something with this and even the most traumatized people only usually need one notebook, if by next session you are _certain_ that you need another one, I'll give you one. But I guarantee that by then, you'll be _more than ready_ to move onto the next step."

"Will you tell me what that step is Garrett?"

"No do your homework first. When you fill it up, or run out of things to write about her, I want you to read it back a few times and see if there's anything else you want to add. After that, put it away somewhere safe and don't look at it until I see you again, ok?"

"Will I get to talk about being a surrogate soon?"

"No not yet."

"Oh ok, but why not? That's really what I'm worried about."

"Bella, do you trust me?"

"I guess so Garrett, _why?_"

"Because I'm going to be leading you through a process, to explore how you see yourself and who you think you are, as well as all the things that have been stopping you and influencing your thinking, and how you see yourself, in relation to others. I need you to _trust this process_ and allow this to work _for you_."

"Alright, I'll give it the good old college try, but I can't promise you anything...like being magically transformed. I'll just be _me_ at the end of it Garrett." I rolled my eyes and huffed.

"I should hope so! _Only you_ is _**all**_ I ever want to see! Not you and all of those ghosts in your cupboard over there. _**You **__are my client_. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how fast we are going to move through this process. You are a healthy, young woman who_ just_ wants to lay some ghosts to rest... and come to peace with her past so you can move on happily into your future."

"I like that, 'coming to peace with my past'. Shall I get you another brownie?"

"Would it be ok if I took one home to eat for supper?These are wonderful! Our session is finished for today, I'll see you in two days time back here, ok?"

"Thanks Garrett. Here I wrap one up for you." I got up and was a little dizzy. He held me steady by the arm.

"Sit back down, before you fall down Bella, I'll wrap this brownie in this paper napkin here...see?" he said, looking worried.

I took some deep breaths and rubbed my tummy. "I have to get up _slowly_, I keep forgetting!" I chuckled, shaking my head.

"I'll see myself out, you stay there ok?"

"Sure, see you in two days."

* * *

"The house looks different already guys. There's soup on the stove, can you serve yourselves? Bowls are on the shelf above the stove, spoons are in the top drawer. Get bread and butter on the bench near the stove."

"Sure Bella we can do that, but are sure you're ok?" Seth asked.

"I'm just going to lie down and have a nap. Get some brownies from the fridge after you finish the soup."

I closed my eyes and napped while the guys helped themselves to some lunch. I was feeling _really tired_ after Garrett's first session. I hadn't started my homework and my work for Aro was delayed by all of my recent fainting spells.

Someone put a blanket over me and the voices in the kitchen, moved outside outside.

The house was quiet. I slept.


	28. Chapter 28

**SM owns twilight.  
**

**Please note that this chapter contains sexual descriptions, it is M rated for a reason people, just saying!  
**

* * *

**Chapter twenty seven.**

"Baby wake up and eat something." Jasper nudged my shoulder as I lay asleep on the lounge.

"Ahh Jas...Jasper it's you!" My eyes flutter open. I must have been asleep for _ages_, the sky was dark out and Jasper had lit the fire.

"Here darlin' I made you something, it's heated up casserole I found in the freezer, and I also made a banana smoothie for you."

"Mmm, thanks you're so kind. I love you. I'm glad you woke me up I didn't eat lunch, what time is it?"

"It's six thirty, can you sit up?"

"Yeah I had a bit of a dizzy spell before lunch and lay down. Have all the guys gone home?"

"Yeah it started to rain pretty heavily, and I sent them home just as you fell asleep. Come on eat up, at least drink some of the smoothie."

"How was the trip up the mountain, get some good shots?"

"Well, it was great, until it started to come down from the heavens in _buckets_. I had to scramble down the mountain fast. On the way back there was an _amazing _shot I managed to get off. It an eagle hovering above me, surrounded by swirling mist and the dark rocks behind it. Just watching it... made the _hairs on the back of my neck stand up_ and I stood there gob-smacked, just watching before I remembered to try and photograph it." he snorted.

"_Wow_ that sounds amazing Jasper! I'm so glad you were here to sort the guys out. Has Seth been having any trouble with Quil and Embry?"

"Funnily enough they both seem to be getting on with the painting, without causing Seth any dramas."

"That's a relief. It will make their work go a lot faster if they do."I smiled.

"How was Garrett's session? Was it hard?" he asked.

"No, not hard at all, it was kind of nice, he only asked me one main question and I talked. I got some homework to do and he's coming back in a couple of days."

"Want to talk about it?" Jasper was curious.

"Not really, I'll show you my homework if you like...thinking about it seemed to be _exhausting_ and tiring, even after I talked about stuff about how I feel about my mother. I was _wiped out_ and slept for over six hours."

* * *

I sat up late after dinner with Jasper. Focusing about my mother and what I knew and felt about her, with the notebook and pen... and wrote and wrote, my hand cramping up.

I sipped hot chocolate and nibbled cheese and crackers.

It was strange using a pen and paper, after typing so much for years.

I guess Garrett might have had a reason for making me write all of this down using a pen and paper, the old fashioned way.

I was a little shocked that my handwriting was so messy and uneven, it was initially like I had lost the skill of forming letters and my spelling was horrendous. But after a while I got into the swing of it, and wrote more fluidly and confidently.

I started with writing _all_ the facts, that I knew about my mother and her basic life events, dates, name, name of parents, where she grew up, where she went to school, what she did, when she met my dad, when and where I was conceived, Dad and her having a hastily arranged marriage, her walking out the door, and me spending various moments with her, until she got sick of me and sent me back to my faithful, old dad.

I wrote of Dad's love for her and the _utter hopelessness_ of it.

I wrote of her _inability to settle_, always moving and partying.

Of her always wanting the best, _most expensive_ whatever it was...fluttering around as superficial and shallow... as a thin veneer...a veneer hiding a sad reality.

The reality was that Renee was really a woman _without a heart_, _without any focus, passion or depth._

I started wondering what on earth could have made her, the way she was?

What _made_ her choose a life being a perpetual juvenile?

What _caused_ her to do what she did?

Why did she act this way?

Was it something about her parents? Her personality? Her genetics?

I knew her parent's names, but not anything _about_ them. I had no photos of them.

I wondered if they were still alive and what they looked like?

What if they still lived somewhere and I could go visit them?

How did they view my mother? How would they view me?

Did they know _who_ I was? Did they know I even _existed?_

I knew _hardly anything_ about my mother's family history, or my heritage when I thought about it.

I only knew what _I_ had experienced _for myself_...in my own short life.

Why did I think I was on my own... and had become so _intensely self-reliant?_

Maybe it was because I was an only child of divorced parents, who were _too busy_ with their own lives to really spend a lot of time fretting and worrying over me.

Did they _deliberately _set out to be crap parents?

No, not really.

Renee was a listless, self-centered woman, with a very short attention span.

Charlie was a workaholic, with a broken heart and an inability to be emotionally vulnerable.

What was I? Who was I? A mixture of both of them...or my own woman?

Was I a hard headed rationalist?

Was I an environmental scientist who had a secret passion for soaring raptors?

Was I a woman who was suddenly discovering her sexuality and thoroughly enjoying it?

Was I a lover? A surrogate? A cook?

_There was a lot more to me... than being a __**dutiful**__ daughter to Charlie, and an __**absent **__daughter to Renee._

I was a friend, a pet owner...and someone who was valued and treasured by Jasper, I was someone who was giving my babies to Esme and Carlisle to start their very own family.

I was loved and accepted by many people...Vlad and Steve, Leah and Angela, Char and Pete, Aro and Pia and I felt supported by others like Dr Naidoo, Garrett and those crazy guys at the gay bar.

I went to bed remembering all the loud music, and bodies rubbing against me at that bar...like I was a fertility goddess or something!

As I fell asleep, cuddling Jasper's sleeping form, I chuckled ..._if_ _I was so inclined, I could continually hire my womb out and be a surrogate for desperate gay couples, for at least the next couple of decades._

_Nah...it would be too weird and exhausting. I would wear myself out having other people's babies, instead of my own._

Jasper reached around to my hand and pulled me close into to his back and I lay right against his back and hiked my leg over his. I loved leaning my cheek against his shoulders.

It was incredibly comfortable.

* * *

_Jasper rescued me just in time from his mother...she was holding a scalpel in her hand, ready to cut me open and get the babies... I had to protect the babies!_

_Jasper took me up higher and higher away from his evil mother ...somewhere white and soft like a cloud, we watched the eagle as it rose and fell on the air currents, looking down for prey to swoop on._

_Jasper became the eagle and I was the fish in its strong talons. Wiggling to get free, but enjoying the ride through the air...How could a fish ever imagine the world from an eagle's perspective?...How could an eagle appreciate the watery fish world? Could a fish ever fall in love with an eagle?  
_

_I wiggled and wiggled in an effort to get free, even flying high, I knew I couldn't breathe anymore! I would die! All of the babies I was carrying would perish, if I didn't get back...back into the water and swimming up stream once again...Must save the babies!_

I gasped.

Throwing myself back and catching my breath..._I wasn't a fish...Jasper wasn't an eagle..._

Jasper came in holding a breakfast tray and sat it down.

"Hey darlin' I got some breakfast, and today I'm stayin' here, cause the weather has turned bad. You want something to eat first, or can I give you some hot lovin' now?" he smiled that gorgeous smile and my heart jumped in response.

"Mmm, baby can't we do both at the same time?" I suggested.

"Ahh, just when I _thought_ I had you all figured out...you want to try a little multi-tasking?" he smirked and chuckled.

I laughed back.

"Mmm...how about you eat your breakfast and I eat you?" Jasper moved onto the bed fluidly.

I giggled and nodded. I reached over to the tea and toast, and he dived under the covers and moved my tee-shirt up to slowly and deliciously play with my tits.

I sucked in a sudden breath as he latched onto my sensitive nipples and sucked and nibbled.

_Sweet holy Jesus and all the heavenly hosts!_

My whole body seemed alight with the sensations he was creating.

I moaned out and threw the toast in the general direction of the tray and felt down for my beautiful playmate 'slugger'. _Boy_ was he ready for a little action action!

Jasper growled and thrust up into my hand.

"Baby... you're _so big!_ Come up here... I want to _feel __**all**__ of you!"_ I whimpered.

He chuckled..."I knew you wouldn't take too long eatin' your toast, I want to take you from behind baby. I love feeling your luscious titties, while ploughing into your wet pussy...turn around and face to head board and kneel up..._perfect_, your ass is as perfectly shaped as a peach."

He came up and licked and sucked at the back of my neck and shoulders. Oh...I was _so sensitive_. My labia was throbbing and swollen, dripping already.

I loved what he did _for me and to me._

He rubbed 'slugger' against my butt and slipped down between my legs and slipped right into my slit...his hands on both of my nipples stroking and tweaking them together with his big hands, his mouth firmly sucking on the back of my neck.

It only took a couple of long firm strokes with 'slugger' and I _felt_ _**all** of_ _him_, and I clenched and spasmed around him, crying out in relief and delight.

_I craved and needed my man, like I needed air._

He thrust harder and pulled my hips back into him, as I leaned onto my hands, head down and he held my hips firmly...I continued riding out my orgasm...and he thrust harder and faster, suddenly breaking and crying out overtaken by his own orgasm.

* * *

We sat together propped by pillows, listening to the rain hit the roof and the bedroom window, sipping our cooled tea, and cuddling.

"Sleep well darlin'?"

"Mm, yeah I even finished my homework before I came up to bed. This morning I had a _really weird_ dream, where you had _magically _turned into an eagle, after rescuing me from your mother who was trying to cut the babies out with a wicked-looking scalpel." I shook my head.

"Man, your dreams are getting weirder Bella. You have to record them and send them off to Vlad to analyze; he'd get a buzz out of that one you just told me. I'd love to meet him and Steve one day. Maybe we can catch up with them, if we go down to California sometime."

"Oh _yeah,_ you'd _totally be a hit_ in the gay bar! I'd have trouble keeping all of them off you." I giggled.

Jasper rolled him eyes and smirked.

"I know there's been countless women, have you ever been with any guys?" I asked, imagining him grooving to the beat in the closely packed bar, all eyes turned his way, and lots of hands trying to grope and tease him.

I loved shocking him, and he looked like I had just asked him if he had a secret identity as part of an underground organization.

He blushed a little and spent a _long time_ searching for the answer, in the bottom of his coffee cup.

I looked at Jasper closely, the way he was struggling; it seemed there _must have been some special guy_, somewhere in the past.

"I went through an experimental stage, and there was a guy I used to hook up, with now and again. We did stuff and I have to admit... that I _really liked it_. With him I could let loose and be all hard and physical."

"What happened?"

"He got sick of me hanging out with women, and him always taking second place. It was sad really, I never felt anything for him or any of them, it was so meaningless...just a kind of physical release for me. I was a sick fuck, _doing anything with anyone_. I'm really glad I _never _picked up anything untreatable."

Jasper looked anguished.

"I'm glad I found you Bella." his eyes glistening and he held my hand.

I think he was worried, that I'd be disgusted or upset with him, but I saw all of his past sexual partners, were just that ..._in the past_.

_I didn't care whether they were men, women or purple-people-eaters._

"My life was looking grim and grey. I was so lost...but I as _soon as I saw you _...this extraordinary woman standing there, in the confectionery aisle, I found there _was a purpose_ to my life after-all. My purpose was to spend the rest of my life loving you Bella!"

"You never miss any of the others?"

"No, not really. Its kind of like eating various forms of McDonald's _all your life I wouldn't starve...but nothing really satisfied me...nothing_ _was memorable, tasty or meaningful_...and then _suddenly BAM!_...I was presented with the most _incredible_ table... _endlessly replenishing itself_... filled to the brim with the _most varied, intensely-flavored dishes, from all over the world_, and they are _**all **__cooked by one person_...you. Why would I want to go back and eat McDonald's after that?"


	29. Chapter 29

**SM owns Twilight.  
**

**Please note; this chapter shows a good method to assist to learning how to forgive and move on from a difficult situation, it isn't an alternative for seeking medical/professional help in a serious situation.  
**

* * *

**Chapter twenty eight.**

"Read this out aloud." He put a box of tissues beside me and nodded, encouraging me to start reading my homework about I'd written about my mother.

"What, _all_ of it?"

"Yes, all."

After sighing deeply, I started reading aloud from my scribbled, scattered writing in the notebook. It was odd reading it aloud; it was different hearing my voice speak the words, after reading this notebook silently in my head a few times, like he wanted me to.

Reading aloud made it _real_, but also like a story. A story I'd written, like a kind of fairy-tale fiction. Like the words were just that, _words._

I realised that when I initially wrote in the notebook, I was full of indignation, upset and angry, but now the words were losing their steam, losing their power.

When I reached the part of why I didn't think that she wanted me and why on earth she had bothered to keep me, instead of the alternative of abortion or adoption.

I clutched my middle and felt my babies moving.

It was coming true again; I was repeating this scenario, just like my mother.

I didn't have this pregnancy for _me_, I'm sure she didn't have me for herself either. She had me for my father, or society or her family, didn't she?

I had to be clear about this... I was having these twins _for the Cullens_ and not for myself.

In many ways I chose this option, in order to achieve something else, a better life and financial ease for myself.

Renee chose married life and having me ...why?

Who knows? If I ever asked her, I might get a bunch of garbled platitudes, about her wanting and hoping for the best.

I always thought I was different, but I'm starting to see myself as the same, or at least similar to her.

I blew my nose and wiped my nose.

"Damn! Sorry I'm crying Garrett."

"That's what the tissues are for Bella. You know that this doesn't really work, if there are no tears. So have you come to any conclusions about how you feel about your mother?"

"We are a _lot _more alike than I care to admit, and I'm tired of being angry and frustrated and making her wrong. She's not perfect, and neither am I, but there's a sort of calmness, now that I've written and read it so many times. It's like I've purged it, it no longer has any more power. I've nothing left... but an empty space."

"Can you forgive your mother for being imperfect, for not giving you what you wanted and needed? Can you forgive her all her wrongs, her misjudgements, her foibles? Can you forgive her for being _different_ from you and wanting different things to you?"

I sat and thought.

"I'd like to forgive her. I really would. How do I do it? Do I have to talk to her or go to church or something?"

"To forgive her, you just need to realize that she is no longer a thorn in your side. You forgive her by _letting go_ of that pain and anguish, and seeing her as _just_ a woman, like you. When you start to see Renee as not a monster, but _a human_, an imperfect and vulnerable human, someone who makes mistakes and stuffs up; a _new_, more suitable opinion of her, can start to be formed. You can drop the old stubborn attitude and let her be human and full of idiosyncrasies."

I nodded. No one was a total saint, I certainly wasn't. But I _could _find it in my heart, to forgive Renee for all of those things that happened in the past.

"Ok, I want you to say after me...'Renee; I fully and completely release you. I fully and freely forgive you. I bless you and let you go'."

I repeated the words. Finding it hard to say, the words sticking in my mouth, feeling like a bitter, hard ash.

"Again, say it with me...'Renee, I bless you, forgive you, release you and let you go'."

I repeated it word for word, this time it was a little easier.

"Again, Bella."

This time it was much easier, and I started smiling.

"Good and again."

This time I said it smoothly and I felt my spirits lift up.

"Excellent, and how are you feeling now?"

"Like a weight has been lifted, like there's no pain or upset about her anymore. It feels like a sweet release from a pain, I didn't know I'd been carrying."

"Good work, I proud of you. Now we're going to have a little fun. Bring the notebook with you."

I followed him outside and we went to a place he must have created especially, before coming into the house. It was a circle of stones and some wood and kindling in the centre of it.

"Here's a lighter, now light the fire Bella."

"Ok," I took his lighter and knelt on the grass and gently put the small flame against the newspaper and kindling. I kept it there, until the small flame started licking up and growing to burn the small bits of wood.

Jasper, Seth and the rest of the crew all stopped work and came over to Garrett and me in curiosity. I chuckled, they couldn't stay away from a fire, it acted like a magnet, drawing them in, like a bunch of iron filings.

"Now give me that notebook Bella."

I handed him the book, wondering what he would do next.

"Bella, what you like to say, if Renee was standing here, right now?"

I sighed deeply. What _would_ I say to her?

"Renee, I completely, fully, freely and _totally_ bless you, forgive you and release you. You no longer have power over me. I am my own woman, making my own choices. I hope you have a great life, I'm going to follow my love and my dreams. I feel free and peaceful, relaxed and completely great about my life."

The flames had really taken hold now and I had quite an audience, all standing silently, watching me say stuff to a woman who wasn't there.

Garrett handed me the notebook.

"Now I want you to tear off the first page out of the notebook. Scan both sides of it and say just one thing that you _feel_ about the page in your hand."

I looked at it ripped it out and scanned it. I felt a deep sadness.

"Sad." I said. Jasper came up behind me and held my shoulders, kissing the top of my head.

"As you put it in the fire, say 'sad' and forgive Renee again."

I did this watching the first page burn and the ash and smoke rise up into the sky.

I steadily worked my way through the whole of the notebook. Ripping, speaking and letting the fire consume the paper.

I said all sorts of different things, as each page went into the fire. Anguish, drama, loneliness, anger, frustration, sorrow, jealousy, relief, joy, safety, fun, creativity, happiness, peace and calm.

Saying those emotions out loud and repeating my forgiveness for Renee multiple times, started solidifying the calm state of forgiveness that had gently overtaken me.

Forgiveness was a state of grace and peace.

And for the first time in my whole life I felt free.

My audience all came and hugged or high-fived me, and went back to painting the house, making the most of the fickle, Forks sun.

Jasper and Garrett stayed with me silent and looking at the fire.

* * *

"I wish I could do something like that, for me and my parents and Rosalie. All I ever do and have ever done is _avoid_ them. I feel so much unease when I'm near them. They radiate unhappiness, and bicker and torment each other constantly. They can't seem to let each other go and live our own lives. It's like a prison and I'm the only one who's managed to escape, but even though I've escaped being physically close to them, I _still_ feel tied and bound to them." Jasper whispered, shaking his head in sorrow.

"Talk to Garrett next time he's here, he might be willing to help you. If not, I'm sure there are other counsellors who would do a good job."

"I was thinking of doing the same thing, you did with Renee. It wasn't so bad, it was like a way of Garrett's version of '_how to forgive'_, not really heavy-duty psychoanalysis." Jasper smiled and looked hopeful.

"I think Garrett's developed this method to change a fixed mindset and hardened attitude about someone or something. It's a way to stop being _inflexible_ and start seeing new options. To open your eyes and see how it is for another person...stand in _their _shoes for a while." I spoke, getting insights about what had happened to me this afternoon.

"It wasn't until I'd read my entire notebook aloud for the last time, that I felt a big shift in my attitude about her. I could suddenly see that Renee and I weren't all that different, after all."

"It was the first time ever, that I felt I had something in common with Renee. She and I, both choose things in life that aren't necessarily the perfect choice, just the best thing we could do at the time."

"I learned today, that it's _really ok to be human_ and _make mistakes_.

I can stuff up and still be ok, I can do something less than good, and the world won't end. I can make other choices, try other ways of handling stuff, I get second and third chances. Even when I think I don't get a chance to do it over, just by changing my attitude... I do."

"Today I learnt to forgive others, but most importantly _myself."_

"All my life, I've striven for having everything perfectly aligned and planned, but life's not like that! Shit happens! In the end, nothing I do will stop the world from turning and the sun from coming up in the morning." I chuckled, at my previous attempts to avoid disasters.

"It's ok to be _good enough_, and not best at everything. I'm not suddenly giving up doing the things I love, it's just that I'm going to relax about constantly striving for perfection... being the _most_ dutiful daughter, the _best_ in the class, having the _cleanest_ house in the street, in the end... _none of that matters_ Jasper."

"What matters is that we have each other and that I absolutely and totally love you..._all_ of you, forever...hey Jasper?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Want to get hitched?" I giggled.

"Yeah, I do. Do you?" He chuckled.

"Strangely enough, I do!"

"Well that settles it then, we're gonna get married!"

"Really! For real?" I was shocked at the sudden turn in the conversation.

_We had just agreed to tie the knot!_

"Yeah why not? There's no time like the present. Are you a ring kind of girl? Or would you like something else to declare our love to the world?"

"I don't know Jasper, you choose." I started laughing. I'd be more than happy to let him have control for once. I trusted Jasper's judgement, and his heart.


	30. Chapter 30

**SM owns twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter twenty nine.**

Once the shock of the idea, of getting married to Jasper had worn off, we invited everyone we loved to come and celebrate with a beer and a barbeque. Life got back to normal...well as normal as it could be in a household such as ours.

The house painting had been completed, making the exterior of my Dad's little old house look quite presentable.

My hens were laying everyday, and I was eating a lot of omelettes, fried eggs, boiled eggs and scrambled eggs. In fact I was craving eggs all the time now, much to Jasper's amusement.

He was happy in the fact that he knew how to cook something I craved for once. Usually my cravings weren't so easy for him to cater to, or if he tried to make them, I grumbled that his cooking didn't taste right.

I admired Jasper a lot, because there was never once that he got upset or fazed, by my fickle palate. I told him I adored that he seemed to have an endless supply of patience and was always sweet. He was sweet when my back ached, sweet when I cried about something stupid in a movie, sweet when I need to go to the loo multiple times a day. I swear my bladder has now shrunk to the size of a lentil.

The one main thing I was ecstatic about was that I no longer got dizzy. The extra drinks, food, naps and iron suppiments had made a real difference. And I was _a lot_ less stressed.

I had calmed down a lot, since I had forgiven Renee and Charlie. After that, I had forgiven all sorts of people I still held a grudge against, or had been upset with.

Garrett just met me now, to talk to and eat my brownies or ice-cream. He had gotten me to a point, where I was able to work through all of the painful and hurtful episodes on my own. He trusted me to do it alone now, move through it and happily come out the other side.

I forgave Jessica and Lauren and their school bullying.

I forgave Jacob Black and his poisonous alcohol.

I forgave all of the women, whose names I never knew, who had been with Jasper before me, and secretly thanked the universe, for being the one woman in the world who'd managed to land him.

I forgave Rosalie and Anthea for being nasty, selfish and difficult for Jasper to deal with.

I forgave the uni funding body, which initially promised me a teaching position and later reneged on it, leaving me to feel lost and worried about money.

I forgave my old cleaning boss, who sacked me for not coming to work, because of Charlie landing himself in a half-dead in the ICU.

I forgave the crappy economy, and the gloomy weather.

Garrett gave me a new journal in which to write all the things I was grateful for. This was the next big phase, to learn to be thankful and grateful. I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

He said to never give up, I had to write in it everyday, regardless. He challenged me to find at least five things everyday to be thankful for.

I really enjoyed the idea of writing; it always gives me a wonderful way to work through my thoughts and ideas. Reading back through my thoughts, was always interesting.

I steadily worked on Aro's project. in-between snacks, drinks, naps and toilet breaks

Garrett and Jasper have become close buddies, who seem to share a love of photography, my food and philosophy. Many times I come downstairs after plugging away at the online curriculum for Aro, to find them shooting the breeze in a heated, yet hilarious discussion, debating philosophical concepts which made my head spin.

Jasper has worked through a lot of family issues, and now is more relaxed about his relationship with his parents and Rosalie. He and Garrett seemed to manage dealing with Jasper's anguish, in a relaxed, general way, rather than doing working through it, the way I did.

I've yet to be introduced to Caius and Anthea Cullen, Jasper's parents. Everyone has been asking us when we will be getting married. We haven't set a date yet, or even worked out what kind of wedding we wanted to have.

Neither of us are desperate to getting married immediately. I do have a stunning ring from Jasper though! I wasn't expecting a fancy piece of jewellery, but I _loved_ what he chose for me.

Jasper selected something totally beautiful and unique.

Black titanium bands for him _and_ me. His ring is set with eight rubies, flush-set, equally spaced around the titanium band, and for me, a tension-set, 1 carat, round ruby.

The rubies were something Jasper had picked up, on his travels as a photographer. He won them all in a crazy poker game in the jungles of Cambodia, with a man who was an ex-Khmer Rouge leader.

It was amazing, with us _both_ wearing engagement rings many people noticed them. Jasper was always the first to tell anyone who asked, that we were 'gettin' hitched.'

The combination of the beautiful matte-black, super hard titanium, and the brilliant pigeon-blood (a brilliant pinky-red shade) colored star-burst rubies were stunning. Apparently these were Burmese rubies, that were very valuable and perfect cabochon domes, rather than a normal diamond cut. The big ruby in my ring catches the light, to show a six-pointed star in bright light.

I asked him about the black titanium, and he said there was a specialist titanium jeweller he knew, who owed him a favour.

When I asked him about the favour, he laughed and said he rescued the guy on his stag night, from being shaved all over.

Jasper _'accidentally, on purpose'_, lost the razor which the other guys were going to use to shave the poor groom. Jasper also said his friend wanted to come to our wedding and organize a stag night for him, to return the favour in full, even though he'd already done a fantastic job, setting the rubies into the black titanium bands.

I looked skeptical, Jasper said they'd probably just end up having a bonfire, a keg and tell too many tall stories.

I felt worried that the stag night would include strippers and escorts. Jasper seemed to read my mind, just by looking at my pained expression.

"Bella I've never _met_ anyone like you, and I'll never _be_ with another, as long as I'm alive. I'll be faithful to you till I stop breathing. I swear no other woman will touch me. I won't put up with it. Pete and I know how to have a great time, _without_ strippers...believe me!"

"What kind of entertainment do you have in mind?"

"Ahh, Pete and I just love having an all night game, of high-stakes poker, whiskey and cigars. That would be my first choice, especially if I get to fleece Emmett and Edward of the entire contents of their wallets."

"What about your Dad, Edward senior, Emmett's father and Carlisle?"

"Well... if we go _all out_ and invite them to a big wedding, I guess they could play some all night poker with me and lose a heap. If we want to organise a smaller, less stressful wedding, I must invite my new best-bud Garrett, as well as Felix our jeweller."

"If you think poker will be your ultimate, stag-night experience Jasper, I have to tell you that I really like the idea of a pool tournament with the girls...as well as an afternoon tea with a menu of 'death by chocolate.' There's a great cafe in Olympia, which caters for women who are addicted to chocolate, it would be fun! Plus I love shooting balls into pockets, its a strange and quirky talent I have."

"Where did a nice serious, girly-swat like you, learn to play the game of pool Miss Bella?"

"Wouldn't you just love to know, eh?" I laughed, nudging him and wiggling my eyebrows.

"The thing is, that there were many occasions that Leah and I would play pool, because I was her room mate, as well as her designated driver/first aider/big sister. I only learnt how to shoot pool, because I had to keep an eye on her...it didn't hurt that by the end of the night, I was the only one playing with any skill, because I was sober and as a consequence, I won many games and got a bit of a reputation."

"What kind of reputation babe?"

"You should totally ask Leah, she's better at telling the story than me."

"Come on, why don't you tell me? I wanna hear your version, Bella."

"No."

"Please, come on! Please?" He reached down and looked deeply into my eyes, blatantly giving me _'the look'_, the one he had mastered to get what he wanted, from women all over the world. That _'look'_, was the one that made any normal, sensible woman become just a little addled, swoon and happily drop her knickers.

I gritted my teeth and tore my eyes away. That 'look' was playing havoc with my girly bits, and I felt dizzy...oh no! I was swooning!

_Damn you Jasper and your stunning, emotional-blackmail, swooning abilities!_

Luckily he caught me _just_ before I crumpled to the floor and banged my head.

As he was getting me settled on the couch with my feet up, Leah walked in and got the wrong idea.

"Not going at it _again_ you two! Why do I always seem to catch you going at it like rabbits?" She muttered.

I chuckled, "I'm just making up for lost time. I've got a lot of making up to do, to get to your level of wantonness Leah."

"Huh! That'll take some doing Swan! If you want to get anywhere near my standard, you'll also need to try _all _dishes on the buffet table, rather than just one!" She giggled eyeing Jasper.

"Well I'm not partial to anything else! I've claimed my dish and I'm not gonna share him! Did you know what he just tried to do and nearly succeeded? _He made me swoon_, by giving me _'the look'!"_

"Why's he doing that Swan?... Jasper, you already know she'll have you anywhere, anytime, why use 'the look' on her?"

"He wanted information out of me and I wasn't prepared to spill, you tell it way better than me anyway." I waved in her direction, trying to get the attention off me

"What?"

"The pool nights." I mumbled.

"Oh! Yeah our little swan here, is quite a pool-hustler, aren't you Bella?"

"No I'm not... well not really."I shake my head.

"She totally is! Remember when you took that visiting basket ball team for everything they had, _including_ their clothes?"

"Really?" Jasper looked aghast.

"It's not my fault they wouldn't stop pestering me to play some more, and ended up naked." I begged my innocence; it wasn't my fault, they all were so drunk they didn't know what they were doing.

"Yeah well, I think they thought they might get to see you in the buff Bella, but you weren't even taking off a single thread. That's what drove them nuts, you remained fully covered...just like a vestal virgin, playing pool like a demon, and acting like a wide-eyed innocent at the same time. It made all the guys want you _even more."_

"No... it wasn't like that! I was only there to get you home in one piece; otherwise I wouldn't have been hanging out in that bar at all."

"Well it certainly didn't hurt that you were a crack shot, but somehow you kept giving off this vibe, like it was your first time and you didn't know what you were doing. That drove the guys totally wild."

"No it didn't, they were just drunk, and I was sober."

"Bella, you were naturally gifted with hitting those balls into the pockets, but you can't sing karaoke for shit... I'm _just saying!_ Hey, remember that big guy Dimitri? He wanted to marry you, remember?"

Jasper's eyes grew wider than they already were.

"He was just a big, dumb idiot. Poor thing, had had way too many blows to the head."

"Well whatever, the guy was a heavyweight, boxing champion and was at least seven foot tall and built solidly, like a brick, shit-house, I'm not kidding Jasper man, he was one huge mother! Bella played one on one against him and every time she beat him in a game, he would beg her to ..._'come back to Bulgaria...we marry and have many, many children! I love you Bella!'"_ she mimicked in a heavy, Bulgarian accent.

"Poor deluded soul; I wonder whatever happened to him?" I chuckled.

Leah smirked. "I googled him once, he's on the Bulgarian national boxing team, heading for the Olympic games in London at this very moment."

"Really?"

"Yeah, its the same with that basketball player, the one making all of those wild bets, he's now on the Spanish team, going to the Olympics too."

"No, really?"

"Yes ma'am! And there's that other weightlifting team from the Czech Republic, some of those guys _totally_ had a thing for you."

"_No_, I thought they were gay! I must have totally missed that... how did I miss that? I was _sure_ they liked each other and not me!"

"Well I know they loved you, especially when you bent over the table, in order to line up for a tricky shot. They all loved getting a great view of that hot piece of ass you've got there Swan."

"Leah!"

"What Swan?"

_"Shut up! I do not!" _I huffed in grumpiness._  
_

"You do too"! Jasper and Leah yelled simultaneously, laughing like demented hyenas..._the crazy bastards!_


	31. Chapter 31

**SM owns Twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter thirty.**

"Hey Jasper, where are you shooting today?"

"The waterfront around Port Angeles, why?"

"I need to get out of here and see something other than the computer screen and the loo. Can I come with you? I promise to not get in the way. I just need a change in scenery."

"Baby, that's great! We can eat out at this excellent Italian cafe and there's a colorful, local market on today with arts and crafts at the community hall."

"Ah that would be fantastic, to see some new faces and get some fresh air."

"I could take some more shots of you for our journal too." Jasper chuckled.

He was really persistent in keeping up the record of me and the pregnancy. The journal he had created was expanding, just like me and the babies. At five and a half months, I looked the same as other women, at seven or eight months. I shuddered to think how big I would finally get before they were born.

"Will you let me take shots of you one day Jasper? I have some great ideas for something that could look amazing on you, are you into dressing up?"

"What sort of dressing up?" Jasper looked curious.

"Well, I have a few ideas including a tool belt, or some military uniforms...or perhaps just the swords and their scabbards? _Oh I know!_ Cowboy boots! I haven't seen those beautiful boots on you in ages, not since the supermarket and our first meeting. What did you do with them? I haven't seen them on you for a long time."

"Ahh, Bella, that's a bit tricky to try and answer."

"Try me, I'm all ears. I'd love to know where they went to. I want to see you wearing them."

"Ok, just be prepared for a weird story...you know that last time I went to Mexico, with Pete and Charlotte?"

"Yeah."

"Well those boots of mine, got stolen by a very pushy woman. I'm not really sure exactly_ why_ she did...maybe she wanted to keep me from escaping her clutches, or she just wanted them as a souvenir."

"What do you mean? What _kind_ of woman steals a guy's boots?"

"A desperate one...this woman _really_ wanted me and didn't want to take NO for an answer. She was fricken scary!"

"So this woman...this woman wanted you _so_ much, that she took your boots? How did she take them from you? You're a big guy... did she pin you down and pull them off herself?"

"No she waited till I was in the shower." Jasper now looked worried.

_"What?_ She was _with you_ when you were showering?" My heart beat rose and thudded in my ears. I must have looked like I was ready to do something dramatic...run away or fight.

"No, no Bella believe me...I didn't _know_ she was there. She stole a key from the front desk and snuck into my room while I was in the shower."

"That pushy bitch! What happened next?"

"Well there was a scuffle, as she tried to get into the shower _with_ me. I jumped out all soapy, swearing my head off. I grabbed a towel and ran out of the room. She got naked in the bathroom with me, I didn't want to stick around. I ran and hid in Pete and Char's room. God bless them, they didn't turn me away. But when Char came storming back into my room all fired up, to check to see if the naked woman was still there and kick her out, she realized the scary woman had stolen my boots."

"Did she take anything else? Your wallet, cameras, phone, or laptop?"

"No that was the thing; it was weird and really stalkerish... to say the least. In the past, I've had all sorts of odd things happen with women creeping into my room, or hiding out in my car, or coming into my work, or jumping into my path on a remote jungle track, or finding me on a mountain top in the middle of Africa."

"Really? That's terrible...I guess... or maybe it wasn't. They weren't taking no for an answer either were they? So before me, I'm wondering how you must have dealt with it all? Unlimited, desperate, stalking women, wanting lots of sex...must have been a tough life, or perhaps not! Things must seem _really different_ for you now, just having me and only me? Are there any other stalking women I need to know about?"

"Bella, for me, life right now is fantastic. I _fit _with you in every way, like you are that special, jigsaw-puzzle piece, who's the only one... aligning perfectly with me."

"And you my once missing jig-saw piece Jasper...mmm ok ...so it looks like I'll need to find you the _perfect pair of boots,_ my sweet hunk-a-hunk-of burning-love! Now let's get dressed and ready for a day into Port Angeles. I know it's strange, but I'm going to wear my yoga pants, nothing else feels comfortable. Hope you don't mind seeing me in these stretchy pants and my grandpa's Hawaiian shirt again."

"Hell baby, you could wear anything, I think you look wonderful whatever you have on."

* * *

"Jasper can you stop the truck? I have to pee, again."

"Sure, are ok to go behind a tree?"

"Yeah I don't think any wildlife will be too traumatized by seeing me squat down." I giggled, making me want to pee more, damn my tiny, squashed bladder!

He parked on the side of the road, and I lowered myself out of his truck. I looked around for an easy spot to go. There was a lot of forest and I wouldn't have _too_ far to waddle, before I got some descent cover. This wasn't a busy road to Port Angeles anyway.

"Want a hand darlin'?"

"No, I'll be fine. I used to spend a large amount of my time, when I was doing forest plant surveys doing this very thing, before I got pregnant."

"Ok, just holler if you need anything."

"No worries."

I waddled towards the nearest tree that could hide me. All around me the forest smelled fresh and wet. I was glad of my wellington boots and easy stretchy yoga pants. Squatting down, wasn't hard, it was the getting back up that made me lose my balance and tip over backwards.

_Damn_...I hate getting muddy! Good thing the Hawaiian shirt is really long and covered the worst of my muddy butt. I'll buy a new pair of yoga pants in Port Angelus the first thing we get there.

I could hear Jasper talking to someone. I wonder who it was on this lonely road? I wonder who owns the dark green, E-type Jaguar? I haven't seen one of those in years, didn't they have 12 cylinders or something outrageous?.

I hung back in the bushes and listened.

"Son I don't know what's going on, it's not good enough that you keep wanting to remove yourself and run away. I'm your father and I demand an explanation! Your mother is worried sick, and so is Rosalie. We didn't see you at Christmas, or for your mother's birthday." The tall blond man said, standing close to Jasper, trying to intimidate him.

_Hell! This must be Jasper's dad, Caius!_

Jasper was attempting to keep calm, and smiled gently at his father.

"Dad, I'm engaged to be married, to the most wonderful woman I've ever met."

"What? Why haven't we been told before this? When did this happen? Why did you leave us out of the loop? Where's she from? Do I know her? Is she from a good family?"

_Crap! Looks like he has the same 'sweet and charming' personality, as Anthea and Rosalie! Great!_

"We decided to make a commitment a few weeks ago, and see I'm wearing an engagement ring to match hers." Jasper showed his dad the beautiful black titanium ruby set ring he was so proud of.

"Damn boy! What kind of a man wears an engagement ring? You don't need to show the whole world you are attached, you want to keep an 'open mind' about these things. You'll get sick of her and want to play a around a bit, wearing a ring only gets in the way."

"Dad, I'm _not_ you. I want everyone to know I'm _in a relationship,_ and _committed._ I would never disrespect Bella or desire another, I really enjoy being with Bella, she completes me and we make each other _very happy."_

I finally decided to come out from my hiding place, behind the hemlock.

"Hi Mr Cullen, I'm Bella Swan, it's nice to meet you. Sorry I can't shake your hand, I got all muddy when I fell over back there."

He looked me up and down coldly and straightened up to his full height. He was really tall just like Jasper, he looked similar, but cold and sneering, not really attractive at all, unlike his son.

"It's _Colonel_ Cullen to you. I _would_ say that I'm pleased to finally meet you, but _that_ would be a total lie. It looks like the only way you trapped my son into marriage was by getting yourself pregnant!"

Jasper shook his head. "That's not true, I want you to apologize dad. Bella doesn't deserve your appalling assumptions, she's done _nothing wrong_."

"Son you are making a serious mistake, marrying someone so beneath you. I suggest paying her off and sending her away to have the baby quietly. I can arrange an adoption. Actually Carlisle and Esme would love to adopt that baby she's carrying. How do you know it's yours anyway? It could be anyone's."

"Dad, _shut up_ before you make things worse for yourself." Jasper growled, getting close up into Caius' face.

"Ha! Always trying to avoid the issue and run away. Face your family! Come back to us, when you _get rid of the trash_."

"Dad, if you refuse to apologize to Bella, there will be consequences. I'll wash my hands of you and happily never darken your doorway again. Bella and I are just fine together, we don't need you, Mom or Rose in our lives." Jasper was seething.

"Colonel, are you and your wife always this rude to people you just meet, or is it just me?"I asked him calmly.

Caius didn't answer me. I was glad I had the focus, to remember Garrett's line though, it made me feel quite empowered.

"I can see Jasper and I won't need to send you any invitations to the wedding then, and sadly you'll _never_ get to see us living happily in our future together. Jasper, can you help me up into the cab hon? Goodbye, it was very educational meeting you Colonel."

Jasper stared hard at his cruel and stubborn father.

What more could he say?

All the damage had been done and it looked like their relationship was irreconcilable.

We drove off leaving his father on the side of the road.

The rain started bucketing.

"Jasper, are you ok to drive?" I whispered.

He nodded, gripping the wheel tightly, looking like his world was finally falling apart.

"Jasper, I want you to know that whatever happens, I love you and will treasure you and our relationship, ok? I'm so sorry about your dad."

"No, I'm sorry you had to meet the bastard. What a complete and utter, tyrannical asshole!"

"Jasper I'm fine, but I'm worried about you. How did you grow up to be so wonderful, with such dysfunctional parents?"

"I met Pete; he saved me from being a class-A asshole just like my father."

"Pete, eh? So you two have known each other for a while?"

"Yes, since we were small. We both had families who shipped us off to military school when we were seven. We shared a room and watched each other's backs. That's how we formed such a tight bond, closer even than brothers. We know each other better than anyone else in the world, sometimes he knows shit about me, _before_ even I do. To me, he's my real family. Not those people I'm genetically related to."

"Yeah Pete's special, thank god for him in your life. I can see why you two enjoy working together so much... so it looks like we're going to be having a smaller more intimate wedding then?"

"Yeah, good riddance to bad rubbish! I'm fine with_ never_ having anything more to do with him, or my mother, they would only cause more grief if they came to the wedding and spoil the whole day."

"What about Rosalie?"

"I'd like to invite Emmett, he and I get on well. If I tell him and Esme, to keep Rosalie in line then we might have a chance at enjoying the wedding if she's there."

"Char and Leah could take Rosalie and show her how to mind her manners, I'm sure!" I chuckled. "In fact, Leah would _happily_ put her into a headlock and really mess up her perfect hair, if she starts saying or doing anything horrible."

"Yeah, I like it! I can imagine it now...Leah would really get a buzz out of pulling Rose down to earth and making her suffer." Jasper finally smiled at the thought of his sister getting some of her own medicine.

We laughed for a while, thinking about Rose being schooled by Leah and Char.

Maybe we could have a jelly-wrestling competition and just let them go at it, no holds barred!

"Oh god...that's _way_ too much information! I really don't want to see my sister in _that way!"_

"Oh sorry, I didn't think of it like that! I just thought about letting them blow off some of that aggression, in a relatively harmless way. Maybe I shouldn't invite Rosalie to my girl's night though. When Leah gets a few drinks into her, she's liable to take on someone like Rosalie and wipe the floor with her."

"Really? I'd kind of like to see that...does that just sound odd to you? Me wanting to see my twin sister, getting taught a good lesson by Leah."

"No not really, Leah is one of my closest friends in the world, but even _I_ have to admit, she's got a _ton_ of aggression hiding under the surface. She grew up with three older brothers who fought with her all the time. She knows how to defend herself and do a lot of damage. She's got a lot of lethal force behind that attractive exterior. And she's _really_ strong, I've seen her bench press some insane weights at the gym."

"So babe, you fell down back there, did you hurt yourself?"

"No I just toppled over, getting _up_ from a squat is very tricky at the moment. I do need some new yoga pants though these are filthy. Can we stop at Wal-Mart to pick up some new ones?"

"Sure, sure. And after that let's just relax and enjoy the day. I want to photograph just you baby."

"And I want to find you some new boots."

"It's a deal then!"

* * *

We sat in the Italian cafe eating some beautiful pasta and salad happily watching the rain pour down outside. I was happy to be wearing some new pants, without mud.

"Jasper isn't it weird that your dad was thinking about me adopting the babies to Carlisle and Esme? Even though he got everything else wrong, he was _nearly _right about where the babies will end up, wasn't he?"

"Mmm, it makes me angry to hear him say that crap about you though."

"Do you think that something similar happened to him? Maybe your mom got pregnant and he felt obligated to marry her?"

"I don't really know, they weren't ever very loving and close when I was a kid. I never met my mother's family either, my dad always felt they were below him. He made sure he continued playing around on her. He still has mistresses all over the place, especially overseas."

"That's so sad, if your home life wasn't so great, what about life as a young kid at a military boarding school?"

_Heaven knows, I'd never want to send any of my own children away like that, to be raised by strangers so far from me. I'd want to keep them close and preferably home-school them instead._

"It was ok, once I learnt how the system worked and made some close friends. To me, even though it was strict and harsh, it was nothing compared to the dramas going on back at home, when my mom and dad happened to be under the same roof. I never knew why they bothered to stay married, and why they couldn't just go their separate ways. It's not like there's any love between them."

"Did Rosalie go to a similar boarding school to you?"

"Yeah she went to an all-girl's school up in Canada. At seven, we were separated, not just from our home and parents, but from each other. I found that was the hardest thing at first, Rosalie and I once were really close. But Pete helped me, and kind of adopted me into his family. I have some wonderful memories at the Whitlock house, his parents were lovely."

"I'll have to thank Pete for taking care of you then. I was wondering if you'd like to update our wills, so if anything happens to me during the birth, you will get everything, including Rufus and the hens."

_All this talk of family and belonging, made me feel serious all of a sudden._

"Bella, please don't talk like that, nothing's going to happen!"

"It probably won't, but I just want to make sure I've got everything ready, in case. Like Dr Naidoo says, 'expect the best and prepare for the worst'. I'm sure it will be fine, I'm just making it all yours... if I do leave this planet earlier than I think I should."

"Bella, I want us to grow old together, and end up with those matching scooters, yours with a pink flag and mine with a blue one."

"Oh no, I want a florescent yellow or orange flag, thank you very much, not pink. Maybe you'd like the yours to have a pink flag? And you could wear one of those funny hats with flashing lights and set up a ghetto blaster on your scooter, to listen to all the greatest hits of the seventies, eighties and nineties!" I hooted in delight, slapping my thighs.

"Ha ha... very funny...I can imagine us in the water aerobics class right now, me going under when my legs get weak at the sight of you in your bikini, showing-up all of the other ninety year olds. You'll probably need to mash up my food for me, though."

"I'll spoon-feed you the mushy food too, if you want. But seriously Jasper, I want you to know, if _anything_ happens to me and I die, please make sure they at least use as many of my organs as possible, for those patients waiting for transplants, ok?"

"Bella...are you sure?"

"If I die I won't need them anymore. There are so many people that could have a longer, healthier life, if they get an organ transplant. Otherwise my organs will just go to waste. Just promise me that you'll accept it and support me in it, if the worst happens...please?"

Jasper nodded, tears in his eyes.

I came up closer and hugged him. He moved his seat back a little and pulled me onto his lap. We kissed and I whispered that I loved him for ever and always.

Even though the waitress wasn't too happy we were canoodling like a couple of teenagers at her table; she put up with it. We weren't disturbing any other patrons, thank heavens.

"Do the same for me; have them harvest my organs if I die before you." Jasper whispered in my ear.

"Sure. Do you want to go walking in the rain, down by the waterfront? The colour of the water there is always so menacing and ominous. And there's also a funky, little, men's shoe shop down there, which might have something in size 14 for those big, beautiful feet."

* * *

"How do those feel? They look incredible."

Jasper stared down at his feet. And then back up in the mirror, catching me standing there behind him, watching as he picked a pair that he liked.

"Mmm, they feel just like you Bella, they're the perfect fit, comfortable, easy and good-lookin' too."

"I like the shark skin, it wears well?" I asked the crusty, old shop owner.

"Oh yes, that leather won't scratch, or sustain any damage, it looks and feels better every year. I've got a pair of shark skin boots myself; they wear down in the heels over the years, but never in the leather on the top. I just re-heel them and repair any of the stitching, and they are as good as new."

"I'll take them; can I wear them out of the shop?" Jasper was pleased as punch to have found such a wonderful pair of boots.

"Sure sir, I'll put your runners in the box. These can be re-stitched or repaired right here, I do it all myself. There's not much call anymore for proper repairs on shoes. It's a shame how shoes get thrown away nowadays, rather than repaired."

"Thank you, I know I'm going to love wearing them."

"Jasper, hold that pose!" I took a photo of him smiling in his new boots.

"Jas, when we get home, you can _leave those on_." I looked at him pursing my lips and chuckling.

"Sure baby, I need to make sure they're properly broken in anyway." he smirked.

"And you should definitely wear them for the wedding." I nodded.

I have to admit, I'm the _luckiest_ woman on the planet.


	32. Chapter 32

**SM owns twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter thirty one.**

While doing some more work organizing the university's new online web site, my crappy internet service provider suddenly decided to disconnect me.

I was nearly finished this one big section and I lost my patience.

I nearly threw my laptop out the window...but instead I started crying. It was _so _frustrating and slow, even when the stupid internet actually worked.

Someone started banging on the front door. I looked out the window, but didn't recognize the car. Jasper was shooting pictures for his job, on the other side of the Olympic Peninsular today. He planned to be away for another whole day to cover all the places he needed good shots of.

I slowly made my way down the stairs and opened the door.

"Oh, it's you!" Rose snarled at me.

I stayed silent, and just watched her. I promised myself _not_ to get upset. It was bad enough the computer was on the fritz. I wasn't going to let Rosalie, the crazy woman get under my skin.

"Well?" She snapped.

I crossed my arms over my tummy and sighed, staying quiet.

Rufus came to the door and stood curiously looking at Rosalie.

He was always interested in new people and was still under the misapprehension that he was a small kitten, even though he was nearly full grown and quite hefty.

I looked at him and he looked at me and he decided that Rosalie was a nice, new person to try and climb up on.

Seth, Jasper, Leah, Angela and Garrett were all cool with Rufus leaping up and climbing onto their shoulders...but Rosalie... well she wasn't at all impressed with Rufus using her as a climbing frame.

She screamed and swatted at him. He latched on with his claws, even more firmly and tried to hold on to her for grim life.

She swore and leapt away from the door and tried running towards her car, with him still attached.

I whistled to him and he leapt off her and ran to me. I chuckled wickedly at Rufus' antics and shut the door on her.

Mad woman!

"Good boy Rufus, I'm giving you some of those yummy heart and liver flavoured treats (ughhh!)... I should try and train you up as an attack cat-dog! I bet she won't try coming here again without being a bit more polite!"

Rufus meowed and rubbed up on my legs. I think he loved the idea of being my guard cat, either that, or he liked the idea of a treat, I wasn't sure.

I fed him some cat treats, Rufus tucked into them and purred loudly, like a Harley Davidson engine. I got his brush out and slowly worked it all over his long fur. He rolled on his back so I could take out the knots on his tummy and legs.

His patience was endless and I loved how he trusted me to gently to brush out the knots. When they were just too big and tangled, and I couldn't get them out, he even let me cut them off. What a good boy, not struggling or complaining at all.

Rufus and I relaxed, I put some music on and we lounged around on the couch. There was no way I was going to go back on the stupid computer again, until I completely calmed down. I had no idea how to make the service provider behave, and preferred not dealing with them over the phone.

My phone rang. "Jasper? Hi how are things going? I had a little visit from your twin, just before." I started chuckling, remembering her trying to get Rufus off her shoulders.

"What happened? She rang me, swearing and screaming about being clawed to pieces."

I laughed some more, "_clawed to pieces_...you hear that Rufus?"

"What happened?" Jasper asked. The sound in the background was a bunch of laughing voices; maybe he was in a cafe somewhere.

"She was banging really loudly on the door. I answered it and she rudely said... _'Oh it's you!'_ I didn't say anything back. I stood there, crossed my arms and looked at her. Rufus came and looked at her too. Rufus must have thought that she was a new person to get to know. He leapt onto her shoulder, you know how he does." I giggled again.

"Ha ha ha, I can just imagine! She hates cats and isn't used to any animals getting close to her, apart from Emmett."

"Rufus was really confused when she started screaming and jumping around, he just latched on more firmly, with his claws."

"Is he ok, she didn't hurt him did she?"

"No he luckily detached himself when I whistled. I fed him a treat and told him he was a good boy. Can we train him up to attack Rose again?" I chuckled evilly...man I must be losing it!

"Did she say why she came to the house?" Jasper asked.

"No, with the snooty way she was acting, I wasn't just going to let her in the door. After Rufus climbed on her, she wasn't willing to say anything sensible and I shut the door hoping she would just go away. Why she came over here is a complete mystery."

"Ok, I'll sort her out, and tell Emmett to keep her from going off the deep end. She's always been a bit too touchy and highly-strung."

"I call it rude and pushy, but whatever. Do what you need to do. I'm going to run a bath and relax. The computer's internet server is misbehaving at the moment, and I don't have a single idea as to how to fix it, or if it even can be fixed. If I go back anywhere the stupid computer now, I might lose it completely and end up using it as a missile."

"Ok, I've got a great idea, if I call Emmett, is it ok to ask him over to look at it? He's a wizz with all things I.T., he'll get it working in no time."

"I suppose I don't mind Emmett here, as long as Rosalie keeps away, or is completely well behaved, otherwise I'll happily _sic_ Leah and Rufus onto her."

"Cool, that'll be a great solution. Emmett loves this stuff. He works for Google and is a crazy genius when it comes to computers."

"Thanks Jasper, I hope it's fixed soon. I need to send off some more work soon. I don't want to get too far behind, in my work schedule. I really need to complete everything before the babies are born."

"I'm sure it'll be fine babe. Knowing Emmett, he'll upgrade everything and make it top of the line anyway, just cause he has unlimited access to all the best stuff. I'll call him, if he comes over _please_ be nice to him."

"I'll be on my best behaviour, he's already tasted my cooking, so I'll feed him too if he produces the goods and fixes the stupid thing."

"Ok baby, take it easy and I'll send him over to smooth the way for Rose and fix the computer's internet connection."

"Thanks, I love and adore you Jasper."

"I love you too darlin' and these boots are the best ever!"

As I was running the bath and pouring in way too much jasmine-scented oil, when I heard Leah call out from the back door. Marcy raced up the stairs and Rufus started chasing her, pleased to have his playmate back.

"I'm up here Leah."

"Having a bath at eleven in the morning?" she asked quizzically.

"Yeah, you know, I'm stressed and pregnant, what more it there to know?" I shrugged.

"I'll get you some chocolate and a glass of red wine if that'll help."

"I'll just stick to the chocolate, thanks. Hey want to do me a small favour?"

"Sure."

"A guy called Emmett is possibly coming over to look at the computer and the connection with the internet service provider...would you like to hang here, while I'm in the bath and answer the door for me. Make yourself a snack or coffee while you're at it."

"Sure... I never minded seeing you naked in the bath before anyway. Hey...isn't Emmett the one who's married to Rosalie, Jasper's twin?" Leah twigged to his name.

"Yeah he is, Rosalie came over earlier and Rufus tried to jump on her shoulder, which unfortunately didn't go over too well, for her. I'm hoping she's not coming with Emmett, but if she does, will you protect me from her wrath please?"

"Yeah I can do that, no worries at all, especially if I get a brownie as payment."

"Go help yourself, there's a new batch in the fridge! I'm going to put on my music and chill-out, relaxing in the water for a while, ok?"

* * *

After the best bath ever, I made my way downstairs and heard Leah laughing with Emmett and Esme.

"Hey guys, hi Emmett." I smiled as I waddled over and sat down in front of some fruit, crackers and a banana smoothie. Leah or Esme must have made it, ready for me to have as soon as I came downstairs.

"Darling, you've suddenly popped out! The babies must be growing faster than ever!" Esme came over and rubbed my tummy and kissed my hot head. I was all warm and sleepy from the bath. I definitely got super relaxed lying in warm, jasmine-scented bath.

"Have a good bath? You're looking all ready for a nap." Leah said smiling.

"Yeah I feel good and mellow now, but I've got to eat first though. I bit down into an apple and chewed slowly."

"I've sorted the provider for you and made sure you've got all up to date with the best new internet service. I took the chance to double your speed. I brought over a new i Pad too, it's got more grunt and does a lot more stuff. Let me show you."

"Oh Emmett! That's way too much! I only needed to get the internet to connect properly and behave itself, without dropping out." He had really done so much.

"That's all been done, fixed in five minutes and here look."

He placed a new i Pad in front of me and showed me all the bits he had added onto it.

"But I only just got using to my other i Pad." I grumbled quietly.

"Don't worry about it, I've got heaps of stuff like this and I put a new WiFi-modem into your system too, the other one was on its last legs." Emmett smiled.

"But how did you get things to change? Didn't you need my passwords and stuff?"

"No, I put you onto my provider and switched it over for you, as an add on for me. I'll just get you to put in your own password here and then it will be all yours," he showed me my new laptop's screen, asking for a new password. I smiled and shook my head, completely in awe at Emmett's ability.

"Ok." I typed in my favourite Disney character and number. "Thank you Emmett, you are a real life saver! I don't know how to thank you for everything you have just done for me. I can complete my work now, _before_ the babies pop out."

"How long to go?" He asked.

"A few months yet, if all goes well."

"But you look like you're going to have them at any minute!"

"No it's just carrying twins, that's why I look so big."

"Jasper has kept your relationship very quiet. I'm surprised you two are committed and getting married so quickly. That's completely different to how he normally acts around women."

I chuckled and shrugged. "We love and worship each other and can't live apart, what can I say?" I chuckled.

"Have you set a date for the wedding yet?"

"No, but I know it will be a small gathering I was planning on doing some pool-playing on my girl's night. I also want to include a 'death by chocolate experience' too."

"I'm in!" said Leah. "I want to be on whatever team you play on Bella."

"I've never played pool before, is it hard?" Esme asked.

"It might be harder for me, now that I've got a big tummy and have to go the loo every five minutes. But we are aiming for a fun experience, not to win anything. Although depending on how I go, I might get challenged by some guys and take them for a bit of a game and win some money."

"Wow, go Bella! Have you ever played against Jasper? I've got to say, he's got talent when it comes to playing pool."

"Strangely enough, even though I've told him I play pool. He's never mentioned a thing to me about him playing pool, has he Leah?"

Leah chuckled. "He did mention it to me just quietly. He didn't want you to feel bad about him playing pool too; he wants it to be _your_ thing Bella."

"What? That's weird. My thing...I never said I owned it, or was the best at it. I have no title to defend."

"No it's not, Jasper really wants you to enjoy the adulation and your reputation, without him getting in the way of it, 'cause he's good, _really good."_ Emmett said.

"I bet he is and that's great. I want to see him play pool too." I got off my chair and wandered over to the fridge.

"I feel like some lunch. Anyone care for a sandwich? I'm making something ...mm-mm I feel like pickles...pickled gherkins, pickled onions, pickled eggs, and something creamy and sharp, like blue-veined cheese or peppery, like nasturtium flowers or water cress, mustard leaves, capers..."

They all looked at me and started laughing.

I pulled out lots of things inside the fridge and some bread and made up my sandwich. I opened the various pickle jars and looked at the liquid inside...all that vinegary deliciousness...yum!

I picked up the first jar of gherkins and sipped the liquid straight from the jar...oh my! That was amazing! After a few sips I started drinking it in earnest.

Everyone's faces were shocked. Leah got me a glass to pour it into. And I settled on the island bench eating my odd sandwich, and drinking my pickle juice.

"Help yourself guys please, there's other normal stuff for making boring sandwiches."

Emmett and Leah went and helped themselves and Esme held back.

"I heard Rosalie came here earlier." Esme said.

"Yeah she did, and Rufus tried jumping onto her shoulder, but it freaked her out and we never got to talk. I don't really know why she was here."

Esme looked at Emmett.

"She's curious. She wants to meet you, to see who her brother has got attached to, who has made him act so strangely. She just didn't expect to see you, the same woman we met lying in the guest bed at Esme and Carlisle's place." Emmett explained.

"Or the woman her mother pushed into the mud, Rose watching the whole thing, and sneering at me as she walked way."

"She didn't say anything about that, when was that?" Emmett looked surprised.

"At the local farmer's market, on the same day as the hospital fundraiser. I was the one who bought Garrett's chairs, instead of Anthea." I pointed to them sitting out on the deck.

"Oh _the chairs!_ I heard something about that, although the way she and Anthea told it, it was they who were the victims not getting served properly at the stall."

"Yeah, she should go into P.R., sounds like she could spin anything around and make it _the opposite_ of what it really was. The fact of the matter is Emmett, is that Rosalie and Anthea aren't very nice, to us _mere mortals."_

"Yeah my Rose _is_ a bitch and so is my mother-in-law. She tones the bitchiness right down when she takes time to relax and eat properly."

"I like you Emmet and Jasper wants to invite you to the wedding, but I have my reservations about Rosalie coming. I'm worried I won't enjoy the day if she's there. I want a happy day, without any dramas. That's why Caius and Anthea won't be invited."

"Why? Well, apart from the obvious reasons." Emmett said.

"You haven't heard? I guess Jasper has been trying to keep quiet about what happened with his dad the other day."

I took some more bites and chewed slowly, wondering what to say to Emmett and Esme.

"Please tell me what happened, Bella dear. I really want to know." Esme said quietly touching my shoulder.

So I told them exactly what happened, word for word, without embellishments, trying to stay as calm as I could.

"So you see... Caius thinks I'm trash, Anthea is more than happy to push a pregnant woman out of her way, and Rose is only concerned with her own small view of the world, and selfishly defending what she sees as her place in it."

Esme shook her head, "Caius said he wanted us to adopt the babies, he was strangely correct, at least in _that_ one small way, wasn't he?"

"Yeah, that's what I said to Jasper too." Caius my potential father-in-law had hit that one particular fact, right on the head, even if all the rest of his assumptions were completely wrong.

"What? I don't understand? Aren't these babies yours and Jasper's?" Emmett panicked.

I huffed and looked at Esme. "Want to break the news to Emmett, Esme?"

"Bella has a special arrangement with Carlisle and me, she's our precious surrogate mother, having our babies for us."

"Really? They are like...yours? Even though they are in her? How does that work? Why didn't we get told...wait ...no... that's ok, I kinda get _why _you kept Bella and the babies quiet...but...how...why...when...oh this is doing my head in Esme!"

Esme chuckled, Leah looked at us smiling.

"Emmett, when Bella has the twins, they will legally become Carlisle's and mine, but I'm most honoured, that Bella has wished to keep in close contact with them, as their godmother. And with her impending marriage to Jasper, she will be _even more_ closely related to them than in just a purely, biological way, won't you sweetie?"

"Yeah, I like that, _more than a mother."_

"So it was your eggs, Bella and Carlisle's sperm? Did you have to do the whole ...sex _thing_ with him?"

Esme and I burst out laughing.

"No I would never do that. Esme, maybe you could describe what happened, seeing as Emmett needs a lesson in sperm retrieval and placement. Needless to say, it was one of those times when you and Rose came crashing into the room. I was waiting for Carlisle's happy little swimmers to go up and meet and greet my egg, or eggs, which is what actually happened."

"Oh...you were there lying in that bed with Carlisle's jizz up inside your ...ahhh, womanly bits?" Emmett was going red, trying to use appropriate words for the situation.

I giggled, he was cute, but at least trying to wrap his head around the whole surrogate thing.

"Yes, I had to be horizontal for a while, to help the sperm get there. I didn't want to end up with you two ravenous beasts in the bed. It took a lot of shouting and waving to get your attention, remember?"

"Yeah, sorry about that, we always have trouble keeping our hands off each other, when we're in the mood."

There was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it Bella," Leah said.

Leah moved in a graceful, fluid motion towards the front door. She opened it and went out through it, shutting it behind her.

"Wonder who that is?" I said and bit into the delicious pickle and blue-veined cheese concoction. Heaven!

"Esme, please I want you to eat something, you need to be strong for the babies, remember once they get here, you'll be run off your feet, and probably won't have time to cook and eat properly." I smiled at her.

She smiled back and went over to make a sensible peanut butter and salad sandwich.

The door opened... and in walked a _very quiet, contrite looking Rosalie,_ following behind Leah. I quirked my eyebrows, I wonder what Leah had said to her?

"Rosalie has something she wants to say to you Bella, do you want to listen to her?"

I nodded and continued eating.

"Bella...I'm sorry I've not been very nice to you. I'm sorry I don't know how to act like...a caring, friendly human being. I'm so, so sorry that you had to meet me and see me like that. I want to ask if you'll _please_ let me get to know you and maybe one day I can earn your forgiveness? I'm not really very good at being friends with anyone. I can't go on _always_ pushing people away. Its beginning to get really lonely, I want to get to know the woman who has managed to transform my brother Jasper."

I stood up and waddled over to her tall frame, looking up at her tear-streaked face and red-rimmed, watery eyes.

"It must have been hard for you, going all the way to Canada when you were only seven. Sounds like you didn't have a close friend like Pete, which Jasper had, to see you through the hard times. You were left all alone and friendless, so, so far away from your home and everything you knew, in another country." I murmured sympathetically.

She nodded, tears starting to fall.

"You want a friend? I can be one for you, if you just let me in and stop worrying about always having to fight and defend yourself. I promise I'm not going to hurt you Rosalie." I took her hand and held it.

"Bella please forgive me, I really want a friend, and I really want a sister-in-law to hang out with."

"Garrett O'Keefe taught me how to forgive, and I'll let you into a secret, I've _already_ forgiven you Rosalie. Come on over here and eat something. Feel like a smoothie, tea, or coffee? How about a sandwich?"

The look on her face was one of surprise, I pulled her over to the stool next to mine and sat her down. Emmett jumped up and gave her a kiss and put his plate in front of her, he winked and I smiled at him.

She was still in shock as she picked up the sandwich and started eating.

She swallowed.

She blinked at me and put her food down.

"You've forgiven me already? How...why? I've been nothing but a bitch to you, how could you forgive me so easily?"

"I just decided to forgive you, as it's a whole lot easier than hanging on to the pain and carrying _that_ burden on my shoulders. I can only change myself. I have no power to change you, or anyone else." I said quietly.

"Oh..." She bit into her sandwich again, and sipped a banana smoothie Leah poured for her.

Rosalie's face smoothed out and she looked calm and a little more relaxed. Maybe Emmett was right, the food really_ did_ help her.

At that moment one of the babies gave me a big kick. And I jumped in my seat. I closed my eyes and gently rubbed at the little foot that was poking me. Another hand came and touched the baby too. I smiled and opened my eyes.

Rosalie looked entranced.

"They're twins, just like you and Jasper, six months along and hopefully there's a few more to go, before they are born."

She bent down and kissed my tummy, right on the little foot still poking me.

"Bella they're so precious!"

I nodded.

"Ok, time to go to the loo again, sorry I've get up, they are squashing my tiny bladder." Rosalie stood up and I waddled off to the loo under the stairs.

I sat down and pondered the sudden and strange turn of events. Looking up at the beautiful print Jasper had placed on the wall of the tiny toilet room.

I wonder what Jasper and Leah said to Rose, to make her change her mind about me?


	33. Chapter 33

**SM owns Twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter thirty two.**

Yesterday passed by in a curious way.

The morning was all angst and drama, the afternoon the exact reversal...joy, peace happiness and a strange change in Cullen family dynamics.

I have two new friends now...Rose and Emmett...who would have guessed? Not me! But life is sometimes _far stranger than fiction._

Surprises lie behind every corner and they change everything you always thought you knew was an undeniable fact, set in stone, unchangeable and unchanging...I mean take Rose as an example.

Here I was thinking she was an evil twin, to my hot man Jasper, but in reality, it seems she had been stuck in a painful period of her life. She still felt the same way inside, as that deserted, abandoned seven year old...the one who didn't trust anyone, who thought she had to fight and defend herself, to stay alive in an unfriendly world.

Somehow yesterday I saw her in there, that abandoned kid living inside a woman's body. When I acknowledged her pain and offered her what she wanted most in the world, _a friend,_ something changed in her, something profound, real and beautiful.

For dinner, Angela joined our group, and we all cooked and ate leisurely, joking around and talking about the day's strange turn of events. I snapped some shots and sent them to Jasper, who was missing out on the great food and conversation.

Much to my surprise, Emmett and Rose decided to have a sleep-over here with me... just like friends do, and we all hung out like a bunch of teens. Rose admitted she had never been to a sleep-over before, and I told her how to pull the sofa-bed out and handed her a bunch of sheets, blankets and pillows and went off to bed.

I have moved my web work onto the kitchen island bench and everything was working smoothly as it should.

I _finally _send Aro a big chunk of work that had dropped out yesterday morning, and which I had thought was lost forever. Luckily Emmett found it quickly and I gave it a final once-over, looking through it for any big errors or omissions.

I was very impressed the internet speed, Emmett is truly a wizz. I managed to find a few small typos, but nothing too serious.

I hold my breath...I click...sending it off to Aro and Gianna, his wonderful P.A. with a note warning them that it's _only_ the first draft, and that it will need some of their feedback and adjustments, to get the site perfect. I really want their thoughts on how it looks and if they like the layout, and interactivity to allow students and teachers to communicate more easily.

I make some toast and tea and have a big stretch, sleeping and sitting are getting so uncomfortable now-a-days. That's why I got up at four am. sleep was alluding me.

I take my tea outside onto the deck, dawn is breaking and I'm struck by the clear, cloudless, sky showing all the colours which we usually miss,, due to the heavy clouds that blanket Forks. I take some more stretches and deep breaths. The air is cold and fresh, the day is going to be a beauty.

I can't imagine just how big I'm going to get, I already wobble and waddle around, off-balance all the time.

I'll probably end up as big as a whale. I won't be able to shave my legs easily, unable to see what I'm doing because of the bump. I might cut myself, trying to do it blind. Maybe I could go get waxed? That could save me at least a few weeks of not worrying about my hairy legs.

Thank heavens Jasper never seems to mind me and my various bodily changes. My stretch marks, big boobs, aching feet and calf muscles, aching back, sudden crying episodes, and of course my restlessness while sleeping...oh and not to mention, my miniscule bladder, the heartburn and odd cravings.

I should stop feeling sorry for myself and be grateful! I pull out the journal Garrett gave me and start writing.

*I am grateful I have good health and both the babies growing well.

*I am grateful to have made two new friends, and look forward to spending time were them.

*I am grateful for seeing the sunrise today, which is a rare treat for Forks.

*I am grateful Rufus no longer scares Rosalie, and that Emmett totally gets a kick out of having Rufus ride around on his shoulders. I took a picture of him and Rufus together and sent it to Jasper.

*I'm very, very grateful for the computer and internet finally working so fantastically, thanks to Emmett. I will be able to finish Aro's work much earlier than I thought. Yay!

*I'm grateful Jasper will be back today and I'm excited that I'll see him again. I love him so much. I want to be with him, it hurts when he's away...even if it is for only one night.

I sent a text to him. It was still early and he could be asleep, or maybe somewhere setting up gear to capture the clear morning sky and the rare sunrise. A minute later he texted back, he was half way up a cliff and couldn't talk, waiting for the perfect shot of the sunrise over the Sound.

I feel like making something delicious for breakfast...French toast and warm, fruit compote and to finish it off a thick, Greek yogurt. I might make a delicious, banana smoothie too, Rosalie seemed to like the one she had yesterday, and heaven knows she needs the nutrition. She's as thin as a whippet and as been a nervous wreck for most of her life, due to not eating.

I awkwardly rose up from Garrett's chair and waddled inside, to make a yummy breakfast for my guests.

Half way through the preparation, Rose came downstairs looking all sleepy and well rested. I smiled at her and passed her a smoothie. I continued with the mixed berry compote and French toast. I had put some yogurt in a cheese cloth and wrung out all the extra moisture, making it a much thicker and more concentrated consistency.

"Hey Rose, can I ask if you know how to wax someone? My legs are hard for me to reach now and I'm looking a bit hairy. I've got a home waxing kit you could use on me, if you feel brave."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes. "I'd prefer to take you to a good beautician for the waxing, they are really quick and do it all the time. I'd only make you scream and muck it up, I'm sure."

I nodded and started frying the French toast. "Ok, do you know a good place around here? I've only ever been to one spa in California."

"There's a nice one in Port Angeles. Can I take you there, as my treat?"

"Ok sure, I wonder if they'll be able to fit us in this morning, before Jasper comes home? Do you think Esme would like to come too?"

"Yeah, that would be nice. I've got to repair our relationship. I realized last night I've been _really horrible_ to her for years, and she's been nothing but kind and nurturing to me, Edward and Jasper. Treating us just like her own children and loving us all, regardless how badly we used to treat her."

I murmured my agreement.

She continued, "I owe her and Carlisle so much, and need to earn their forgiveness too. It's time for me to grow up and face my victims. I've never worried about other people's feelings before, but now I'm so embarrassed and regretful that my actions have caused so much pain." Rose said candidly.

_Wow! Where on earth had the old Rose gone? This woman was full of revelations about herself!_

I smiled at her, "today's a brand new day, and there's the whole, bright future ahead of you to make things right, and to get into a new way of being, a new way of acting and a new attitude to life. Here try this, I made it just for you and I _really like_ how you are when you eat! So _eat _Rosalie, _enjoy it_ and _thank your body_ by nourishing it and looking after it."

I plated up some freshly cooked French toast, berry compote and a quenelle of creamy yogurt. I laid it in front of her, smiling. I handed her a fork and a serviette.

She smelled it and tears came down her face. "It's beautiful, you're beautiful...thank you Bella, thank you for being my friend."

"Try it Rose, tell me how it tastes." I handed her the tissues, as she cut a piece and pushed it through the compote and yogurt, finally putting it in her mouth.

"Oh my god! It's divine! Perfect!" Her eyes rolled and she moaned.

She had some more and I turned back to the stove and made some more for me and Emmett, chuckling at Rose happily enjoying the food.

I was so glad she was eating, if she ate, her personality wasn't so hard and edgy. It modified her mood substantially, and I started wondering if there was something else going on with her blood and brain chemistry, to cause such mood swings for her in relation to food.

Maybe it was _exactly_ as Esme had said to me six months ago. Rose was constantly starving herself, in order to try and fit into an unrealistic, underweight ideal for a model, and this alone had caused her to be difficult and unhappy.

It had lost her friends, it had damaged her prospects, it was a damaging way to behave, and I wondered at the long term damage to her general health and well being.

I put Emmett's and my food onto plates and went and poured her some more banana smoothie. She had finished and looked happy and satisfied.

"Here's Emmett's breakfast, want to take it up to him? Does he like coffee or tea?"

"Coffee, one and white."

"I'll make him a flat-white coffee, but I'll eat this first while it's still hot."

"Thanks Bella that was the most wonderful breakfast I've eaten! I've never eaten breakfast in years... I don't know why, but I feel _so_ much better and calmer. It's a great way to start the day, thank you. Ok, enough talking! I'll go give this to Emm, and get organised for a booking to the spa with you and Esme."

I settled into eating my second breakfast and switched on the coffee machine for Emmett.

I filled up the water, added the ground coffee and tamped it down firmly. I warmed the milk in the microwave and got a cup ready to catch the drips, as the hot steamy water, slowly ran down though the coffee to seep into the cup below, espresso style. I poured the warmed milk into the cup and added one spoon of sugar. It was a perfect, flat-white coffee.

Slowly I made my way upstairs to the spare room, and knocked. Emmett was sitting up in bed with an empty plate and a smiling Rose.

"Here Emmett, a flat-white with one sugar."

"Thanks, that was great French toast, you should think about opening up a cafe."

"No I only like cooking when I feel like it, not as a job. Although... if I ever get desperate, I'll try it, it might pay better than cleaning."

"Well, once you marry Jasper you'll never have to worry about money. If you don't feel like working, you won't need to." Rose said very matter-of-factly.

"Oh?" I asked. Jasper and I had never bothered talking about money. I wasn't worried about finances at the moment and it never seemed to be an issue between us.

"Yeah Jasper and I are both able to access our inheritance now. We had to wait till we turned twenty five, and that was last year on November the sixth."

My eyebrows went up through my hairline.

November the sixth was the first time I met Jasper in the supermarket, when we had that curious conversation, about how to select the right chocolate for someone.

_It was his birthday. _

_Rosalie's birthday._

"Well happy, belated birthday Rose!" I smiled and Rosalie came up, and hugged me. I hugged her back.

I was hugging Rosalie and actually _enjoying_ the experience and she was crying again, in a happy sort of way.

"I'm going to get dressed and get ready for the day. Do you still want to go to the spa, or do you want to do something else?" I asked.

I wasn't sure if she was in an emotionally stable condition to visit a spa, or get behind a wheel and drive anywhere.

"Well I was thinking about spending time here with you. If you just want some quick waxing, how about I call a local, mobile beautician that I know? She can come here. I'll still pay her as my treat to you. I went to the spa recently and don't really need another trip."

"I guess that would be ok, is she nice?" I wondered who it was.

She shrugged, "she does a good job and she's quiet. I've never really talked to her before. I've got her card in my bag here, I'll call her."

I looked at the card 'Rachel Black mobile beautician.'

Wow, I haven't seen Rachel for ages! She was Jacob's older sister. I thought she had gone off to Hawaii to get married to a surfer, or was that her twin sister Rebecca? I couldn't remember.

I wondered how the Black family and the rest community down at the La Push reservation were doing? Were things better or worse? Did the new rules about keeping alcohol out of the community, still work ok, or had things lapsed for them?

Seth still came by here to mow my yard and check up on the hens, but he didn't have much to say, about the goings-on at La Push. Maybe Rachel could tell me how things were going?

"Sure give Rachel a call. I've met her before, I'm not sure if she's the twin who went off to college, or the one who went off to get married in Hawaii."

"Wow she's a twin too? Cool, I've got something in common with her!" Rose sounded pleased.

"I'll go get in the shower. If you want to have one too, there are clean towels in the linen cupboard. The hot water system is not too big, it runs cold after ten minutes, so I'll keep my shower short, down to two or three minutes."

"Huh, maybe I'll go shower at Esme and Carlisle's? Then you can have a longer shower and enjoy yourself." Emmett offered.

"Thanks Emmett, but I don't need a long shower." I disappeared into my room; Rufus was lounging in the sun by the window, looking happy to have my bed all to himself.

I grabbed my soft, comfortable sarong, in a gold and white, Indonesian ikat-weave. I decided to wear a pale, buttery-yellow, long-sleeved tee, and soft cotton, maternity bra and knickers.

My shower was short; I knew my visitors would have preferred to have a long, endless shower, instead of a short one, like me.

One day soon I should update the bathroom and install a new, hot water system. I'd heard that bottled gas was good and provided continuous hot water. I already cooked with gas, it shouldn't take much to change it over to also heat water with the gas too.

* * *

Emmett left suddenly, as soon as it looked like Rose was thinking about getting him waxed too.

I lay on my side on Rachel's beautician's table, which was set-up in the middle of the living area getting my legs waxed. Rachel and I chuckled and chatted, Rose watched on, smiling.

Rachel was a complete hoot and kept me laughing, even when I had to hold my thigh awkwardly and it hurt.

"You're doing well, not much more to go. Roll over to your back and we'll do the last little bits." Rachel smiled, wiggling her eyebrows.

Well those '_last little bits'_ meant that I had to hold my knees, spread wide against my sides, as she swiped the warm wax on and ripped it off and I screamed like a wild banshee.

I'm _sure_ that even the people walking down the Main Street, must have heard me!

Jasper opened the door and came racing in, looking frantic like I was in imminent, mortal danger.

I closed my legs shut quickly, before Jasper got a close look at my half-naked labia.

Rachel laughed harder, much to my intense mortification!

Rose got up and went over to Jasper to reassure him that I wasn't dying.

He looked all wind blown and wild, but wouldn't take Rose's word that I was alright, until he came over and saw me with his own eyes.

"Jasper I'm fine. Really, it's just a little hair, please don't panic."

"But you screamed so loud! I thought something terrible had happened!" He admitted.

"I'm fine... just give me a kiss and go have a shower or something, while I get the other side done." I murmured into his ear.

Jasper didn't look entirely convinced.

"Believe me... I'm fine, just do something for me Jasper."

"What?"

"Give me your belt."

"Why?" He said taking it off anyway, before I gave him an explanation as to my strange request.

"Because I want to bite down hard onto it. Now off you go, upstairs, away from all of this scary girl stuff."

"Can't I stay to hold your hand?" he looked at me, pleading.

"No!" said Rose and Rachel at the same time.

"Well...ok, but _**no looking!"**_ I huffed.

Heck! You think I would let him see _anything_ after all the hot, sexy stuff we got up to, but strangely enough I couldn't let him see _this!_

"Ah sure baby, I'll just look at you and hold your hand, squeeze as hard as you like I can take it!" he reassured me.

"Just give me the belt, I huffed, put it in my mouth and bit down on it. I pulled his hand into mine and nodded to Rachel to go ahead to finish the other side."

"Hey Jasper keep your eyes up on Bella's face!" Rose ordered.

Jasper bit on his lip and I closed my eyes as I felt Rachel swipe the wax and then rip. I jumped and loudly groaned, tears springing forth.

Jasper couldn't help himself glancing down, just before Rachel managed to soothe me with the cooling gel. He grimaced and gritted his teeth.

"What did you do to yourself?"

"It's just a little hair removal Jasper, nothing to worry about!"

"Sweet Jesus Bella, it looks so red and sore. You know you don't need to do that for me. Want me to kiss it better baby?" He was _still_ incorrigible!

"Jasper, you need to go upstairs and let me and Rachel finish this off. Here's your belt back, thanks."

"Huh, you left bite marks in the leather!"

"Sorry, but it was worth it. I didn't make quite so much noise that time."

"Why do women always do this to themselves? It looks horrific, and uncomfortable." Jasper looked kinda shocked.

_Surely_ he must have seen naked, hairless women before?

Body hair wasn't fashionable on women these days, and I liked being hairless.

"Jasper, it saves me trying to shave. I can't see or reach everywhere at the moment, and it's only going to get worse as my tummy grows bigger."

"Bella babe, please promise me you're alright, I'm worried about you."

I giggle, "Jasper please stop worrying and go chill-out upstairs, or onto the deck with a beer. Rose, can you drag him away and look after him for me, until I get off the table?"

She laughed and pulled her twin away into the kitchen and got him a cold beer out of the fridge.

Rose looked like a completely different woman, laughing, sweetly chatting and fussing over her traumatized, twin brother.

Rachel helped me up, after applying an icepack and slathering me all over with soothing, aloe-vera gel. I just slipped my sarong back on, there was no way I was going to be putting knickers on until my skin had calmed down.

"Thanks Rachel, I'll call you for another appointment. So you're back in La Push now?"

"We moved back from Hawaii to help dad now that Jake is in rehab. My husband hates the cold, but our kids love it. I've started making some tribal, dance outfits for our group who are attending the big regional, inter-tribal, dance competition in Seattle soon."

"That's so great! Would Jasper be allowed to photograph the gathering and competition? He's a professional who would be useful to the tribe and document the revival of the dancing traditions. Hey Jasper, Rachel has some potentially interesting and very local stuff for you to shoot."

Jasper's eyes lit up and he and Rachel swapped numbers and I made some lunch.

Rose came up to me.

"You have really changed Jasper! He's such a doting, caring man now. He hates to see you in pain. What's he going to be like during the birth? It might kill him to see you in labour!"

"Yeah well, Esme and Carlisle will be there and he'll either have to suck it up, or leave the room. Maybe I could borrow his leather belt? There's a good chance I'll need to have a Caesarean anyway, so I might not be doing a lot of screaming, if that's the case."

"I'm going to make a Mexican bean dip and a big salad, with some corn-chips and my special salsa, want to help me make it?"

"I guess, but I've never cooked before, will you show me how?"

"Sure Rose, I can show you...but what do you mean... you've_ never _cooked?"

"Exactly that, I was never shown. I didn't eat much anyway. We always ate out, or had staff to cook for us, when I was growing up. I don't think my mother even knows where her kitchen is; let alone how to use anything in it!"

"Ok can you get some large plates and forks for us and set them along the bench there? Then get some tall glasses, I'll get us some ingredients for you to make the sangria, how's that? No cooking involved, yet its very tasty!"

"Rachel, wanna stay here for lunch?"

"Hell yeah! You have to be better at cooking, than me. I've heard Seth and the guys rave about your mad skills in the kitchen. Pass me a knife and a chopping board; I'll chop up something for you."

Jasper put on some Mexican music and we danced a little, before I got back into making something yummy for lunch with my two new home girls and my beautiful man.

It was so good to have Jasper back home.


	34. Chapter 34

**SM owns twilight.  
**

**Please note: this chapter contains sexually explicit material. It is M rated people, just sayin'!  
**

* * *

**Chapter thirty three.**

"It so good to see you again honey, I never got to ask if you got any good shots over the last two days?" I smiled as I watched Jasper come out of the shower and start dressing for bed.

"Yeah heaps. I'm glad we can relax now that everyone's gone. Let me inspect all of that nasty redness. Can I put some aloe-vera gel on for you baby?"

"I guess, but I don't think we should have too much wild sex yet, friction makes the poor, traumatized follicles flare up."

"Oh...it's like _that_ is it? How about I just do this then?" Jasper chuckled, squeezing the gel out onto his fingers and pulling off my sarong, in one move.

I chuckled.

"I think I need to give this area a lot of gentle consideration, mmm, you're so soft and swollen for me baby, so wet, always so wet."

He tenderly applied the gel all around and then thrust his fingers up and deep inside me.

I moaned. It always felt so good, even now, when I was tender from being waxed. He trust and curled one hand into my g-spot, his thumb stimulating my clit.

He knew me so well, and got me going in a few seconds.

I squeaked and he kissed me hard, as I came on his hand, squirting like I always did. He pulled out and sucked his fingers. Jasper swore that the fluid I squirted tasted sweet and was his very favourite flavour in the world.

I reached down and pulled his pyjama pants down, mm-mm, his skin so silky and the shaft so hard. His head was weeping already, swollen and bobbing, calling out for me to love him.

I gently ghosted up and down his 'slugger' with my finger tips, and swiped his soft mushroom-shaped head and repeated the movement.

His eyes rolled back in his head and I chuckled... "Like that Jasper? Want some more?"

I pushed him back onto the bed and moved down his body, to gently hold his shaft. I licked all round his sweet head and placed him into my mouth. Swirling my tongue around him and watching his face, glowing.

I loved giving Jasper head. He loved me giving it to him.

I had gotten a whole heap of tips, about how to give Jasper great oral from Leah. It used to be her specialty in college, before she decided to fall head over heels for Angela. Crazy lady!

He loved getting a bit of stimulation around his balls, perineum and ass.

I moaned and hollowed out my cheeks sucking and flicking my tongue against his head again.

I reached down and gathered some of the moisture around my slit and used it to lubricate my index finger. I sucked firmly as I simultaneously pushed up into his hole, moving my finger in further and harder.

He thrust up into my mouth a couple of times before cumming hard.

The muscles around his hole spasmed around my finger, his hot semen shot down my throat.

I swallowed quickly. I was never that excited by the taste, unlike Jasper was about mine.

* * *

"Jasper what did you say to Rose, to get her to change her mind and attitude _so_ dramatically?"

"I'm not sure, I think that whatever it was that I said, somehow made sense to her and she must have been _ready_ to hear it. That and maybe Esme, Emmett and Carlisle laying it on the line for her, also probably helped."

"Leah wouldn't let her in the door here yesterday, until she'd given her a piece of her mind too, and probably threatened her with bodily harm on top of that." I thought out loud.

"Good for Leah!" Jasper smirked.

"When Rose came through the door, she said she was really tired of being lonely and never having any friends. Maybe she was really ready to change and not always be in the offensive position. I'm getting her interested in food and eating, learning how to hang and, laugh and chat about silly stuff. Not be so serious and stressed all the time." I admitted, it would be good if she could relax all the time.

"When I back got here, after I got over the shock of hearing you scream. I found Rose acting like my old twin again. The happy, friendly, relaxed person that I used know, until our parents split us up and sent us away from one another."

"Jasper? I know it's a tradition in some families, but _why_ did your parents send you and Rose off to boarding school at seven?"

"I don't know, they never said and I never asked. My guess is that they were unhappy and didn't know the first thing about raising kids, let alone playing happy families. It was probably easier for them, to let other people do the job of caring for us and educating us."

"Carlisle and Esme won't send the babies away to a boarding school. I know I have no real say in the matter, but they won't send them away will they, especially at such a tender age?" I might have to stage an intervention, if that was the case!

"I seriously doubt it! Once they have the babies in their arms, Esme and Carlisle won't be able to part with them for all the money in the world, or all the fancy education they could receive somewhere else. I'm pretty sure Esme will pledge to never let them out of her sight. The problem will surely be the opposite, that she won't let them _go_ when they are adults. She will have the worst case of empty nest syndrome ever, Carlisle too."

"So tell me more about the Cullen family. I want to know a little about your family's history. Your dad Caius, is the eldest of four boys, right?"

"Yes and Carlisle is the youngest. There are two other brothers who live overseas, who we hardly ever see, and I've got another set of twin cousins called Jane and Alex, whose parents live in Tuscany. They are even weirder than me and Rosalie."

"What do you mean?"

"They rely on each other for _everything. _They live together, work together and have a spooky connection, with which they use to manipulate the world, living out their odd fantasy life."

"I don't understand what kind of fantasy life is that?"

"Don't laugh, they are totally weird and actually think they're vampires. They only come out at night, pretend they are invisible and last time I heard, were into the whole BDSM lifestyle thing and wore hard-core, Goth gear all the time."

"Gee, family gatherings must be a hoot with those two coming along!"

"They have dropped off Esme's radar a while ago and they never want come to family gatherings anymore. I don't blame them really; look at me _avoiding_ my parents like the plague. Carlisle and Esme are like everyone's substitute parents, they are the ones who should have been the lucky ones to reproduce, not my parents or Jane and Alex' parents."

"So there were four sons, where did they come from originally?"

"They grew up in California, in Rio del Mar, on Monterey Bay, with two parents who started off as a fairly normal couple. My grandparents both worked for the local developer, who developed Rio del Mar in the 1920's. I'm not entirely sure what happened, but they suddenly came into a large amount of money when Caius was very small."

"Uh hm." I mumbled

"The money was put into special trust funds and each son got given a substantial amount. They were all educated at a top military academy. To this day, it's a _mystery_ where the money came from."

I listened as Jasper kept talking.

"There was a rumour that before the millionaire/developer died, he asked to see my grandmother who was his ex-maid, rather than his own wife. Maybe there was a long-term thing, going on between them. I do know my Cullen grandfather who still lived in the small, Rio del Mar house until he died recently, never wanted much to do with _any_ of his sons. He and I got on ok though, that's why he left me his funny, little run-down house. Carlisle being nearly twenty years younger than Caius, was the one son who was closest to his dad."

"Huh, sounds like a real family mystery...four sons who weren't that close to their father. I suppose that's not that unusual, but the sudden large sum of money is. Maybe the millionaire guy just liked the Cullens, and wanted them to enjoy life a little?"

"Maybe, but why did my grandfather refuse to spend any of the money on himself, or upgrade to a nicer house. The money only went to the sons."

"Maybe he liked his small house; maybe he didn't need the money?"

"He was a stubborn, little guy until the end. He was as different in looks and personality to his sons, as day from night. He never spent the any of the money, not a penny. He wore rags and had bare feet, ate beans, got drunk and loved to fish. He was short about only 5 foot tall, and had a Latino complexion, due to his own mother's Mexican heritage. His sons were all over six feet tall, blond and blue-eyed. They all looked _remarkably similar_ to the millionaire/developer."

"Wow, do you think that your granny possibly had a long time _thing_ going on with her employer, the millionaire? She had his four sons and they were raised to be rich gentlemen or military men, like your dad? Is that why Caius is so _touchy_ about money and status?" I tried to get my head around this Cullen family mystery.

"Maybe... I don't think Caius' own father, had any time for him, once he worked out that he wasn't biologically related to his son. And Caius didn't have a good opinion of his own mother. My own mother was trapped into a marriage that they _both hated_. Mom never left him, even after he rubbed his philandering ways in her face. My dad always felt he had to _prove himself worthy_. Maybe it's because his biological father and his official father, never accepted him. That's why I think he holds stubbornly onto money and status as his only strengths...his worth...his value in the world...well that's my latest theory, anyway. I could be completely wrong and all four Cullen boys, were an odd quirk of genetic freakishness." Jasper said sadly.

"So do you think the money you and Rose inherited, originally comes from the millionaire?"

"I only know it's a 'family inheritance', but the original source has been disguised and hidden. My best guess is the millionaire, who fathered four boys with the maid, felt guilty and left his money to them. He officially never fathered any children with his wife."

"Ok, so let's get this straight..." I wanted to be sure what it was I was hearing.

"Your grandparents, the Cullens...worked for the millionaire/developer, and lived a seemingly simple and humble married life, until she gets pregnant and pops out a blond, baby boy. They suddenly come into a lot of money."

"Yeah she was called May Cullen and he was called Maurice Cullen. The millionaire was Claus Steiner." Jasper added.

"The millionaire was married, but childless. He looked like uncannily like the four sons his maid gave birth to. And each son was well looked after financially, by this mysterious source of money."

Jasper nodded listening to me; tell his story back to him.

"_Strangely enough_, all four sons were given names starting with the letter C... Caius, Claude, Christophe and Carlisle." He added.

"No! Really? Well that makes sense I guess, May wanted to give her boys _something_ that related to their _real_ father, the first letter of their names...Each of the original parties involved, wanted to hide the truth of who fathered whom. All of them seem to be stuck in marriages, with partners who didn't love them, or cheated on them. So much for love and fidelity, eh?" I thought out loud to myself.

"When you say it like that, it's a wonder Carlisle turned out as well-rounded as he did. I kind of _get_ why my dad, is a complete asshole. It doesn't excuse his behaviour towards you though." Jasper muttered.

"I'm just pleased I'm friends with your twin sister now. I'm still coming to terms with her _sudden_ change in personality. I hope she doesn't flip back to being a bitch. I think food is the key, to keeping her calm and stable."

"Huh, maybe that's the problem with both of my parents? He drinks too much, to bother eating properly and I've never seen my mother ever eat a full meal, in my life. I suspect she has an undiagnosed, eating disorder."

"Well, that's just sad, but I'm glad you like eating Jasper, it makes me happy to watch you eat well."

"It makes you special too, like I told you ages ago just after we first met, that you were the first woman I've ever seen eat and _really_ enjoy it."

"That's not the only thing I enjoy!" I giggled and moved over Jasper to feel his body against mine.


	35. Chapter 35

**SM owns twilight.  
**

**Pleas note this chapter contains some graphic material. Its M rated for a reason people!  
**

* * *

**Chapter thirty four.**

"Bella what are you doing up? It's three in the morning?"

"I had a craving and I didn't want to disturb you."

"Pickled onions and ice cream?"

"Mm the crunch and salty tang, together with the creamy, chocolate orange is amazing, you should try it!"

"No, no, I'll just sit up with you. I woke up from a bad dream. I dreamt you died and I didn't know what to do. I woke up alone in the bed and it gave me a bit of a shock." He said sadly.

"Jasper," I gestured for him to come over onto the couch with me and Rufus.

We snuggled down under a blanket and held each other, as I finished my bowl.

"I'd be lost without you too, if you ever left me. I _really_ need to see a lawyer soon! I can't put off making my will any longer. I want it all sorted...ahh!"

"What was that babe? Are you ok?" Jasper looked worried.

"That one hurt a bit. I've been getting these Braxton-Hicks contractions for a while now; it's always worse at night. Here feel this. It's a head; right down low...can you feel it?"

"Yeah I can! Are you going to be going into labour soon? You're only what... thirty something weeks along aren't you?"

"Thirty four weeks, ohhhh, can you help me up? It's really hurting now; can you rub my back for me please?"

"Sure, sure, do you want me to ring the doctor, or Carlisle?"

"No, I just need to walk around for a little bit and try to get these small, practice contractions settle down and stop. Some women have these Braxton-Hicks contractions for weeks and weeks before the birth, hopefully I'm one of those women, just having _lots_ of practice ones. Ooh!"

"I really think I should call someone." Jasper sounded more serious.

"No, just let me lean on the kitchen bench...there, that's better! Can you just rub my back now please hon?"

I moved my butt and pelvis around, side to side and the feeling of the gravity pulling down on my tummy, and away from pressing against my back was wonderful.

Jasper huffed and ran his hands fast against each other to get some warmth and placed them on my lower back. He started rubbing.

"Mm, that nice, yeah, right there, and down a little, ok, good, now deeper, firmer...good, have I told you lately... that_ I love your beautiful, big hands_? You have magic hands Jasper...ahhh...owww! There's another one!"

Tears started and I bit down hard on my lip, to stop from making noises.

Jasper reached over to his phone sitting on the island bench.

"Carlisle! I've got a problem. I want to take Bella to see someone, I think she's in labour."

_"I am not!_ Its just Braxton-Hicks! It's not time yet! I haven't seen the lawyer! I haven't packed my bag. Ahhhh. Grrrrhhh" I argued in frustration.

"Baby, he and Esme are coming over, just to see if anything is happening ok? Please don't be mad with me. I think they might be proper contractions, not the practice ones."

I was _really_ panicking now! All of my plans, so carefully laid out... were busy flying out of the window. I needed _more time!_ Time to prepare, time to learn more about giving birth...I was probably going to be a _complete failure_ at this!

"I'm not ready, there's so much I need to do? Are the babies' rooms ready yet? What if something bad happens? If I die promise me that you will look after the hens and Rufus, ok?"

"Bella! You're not going to die, I won't let you!" Jasper whispered anxiously.

I moved Jasper around so I could hold onto his neck and I looked him in the eye. I got pulled down by another contraction...or what-ever _it_ was...I bent forward. Trying to ride through the pain...wait! Wasn't I supposed to be keeping track of how far apart they were coming?

I looked around for a clock, I never wore a watch. Damn it!

"I love you so, so much...Jasper hon, just to look after Rufus and the hens promise me? Please? And can you time these pains for me too...?"

He looked back at me in like he was in pain too. I leaned in to kiss him. Luckily I could reach him as he was sitting down at a great height on a kitchen stool, holding onto my waist.

"I'll take care of everything, I promise. Carlisle and Esme are here already, that was fast!"

Esme opened up the door, using her key and they both raced inside, trying to look calm.

"Hey! We came as fast as we could. How are you Bella?"

I shook my head ..."not ready! It's too soon!"

I lowered my head.

_I felt tired already, too tired to do this. Maybe I should just go back to bed?_

"Can you let me have a look at you Bella? I need to see what's going on.

Let's move you over to the couch." Carlisle said calmly.

"Have you got a bag ready for the hospital?" Esme asked.

I shook my head.

"I'll go pack some things for you, ok?" she asked as she took off upstairs.

I nodded.

Jasper helped me lumber over to the couch and helped me sit down.

"How far apart are the contractions, are they strong?"

With that question from Carlisle, another contraction descended on to me, this time getting more intense and stopping me from responding. It _hurt_, and I couldn't do anything until it was over. I just gritted my teeth and tried hard not to call out in pain.

Carlisle got out his stethoscope and listened, and felt around to find one of the baby's heads jammed right down, already engaged in my pelvis.

"I want to see how far you've dilated, can I examine you?"

I huffed and nodded.

Jasper looked distressed. Luckily I wasn't wearing any knickers.

Carlisle put on some gloves and gently went and felt inside me, to see what my cervix was doing. I closed my eyes and a tear come trickling down my face.

The next contraction came as his fingers were still inside of me...holy shit!

I let out a big moan. _Man, that really hurt!_

"You are in labour Bella, and are contracting strongly, the contractions are approximately five minutes apart, and we need to get you to hospital immediately, the babies won't wait! I'm calling ahead to set up the paediatrician and Dr Naidoo, and the anaesthetist and operating theatre if necessary."

"Esme have you got Bella's things? Jasper, can you drive in front of us? We'll follow you into Port Angelus, just drive right up to the front doors at the entrance. Once Bella is out of the car, just find a car park and come in, they'll tell you where we are."

"Ok. Ready?" Carlisle asked me.

"No! Just help me up Jasper...just drive safely! I want to arrive in one piece!" I moaned.

"Sure! Here, let me help you."

Jasper held me under my arms and guided me to the door. I grabbed my backpack with my wallet, keys, i Pad and phone as I made my way to the front door. Esme followed with a bag of _heaven knows what_...I'm sure it would be fine, what ever she packed!

Another contraction halted my lumbering progress, and I finally made it into the car. Jasper decided that Lucia was more suitable, as I had less trouble getting in and out of her seats, whereas his truck was too high for me.

I rang Angela's phone and Leah answered sleepily.

"It's time!" Was all I could say, before I went into another contraction.

"Hold on, we're coming!" Leah gasped.

"I'm on the road with Jasper ...owww!...To the hospital, I'll see you there!" I hung up and doubled over. _Shit_ this was really hurting now!

I tried breathing through the pain. I just wanted to hold my breath, or scream...or both!

Jasper stepped on the gas and I gripped onto the dash board. Thank god I had buckled up. The contraction eased and I closed my eyes and took a breath, laying back a bit in the passenger seat.

"Jasper what ever happens, remember I love you." I said with my eyes still closed.

I didn't really want to see if we were breaking the land-speed record at four a.m. in the morning...god, I hope we don't crash or the cops pull us up and issue us a ticket!

"Your doin, fine baby, just great! I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks, I love you too, more than you know. I'm sorry if I'm weird and eat stupid things! These contractions are probably just a false alarm."

"Its fine baby, just try and rest before the next one comes, ok?"

After another couple of longer, stronger contractions, Jasper magically pulled up at the hospital entrance..._wow he must have really sped! Good thing my eyes were shut!_

Dr Naidoo waited there with a nurse and a wheelchair.

"Thank you Jasper, I'll see you inside soon baby, don't be long!" I kissed him and opened up the door and wobbled, as I got up out of the passenger seat.

I was carefully moved into the wheelchair. I sat my backpack on my lap; it was like my life-preserver.

I waved as he drove off. My heart ached to leave him behind.

Another contraction occurred, as they wheeled me along the corridors. Esme followed me and Carlisle came close behind us. I tried to be quiet, but started whimpering and moaning.

Within a short time, I was taken into a very fancy-looking, birthing suite.

I asked to go to the loo. I suddenly wanted to go _really badly_. And before I knew it I was leaking everywhere! _What the hell?_

"You are fine Bella! Your water looks like its breaking. I want you up on the bed. Just go to the loo in the bed pan, we will put under you, _its fine_. The pressure you feel to go to the toilet... is just the baby's head pressing down on your bowel and bladder. It's completely normal, her we go... just let us put you on the pan. We can start to monitor the heartbeats and contractions you're having."

Before I could answer, I was placed on the bed, a bed-pan under me.

I was strapped to some machines, and a drip inserted into my forearm and my bladder and bowels suddenly let loose... or maybe it was just a huge lot of amniotic fluid, I don't know because they quickly came and cleaned me up, and I didn't get to see what I had just released.

"Its ok, it's ok! You're doing great Bella! Have you finished there? It's normal, completely normal, just breathe slowly...good." Dr. Naidoo said calmly.

I was lifted up and wiped down with a cleaning solution, bright lights were being shone onto me. I closed my eyes and breathed.

Dr Naidoo examined me.

"Very good, you are fully dilated _already!_ I'm going to get you to push as soon as the next contraction occurs."

I kept my eyes closed and took some breaths.

I could hear my babies' heartbeats loudly in the room, coming from the speakers in the monitor.

I focused on them, and only on them.

A part of me, picked up all of the comings and goings inside the room, as people and gear got situated, ready for the twin's delivery.

I blocked them all out and just listened to the babies.

_The babies._

I slowed down my breaths and listened.

Their tiny beats kept me going.

A contraction started and I felt a pushing sensation, and held my breath and held onto someone's hand and gave a big push, leaning forward.

People all around me were talking _at_ me, and _to_ me and instructing me to _do things_.

I couldn't focus on any of them.

I let my breath go and relaxed a little.

"Good work, the first baby's head is crowning! Next contraction you push again, ok?"

I nodded, my eyes closed and focusing on the burning sensation, I was being stretched _wide _to let him, or her out. Owww!

The next contraction slammed me hard and I just held onto that hand in mine... and _pushed_ like a pro. I could feel the baby's body slide out of me, and the burning slow down.

"It's a boy!" And then I heard a baby's tiny, thin cry. I looked up at the small body being held aloft, for the nurse to gather up and wrap in a warm blanket.

There was a lot of talking and someone was crying. I closed my eyes and felt some relief. At least _one_ of the babies was alive and seemed fine!

Now I had to wait for my next contraction, a special, little girl needed to come into the world. Her heart was still beating on the monitor. It reassured me.

I opened my eyes, I was tired, really tired.

I saw Jasper leaning against the farthest wall, looking like he was in terrible pain.

Esme and Carlisle were watching another doctor and a nurse work on the baby boy that I had just given birth to.

"Jasper!" I mumbled, reaching out to him.

He came over to me and I pulled him into kiss me. I wanted him to know I loved him.

I kissed his lips softly, as another contraction came upon me groaned, and he started to move away. "Please don't go Jasper, I need you." I murmured.

"Ok, I'll stay." He muttered.

I felt better with him by my side.

"Come on Bella push!" Dr Naidoo ordered.

I held my breath and squeezed down, my poor muscles were exhausted, and I was covered in sweat and couldn't focus properly.

I relaxed once the contraction ended, and lay back on the pillows.

Jasper's hand...slipped out of mine...and down and away.

I opened my eyes to see him fall back fainting, right onto the floor.

"Don't worry about him! Just focus on pushing hard! The next one is coming! He'll be absolutely fine! Just leave him there!" Dr Naidoo yelled out.

"He just fainted right?" I asked.

"Yeah men do it all the time, now get ready! I want you to push, push hard, great! _Push, push...good! __**More!"**_

"You're doing well!" A nurse came up and wiped my brow. "Just listen to that heartbeat she's a really strong baby!"

I started crying.

I was too tired to continue...

I wanted to sleep...

I wanted to stop this and get up off this table and go home!

The kind nurse looked at me and wiped my eyes. "I know your tired darling; you are stronger than you think! This little girl is going to be born and she'll have such a wonderful mother."

I cried some more, the nurse didn't know that I was _never_ going to call this baby mine, _Esme was her mother_. I was just the surrogate!

As I wailed louder, another contraction came.

I pushed and she slid out _fast_... we both cried like screaming banshees.

We woke up poor Jasper, who still lay on the floor.

"She's got a good set of lungs for such a little thing! Look she's beautiful, and look at all of that beautiful, dark hair, just like you!" The nurse said, trying to make me feel better.

I howled and howled. Shaking my head in grief.

It would _never be __**me**__ who _they called mother!

_Never be me that cuddled and fed and rocked them to sleep, and sang them lullabies to settle them._

I cried louder as I spiralled down, into my grief.

_Never to be mine!_

Jasper came up and brushed back my sticky hair off my forehead, as I cried he kissed me and whispered things to me that I couldn't make sense of...

I felt so, so exhausted, so lightheaded. I closed my eyes and the darkness overcame me.

.

.

.

.

.

I felt a warm presence close to me.

I saw a beautiful woman with a big smile and long black hair. Holding a beautiful, orchid lei.

She came closer and put the lei over my head.

Looking deeply into my eyes and holding me in a loving embrace.

_'Granddaughter, it's good to see you, my sweet little blossom, such a big part of you is missing. You need to rest.'_

I closed my eyes and sighed at peace in her arms.

.

.

.

.

.

I felt her near me again and I opened my eye to see her smiling at me again.

_'Nanna!'_

_'Bella, it's time to decide. You can stay here with me, no more pain, or worries. Or you can head back and face your life. You have run out of time you need to choose now...otherwise it will be too late... will you chose to stay here or go back?'_

_'Where am I?'_

_'In heaven.'_

_'Oh, its so nice to see you! I cook your recipes all the time.'_

_'I know, I watch you all the time... so you want to __**stay**__ here, or __**go**__ back?'_

_.  
_

_Go back?_...the last few hours of my time in hospital played in my head...the pain, the babies, the crying, Jasper! Oh my god! Jasper! My Jasper ...I forgot Jasper!

I plummeted back down, down, down... the cold and heaviness hit me as I slammed back into my body.

My limbs twitched as I got hit by an electrical charge from the heart-starter paddles.

My heart started beating again, inside my chest and on the monitor, and I took in a deep breath.

Opening my eyes, it was _so blurry_ and difficult to see, compared to where I had just come from.

"Ok people she's back! Let's get her into the ICU for observation. I'll set up another unit of blood, she's lost a lot."

"Welcome back Bella, you gave us quite a scare!" a familiar man's voice said to me.

"Carlisle?"

"Yeah I'm here, it's me in the scrubs, see?" He pulled down his mask to smile at me.

"Jasper and the babies?"

"Everyone is good, well Jasper is worried sick, but he will be _so_ happy to know that you are back with us. The babies...are in NICU, doing as well as could be expected. The little girl needs a bit of help ...but so far, so good though. You did really well."

"Oh"...I closed my eyes and drifted off. I felt the bed move and footsteps following me, walking beside the bed, which I was laying on. Mumbled, murmuring...saying things I couldn't follow.

* * *

The room was dim and I was propped up with a heap of pillows, a drip in each arm and someone sleeping in an arm-chair near the bed. It was too dim to see who it was.

There were machines close by blinking and flickering, the sound turned off.

I tried stretching and yawning. I must have slept.

I wondered what time it was...I was thirsty. I saw a jug next to the bed. I'd get myself a drink, if I could shuffle over and reach.

Ouch! Man my poor bits were _so_ sore!

Guess that's what I get, for giving birth to twins! I'll never be the same down there again! I realized I was wearing a super-duper, thick, sanitary pad down there..._great!_ I _forgot_ about the blood too!

I _hate_ blood!

A nurse came in and smiled.

"Hi could I get some water please, I'm patched?"

"Sure hon, I'm glad you're awake. If you're feeling up to it you might like to have a shower and freshen up." She poured me the water and passed it to me.

I held it with shaking hands, my strength was all gone.

"I'm all shaky, can you help me? I think I'm about to spill it."

Jasper unfurled himself from the chair and came over to the bed.

"I'll do it, here baby."

He reached out and took the tumbler out of my hands. Coming closer to me and giving me little sips, like he would to a toddler.

"Thanks Jasper!"

"You're welcome darlin'."

The nurse looked at me as she finished writing in her notes. "Want to try getting up and trying to have a shower?"

"If I have someone help me. I'm worried I'll fall over, I feel so shaky and weak."

"That's ok; I'll come in and help you. There's a seat in the shower so you can just sit down, or hold you can hold onto one of the safety bars."

Jasper looked disappointed, but I think a nurse would be maybe better able to cope with all the blood and manoeuvring it would take to get me into and out of a shower with the two drips still attached to me.

I nodded to her.

"Have you got a bag of fresh things to put on?" the nurse asked.

I didn't know..._did I?_

"Here babe, Esme gave me this. Want me to give it to you?"

"Thanks I have no idea what she packed. Let's see...ok, big knickers, soft cotton tee-shirt and pyjama bottoms. I suppose a bra is important. And I'll take this toiletry bag in with me. It looks like she's included a big pack of these lovely, chunky surfboards...nice!

The nurse chuckled and Jasper looked confused.

I waved a thick, white, maternity pad around in the air, "really chunky see?"

"Oh...right!" he looked all embarrassed, poor guy.

"Jasper, why don't you go home and have a rest, or maybe go down to the cafeteria, for something to eat, while I go and do this?"

"Ahh, sure, are you going to be ok? I'll just go grab a coffee, and see if I can find where Leah has got to."

"She's here?" wow, I had forgotten about Leah being my birthing partner/helper/go-to girl.

"Yeah, she hasn't left the hospital yet, and wanted me to go home for a rest too, while she watched you. She's determined not to leave you, just like me."

"Thanks darl. Just go chill. I'll be fine, won't I nurse?"

She nodded.

"Give Rose a call, and Char too, they'll want to know what's happened. And if you want something else to do, call Aro and Steve. Or maybe take some pictures of the babies for me. I didn't get to see them properly."

His face lit up. "I'll go take some shots of the babies, great idea!"

"Thanks sweetie!" he kissed me and was off, as quick as his long legs could carry him.

_"Men!_ I think you scared him senseless, with that maternity pad you waved in the air."

"Oh, well, at least he hung around for the birth, even after he fainted." I chuckled. "God I love him!"


	36. Chapter 36

**SM owns twilight.  
**

**The story is coming to a close, there will be maybe another extra chapter. There'll be some shocking events coming up, you may need a tissue or two!  
**

**Thanks to all of those who have reviewed, alerted and made this story a favorite, its wonderful to receive feedback.  
**

* * *

**Chapter thirty five.**

"Just relax and take a few deep breaths, it works better if you aren't so tense."

"Huh, ok." I mutter.

"Now let's see if we can get some colostrum for those two babies, shall we?" The nurse gently helped me get in a comfortable position, to attach the scary looking, breast-suction-pump, thingy on to me.

_Man! This shit hurt!_

My poor vag was battered and bruised, but luckily not torn, seeing as both babies were relatively small.

I wondered what some of the other women in the hospital had to go through, with those enormous full-term babies. Some of them looked as if they were six months old already, when they were born! Their mothers must have been ripped in two!

I breathed out slowly and there was a sharp, tingling sensation. I opened my eyes to see some clear fluid starting to pool in the collection device ...wow ...was _this_ what colostrum really looked like? Not milky looking at all.

I hadn't thought about breast feeding the babies, as my contract with the Cullens only included giving birth and the after-care for me to recover.

The babies needed the best start possible, especially seeing as their immune systems were still so immature. This was something I could do for them, at least until I left the hospital. The colostrum collected from me, was full of naturally occurring antibodies, and easily digested for their immature digestive systems.

I didn't want to start feeding them though, like a normal mother. Part of me was already too heart-broken and afraid to get too close to the babies. When the lactation nurse came and asked me about the me collecting the colostrum, I didn't take long to agree to her request.

I wanted the best for those babies, even if they weren't mine. I hadn't seen either of the Cullens, since the short conversation I had with Carlisle, after I came back to earth.

I hoped they wanted this for the babies too. I guessed that they didn't have time to come and see me, with all the excitement of having two new babies. As well as them staying up for ages with the labour and the birth, they probably both exhausted.

The beast-pump pumped away and I got used to the odd sensation in my breast.

Apparently this pumping was also great at helping my uterus contract and reducing it back down to a normal size.

Wasn't nature marvelous?

"You are doing great Bella! Want to try putting the pump on the other breast?" the nurse came over to see how I was doing.

"Sure." I may as well even them up, no good letting my boobs get lop-sided.

I put the pump on myself and the nurse complimented me on getting it on just right. Apparently it was a bit tricky learning how to use it the first few times, and some women gave up the idea of it, if not carefully helped through it.

I was happy to have the nurse with me, she was a lactation specialist.

_Amazing, I never knew such careers existed!_

I relaxed and breathed out, letting my 'let down' reflex take place, feeling the sharp, tingling sensations, as well as the dull contractions of my uterus.

Dr Naidoo had just come in just before the lactation nurse, and had given me an examination. She also gave me a basic run down of what happened to me during the end moments of the birth.

I had gone through the delivery quite well, until I started to bleed out rapidly. Both of the babies' placentas suddenly detached from my uterus.

Not long after that, my heart stopped.

It was suddenly a life and death situation and all medical hands were called in, to attempt to first stop the heavy bleeding, and then start my heart again.

I was without a heart beat for half an hour and they were debating whether to declare me clinically dead. But for the _one_ lucky last shock from the defibrillator, which was administered by Carlisle, and succeeded in bringing me back.

I had to have a lot of extra blood transfusions once I was placed in the in ICU, and some extra blood clotting medication, to assist in slowing down the heavy blood loss.

But apart from that, Dr Naidoo was happy at my progress in coming back to the land of the living. She ideally wanted me to stay a few more days to observe me, and to make sure I wasn't going to have any more complications.

I ate breakfast, feeling strange, wondering where everyone was.

I had been in ICU for twelve hours pretty much unconscious, after they managed to revive me.

Once they were happy I wasn't going to crash and die on them again, I was placed in the normal, private ward with attractively designed rooms that looked more like a fancy hotel, than a hospital.

That's where I woke up, around twenty four hours after I had started labour..._one whole day_, in which my life had changed forever.

I was on a strange, shaky high, happy to be back, but sad to not be with my Nanna in heaven.

I shook my head, I was sure that I wasn't hallucinating! I knew I had been there with her and decided to return back to earth.

The thought of _being_ with Jasper, and _never leaving_ him had somehow pulled me back to earth.

I was hoping to see Leah soon, to tell her what happened. I knew she would understand about me choosing to come back, rather than stay with my Nanna happily and peacefully in heaven.

Jasper hadn't returned from his earlier trip, when I sent him off to take photos of the babies, he was probably sleeping somewhere. I hoped he was alright.

Rose was right in her observations about Jasper being in the room during the birth. To me it looked like it _just about killed him, _to be there watching me. He _absorbed_ my pain somehow, or at least seemed to _feel_ it deeply. It made me worried.

What if he wasn't coping with the sudden turn of events.

If he wasn't coping in the birthing suite, what did he feel when I was clinically dead for half an hour?

"I think that's enough for now. Shall I come back later this afternoon and see if you want to collect some more to give the babies? The colostrum is produced for a few days, until the milk starts coming in. By then, you can go and feed them both, down in the NICU. You'll be stronger by then and won't need to stay here." She chatted away to me, like I was just _any other mother._

I bit my lip..._should I tell her, that I wasn't the babies' mother?_

_Should I let her judge me? _

_Lay myself open to her? _

_Be part of the hospital gossip?_

_Gossip that was sure to get back to Forks in record time._

"What's worrying you Bella? Something's on your mind... come on spill it! I'm a great listener and I won't tell a soul." She said, attempting to get me to tell her all of my fears and secrets.

"I'm a bit confused as to what to do, that's all." I admitted.

"Oh?"

"I can pump out more colostrum, while I'm here in hospital, but I don't think I'll be breast feeding in the long-term." I said evasively.

_I didn't want to tell her I was a surrogate and not their real mother. _

_Just like the nurse at the birth, who assumed I was the babies' mother. _

_It broke my heart to feel like this, and to say it out loud would, just make it **so** much worse._

I felt teary and tired all of a sudden.

"Ok, well if that's all that's worrying you, just think about your options and I'll see you later. Try and rest before your visiting hours start. I know you have a few, very persistent people waiting outside to see you."

"Oh, I had no idea! I thought that I was being left alone and they were all too busy to come and see me."

"No, it's just Dr Naidoo insisted you have restricted visitors, until you start to get your strength back. And there's a nurse watching this room carefully, to make sure they don't sneak in and overwhelm you." She chuckled.

"Can you see if there's a tall, blond guy called Jasper out there? He's my fiancé, can't he sneak in here early? I _really_ want to talk to him."

"Ah, ok, I'll have a look." she smiled.

She peaked out the door, and came back.

"I can't see any men waiting, there's two women waiting though."

"Oh he must be sleeping, or busy somewhere else. Thanks I'll just have a nap before visiting time starts."

I felt those stupid tears rolling down my face.

I lay down and curled up on my side, feeling empty and lonely and my tummy all soft and loose without the babies.

I snuck deep down into the starched sheets and closed my eyes. At least I was clean, and fed and had survived the birth process.

I could make a mental list of things to be thankful for. I didn't have the strength to write them down.

*I'm thankful for being able to be here back on this earth, and to have met my darling Nanna again. I will never fear death again, now that I knew what was on the other side.

*I'm grateful for the two babies who are alive and will hopefully grow to live wonderful lives, be loved and nurtured.

*I'm grateful for being able to provide the babies some immunity boosting nutrition. I'm glad I could give them this one last thing.

*I'm glad I didn't fall over in the shower early this morning. I'm glad I'm alive; it's nice to be clean. The warm water was nice, and it was great to wash off all the sticky sweat and great to have clean hair and clean clothes.

*I'm happy to have finished the first draft of the uni work. I'll be able to go back to California soon, to finish it off down there.

_I could leave Washington State and all of the questions everyone was sure to ask. When people see that I'm no longer pregnant and the Cullen's bring home a new set of twins._

_I needed to leave, before the more observant people in Forks put two and two together and I'm driven out of town, with all the viscous gossip, acidic comments and disbelieving looks._

I felt the tears come harder and I soaked my pillow with them.

'Jasper, where are you? I need you. Try and come to see me soon. B xx' I texted. Holding my phone and _willing _for him to answer.

_Nothing_, not a single response! What on earth was going on? He usually always got back to me promptly.

* * *

It was lunch time and as I ate my soup sandwiches and custard (ughh hospital food is crap, no matter how fancy the rooms!), I had a great bunch of visitors, all bearing flowers, balloons and silly stuffed bears. Leah and Angela hung around till Garrett, Seth, Harry and the guys left.

Emmett came up and told me that the Cullen's had spent the last few hours hovering over the babies' humidi-cribs, watching the babies sleep and be fed.

I nodded.

_I wasn't about to say, that they were being fed by my own colostrum._

_I felt my heart shatter just a little bit more._

Jasper was nowhere in sight, and I wasn't able to talk to Leah alone, it was too busy and noisy.

Now it was really quiet in the room, all of them had left. But it didn't stop my mind spinning out of control.

Jasper still wasn't answering my texts or calls. Leah and Emmett said they hadn't seen him since six this morning in the cafeteria. Neither of them had any clue as to where he could be, he didn't answer any of their calls either.

I lay down in bed and curled up once again.

My heart was feeling too much pain. My eyes felt like they were out on stalks, so red and aching.

I was still bleeding, but it was getting easier for me to move around now and go to the toilet. I was now getting to be quite adept at maneuvering the drip stand, when I needed to waddle over to the bathroom pulling it along behind me.

Just as I was about to fall asleep, I heard the door open and some voices start to whisper.

"She's asleep, let her sleep!"a familiar male voice said quietly.

"I'll just ask her this _one_ thing first, before I have to head off." A woman hissed back.

"No Rose, it can wait." Emmett muttered.

"No it _can't!_ Bella won't mind, she's my friend." she said a bit louder.

"Rose, it's _too much_ to ask her!"

"She did it _once, she can do it again!_ She won't mind doing it for _me!_ We're close, _really close_." Rose stated adamantly.

I huffed, I was sick of these loud whispers coming from Emm and Rose, rudely keeping me awake.

"What is it that you think I _won't_ mind Rose?" I asked, still lying on my side, facing away from them.

"Oh... did I wake you up? Sorry Bella." _strange... she didn't sound so sorry_ about waking me up! Just kind of _pushy and selfish. It was like the 'old Rose' was back once again._

"We were just going back to Seattle, weren't we Rose?" Emmett said.

I turned on to my back and looked at them. Something _odd_ was up!

"What was it you wanted Rose?" I asked quietly.

"I just wanted to let you know, that I think you were _wonderful_ to have given Esme and Carlisle a family. They are very happy."

"Huh." I hadn't seen _either of them,_ since I had left the birthing suite. _Not a damn thing_...not even a quick, _'Hi how are you?'_

_I was beginning to feel a little surplus to their requirements at the moment...like I had served my purpose and wasn't really important to them anymore...I felt __**just exactly**__ like a surrogate...good one Swan! Welcome to reality!  
_

I was a surrogate, _**just** a surrogate!_

_I should get that through my head, before I go off the deep end and completely lose it altogether!_

"So I was thinking, once you get back to normal and recover, I was ...wondering ...ummm... if you'd think about _maybe_ doing this surrogacy thing for me and Emmett?" Rosalie asked sweetly.

"Sorry, what did you just say? You want me to be a surrogate _again?" _I asked, not really believing I had just heard her say it.

"Yes! It would be _perfect!_ We could have babies just like Esme and Carlisle do, and we could all stay friends...just like we are now!" She gasped happily, the project of having babies, seemed to be firmly set in her mind _already._

"Wait up! I didn't know you were infertile." I said.

"Oh we've never tried getting pregnant! We don't really know if we are fertile or _not." _She waved her hand around in the air, like it was of absolutely of no importance what-so-ever.

"Well why don't you try the old fashioned way of having children, before you ask someone like me to have them for you?"

"I really don't like the _idea_ of getting pregnant and lumbering around, getting cravings and putting on too much weight. You were fine with it though Bella and didn't seem to mind those awful things at all."

"Rose..."

"You are my friend! Friends do this stuff for each other, right?"

"Rose...I won't be doing this again, _ever!_ _I almost died." _I said coldly._  
_

"But Bella, you're just a little tired and recovering from giving birth..._ that's all!_ You'll say yes eventually, I know you will!" Rose looked at me smiling but serious; she believed that I _would_ agree with... whatever mad scheme she had dreamed up.

"No Rose, I won't. Find someone else, please don't ask me again." I sighed.

"Come on Rose let's go home. See you Bella." Emmett dragged her towards the door.

"Bye Emmett, bye Rose."

"Bye, I'll talk to you later Bella." She smirked at me.

I shivered, she was fricken _delusional!_

I closed my eyes. They left the room.

_That selfish, selfish bitch! _

_She's seen the babies and now wants a nice matching set, just like Esme! _

_She probably only wants babies so she can show them off and dress them up like dolls. _

_Until __**one **__day she grows bored with them, and packs them off to boarding school, just like she was._

Dr Naidoo came by to see me, I was seething in anger at the suggestion Rose had thoughtlessly made to me.

I just wanted to get the hell out of here! I needed Jasper, or Leah. I needed someone on my side.

Dr Naidoo pronounced me well enough to have the drip taken out. She looked at me like she was carefully weighing up something in her mind, like she had heard all of Rose's thoughts and plans for me, way into the future... to be a perpetual surrogate for the Cullen clan.

"Bella if you want, I can give you the ok to go home, right _now._ You must promise me to get lots of rest and eat well. Take it easy, no sex for six weeks. Take some time out just _for you_. Go and lie in the sun and have a little holiday! I want you to regain your strength again. Don't expect that any other pregnancies you have will end up like this one, you just need to recover, ok?"

"Thanks Doc. What changed since this morning, when you thought I should be staying here in hospital for a few days under observation?" My head was spinning again.

"You are gaining strength and looking a lot better. I can set up midwife to drop-in on you at home, instead of you staying here. You'll probably rest better in your own bed anyway, most women do." She said sympathetically.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes of course."

"If I leave now, will the babies be ok without my colostrum?"

"I'm _sure_ they'll be able to have access to the milk-bank. We keep it for all of the premature babies, don't worry so much about them, _worry about yourself."_

"Thanks doctor."

"Unless there's anything that worries you, come and see me in six week's time for a check-up, ok?"

"Thank you. I'll see if I can get a ride home, can I wait in here till it comes?"

"It's up to you, if you prefer to stay here in hospital any longer. I'll make sure you're kept here if you like, but if you _want_ to leave, just sign here and leave anytime your lift arrives." She looked at me.

"Ok, I'll sign it and leave this afternoon."

She smiled sadly and nodded. "Please make sure to call me if you have _any worries at all_, ok?"

I agreed and she zipped off quickly down the hall, to get to her next patient.

As I was about to call my _best_ friend in the world, when she came through the door.

"Leah can you _please _get me out of here? I need to leave _now!"  
_

"Sure ok." she happily agreed.

"The Doc just gave me the thumbs up to leave." I smiled back.

"Great, want to keep your pyjamas on, or do you want to change into some street clothes?"

"I'll just put a hoodie on over the top I'm wearing and some yoga pants. Is it cold outside? I'll have to wear my flip-flops, I don't have any other shoes."

"You'll be fine. Let me pack up the rest of the stuff, those La Push guys really do have a thing for colourful, stuffed bears don't they?" she sniggered at all the bears.

"It's nice they thought of me, I don't really want to take them home with me though. I should leave them for the babies. The guys won't be upset if I don't bring them home with me, will they?"

"No they are teenage guys Bella! They will have already forgotten what they bought you! Just leave the bears here with a note for the Cullens. Do they know you're going home?"

"No, they haven't bothered to even see me yet. Its kind of weird. I'm sure Dr Naidoo will tell them I've been discharged, they seem pretty close with her."

While I changed, Leah found a wheelchair from somewhere and sat me in it and took me out to her truck. I could have walked, but she _insisted_ she wanted to push me around a bit.

I _still_ hadn't heard from Jasper! God knows what had happened to him. I didn't know where my car was either.

"I haven't seen or heard from Jasper yet," Leah said, like she could read my mind.

"Oh? I wonder what's going on with him?"

_I looked down at my hands. The ring I wore was pretty special, it was his. I was his, he was mine. I came back here for him. Where the hell was he?_

_Our connection didn't feel the same any more though. I hadn't dreamt of him in hospital. I guess that wasn't surprising, seeing as I was all confused, tired, bruised, mucked up, and hormonal._

"I think you might need to be prepared Swan. Things are going to change dramatically." Leah said ominously.

"What? Why? How?" I asked.

"I don't know! I've just got a _really_ strange feeling, right now. I'm glad I took notice, when my gran told me to come to get you, she wouldn't take _no_ for an answer, _she's very persistent!"_

"Hey, you know when I died on the table, that I went to meet my Nanna? She gave me the choice of coming back, or staying there with her." I admitted.

"Yeah, I know! I _knew_ there be something _really serious_ that was going to happen to you, as soon as you told me what you were doing with the Cullens _months ago_. I saw that you would _have_ to make a choice to come back and stay on earth. Coming back here _**just **__for Jasper_, isn't _why_ you should be here though... Bella _you can't keep sacrificing yourself to others anymore! _Jasper might not be quite _the same_ anymore, after this whole thing anyway."

"What does that mean? Huh?" This day was getting weirder and weirder, by the minute.

"I don't really know Bella! My gran is saying you need to _prepare _yourself... for a _really big change_. She says you need to watch your own back, and fight for your rights, to be proud of your achievements. Stop laying down for others and _sacrificing_ what you want for your life! _You are not a doormat!_ You are a strong, vital, independent, intelligent woman, Bella Swan!"

"Ok, I think you'd be proud of me. I said no to Rosalie, just after you and the guys left."

"What did she want?"

"She asked me to be a surrogate for her."

_**"She what! No fucking way!"**_

"You heard me Leah. I said _no to her_. I'm never going to do that surrogate shit again! I don't care _how much money_ people give me! It has pretty much broken me, to see those babies go. You know you were completely right, it was _so, so much harder_ than I thought it would be."

"Esme and Carlisle have not even come and seen me, not even just to say hi. I know they're busy with two, little babies, but it makes me confused. Maybe I'm just a disposable vessel. Someone who doesn't matter, now that I've done my job."

"Wow! When did my sweet, little friend get _so_ bitter?" Leah inquired.

"Since I saw Rosalie for what she really... is a _delusional bully_. _I was a fool!_ The whole family seems to be just a bit more smooth and sophisticated at getting people to _do what they want_... or maybe I'm just having a crap day, and I've got it all wrong about the Cullens."

Leah just nodded.

"I guess only time will tell if I'm right about them. I'm going to head back to California and work with Aro, after I have a week or two of rest. What's for dinner at your place?" I asked cheekily.

"I don't know, but why don't you phone ahead and get Angela to cook something." Leah smiled, knowing Ange was nervous about making mistakes in the kitchen, and _rarely_ if ever cooked.

"Angela? It's Bella, how's things? They let me out of the can early ...and I'm coming to your place for dinner, 'cause Leah's not taking no for an answer...ha ha! Only joking! Leah wants to know if you can cook something? Oh ok, that sounds great! We'll see you soon, ok? Bye Angie!"

"Well?"

"It's going to be pizza and beer!"

"Perfect! I knew the healthy eating would stop once you had the babies."

"Well yes, because it was in the contract, that I _had to._ I had to keep up my end of the bargain."

We chatted some more and then I closed my eyes and drifted off. The drive home was a lot slower than getting to hospital with Jasper driving like a maniac.

_Shit, what the hell had happened... for him to drop off the radar like this?_

Leah pulled up and was quiet for a second. I opened my eyes and she nodded in the direction of my house. Both my and Jasper's cars were there, he must be at home!

"I'll just go and unload your stuff first and see if he's awake. You can both come over for pizza." Leah said.

.

.

.

.

.

_Looking back now, I wished I had never gone inside the house. _

_'Cause what I found there broke my heart all over again. _

_This time it smashed into pieces._

I unlocked the door, the lights were out. I thought Jasper must have crashed upstairs, and was fast asleep.

Leah and I looked around, I turned on the lights. I saw a bunch of clothes scattered around the floor some things were Jasper's, but there were _other_ clothes, _women's clothes, **lots** of women's clothes, and_ _none of them were mine._

"What the hell!" Leah muttered.

I looked around, and up the stairs were two bras hanging on the newel post.

_My heart sank_.

_Please, please...don't tell me Jasper bought some women home here... to my place, bought them __**here**__ into my bed!_

I made my way slowly up the stairs. I was feeling very, very tired and woozy. I was going to throw up.

"Let me help you Swan. I want to see this with my own eyes, and you're not ready to _fight _just yet! Are you ready? Come on, take a deep breath, I've got your back!" Leah looked at me.

I nodded, shivering and feeling green around the gills. I took another deep breath and held onto Leah's hand.

.

.

And there in my room, I found _my man_, my love... lying there _naked and fast asleep_ in bed with two, naked women wrapped around him.

Rufus meowed loudly and I held my hands out. He leapt right into them purring loudly to welcome me home.

"Rufus fuck off! Damn cat, all you want to do is eat!" Jasper mumbled still half asleep. He hadn't heard us come in.

Rufus meowed again. I stood there utterly speechless, like a frozen statue, in shock.

_Who was this man?_

_Who were these women in my bed?_

I noticed Leah had gone out of the bedroom and came back with a bucket of water.

She quirked her eyebrows at me and threw the water over the three sleepers.

"Surprise!" She yelled.

The shouting and squealing started up. The shocked looks on their faces was totally predictable, but not remotely amusing.

I stood there as Rufus growled and hissed at the intruders. They had made his life miserable, since I'd been gone. He leapt down out of my arms and scooted downstairs, away from all the noise and water.

I leaned against the wall. I was so wrung out and tired. I couldn't believe what I saw.

Jasper's eyes as wide as saucers, his hair dripping wet, swearing like someone I had never met before.

Jasper _sounded_ like a stranger.

"Leah! What the fuck are you doing? Why the fuck did you do that?"

"You asshole! Why did you have to go and lead Bella on and use her? Treat her like she actually _meant_ _something _special to you_? Why Jasper?" _She yelled back._  
_

"This _isn't_ what it looks like!" he moaned.

_**"Bullshit!**_ " Leah yelled. "_You are pathetic! You can't even keep your dick in your pants!"_

I just leaned quietly against the wall, my arms crossed. Feeling really sick.

The two women saw me there and they looked back and forth between me, Leah and Jasper.

I looked at them, trying to cover themselves with _my_ sheets.

"So girls what happened here? Did you have fun? Did he promise you the world? Did he say he loved you too?" I asked quietly.

Jasper looked at me in shock, suddenly realizing I was in the room watching them all this time.

"Ha! No, we're just _old friends_ who hook up occasionally, aren't we Jas?" one of them said, giggling.

_"Oh Really?_ Ok party's over! Time for you to get going! Before I get carried away and turn the hose on you all!" Leah threatened.

The two of the women scrambled out of my bed and shuffled past me, not caring to cover up their artificially enhanced assets.

"And take all of your nasty, skanky gear with you, or I'll happily burn it!" Leah snarled.

One of them stopped and looked back at Jasper.

"Jas, we need a lift." asked him. This tall, glamorous woman, suddenly looked a little uncertain, the wind was taken out of her sails.

Leah and I watched Jasper.

The women watched Jasper.

We all waited to see what the hell he was going to do... _stay with me_ and try and mend things, _or go_ with them?

_I shook my head. _

_I'd seen enough. _

_I wasn't going to let him, or any other man **ever** hurt me again._

I looked right at him. He looked at me shame-faced.

"I better go take them home." he said getting up out of bed and pulling on some jeans and a tee shirt.

"Yep. You _better_ do that." I answered. "And _here_ take this with you!"

I pulled off my engagement ring and handed it to him, as he went passed me.

He looked sad, holding my ring. He put it in his pocket.

"I'll be back sometime later to get my things." he said.

I nodded, looking at Leah.

"And leave your house key on the bench, before you leave the house." Leah ordered him

"Ok." he agreed quietly.

I closed my eyes.

_Yesterday I had let the babies go._

_Today I had let Jasper go._

I heard the front door slam and then his truck start up and take off up the dark road.

I squatted down on the floor and let out a loud wail.

_My world was changing. My life was changing._

I screamed in pain and anguish.

I cried out loud, pulling my hair and banging my hands against the floor.

I keeled and moaned.

_Yesterday...yesterday, I really should have chosen **death** and my Nanna, over this horrendous pain that waited for me here on earth._

* * *

One last chapter coming soon. Please leave me your feedback._  
_


	37. Chapter 37

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight.  
**

**This is the last chapter, I'm open to moving forward with the story, as a sequel if I get enough inspiration. This was a hard story for me to write.  
**

**This chapter is dedicated to all of the parents who deal with the trauma of having to deal with those tiny, delicate, premature babies and the medical system, may God bless you all, every single one of you!  
**

* * *

**Chapter thirty six.**

The next few days were a blur. My pain and confusion didn't subside.

What I remember of that time are flashes of conversations people tried to have with me. I was pretty much numb to their attempts to get me to open up, or even eat.

But thank heavens for Leah and Ange, they spoon-fed me soup and cereal, yogurt and mashed bananas, till I got sick of it and decided to start cooking and feeding us all, something a bit more flavorsome and substantial.

Leah chuckled at her scheme to bring me back from catatonia, by spoon- feeding me tasteless mush. She knew I couldn't stand it and would be brought around to the land of the living, by my taste-buds _demanding_ something tastier.

I've pieced this together and written it down, thanks again to Garrett who has become a life-line for me. He visited me nearly everyday, here at Angela and Leah's place, where I'm staying.

Writing is after all, the way I make sense of the world around me. Laying it all down on paper was a good way to bring my heart and mind back from the brink.

I wondered what the hell I was supposed to do with my life, now that Jasper had severed his connection to me and left.

Leah and Angela moved me in with them, straight after Jasper left.

I woke up in their spare bed and was taken care of by my dear, sweet friends. Rufus was happy although confused, but being the kind of cat he is, he adapted to living between the two neighbouring houses, apparently not missing Jasper too much.

It was a full week before Jasper came back to collect his things, and by then I was walking, talking and functioning like a robot. Leah had helped me box his stuff up.

I couldn't part with the beautiful, buckskin journal he made me, full of his words and poetry, nor the chairs Garrett had made. I held onto these things, so full of memories. The best parts of our life together. I held onto the tropical shirts my grandpa Swan left, that always looked so good on him. And I kept the sabre I gave him too, I didn't think he should have it anymore.

I wish I understood what had happened to him.

He initially didn't say much to me, when he came by to collect his stuff.

He said he was really sorry and that he wished it could have turned out differently.

When I asked what had happened, he huffed hard, kicking at the dirt with his shark-skin boots.

Finally he decided to tell me.

In the birthing suite he was completely _overwhelmed_. It was too much of a reality check, too much pain and suffering, too much blood and sweat and tears.

It was too raw and too real for him. For him, when he fainted... it somehow _proved_ to him, that he wasn't cut out for this whole _'married with children'_ commitment-thing either.

He cut his connection with me right at the moment he came back into consciousness on the floor and watched me bleed out and my heart stop.

He had stayed with me in the hospital, and then when I gave him an excuse, he escaped from my room to take the babies' pictures.

Meeting up with two of the Denali triplets, in the NCIS was just a fluke; he said he hadn't sought them out. They saw that he wasn't coping with things at all, and took him home to _comfort him_ in the only way they knew how.

Like one of them candidly admitted to me, they were 'old friends'. Friends who were also very close with Edward and many, many others apparently!

He jumped at the chance to be with them.

He chose to be with them both, _because they offered and he __**could.**_

He wasn't expecting that Leah and I would be there and see it. He thought maybe he'd have a few day's grace before I would come home.

It made me sick to think he'd given up on me and _our relationship _so easily.

He said what he and the Denalis had, never meant anything deep. It was pure, physical pleasure. That that was how they were together, and they enjoyed each other's company.

It was always just _friends_ with them, _friends with benefits._

Just like he originally wanted to have with me, before I called him on it and wanted more.

Some of what he said made a warped kind of logic, but in the end I'm really glad I found out about him, when I did. I shudder to think just how pathetic and sad I would have become, if he decided to stay with me and get married anyway, but kept sleeping around on me, behind my back.

Jasper finally admitted that the whole idea of marriage and children scared the hell out of him, and he was better off single and free.

Well at least I now know the truth!

Was it just a _crazy dream_ after all?

Was anything that we went through together, _real_ at all?

I had my theories, that all of those hormones that flooded my body during the pregnancy made me feel artificially happier and more content than I would have normally been.

Maybe I was naive and in love. Being in love and pregnant at the _same_ time played havoc with my judgement apparently!

I think for Jasper, living with me was just a _nice idea_, until the reality became too much, then he was happy to bail on me.

Talking of reality, Rosalie and Emmett have split up!

Rosalie went and checked herself into a facility to deal with her 'issues'. Emmett says it was great to not have to deal with her crazy, manipulative antics anymore. He was happy she didn't force the issue about seeking out a surrogate for her children. He admitted it was an appalling idea and that she wasn't really stable enough, to be any kind of a mother. He still loved the idea of being a father one day, but with another more down-to-earth woman.

I breathed a sigh of relief that she wasn't going to be an issue for me, at least for the foreseeable future.

Emmett was angry about what Jasper did to me, but said that 'in the end, a leopard can't change his spots'. He said that Jasper would have been likely to cheat on me at sometime in the future, just because of who his was underneath.

I snorted and told him, that I once thought that Jasper was just a 'penis on legs'.

I kind of knew it was true that he was, but I hoped it wasn't like that for the months when we seemed to be happily living together.

I still missed our times spent talking, laughing and loving.

I ached for him, even though I knew I shouldn't.

* * *

I completely misjudged the whole Esme and Carlisle thing! I was wrong and happily admit it! They are wonderful after all!

Esme, was so smitten and swamped by the feelings of being a mother, that I was accidentally left out of her frantic, baby schedule.

Carlisle kindly came by to see how I was doing. He spent quite a long time chatting with me in the sun shine. He gave me some great photos of the babies. He seemed a little embarrassed about Esme forgetting me, but after Garrett explained that I needed to be calm and forgive her, for being a new mother and being overwhelmed, I listened to what Carlisle had to say.

It turned out that I didn't give much consideration for what a big, scary place the neonatal intensive care unit was. There was _no_ let up for Esme and Carlisle, as they now spent most of their time worrying and looking after their tiny, new babies.

The babies are just as Leah's granny predicted, one was small and dark haired, with big brown eyes like me. She had a malformation in her heart, which took a while to be diagnosed and then finally repaired with a twelve hour operation.

There would be ongoing, operations for her as she grew, but at least they could do something about it these days. She had a great chance to living a full life.

Little Amelia was the main reason they hadn't had time to come to see me. She had been transported to a special children's hospital in Seattle for the big operation. Esme and Carlisle were split up because of it.

Carlisle stayed in Port Angelus with Aaron, taking leave from his work and Esme went to stay in Seattle with Amelia.

I felt awful and immature, to have not gotten over my stupid hurt, and made more inquires about what was happening to them.

I could have kicked myself for being such a wreck in the relationship department.

I had _no idea_, I was _so stupid and naive! It wasn't about __**me**__ at all!_

The heart condition had set Amelia's health back for quite a while, but Carlisle said that she now seemed to be flourishing.

Aaron is long and lean and of course, pale, blue eyed with white-blond fluff on his head.

Amelia and Aaron Cullen, I loved their names. I gave Carlisle the beautiful, lacy knitting Pia had created for both of the babies. He was tearful when he undid the package. He thanked me and took a photo of the outfits for Esme. He also took a photo of me.

I rang her and we chatted.

Poor thing, she sounded tired and stressed to the max. I apologized for going off and not contacting her, and going a bit crazy with all the stress. She said she understood, and still wanted me to be the babies' godmother and come to their christening. I cried when she asked me this, and I agreed to be there for them and attend their special day.

She and I talked and talked.

I told her about Rose's ideas for me to be a surrogate, which sent me spiralling down into doubt and anger. Then I told her what had happened with Jasper and the Denalis and my consequent emotional meltdown.

She went quiet and told me she was so sorry he did that to me. She said there was something seriously wrong with Rosalie's mental state, and was pleased I said no to her.

I am reassured the babies are looked after and insanely loved.

The babies are both gorgeous; Aaron is as healthy as an ox, growing well, good weight gain and a great eater. They were hoping he would be well enough to go home early, which was wonderful news.

Carlisle took me in to see him in NICS and I cried as he let me hold him. He was completely beautiful.

I was proud to have finally given them the chance to be parents. Aaron was a sweet boy.

I cooked Carlisle a pecan pie just to thank him.

The Cullen's got what they wanted in the end, a family.

I realized I got what I wanted _too_, all of my and Dad's debts paid off. It was a fresh financial start for me.

.

I've grown to like Emmett a lot. He's grown very attached to the babies, and is putting Esme up at his house in Seattle. He said he's paying her back for all the problems he's caused her over the years. He's staying in Seattle too, to work and keep close to the babies, rather than going off to another country, or state with an even _better_ paying job.

.

I chat to Char and she says Jasper's gone off somewhere and they haven't seen him in ages. She says he sends occasional messages to Pete.

Wherever he is, I wish him well. It's hard staying angry with the man who showed me how to love. I'm working on forgiving him and seeing the world from his perspective.

I still miss him.

.

A few weeks after giving birth, I rang Seth and got his crew to help pack up my stuff and load it into a small u-haul truck. I left a lot of the bigger pieces of furniture there, in particular my bed. There was no way I was ever sleeping in that again! I occasionally had flash backs seeing them _all in it._

All of my stuff went into storage, until it's time for me to go back to Monterey.

I rented my house out to Rachel Black and her family. I knew it would be in great hands and she was happy to be off the res, and closer to her beauty clients in Forks. Her kids were happy there was plenty of room in the yard to build forts and swings and ride their bikes.

.

Aro was really pleased with my work, and I tidied up the last bits and sent it off to the Uni's IT department, to go over and to work out all of the glitches and small errors.

At six weeks after the birth, I was feeling a lot more settled. I had come back to a good weight; got my house all cleaned up and rented out.

Leah and Angela were more than ready to have their own place back to themselves.

I was happily in touch with Carlisle and Esme and had visited little Aaron quite a few times. I was hoping that I would see Esme and Amelia soon. I was passing through Seattle, flying back to California.

I was given a clean bill of health by Dr Naidoo and I looked forward to moving back to California. Garrett and I worked on our theories of forgiveness and creating peace and love. We often talked about life and what a strange world it was.

I felt fairly happy within myself, even though I ached for closeness with Jasper. He had definitely made an impact on me, and I needed to acknowledge him and all the things I learnt from him, especially all the good things.

He was a sensitive soul, who was just misguided and human, prone to errors and lapses.

_Just like me._

* * *

I was in awe and in love with the tiny, dark-haired angel. Amelia still had a lot of wires and tubes attached to her, but although she's small, she has grown and stabilized a lot, since she was born.

Her heart is working much better now, but it's scary to see and touch the big scar down her chest, where they operated on her.

Esme and I hugged for a long time and we cried and laughed, making peace and being friends again. I apologized for not being there for her and the babies. She says I did everything I could, and the only thing to do now was pray for Amelia's health.

Esme has gone to hell and back and she's been _devotedly_ sitting with Amelia everyday. She shows me how to massage her tiny body and tells me how good it is for the babies to be touched.

I am privileged to be able to hold her against my skin for her feed. I still can't believe she's so small! Her brother Aaron will tower over her. I hope he protects her in the playground and when it comes time to start dating.

When Aaron comes out of hospital, Carlisle is coming up to be reunited with Esme and Amelia. I'm really happy for them.

* * *

I turned twenty three today. I found a perfect two bed, fully furnished place to rent and moved in two week's ago. It's a small student-architect, designed place, down by the beach, close to Aro and Pia's place. It was awkward for the removal guys to bring down my gear from the removalist's truck.

Lucky for them, I didn't have any furniture except Garrett's chairs and my fairly, new sofa bed. The access was too steep for the truck to come down, so they did it all in small loads by trolley and by hand. In the end I bought them a case of beer and paid them some extra money, and they were pretty happy with the exchange.

The most interesting development of all is that Garrett and I have gotten closer. We are getting together today and celebrating my birthday with Pia and Aro, and Steve and Vlad at a small restaurant I know. I'm really looking forward to seeing Garrett again. I've missed his great company and his gentle understanding of me.

Garrett showed up this morning on my doorstep, with a beautiful bunch of Australian Banksia flowers and told me that he's happy to see me. He hugged me and it feels nice, but there's _nothing really there_, no spark or heat... like with Jasper. The sparks happen in our lively conversation though, our minds meshing comfortably.

I compliment him on finding the house so easily and show him to my spare room and the fold-out sofa bed.

Maybe I'll always be pining for Jasper, even though I know we can't be together.

Me... because I want to be the _one and only_ and for him, because I scare the _living shit out of him_, sending him running into the arms of those 'old friends'.

From where I am sitting, I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

_Sad but true_. I don't want to get hurt again, or be in a relationship with someone who doesn't feel right.

I've started tutoring and studying again, and I'm really enjoying the interactions with the different staff members and students. Most of the students I interact with are online and one in particular is quite active in chatting about their particular subjects they have just picked up from the new on-line study structure.

The mystery student had a user name of JLB, and a familiar looking ID number. When I look it up I find out it's the very same, wonderful student that I gave all A's to! I look forward to their messages and comments that they send me...most of them highly complimentary to me and the website they are now using. I had better watch it, or I'll get a big ego!

Whoever this student is, they make me laugh and I look forward to hearing from them.

.

I finish dressing with a silk flower pinned in my hair, a swirly, red dress and some wonderful, kid-leather, hand-tooled, cowgirl boots, that I found in a vintage shop which look almost new!

"Ok, let's get going Garrett, we'll be late! You'll love Vlad and Steve, they are hilarious and you've already met Aro and Pia." I said to him on our way out to the car.

"Yeah it's going to be a great evening, you're looking mighty fine Miss Bella. You've sure had a busy year, haven't you? Any wishes for the next twelve months ahead?"

"Oh, I guess to just enjoy my studies and work, and to take it _slow_ in the whole relationship department."

"No adventures or excitement _at all?" _he smirks.

"No I've had plenty of _that_ to last a lifetime, thanks! I just want slow, boring and steady. Maybe make go dancing with my favourite guys tonight after dinner. I'm sure they'll want to get out tonight, can you dance Garrett?"

"I learnt to do the Highland fling and Irish reels as a kid, and then went through a break-dancing phase when I was thirteen. Does that count?"

I laughed loudly, he was always funny. The angriest I'd seen him was when Anthea and Rose got up his nose, trying to buy his chairs, but even then, he retained his calm demeanour.

"You have a great laugh Bella, you should let it loose more often!"

"Thanks, I might make it my goal to laugh everyday. When are you heading back to Forks?"

"I'm looking to relocate near here at the moment, a new position has become available that I'm really interested in filling and I'm willing to go as far as it takes to _make sure_ I get it." He said cryptically.

"Oh... what kind of work is it?"

"It's something I'm not free to talk about at the moment, but I'm planning on doing a lot more chair making, as a sideline."

"Well that's good, I love your chairs!"

"I noticed! I'm glad you like them, maybe you'll get some more if you let me come and visit you more often."

"Garrett, you know you can stay with me anytime! Rufus and I love having you here; especially after everything you have done for me recently! You don't need to pay me in chairs!"

"Sure, sure, whatever you say!" He chuckled.

"Here we go! La Tarantella, it's Aro's favourite."

I parked Lucia, just outside of the twinkling lights in the windows of the restaurant. There was live music tonight and Garrett draped his long arm over my shoulder and we walked inside.

We were met by Steve and Vlad who jumped up and grabbed me in their arms laughing crazily. I got lots of kisses from them and smiled as Steve and Vlad tried to work out who Garrett was to me. Steve tried to ask if we were involved, but I shook my head. I didn't want to think about love, just have a fun night out.

Garrett and Vlad had a lot in common and started bantering about psychological theories and various ideas they both liked. Both of them knew heaps about me.

Vlad knew all about my wild and wacky dreams and Garrett, my angst, anger and desperation, my journals, gratefulness and forgiveness challenges.

Steve looked at me quizzically and told me to turn up at his spa for a new haircut, no arguments! I hadn't had one since Steve did it nearly a year ago. Of course I agreed, who wouldn't want to be fussed over by my very favourite hairstylist?

"Oh my God! Look at _that!_ It's _heaven _on a stick! _Vlad! Can we take him home?"_ Steve gushed about some hot looking guy who'd just entered the restaurant.

I had my back to the door and just rolled my eyes at Steve's antics.

"Don't look now Bella, he's coming over _this way!"_ Steve squealed out.

I huffed and took a big sip of my wine. I wasn't interested at looking at hot guys!

I waved over when I saw Pia come up and kiss me on both cheeks and start singing one of her old, Italian songs, right at the _top_ of her voice, drowning out singer and acoustic guitar sitting in the corner, attempting to provide the evening's live music.

I chuckled, she was always great for a laugh, and Aro joined in singing with a surprisingly deep bass voice, matching her words and arm gestures. Then the owner and some of the staff came over and started to sing some more of the same song!

I went red and laughed at my crazy life.

The poor guitarist had stopped and listened to the song. He knew he was no competition for the rowdy group in front of me. As the staff finished up with a full belting-out of the last chorus, the restaurant erupted in applause!

The waiters and manager did a series of bows and I got kissed on the cheeks and hands and told many things in Italian, none of which I could make out. They all sounded complimentary...I think.

Steve Vlad and Garrett all cheered and whistled and poured some more wine, topping up all of our glasses.

"I'd like to propose a toast the best girl in the world! Happy Birthday Darlin'!" Garrett smiled.

"Chin-chin, cheers, bravo!" Said everyone at the table raising their glasses, as well as a few others at other tables, who seemed to know it was my birthday.

Everyone got talking, and I decided to go to the ladies' room. I finished by steadily looking at myself in the mirror. "Happy Birthday Swan!" I said to myself. I made sure my dress and hair was sitting flat and sighed, time to go out and face my mad friends and too much food.

Coming out, I heard a voice that made my heart sing and ache all at the same time.

"Bella?"

I turned around Jasper was standing there looking at me with the biggest eyes, a worried look on his face.

"Jasper!"

"How are things with you? I'm down here working on my grandfather's place, trying to get it liveable. It's pretty run down."

"The one in Rio del Mar right?"

"Yeah."

"I'm living here now too, close by to Aro's place. I'm working and studying again."

That's great! You look wonderful, more beautiful than ever.

"Jasper, please don't! I don't think I can stand it if you did this again."

"Did what Bella?" he took a step closer to me.

"Get me all attached and in love with you again, I don't think I'd survive if you did that. Can't we just say hi and leave it at that?" My head said no, my heart said yes...yes more!

His face looked really scared...his eyes fearful, his hands were shaking.

"Bella I'm _beyond_ sorry. I'm willing to tear my heart out for you and let you stamp on it. Please, please forgive me. I was an idiot and I didn't deserve you. I deserve your scorn and hatred."

"Oh Jasper! I've forgiven you already. I still can't forget though, I have flashbacks, but I _do_ forgive you. I want you to have a happy life, a great life. I still miss you and our life we had together."

"I never had that with anyone else; it was special to me too." He said, coming closer.

"Yeah but not special _enough _was it?" my anger flashed.

"I'm sorry! I was thoughtless and crazy with grief and pain. I made a horrible, horrible mistake." He laid his palms open either side of him, admitting his errors.

"Yeah I know, and I _completely_ forgive you. I wish you all the best ok? It's nice to see you; maybe we'll see each other around?"

"Yeah maybe. Oh and happy birthday, you are looking better and stronger than ever. Is it ok if I email you? You have the same address?"

"Yes of course." I smiled. I could hardly ever say no to him.

"Ok great!" He leaned in and embraced me and I lifted up my face. He was still shaking. He leaned down and kissed my mouth softly.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart, I still adore you!"

"Jasper..." I shook my head, but at the same time... it felt wonderful to rest my head on his chest and feel him, smell him and be close.

"I know I hurt you and I deserve to burn in hell for all eternity! But thank you for letting me see you and giving me the chance to talk to you. It means the world to me."

"Yeah it was good to see you. I've got to go, my group is waiting. Want to come and meet them?"

"Sure, I was just on my way home. I'll introduce myself, I know everyone except those two guys... they're Steve and Vlad, right?"

"You saw our table before?"

"Yes I was just on my way over to say hi, when Pia got up and sang, then everyone joined in, I got stopped right in my tracks."

"Yeah, I can imagine, they were pretty raucous! Hey everybody, this is Jasper, the only ones you haven't been introduced to are Steve and Vlad."

"Hi!" Jasper waved to them.

"Oooh, I _knew_ you were a trouble-maker right off the bat! I saw you coming towards the table and I said so, didn't I Vlad?" Steve quipped, not knowing whether to be curious, or furious.

I giggled Steve desperately wanted to meet Jasper, but also wanted to defend me from my ex.

"Jasper it's good to finally meet you, I've heard and read a lot about you!" Vlad eyed him seriously as they shook hands.

"Hey man!" Garrett nodded to him. Jasper nodded back.

Garrett had been there with me at my worst. Listened to me tell him all of the sordid details, multiple times and assisted me to strip the bed, find the used condoms thrown onto the floor, which Jasper had used with the Denali's, and finally stood beside me as I burnt the dirty sheets in my yard.

I screamed and howled at the top of my lungs, through the whole process.

Initially, I felt it was waste to burn those sheets, but Garrett insisted it would be therapeutic and would assist me with all the anger. It turned out he was correct. After the fire had burnt down and I was all screamed out, I felt the anger had dissipated into a dull mixture of confusing sorrow and deep regret.

"Ahh! It's the heartbreaker! What are you doing here with Bella mia? She's definitely _not_ going to take anymore of your philandering ways young man." Aro looked at him.

"No, of course she won't! I just came by to say happy birthday and wish her well." Jasper mumbled ashamed of himself, all over again.

"Good, 'cause I want you to remember _her trouble __**is**__ my trouble!_ I don't like her suffering! She's like the daughter we never had, and I won't see my bellissima sad, _do you hear me?" _Aro stared at Jasper, like a hawk about to pounce on a mouse.

"Yes sir. I'll be off now." Jasper said awkwardly.

"No you _stay!_ I want to hear _all about_ what you have to say for yourself! _No excuses!"_ Pia demanded pulling him down in the chair next to her, with her tiny, withered hand.

I chuckled, "Jasper, you had _better_ do what she says! I hope you didn't have anywhere else to be right now."

"No I'm free...completely and utterly at your disposal." He said slowly looking right at me. Setting my pulse racing and my knickers alight!

All the guys at the table raised their eyebrows and silently took big swigs of their wine.

Pia, in her wily, cunning had turned the tables and captured Jasper's attention and wasn't going to let him go, till she had milked him of every tit-bit, every nuance and tiny morsel of information.

It wouldn't surprise me if she had once worked as a spy. She disarmed and cajoled, she charmed and extracted whatever she wanted to know. All the time smiling and pretending she was a frail, old lady who was nearly blind.

We all ate much more than any of us could really fit in.

Pia monopolized Jasper, head to head in quiet whispers.

She was worked her magic on him.

The rest of us left her to it; after it was completely clear she wanted to _know everything_.

Steve tried to chat to Jasper, but Pia scowled at him and he quickly gave up trying to get Jasper's attention.

The meal had stretched into three hours. The waiters were starting to clear off the other tables and sweep up. Aro took that as a sign that the evening was coming to an end and called for the check.

As we got up, Steve and Vlad looked at me smiling.

"You got enough energy to come dancing with us Bella? The night's only young yet! Want to come and dance with us at La Stupenda again? The guys have all missed you and keep asking about you." Steve said excitedly.

"Yeah sure, why not?" I chuckled this could be interesting! "Jasper and Garrett, are either of you two up for a couple of hours dancing with all the hot, sweaty, swaying, bodies in a gay nightclub? The dancing there is great!

Jasper stood up and pushed his shoulders back, Garrett smiled.

"Sure," they both said at once.

I just guffawed loudly. This was going to be too, too interesting!

I'm sure Jasper and Garrett wouldn't have to worry about _not_ getting any attention tonight! And plenty of willing partners to be with. They were both good looking, with hot bodies.

We said goodnight to Aro and Pia and headed off. Steve looked_ too_ excited for his own good, I think he wanted a dance with Jasper, and get a good feel of his assets.

.

The dancing was just the thing I needed, to let loose and enjoy myself. If I could feel _this good_ every night, I would!

Maybe I should take up lessons and get into using my body expressively, as a good way to release all of that stress?

Belly dancing? Pole dancing? Tap and jazz? Line dancing? The choices were endless. Maybe I should try Hula dancing, in honour of my Nanna? That could be a wonderful thing to learn, especially with all the meanings behind the moves.

I was surrounded by guys of all shapes and sizes, dancing and laughing and groping each other and making Jasper and Garrett most welcome indeed!

I had to chuckle when they both took refuge at the bar and stayed beside each other, trying to ignore all of the attention that they were getting. I didn't dance with either of them, just loads of my old gay friends.

Both of Garrett and Jasper ended up pretty drunk by the time the place was closing, at four in the morning. Steve and Vlad helped me put them into my car and I drove home, both of them completely legless and snoring.

I couldn't rouse them or pull them out of my tiny, sports car, so I just left them there. Snoring loudly in cramped, awkward positions.

Boy would they have _fun_ getting out of those tight positions they were stuck in! I hated to think of what bad hangovers they were going to have too!

I went inside, leaving the door unlocked in case they wanted to get in. The sun was beginning to colour the horizon. Rufus welcomed me home. I showered and went straight to bed. Happy I drank water for the whole time I was at the club. I was glad I missed out on a hangover.

I'd had a wonderful birthday.

Who knows what this year will bring?

I let sleep take me in its warm embrace. The sun was coming up, over the hills and the birds had starting their songs for the day. I slipped into a deep, deep contented stillness.

* * *

Thanks for everyone who has read this story, and a bigger thanks to those who reviewed and made me feel like it was all worth it. UB xx


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